The Darkness Before Dawn
by AfricanChieftess
Summary: The SEQUEL to Feather In The Wind, set in college :: Haley is waiting for Nathan to return to the land of the living, taking care of their child and patiently waiting for him as the days and nights go by slowly...
1. Chapter 1

**This is the sequel to "Feather in the Wind", a story about family and the...simple, odd, complicated life.**

**Disclaimer: all creative rights to the One Tree Hill characters belong to their original creator(s). I also don't own any songs/copyrighted lyrics used in this story.**

* * *

><p>"Jamie? James Lucas Scott!" I call out as I turn the corner to the back of the apartment building.<p>

The cool spring breeze blows past, carrying with it a spider web that sticks to my cheek.

"Jamie?"

"Momma!"

His head suddenly pops up from the back of a bush.

"Momma, look!"

The first thing I notice are his muddy little fingers.

"What have you been doing?"

"Findin' treasure. See?"

He crawls through the shrub and runs to me, traces of brown on his face, jeans and t-shirt. I brush away the leaves in his sandy blond hair.

"Treasure?"

"Treasure," he says proudly. A shiny coin rests on the muddy palm of his hand.

"Oh, you got a lucky penny. Make a wish!"

"Really?" he yells excitedly.

"Really."

He closes his eyes for a moment.

"I wished!"

"What did you wish for?"

"Nah-ah. I can' tell you. It won' come true."

"Not even a hint?"

"No."

Laughing, I take his hand, leading us back towards the front door of the building.

"Let's get you cleaned up then, pirate."

"I'm a pirate?"

"You found treasure. Captain Hook would be lucky to have you on his team."

"But I wanna be a Lost Boy."

"To fight with Captain Hook?"

"Uh huh. I don' like him very much."

Our apartment is on the second floor, and Jamie talks about boys, pirates and treasure as we walk up the stairs.

Leading him to the bathroom, I pick off the specks of dirt particles in his hair. "Were you making squishy with Kenny again?"

Kenny is Jamie's friend on the third floor, a reserved little boy who is the complete opposite of Jamie.

He nods. "Kenny had water and he put it in the ground and then we made squishy. I found treasure."

He frowns and flexes his muddy fingers. "But Kenny got mad."

"Where is Kenny? Was he hiding too?"

"He went to his momma."

"And you stayed there alone?"

He nods again.

"Baby, what did we tell you about playing outside without telling us?"

I lift him up on his tiny stool so that his hands can reach the sink.

"Not to do it. But I was havin' fun!"

"I know you're curious, sweetie, but don't go out alone, okay?"

"Why?"

"Because there are bad people who can take you away from me and your daddy."

"They take me away?"

He honestly looks a little scared.

I run my fingers through his hair. "Yes. That's why we tell you not to talk to anyone you don't know. If they want you to do something you don't want to, you scream. Okay?"

"Why?"

"If you scream, someone will hear you and they will help you and bring you home to me."

"They will?"

"They will. Don't forget, okay?"

"Okay."

"Let's see those hands, Lost Boy."

"All clean! And my penny! Can I keep my treasure?"

"Of course," I say, lifting him off the stool. "How about we make some cookies instead of mud pies? You can make squishy."

His eyes light up. "Chocolate chip?"

"Yes. And this squishy is yummy. But you have to change first," I tell him, pointing to his muddy pants.

"A bath?"

"A bath."

"No," he groans.

* * *

><p>The kitchen is a mess. Flour, sugar, chocolate chips and eggshells litter the table.<p>

The cookies are cooling on the counter and I'm wiping off flour from Jamie's face.

"Thank you for helping me."

"It was fun squishy, Momma. Will Daddy like the cookies?"

"Daddy will love them."

"Promise?"

"Pinky promise." I link my pinky with his tiny one and give him a kiss on the cheek.

He's making me laugh by giggling and squirming as I try to get flour off his neck when the doorbell rings.

"Can I get it?"

"What did Daddy and I tell you about going to the door alone?"

"Not to go 'lone."

"Not to go alone."

"That's what I said!"

The doorbell rings again.

I've managed to wipe most of the flour from his face. "Okay, let's go."

He runs to the door, standing on his toes trying to turn the handle.

"I can't reach it."

Chuckling, I open it expecting to see one of our friends or neighbours.

"You're still gro–"

I've watched enough television to know that when two policemen are standing at your doorway, it's never a good thing.

Something has happened. Something bad has happened…

"Momma, the bad people are taking me away!" he screams, throwing his arms around my legs.

"They're not, baby."

"Haley Scott?"

"Yes?"

They remove their caps, matching serious looks on their faces.

My heart beats even faster, my mouth suddenly dry, like it's been stuffed full of sand and cotton. I pull Jamie closer to me.

"What…what is it?" I ask hoarsely, fearfully.

"Ma'am…" the taller one starts hesitantly.

"Please…just…just say it."

"Ma'am, I'm sorry but there's been an accident," he says gravely.

Nathan.

"What happened?"

My legs feel like jelly and I'm afraid I might buckle at any moment.

"Your husband was injured in an accident between their bus and a truck…"

Oh my God.

"Where…where is he?"

I don't want an explanation from them. I want to know about Nathan.

"They took him to the university hospital. Ma'am, they told us that he's in critical condition a–"

I don't wait for him to finish. Hearing him say it is enough to snap me out of my thoughts, suppressing my fear and panic.

"Jame, go grab your jacket. Then run back here, okay?"

He nods, running off to his room.

I leave them standing there to gather my things.

_…he's in critical condition…_

I can't seem to think coherently and my hands are shaking as I run my fingers through my hair, trying to clear my head to remember where my purse is.

_…your husband…injured…accident…bus…truck…_

My head is pounding, my heart is beating so wildly that I'm afraid it could jump out of my chest any moment.

I manage to locate my bag, my jacket and my keys.

"Jamie!"

Kneeling to zip up his jacket, my eyes run over his face, his watching me struggling with the zipper.

"Momma, where are we going?" he asks as I pick him up and head towards the door.

The hospital, I want to say. But I can't.

"Road trip."

"Would you like us to drive you to the hospital, ma'am?"

I'd forgotten about them.

"P-please…" I can feel tears threatening to spill over. I'm in no condition to drive and I don't want anything to happen to Jamie.

"My son…his car seat…"

I'm running down the stairs, Jamie clinging to my neck, his legs around my waist.

"One of us can drive you in your car."

"Th-thank you."

It's already nightfall when we step out of the building. A few hours ago, I was waiting anxiously for my husband to come home after a lengthy trip states over.

I strap Jamie to his car seat and rush to the passenger door, buckling in as the officer starts the car.

"Mommy, where are we goin'?"

"To see Daddy."

"Basketball?" he asks excitedly. He loves attending Nathan's games.

I turn back to look at him, his eyes, so like Nathan's, eager as he waits for an answer.

How do I tell him?

"Basketball, Momma?"

"N-no, baby. Daddy's not playing basketball."

"Why?"

I can't answer him.

This is not how I should tell our three-year-old son that his father's life is hanging in the balance on a hospital bed.


	2. Chapter 2

My eyes dart around frantically in search of someone to help me.

I've been stopping every nurse, orderly and doctor asking for assistance but they all brush me off. I think I might just go crazy if someone doesn't tell me something about Nathan.

"Excuse me!"

I rush to a man dressed in light blue hospital scrubs, stopping him as he walks past.

"I'm looking for my husband. Nathan Scott. He was in a bus accident…"

That's all I know.

"Please take a seat and you'll be assisted."

I grab his arm before he walks away.

"No! Please! Please help me! I…I need to see him!"

My voice is cracking and I blink back my tears. I've had it up to here with their ignoring me.

Holding Jamie closer to me, I let out a shaky breath.

"Please."

He looks at me for a moment and then says, "Wait here."

* * *

><p>8.43PM.<p>

It's only been seven minutes since he told me to wait. Seven minutes of pure terror and dread that have accelerated with each passing second.

I've been on this stiff chair for those seven minutes, Jamie dozing off on my lap, desperately waiting for the man to come back and tell me something. Anything.

I think I'm a little in shock, even though I'm awake and present.

Nervously I keep biting my lower lip, and at some point I must have bitten down so hard on it that I drew blood.

I keep telling myself to stay calm, if not for my own sanity at least for Jamie's peace of mind. I don't want to scare him.

"Am I getting a shot?" he mumbles.

"No."

"But it's a hospital. Why are we here?"

Before I can answer, I see him.

I get up immediately as he approaches me.

"Is he alright?"

"Your husband is up in surgery and it's going to be a while."

"Why…what happened to him?"

He shakes his head. "I don't know the details but he's not in very good shape."

Jamie's head is lying on my shoulder and I rub his hair just so I can keep it together. I refuse to dwell on the heaviness of his words.

"You should go up to the ICU and wait until someone comes to talk to you."

"Thank you," I whisper hoarsely.

It feels as though someone has cut my throat and bled it dry.

Adjusting Jamie on my hip, I walk to the elevators slowly. I'm not at all prepared for what they'll tell me up in ICU.

"Mommy, where's Daddy?" he asks me sleepily.

I kiss his forehead, unable to say anything.

What do I tell him? I don't even know what is going on.

* * *

><p>We've been here for the last three hours.<p>

Jamie fell asleep and I laid him out on the couch in the ICU's waiting room.

Downing cup after cup of bitter coffee, I've been walking to the nurse's desk every fifteen minutes asking about Nathan's surgery. Fifteen minutes that feel like fifteen years.

The lean nurse keeps telling me the same thing: I'll let you know as soon as I know anything.

Don't they talk to each other?

I swallow hard and turn to Jamie. He's sleeping on his stomach, his legs wide apart; he sprawls in bed like a crab. One leg is peeking out from underneath my jacket that I used as a blanket for him. It was only a few days ago that Nathan was carrying him to bed after he fell asleep the same way on the couch–

"Mrs. Scott?"

A man in green scrubs and a thick head of greying hair is looking at me. I didn't hear him come in.

"Yes?"

"I'm Dr. Jasinski, the trauma surgeon who was attending to your husband."

I'm on my feet immediately, reaching for his outstretched hand. Mine feels lifeless in his strong grip.

"How is he? What happened to him?"

There was a point in the last three hours where I was close to running down the hospital corridors, screaming while pulling my hair out.

His eyes lock with mine.

"Your husband was brought to the emergency room in a very critical condition earlier this evening. A trailer truck hit the bus they were in. Both drivers did not make it and most of the players have bruises, broken arms and legs, but none is in a serious condition like your husband."

"Why?"

If he was not wearing a seatbelt, I swear I am going to rip him a new one. Nathan never rides on that bus without wearing a seatbelt.

"He was closest to the point of collision, just an empty seat behind the driver. When the crash happened, he bore the impact most of all."

The way he's looking at me, the way he's saying everything, it's serious.

"Why was he in surgery?"

"His brain was hemorrhaging."

Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God.

"Your husband suffered a direct blow to the head, causing his brain to bleed. The shot of TXA we gave him when he was brought in reduced his chances of dying from a hemorrhage and organ failure."

"Organ failure?"

He nods. "His kidney received a blow, his lung collapsed and he had compressive pelvic injuries. He lost a lot of blood and we're currently replacing it with some from our blood bank. He also sprained his neck from the collision and broke some ribs. An accident like that makes his spine vulnerable to injury, but we can't tell the extent of the damage until the swelling comes down."

This is like a scene from a medical drama. I wonder when the director will yell _'cut!'_ and I can go back to my trailer for some R&R. During that time, I could drop by a hospital and donate some blo–

"Mrs. Scott."

I switch my brain's gears back to him.

"Y-yes?"

I know I sound scared.

"Your husband went into cardiac arrest during surgery and he flat lined for about two minutes before we brought him back. We intubated him and he's now breathing with the assistance of a ventilator. Once he was stabilized, we were able to operate on his left shoulder."

I run a shaky hand through my hair.

Two minutes.

One hundred and twenty seconds.

"Can I see him?"

He shakes his head. "He is too sensitive to infection so soon after surgery. But I can allow you to see him tomorrow."

I stare at a minuscule crack on the tiled floor, chewing on my thumbnail, processing everything he's told me in the last few minutes.

"Mrs. Scott…"

Could it be any worse?

"Your husband has slipped into a coma."


	3. Chapter 3

_"Mrs. Scott." _

It's so cozy here.

_"Mrs. Scott. Wake up."_

"Go away."

That voice sounds like mine.

_"Mrs. Scott. You fainted."_

My eyelids flutter open slowly. There's a bright white light that's blinding me. I shut my eyes quickly, wanting that thing to get away from me.

_"Mrs. Scott?" _

Someone is rubbing the back of my head.

My eyes fly open. There's a vision of green above me.

A face replaces the colour.

"Where am I?"

"The hospital. You fainted."

It's coming to focus. Wrinkles, tight smile, harsh features. Him.

I raise myself up quickly and feel a sharp pain at the back of my head. Hissing, I pinch the bridge of my nose with my thumb and forefinger.

"You may have a concussion. I need to examine you."

I brush his hand away. "No. I'm fine."

"Concussions are not something to be taken lightly."

"I'm okay. How long was I passed out?"

I've never fainted in my life.

Not on Fiona Walker's sixth birthday party when I ran into three clowns in the kitchen. Not after passing by a gory car accident scene with copious amounts of blood when I was twelve.

I've never fainted in my life.

He looks at his watch. "Almost two minutes."

My eyes travel around the room seeking out Jamie. He's still sound asleep on the couch.

Dr. Jasinski helps me up and leads me to one of the chairs.

"Thank you. I'll be fine."

He stands over me for a moment, and then I hear him leave.

What's happening? Am I in a nightmare? That's it. That's what's happening.

There's a demon wreaking havoc in my dreams, causing me to believe that I'm in a hospital's ICU thinking that my husband is in a coma. After an accident that caused his brain to bleed and could leave him paralyzed.

Gulping, I lean back against the chair. The heaviness and pain in my head feels real enough.

_"Your husband has slipped into a coma."_

My soul feels occupied by the greatest fear and uncertainty.

How did we get here? How did we get from happy days to such a bleak time?

I start to shake. My body shakes from a central point so deep that tears start to fall uncontrollably over my eyes.

Trembling, I hold a hand over my mouth and weep quietly.

* * *

><p><em>"Hello?"<em>

He sounds groggy.

"H-hey. It's me."

_"Hey, buddy. How's it going?"_

I chew on my thumbnail.

"Did I wake you?"

_"Nah. I was just napping. What's up?"_

I don't know what to say without freaking him out. But there's no way around this.

"Luke…there was an accident. Nathan was in surgery…he's not okay…"

My voice is quivering. I bite down on my bruised lip and blink repeatedly to keep from crying. If I start now, I won't stop.

_"Christ. Are you at the university's hospital?"_

I nod. I realize he can't see me.

"Yes. ICU."

I can hear rustling over the phone.

_"How bad is it?"_

"Very bad…he's in a coma…"

_"Oh my God…"_

His shocked whisper lingers over the line for a moment.

"Please be careful, Luke."

* * *

><p><em>"Hello?"<em>

"Hi, Deb."

_"Haley? Hi!"_

She sounds happy. I hate having to do this to her.

"Are you okay? I tried calling your cell phone but it's off."

_"I'm fine. I didn't have it with me and we just got back to the house. How is everything?" _

"Deb…"

_"What is it? What's wrong? Is it Jamie? Nathan?"_

Yes.

"Deb…it's Nathan…he–"

_"What happened to Nathan? Is he okay?"_

"He…he's in a coma…"

_"Where, Haley?"_

Gone is the giddiness.

"The university hospital. Deb…could you please call Karen? And Whitey?"

I can't do this anymore than I have to.

_"I will. I'm on my way, honey."_

She has really been good to me these last few years.

"Thank you."

* * *

><p><em>"Hey, Hales!"<em>

"Peyt…Where are you?"

_"On my way home. Please tell me you're not calling to cancel lunch tomorrow? I've been looking forward to it all week!"_

There's the sound of a car honking endlessly.

Peyton's an awful driver. I hope she didn't run a red light.

"No…Peyton…"

_"Haley? What's wrong?" _

"There was an accident. Nathan's in the hospital."

_"What hospital?"_

"Duke's…ICU…can you come?"

_"I'm already on my way."_

His ex, and now one of my best friends. Didn't see that one coming any more than the tutor and the jock falling for each other.

* * *

><p><em>"You've reached Brooke. Leave me a message and I'll get back to you!"<em>

She's been a little AWOL since her new job.

"Brooke, it's me. Haley. Nathan…Nathan was in an accident and he's at the university hospital. Call me when you get this. Bye."

I think that was the easiest of all the calls I've made.

I feel a headache coming on.


	4. Chapter 4

"Haley."

Peyton is standing at the doorway of the waiting room, a frightened look on her face.

I drop my feet to the floor and run to hug her. The first friendly and familiar face since being here.

"Oh my God! What happened?"

She leads me back to the chair and takes the one next to me.

"A trailer hit the bus and Nathan…Nathan is the worst. The other players got broken arms and legs but Nathan…H-his brain was bleeding and his spine could be broken! He _died_ for two minutes, Peyton! Two minutes!"

I can't stop shaking.

She's the first person I'm really talking to about this since the doctor gave me a rundown of Nathan's injuries. I can react now.

I still can't believe that he died.

Two minutes.

Where did he go?

One hundred and twenty seconds.

Isn't that dangerous? Have I been watching too many medical dramas? God knows sometimes I've been convinced Jamie has a brain tumor or Nathan will die from an aneurysm after a rough game on the court.

Peyton squeezes my hand tightly.

"He's in a coma."

She takes in an audible breath. "Have you seen him yet?"

"They won't let me."

Her green eyes widen. "They won't let you? Why?"

"The doctor said that it's not safe for him to be exposed to bacteria a–"

"We don't have leprosy!"

She's furious.

"He said I could see him tomorrow. But tomorrow is so far away…I just don't want to put him in any more danger. I want him to get better. I…I'll just have to wait for tomorrow."

I mean it. If it means not seeing him tonight just so he's well enough for us to see him, I can do that.

"Okay. Tomorrow," she says, leaning back on the chair.

We sit in silence, lost in our own thoughts.

* * *

><p>"I have to take Jamie home."<p>

It's past midnight.

"Do you want me to drive you?"

"Thank you, but that's okay. You want to stay with us?"

She shakes her head. "It's not that far to Tree Hill. I'll be here very early in the morning."

When I think about it, leaving here means Nathan is not coming home with us. He won't be home waiting for us, either. He won't be home with stories about the game and the trip there…

He won't be home.

I take my bag and lift Jamie off the couch, careful not to wake him, wrapping my jacket around his small body; warmth radiates off of him.

As we walk towards the elevators, I remember that Lucas is on his way.

"Shoot. I need to call Luke and tell him about tomorrow."

"I can do it."

I remove my cell phone from my jeans pocket and hand it to her as the elevator doors open.

"No, it's Peyton. . . .hey yourself. . . .we're just leaving the hospital. . . .the doctor said we have to wait until tomorrow. . . .something about germs. . . .she's going home. . . .no, you can stay at my place. . . .okay, I'll see you in a few hours. . . .be careful. . . .I love you, too. Bye."

I envy her. She gets to hear her love's voice.

* * *

><p>We live in an off-campus two-bedroom apartment, twenty minutes away from the university. We got it pretty cheap, and it's comfortable enough for the three of us.<p>

It's still there.

I thought the world would make an exception but there were no earthquakes or hurricanes to memorialize the moment I found out that my husband was in a coma. It doesn't work like that. The world didn't stop spinning just for me to regain my balance.

I change a half-awake Jamie into his pajamas, rubbing his hair until he falls back asleep. He's always liked that.

I call Deb to let her know I'm no longer at the hospital, but she can let herself into the apartment when she gets here. The apartment doesn't have a guest bedroom, so she usually sleeps on the pullout couch.

To calm myself, I tidy up the kitchen while tuned in to the university radio station. It's too quiet in the house and I'd rather not be left to only my racing thoughts for company right now.

There's a clip on the news bulletin about the accident. The reporter says that the driver of the trailer had high alcohol blood levels. By the time the report is over, I'm so furious that I'm blinking back tears and swallowing back several screams. My husband is fighting for his life because some…some idiot was careless enough to drink and drive.

I wipe the kitchen surfaces furiously, heaving out my anger until I know I'm calm enough. With that calmness comes the realization that the man who steals my breath away is depending on a machine to help him take in his own.

There's a throbbing pain that longs for arms that are not here. It's enough to induce hysteria.

* * *

><p>I go through the motions of showering, again, wanting to cleanse myself from the bad news today. As if washing it away will make it go away.<p>

Holding Nathan's pillow close to me like a child with a security blanket, I inhale his scent. It's so…Nathan. A comforting and wonderful mixture of his cologne and his natural scent.

The tears feel hot against my skin as I sob into his pillow, praying and wishing for all this to be a dream, praying and wishing for my husband to wake up, praying and wishing that he doesn't leave me, praying and wishing that he comes back to us.

* * *

><p><em>"Oh, come on! It's going to be a lot of fun!" <em>

_"Hales, you know I can't dance. I don't dance."_

_"We're at a frat party. It's one of those social situations where you're required to dance." _

_"We don't have to dance."_

_"Can I dance with someone else then?"_

_"How much have you had to drink?" _

_"Then dance with me. You're the one who begged me to come in the first place." _

_"I know. I just wanted to hang out with you tonight as college students. Not parents or people with responsibilities. Come on, Hales." _

_He pulled at my hand, his thumb caressing my skin. "You know it's not normal for people our age to be juggling parenthood with school and work schedules. I love Jamie and I love being a dad, but it's okay for us to step away from that sometimes." _

_He looked so serious, yet serene, as he said it._

_"I love you," I kissed him._

_"I kinda love you, too."_

_"Dance with me?"_

_"Hales…" he sighed._

_"Please?"_

_He smirked. _

_I dragged him to the dance floor and even though the song playing was a fast beat, we slow danced. _

_Just him and I in a corner of the living room, laughing in between as Nathan stepped on my toes. _

_"I'm hurting you."_

_I looked up at his tall frame and stepped on his shoes, wrapping my arms tighter around his neck._

_"Now you won't."_

_I kissed him and then lay my head on his chest. It felt so right. We fit._

_I've always loved hearing his heart beating. _

_Strong. Present. Alive._

* * *

><p>The terror of the dream jerks me awake. The sorrow was so real that my heart is racing and my body is sweaty.<p>

Instinctively, I reach for Nathan.

He's not here.

I dreamt that he died. I dreamt about funeral arrangements and hearing Jamie crying for his father…

Still shaken, I turn to look at the alarm clock. 2.16AM.

I reach for my cell phone and press one.

_"It's Nathan. Can't take your call. Sorry. Leave a message."_

At the sound of his deep voice, I start to cry, hot tears running down the side of my face.

Sniffling, I hit redial.

I just want to hear it again.


	5. Chapter 5

They're here. Not being alone today is a huge relief.

I rush to him, hugging him tight. "Hi. Thanks for coming."

My best friend. His brother.

We pull apart and he rubs my arms, like he usually does when he wants to reassure or comfort me.

"Of course I would come. How are you?"

Devastated.

"I'm okay. You don't look so good, though."

Unshaven face, disheveled hair, bloodshot eyes. Lucas is dependable in a crisis, but he doesn't deal very well with it himself.

He rubs a hand across his face. "No, I'm fine. I just…I couldn't sleep."

I know. I couldn't sleep after that dream, crawling into Jamie's bed and staring out the window until daybreak.

I reach to hug Peyton. "Hey, girlie."

"Hey," she says somberly. "Where's Jamie?"

"Deb offered to stay with him. She'll bring him by in the afternoon."

"Have you told him?" Luke asks.

I shake my head. All night I thought of what to say to Jamie. This is not the same as saying that Nathan is staying overnight at the hospital for a checkup.

"No. I don't know what to tell him. God, he's only three, Luke. What…what do I tell him?"

He pulls me in for another hug. I'm glad he's here. I'm glad they're here. I really needed my friends.

"It's okay, Hales…."

I shake my head again, pressing my lips together to prevent the tears. "It's really not. I didn't talk to him this morning. He was still asleep when I left but…I-I don't know what to say to him when he asks about his dad…"

He's only three. What words do I use? How do I say it? What will this do to him?

He leads me to the chairs. "Just tell him the truth, Hales. Of course it's not going to be easy, but you have to tell him. How…how is Nathan?"

I squeeze his hand, looking into his troubled eyes. The blue Scott eyes.

"It's awful, Luke. What the doctor said…"

I repeat what Dr. Jasinski had told me. My fingers feel numb from the grip Luke has been tightening on them every time I explain something.

After a lengthy silence, I ask him about life in Newark and Rutgers. I want to not think about a battered Nathan for a little bit.

* * *

><p>"Good morning, Mrs. Scott."<p>

We look up at the sound of his voice.

"Dr. Jasinski. Morning. These are my friends, Peyton and Lucas. He's Nathan's brother."

They shake hands. He turns to me.

"Mrs. Scott, your husband's condition is still critical but he made it through the night."

_He made it through the night. _

The wondering had been haunting me.

"Can we see him?" Luke asks.

"His sensitivity to infection can only allow me to let in one of you at a time. And you can only stay for a few minutes."

"We'll wait here, Hales," Peyton tells me with a hug.

I nod and look at the doctor. "I just want to see my husband."

He smiles tightly and I follow him out the door, down the corridor, where he stops at a door marked with Nathan's name.

"You'll have to wear these."

He hands me a gown, a pair of gloves and a mask he retrieves from a cart outside the room.

"We can't take any chances."

"Thank you."

"Five minutes, Mrs. Scott."

I stare at the stark white door, holding the garments close to my chest, trembling slightly.

I'm absolutely terrified of what's behind there.

My phone then rings, startling me enough to make me stumble back.

I really I'm edgy.

"Hello?"

_"Haley! Hi!"_

She's shouting.

"Brooke. Are you okay?"

_"Yeah! There was this fashion show and it's just been crazy! How is Nathan?"_

I turn my attention back to the door, imagining what is going on behind it.

"Not good. He's in a coma."

She curses loudly.

"Are you in New York?"

_"D.C! I'll be here for a while because of some office trade thing."_

She's been living quite the peripatetic lifestyle these days.

"Can you make it to Duke?"

She sighs._ "I don't know. There's a lot to be done here and I'm in charge of some shows so I can't leave yet. I'll let you know when I can. Is Peyton with you?" _

"Yeah. Luke is, too."

_"Luke?" _

The whole Peyton-Lucas-Brooke love triangle is something Nathan and I usually steer clear of. It means choosing sides, like back in high school when they had a falling out for a while over Luke.

"He drove here last night."

_"Good. Good. At least you're not alone. I have to go now but I'll call you when I can! Give my love to Nathan and Jamie and everyone, okay?" _

"I will. Thanks for calling, Brooke."

I wear the cover gown, gloves and mask quickly, anxious to see Nathan, taking a deep breath and placing my hand on the door again. I'm worried about him, and scared stiff of seeing what happened to him.

Is this what Nathan felt when he was about to open my hospital door?

Gulping hard, I step into the room.


	6. Chapter 6

It's eerily calm in the dimly lit room, save for the intermittent beeping and pumping.

_Beep. Beep. Beep. Whoosh. Whoosh. Whoosh._

My eyes travel to the foot of the metal bed, his long legs tucked underneath a faded blue hospital blanket. It looks thin and I immediately want to rush home and grab a blanket. It's a hospital but I wouldn't want him to catch pneumonia on top of all this.

His unmoving hands are on either side of him, and his wedding ring gleams faintly in the soft light.

There are tubes and needles sticking out of his bruised arms, and drawing in a shaky breath, I look at his face.

I nearly faint again.

His head is swathed in a thick, white bandage. There are raw cuts and bruises on his cheeks, around his eyes, his forehead and his chin. His face is grey and so swollen that his features are unrecognizable. His neck is in a brace and there's a clear tube between his lips, being held in place by tape at the edge of his mouth.

That's my husband. My Nathan. Always strong and virile, but right now banged up, unconscious and unresponsive.

_Beep. Beep. Beep. Whoosh. Whoosh. Whoosh._

I approach him slowly, shocked and afraid. Tears are making my vision a little blurry.

Needing contact with him, I reach for his hand. It feels cool through the gloves.

And I start to cry.

I sit on the edge of the bed holding his motionless hand to my chest, crying, running my gloved hand gently over his face.

"Nathan…"

He doesn't move.

"Baby, I'm here."

I kiss his hand as I weep, telling him over and over again that I'm here.

He's still not moving.

"I'm so sorry…"

There's a sudden knock on the door.

"Hales?"

Has it been five minutes already?

I wipe furiously at my eyes with the sleeve of my gown, feeling dampness on the mask where my tears fell.

"H-hey…"

Lucas walks into the room in the same protective gear, standing on the other side of the bed, looking on at Nathan.

"Oh my God…"

His voice is hollow and muffled behind the mask.

"What…what did they tell you happened?"

I take in a deep breath and look at Nathan as I rub his hand.

"They had a game at UM. He called me after and told me that they were on their way back. The policemen came and…there was a trailer…that man just rammed into their bus, Lucas…"

I'm sobbing as I tell him what I know.

"Na…Nathan was closest to the driver so he got hurt the most. The news said that the truck driver had been drinking…"

I'm so angry. I'm too angry to feel sorry for someone whose recklessness may cost my husband his life.

"I-I can't live without him, Luke…I just c-can't…"

I don't know how. I don't want to find out.

"Hales…"

He comes over to my side of the bed, putting his arms around me.

I want to scream so badly but all I can do is just cry until I can't anymore.

* * *

><p>Luke has to go back to school. He has a big test and a class presentation later in the evening, and neither can be rescheduled.<p>

I walk him to his car, leaving Peyton with Nathan.

"I'm sorry I can't stay longer."

He's in turmoil.

I place a hand on his arm in comfort. "It's alright. I'm going to be fine. There's nothing you can do and I don't want you feeling guilty, okay?"

He hugs me. "It's not okay, but I'll call you."

I nod against his shoulder as we stand in front of his car, wishing he were able to stay a little longer.

"Drive safely."

He nods. "Tell him to wake up. And give Jamie a hug and a kiss for me."

"I will."

I give him one last hug, watching as he pulls out of the parking lot and drives away.

* * *

><p>I'm alone in the waiting room, drinking the hospital's tart coffee from a paper cup.<p>

Peyton left shortly after Lucas. She has a children's art program she runs at Tree Hill's Community Centre, but she'll be back later.

Being in a hospital brings back bad memories for Peyton, with her mom spending her last days in one before she passed away.

I don't think something like that can leave you untouched. Fear can grow from anything, and something so traumatic is bound to leave a mark.

"Haley."

She looks afraid.

"Hi."

And she's alone.

"Where's Jamie?"

"I took him to the daycare centre."

I'm relieved. He deserves to know about his father but I'm too frayed to even think of what to say. I'm just waiting for the right time.

But there is no right time.

"Thank you."

She nods at me understandingly. "When you're ready to tell him, you'll bring him."

We sit quietly for a minute.

"Do you want to see him?" I ask her.

She hesitates, her fingers fiddling with the straps of her bag.

"Will they let me?"

I squeeze her hand. "You're his mom. I'll force them to."

I lead her to Nathan's room and reach for the proper attire from the cart outside his room.

No one has stopped us. This is how babies get stolen from hospitals and helpless patients are smothered with pillows. Nathan's paranoia has really rubbed off on me.

"You'd think he's in quarantine," she whispers shakily.

I smile weakly at the humour. Perhaps in another circumstance I would be giggling.

"I'll be in the waiting room."

I squeeze her arm and make my way back to the drab walls of the waiting room.

Not more than five minutes later, Deb runs into the room crying hysterically.

I have never seen her so wrecked.

Even during her addiction to pills and alcohol, she hadn't looked so…frail. I sit with her for a while as she calms down, and then she tells me that she has to leave.

"But you just got here."

I need her. Luke's gone and Peyton's gone.

"I can't see him like that, Haley. He's my son, but I…I just can't!"

Jamie was once hospitalized overnight with a fever and I was a mess. I don't blame her for wanting some time away.

"Where will you go? A hotel?"

"Tree Hill."

"Deb…"

Don't leave me,I want to beg.

"He has you, Haley. I promise to be back by the end of the week."

I hug her again and she scrambles out the door.

It's terribly lonely being in this unpleasant room. It reeks of antiseptic and bleach, and the smells make me think of illness and death.

I sneak into Nathan's room after an hour of getting hit by all those odours, staying for a while until a nurse tells me that visiting hours are over.

Before I leave, I meet up with Dr. Jasinski. Nothing good is unfurled in his words.

No change.

It's painful to hear and I just want to get out of there.

I want to go home. I want to see my son. I need to see him.

* * *

><p>The day has felt years long.<p>

I picked up Jamie from daycare after I left the hospital, took him for a movie and then made him lunch when we got home.

My little trooper.

We had him when we were seventeen and though terrified at the prospect of being parents at a young age, barely out of high school, we did it. We managed with the little we had, we still are, and we're doing fine.

Every child needs his father and I can't imagine raising him alone without Nathan. It's a really horrifying thought.

He asked about Nathan and I couldn't muster the courage to tell him the truth. Out of cowardice, I popped in a DVD for him, before slipping into our bedroom for a crying spell.

Lying awake in bed late into the night, staring at the fan as it oscillates on the ceiling, I'm still thinking about Nathan, and how to tell Jamie about Nathan.

He's three years old. He shouldn't be facing anything like this at his age. The world should be seen through rose-tinted glasses, and the idea of taking him to the hospital to see Nathan scares the hell out of me.

This will change something. And I hate that I have no control over it.

"Mommy! Daddy!"

Jamie.

I slide out of bed quickly and into his bedroom across the hallway.

He's sitting up in bed, and I can see a trail of tears on his cheeks.

"Mommy!"

He lifts up his arms, holding onto my neck tightly when I pick him up.

"Baby, what is it? Did you have a bad dream?"

He's crying, his grip on my neck tightening as he does so.

"You want to tell me about it?"

"No!"

I rub my hands down his small back, calming him down.

"I'm here…shhhh…it's okay…"

After he's cried out, he becomes quiet, but his arms are still around my neck.

"Where's Daddy?"

What kind of mother am I to keep something like this from my son?

He was bound to ask eventually. I close my eyes and take in a shaky breath.

"Jamie…"

"I want Daddy…"

My own tears are threatening to spill over at the fear in his voice. I don't know if I can do this.

I carry him to our bedroom, laying him out on the bed with me.

"Momma, where's Daddy? Is he comin' home?"

He has his father's blue eyes. The innocence in them will be broken.

"Sweetie, Daddy's in the hospital," I say as I brush my thumbs across his cheeks, wiping his tears away.

"Needle shot?"

I run my fingers through his hair, trembling slightly. What will seeing Nathan like that do to him?

"Daddy was in an accident and he got hurt so he has to stay in the hospital to get better."

"Why?"

"Because the hospital will take the best care of him."

"Can we go now? I wanna see him."

He loves his father so much…

I don't want him to see Nathan like that. Will this be bad for him? Will he end up terrified of Nathan?

"We can't see him now."

We could go tomorrow but I can't go back there. I can't get the image of Nathan like he is out of my mind.

"But I wanna go now," he cries.

Kissing his temple, I say softly, "We can't right now but I promise we'll go."

"Pinky promise?"

"Pinky promise."

He snuggles up against me and as I hum quietly and rub his hair, he falls asleep.


	7. Chapter 7

"I wanna come with you."

"Jamie…"

He's been asking to come with me since we got up.

"Momma, please. I wanna see Daddy!"

We're in the parking lot at the preschool and I'm trying to get him out of his car seat. He's one stubborn boy.

"I promised you we'd go see him after school. I'm going to school, too, remember?"

I need to make sure that Nathan's teachers are aware of the accident. They probably know about it but I _have to_ make sure that they do know. It wouldn't be fair at all if he received a fail when he was unable to attend any of his classes.

He wiggles further into the car seat. "I don' wanna go to school."

Jamie, like his father, can be fixated on an idea for a good, long while.

I learnt the hard way from his first tantrum at the supermarket. It took blackmail, coaxing, threats and begging to get him to let go of the BB gun he wanted.

"It's just for a few hours, Jame. You can draw Daddy some pictures. He loves your drawings."

His face lights up. He loves drawing, especially for Nathan.

"Really?"

"Really."

He lifts up his arms. "Okay."

It can be that easy. Sometimes.

We walk to his class and I wave to his teacher as I stand outside the door.

"I'll pick you up later and we'll go to the hospital, okay?"

He nods excitedly. "You promised."

"I pinky promised. Now give me a hug."

* * *

><p>Walking around campus, I feel like I'm on display. I'm getting a lot of funny looks, mostly pitiful, others curious.<p>

When I approach any group of people, conversation dies until I pass, and then it resumes.

When I walk down the hallway, it's as if people are going out of their way not to touch me or brush past me, like they're intentionally making me feel like I have a contagious disease.

It's seriously creeping me out.

My first agenda is seeking out Nathan's lecturers.

They're already aware that he's in hospital. When he gets back to school, he'll just need to do his exams to complete the courses. It's already the middle of the semester but I know he's going to make sure he gets his credits even if it kills him. Hopefully, it doesn't.

It's a relief to be told that Duke will be taking care of the hospital expenses. We don't have a lot of money and our insurance won't cover everything.

His position on the team will still be there for him when he gets back, the athletics director tells me. Knowing Nathan, he'll work his butt off to make sure he's good enough to be back on the team. I often tease him about not doing things halfway, that he married me _and_ got me pregnant while we were in high school.

Since we got to college, we have been picking our classes such that one of us can be with Jamie in the morning and the other in the afternoon. I always enrolled for morning classes and Nathan took afternoon classes, which would roll into basketball practice.

We made it work.

I can barely concentrate in any of my two classes. Just like I couldn't concentrate on anything yesterday, so much so that Jamie and I spent the day walking around town, in an effort to distract him from continuously asking me if we would go to the hospital, and to distract myself from thinking about Nathan.

I keep zoning out, seeing Nathan on the hospital bed; the tubes, the red and purple bruises, the bandage, the needles…I get so weighed down with the thoughts that I opt to stare down at the scribbles in my notebook rather than look straight ahead, hiding my face under the cave of my hair, everything blurring around me as I fight back tears.

I feel that way all morning.

* * *

><p>I'm rarely in anyone's radar when I'm in the cafeteria, the blatant inquisitive looks about Nathan Scott's wife having died down after the first few weeks of college.<p>

Not today.

Being there just waiting in line for those few minutes was tormenting. The whispers, the stares and the pitiful looks continued. They were more than I cared to see.

"He's not dead!" I wanted to shriek.

I just grabbed an apple and a bottle of water, and bolted for the Academic Centre.

The Academic Centre is the equivalent to Tree Hill High's Tutor Centre. It's adjacent to the library but ten times the size. By the time I got accustomed to it, I'd confused my way several times.

Where using rooms in the library requires silence, students who reserve rooms and cubicles in the Academic Centre can have discussions audibly without breaking any rules.

I have regular students from Monday to Thursday after my classes, and on Fridays, we tutor anyone the head of tutoring hands over to us. This forces us to drop Jamie off at the daycare centre because we can both be out all day, me with tutoring and Nathan with practice.

We make an effort to at least be together at dinnertime on those hectic Fridays, no matter how exhausted we are. Family time is important to us, both of us having come from homes where family members were either absent or uncaring, spending nights alone in empty houses.

I love to tutor, and it's also good money for us. Nathan only gets to work when the basketball season is over, in the summer.

His grandparents surprised him and Lucas with trust funds last Christmas. It took a load off our shoulders, and although the money would have been enough to tide us over for a while, we put away most of it for Jamie.

Being emancipated forced Nathan to be frugal, money having been at his disposal while still living with his parents. Some days he's thriftier than me and I have to reassure him that we are not on the verge of homelessness.

On the side, students who don't want to have to come in to the Academic Centre approach me, usually athletes reluctant to be seen in public asking for academic help, only doing so after being threatened by their coaches.

My regular Monday and Wednesday student is already at our table when I arrive, and for the first ten minutes in our session, he seems more nervous than usual.

"If Sn represents…Ben, are you okay?"

He chews on the tip of his pen and looks around. "Uh, yeah…but, uh, are you?"

He really is nervous.

"I'm fine. Oh, I'm sorry. Am I going too fast? We can cover last week's topic if you want."

I flip through my notes. "Polynomials, was it?"

"No, it's fine. I heard…I heard about your, uh, your husband."

People in campus were quite surprised when they learnt that Nathan and I were married. With a baby. The few I know find it a little troublesome to refer to him as my husband. They're used to using the terms 'boyfriend' and 'girlfriend' in college and it's not often they have a married age mate.

"I'm…uh…I'm sorry," he says sincerely, his cheeks flaming.

I smile at him. "Thank you."

I don't add anything more to it because I really don't want to talk about it. I run my fingers through my hair, chewing on my lower lip. The bruise is not so raw.

"So, um, if you're okay with today's session, you can work on the practice test I set up for you," I say after a moment's pause.

"Uh…sure."

I pull out the sheet of paper from my bag. The session proceeds.

* * *

><p>By our second day of college, it seemed the entire school knew that we were married.<p>

Nathan was a Blue Devil, so girls would have noticed him eventually. They'd heard that he had a wife but few knew my face.

Some thought us getting married was sweet and romantic, some thought it was stupid, some thought we did it because I got pregnant.

I had an altercation with one of his…admirers…a few weeks after school started. Like a scene out of a teen movie, I was just about to leave the bathroom stall when I heard someone speak up.

"Laura, have you seen Nathan Scott?"

"Yeah. He's hot. Did you hear that he's married?"

"What?"

"Such a shame, huh? What a waste of such fine man candy."

"He's married? Who's the wife?"

"Ow, Tina! You're hurting me!"

"Tell me!"

"She's a freshman. Hannah or Helen or something like that. He has a baby, too."

"He what?"

"What is wrong with you?"

"How come I never heard anything about him being married until now?"

"How the hell would I know?"

I wanted to wait it out until they left.

I'm not ashamed to be married to Nathan but I don't like drawing attention to myself either. Especially the attention of girls like Laura and Tina who scream like banshees when they learn that Nathan is a husband and a father while in college.

I stepped out of the stall, my eyes locking on them through the mirror. Impeccable hair, makeup, nails, designer clothes.

"That's her," Laura whispered loudly.

Tina stared at me and then burst out laughing.

I walked to the sink to wash my hands. Their laughter stung, but I've built up walls over the years to make sure such reactions don't really get to me.

"Helen, right?" Tina asked snidely once they were done laughing.

"Haley."

I couldn't help but add, "Haley Scott."

She glared at me through the mirrors. "Right. Haley."

She turned sideways to look at me. "So did you get knocked up when you lost your virginity to Nathan Scott?"

They burst out laughing again.

I could have let it go at the catty laughter, but that comment was uncalled for.

I don't know what came over me, but I took the few steps between us and slapped her.

"You don't know anything about me so don't go talking trash about me," I said, gritting my teeth while pointing a finger at her face.

I've never gotten so mad at one of Nathan's fans before. Rachel is mild compared to some of the antics girls have pulled to get Nathan to notice them. Most of the time, I don't react when they pine for my husband so openly but since she was badmouthing me in front of me, I felt she deserved it.

I left them standing there, Tina looking furious while rubbing her cheek, Laura's mouth wide open, her chewing gum about to fall out.

I'm neither a violent person nor a pushover, but her mocking me like that to my face wasn't something I would have easily walked away from.

When I told Nathan that story, he laughed until he cried.


	8. Chapter 8

I find him sitting on the front steps outside the school building, all alone, clutching two bright yellow papers.

I panic immediately.

"What are you doing out here?" I ask, taking his hand.

"Waitin' for you. Let's go!" He pulls at my hand as we walk back to the car.

"Alone? Remember those people who can take you away?"

"Miss Maria sitted with me."

I look around as he settles into the car seat. "Where is she?"

"Douglas was running from Miss Patricia and then Miss Maria was running too and then you came."

Oh my God. What if something had happened to him? What if someone had taken him? I honestly couldn't handle anything like that.

"Momma, let's go. I got Daddy's pictures!"

"Can I see them?"

He draws them close to his chest. "No. Just for Daddy."

"Not even a peek?"

"No. Momma, let's go!"

* * *

><p>We're standing outside Nathan's room, Jamie on my hip.<p>

Everything is a little big on him and I'm making sure nothing is likely to fall off before we walk in.

"I can't breathe," he says, pulling at the mask.

"We have to wear them. If we don't, Daddy may get sicker, okay?"

He nods.

"Ready?"

"No. I'm scared, Mommy."

"I know, but you don't need to be. It's just Daddy."

I open the door.

His legs tighten on my waist. "No! Not Daddy!"

This is what I was afraid of, Jamie getting frightened of Nathan.

I kiss his forehead, my eyes burning. "I-I promise it's Daddy. He's just really hurt so you can't see him very well."

"No!"

"Have I ever lied to you?"

I feel him shake his head against my shoulder. "Nah-ah."

"And I promise you I'm not lying. That's Daddy."

"You promise?"

"I promise."

He's relaxing, but his eyes remain shut tight.

"It's okay, baby. The machines are helping Daddy get better."

He loosens his grip on my neck and I walk us slowly into the room, sitting him in the chair next to the bed.

"Just say hi to Daddy."

I carefully wrap the rich red blanket I brought from home around Nathan's legs. I don't want to lift his arms in case I mess about with something.

"Hi, Daddy."

He finally opens his eyes. Not saying anything else, he just looks on at Nathan.

"You want to show him your pictures?"

"Okay."

I sit him gently on the space next to Nathan. "Be careful not to hurt Daddy, okay?"

He nods seriously.

"I drawed pictures for you, Daddy," he starts quietly, lifting up the drawings.

"This is you and me and we are playing basketball. See? And then this is you, me and Momma and we're at the zoo. See? Miss Maria is taking us to the zoo, Daddy. She said that there are lions and monkeys and fishes at the zoo. I want you to come, Daddy. Will you come with me?"

He's not nervous any more, but it tears at me that he's begging Nathan like he is.

At that moment, my phone vibrates in my pocket.

"Keep talking to Daddy, okay? I'll be right back."

Jamie nods and doesn't miss a beat as he continues telling Nathan about school as I step out of the room.

"Hello?"

_"Hello? Mrs. Scott? It's Miss Maria from Jamie's preschool." _

She sounds a bit fretful.

"Hi. Is everything okay?"

_"Well, is…is Jamie with you?" _

Oh, shoot.

"Yes, he is."

_"Oh, good. Good, good, good."_

Poor Miss Maria.

"I'm so sorry. I completely forgot to inform someone that I picked him up."

_"We were quite worried," _she says with a slight laugh.

"I'm really sorry about the mix-up."

_"I'm just glad he's with you. He told me that his father is sick…?"_

"Um, yes."

_"I'm sorry to hear that. I hope he'll be okay." _

I peer through the viewing window, seeing Jamie holding Nathan's hand.

"I…he-he's in a coma."

Before she can say something that will make me start weeping, I say, "I actually have to go back in."

_"Of course! My best to your family, Mrs. Scott. I'll be praying for you."_

"Thank you."

* * *

><p>"…And then Douglas peed his pants! It was so funny! I don' pee my pants, Daddy! Even when you tickle me!"<p>

It just breaks my heart to see our son talking to his father so animatedly and Nathan cannot respond.

_"Nathan! Grab the camera! I think he's about to walk! Come on, Jame. Just walk to Mommy. You can do it." _

_It was a hot summer afternoon and I was in the living room sweet-talking Jamie to walk. He was only in his diaper, standing next to the couch, and I was on my knees on the floor with my arms wide open. _

_"Come give Mama a hug, sweetie." _

_He pushed away from the armrest, his legs wide apart. _

_"That's it, baby. Just walk to Mommy." _

_Then he took a shaky step forward. _

_"NATHAN! HE'S WALKING!"_

_In a flash, he was in the living room, camera in hand, hair askew, eyes darting around. _

_"What? Where?"_

_"You'd have missed it! That's it, Jame! You're walking!" _

_When he saw Nathan, he started walking towards him. _

_Nathan threw the camera at me and knelt. _

_"Walk to Daddy, Jamie!"_

_I hit Record as Jamie took those few steps towards Nathan and into his open arms. _

_Nathan lifted him up in the air, leading Jamie into giggles._

_"I'm so proud of you!"_

_"Da!"_

_"Da! Da! Did you get it, Hales? Our baby just walked!"_

_Crawling to them, I showered Jamie with kisses._

_"You are such a wonderful boy! You walked!" _

_Jamie just giggled and squealed. _

_We were rewatching the video for the third time when Nathan yelled, "Hales!" _

_"Yeah?"_

_"I have to go to the store!" _

_"Why?"_

_"I need to buy Jamie a real basketball!"_

I'm shaking as I lean over Nathan.

We've been here for over an hour and the nurse has asked us to leave.

"Nathan, we want you to come home. We love you and we miss you. I promise to come back tomorrow."

I press my forehead gently to his. My heart has been broken for days and the one who can mend it can't.

"I love you."

Through my mask, I kiss him on the side of his mouth and on his forehead. The tube won't let me kiss his lips full on.

"You want to say bye to Daddy, baby?"

Jamie drops his feet to the floor to stand by the bed and take Nathan's hand.

"Bye, Daddy. Momma said she'll put the pictures I drawed there."

He points to the wall directly across Nathan, next to the door.

"Momma said when you wake up you'll see them. I love you, Daddy," he says sadly, kissing Nathan's hand through the mask.

The pain in my heart is sharper.


	9. Chapter 9

"Hi. Could you please watch my son for a few minutes?" I ask the nurse at the reception.

I hope she doesn't go off on me about the hospital not being a daycare centre.

"Sure," she smiles, leaning over the desk. "What's your name, handsome?"

He looks up at her and grins. He loves introducing himself.

"James Lucas Scott. What's your name?"

She laughs. "Lori Anne McGregor. And how old are you?"

"I'm three!"

He shows three little fingers.

"You are a big boy!"

He nods emphatically. "And I'm gonna be bigger. Momma and Daddy say my birthday is coming."

"Well, maybe you want to practice bigger boy stuff by helping me with some work?"

He lets go of my hand and runs behind the desk.

"Thank you so much," I tell her.

She shakes her head, her short brown curls bouncing slightly. "No worries. It's no trouble."

I nod gratefully before turning to Jamie. "I'll be right back, Jame. Be good, okay?"

"Okay," he says, laying out some papers on the floor.

Dr. Jasinski is not in his office but I decide to wait.

In the last three days, I've felt torn. I want to stay with Nathan but I need to take care of Jamie, too. I don't want to leave him in anyone else's care but mine right now.

Nathan and Jamie are close, and I'm not entirely sure what Jamie is feeling about Nathan's hospitalization.

He seemed scared, yet curious, when he was looking on at Nathan. Or perhaps he's too young to understand the extent of the situation? I don't know.

Luke and Peyton called several times over the weekend but my phone was off. I'd switched my phone off on Sunday; I don't really know why I did it but at some level, I was trying to avoid talking to anyone.

In their messages, Peyton promised to come back on Saturday but Luke can't make it until next weekend.

Peyton is one of my best friends, despite the relationship she had with Nathan before we started dating.

She can be intimidating to some people; a long-legged, curly-haired, green-eyed blonde with a cool attitude. Guys like that about her and girls hate that about her.

It never bothered her or Nathan to hang out after their breakup, and at first, seeing them fool around was a little odd and it made me feel insecure. Eventually, I just let it go.

She's been dating Luke since our junior year in high school and they've managed to make their relationship work, regardless of the hundreds of miles separating them. I admire that; when I was on tour, for those several weeks, I was just too lonely without Nathan.

I haven't heard from Brooke or Deb but Skills and Mouth left voicemails for me. After listening to their worried messages, I called them back with an update on Nathan's condition. Time, timetables and distance are playing a big factor in visitation; Mouth is in Ohio and Skills–

"Mrs. Scott."

He seems to sneak up on me when I'm absorbed in my thoughts.

"Hi," I greet him as we shake hands.

"Sorry to keep you waiting. Is that your son at the reception?"

"Yes. Is that a problem?"

Jamie is not a troublemaker but I didn't want to drag him to the office.

"No. I was just asking."

He settles in his chair and picks up a white folder.

"I just saw Nathan and I wanted to know how he is," I say hopefully.

He nods, looking through the folder.

"His brain and spine remain swollen, but the pressure isn't increasing, so that's a good sign. It's too early to give a clear diagnosis, though."

"But he's been lying there for two days."

"It's only been two days, Mrs. Scott. He's still fresh from surgery and moving him now to do any tests will endanger him. He could suffer brain damage, which would lead to a series of other complications. During the surgery, we had to remove part of his skull because his brain was swelling."

They did what? And he's telling me now?

"You…you…"

Good God, I can't even say it.

He carries on as if he hasn't heard me.

"Right now we're administering steroid medications to bring the swelling down, but we want to make sure that he's stable enough to be moved around for tests."

"W-what kind of tests?"

I still can't believe that they removed a part of his…his skull.

"CT Scan, EEG, MRI," he says nonchalantly, like he's ticking off the ingredients for an omelet.

"We'll need to see if there are any blood clots or any bleeding in his brain when the time is right. The ventilator is assisting him to breathe so until he can breathe on his own, we also can't move him."

I feel so powerless. I never in my most morbid thoughts imagined listening to a doctor talk about removing and reattaching a chunk of skull from my husband's brain.

"How long will that take?"

"It's up to your husband, Mrs. Scott."

"What about the…the part of his skull you removed?"

If I have to stay away for a week just so Nathan doesn't face the possibility of infection, I will do it. God help me, I will stay away for a month just so he can get better.

"Once the swelling subsides, we'll put it back in place."

Fear is making my entire body hum.

"What do you suggest? Do we need to stay away for him to get better?"

He's silent for a moment.

"Mrs. Scott, I won't lie to you. It would be best if you did. He's too fragile right now and even with the protective masks you and your friends have been using, he's still at risk of infection."

I just nod. I don't know what else to do. I'm afraid I'm going to start crying in front of him.

"But you can see him through the window. Until he's well enough to allow non-medical staff, you can observe him that way."

Even if I can't touch him, I want to at least see him get better.

Nodding, I stand up slowly, reaching to shake his hand again.

"Th-thank you. I'll see you tomorrow?"

He nods.

"Mrs. Scott."

I pause at the door, turning back to look at him.

"The hospital has excellent doctors. Specialists. Your husband is in good hands."

But he's locked in a coma that they can't get him out of.

I simply nod in agreement and leave.

* * *

><p>When Jamie was a baby, he'd splash around so much during his bath that he'd leave us drenched. As a rule, Nathan would distract him with a toy, goofy dance or a story and I'd bathe him quickly. Nowadays, he does fine by himself with his bath toys.<p>

After his nightly bath that began with protests, I'm reading him a story when he asks me if we'll be seeing Nathan again tomorrow.

"We are but the doctor said that we can't go into Daddy's room."

"Why?"

"Remember when we went to see Daddy and we had to wear those things before we touched him?"

"Uh huh."

"Well, even if we wear them, it doesn't help Daddy get better. So we can't touch him until the doctor says it's alright. Okay?"

Jamie nods and snuggles against me.

"Sing for me, Momma."

He closes his eyes as I start to sing, a song I've been singing to him since he was born.

I feel so damn defeated, at a loss of how to deal with everything without Nathan.

I'm scared for our son, and I'm scared for myself.

How can this be happening? Again?

"Mommy?" he mumbles.

"Hm?"

"Stay."


	10. Chapter 10

I called and emailed everyone about the new directive from the doctor, promising to keep them informed when things change.

Nathan's grandparents are currently on a cruise, a cruise they left for two days before the accident. By now, they could be anywhere between Aruba and St. Thomas but I left a message on their voicemail just in case they'll check in.

May adores Jamie, and she's always sending him presents. A few months ago, we received a care package with a stuffed bear and monogrammed soft blanket for Jamie, a set of scented candles housed in old teacups for me, and a coffee mug she made in her pottery class for Nathan.

For the past week and a half, Jamie and I have been going to the hospital every day after I pick him up from preschool.

Nathan's brain is still swollen, but his face is no longer as puffy and the bruises are now a yellowish hue.

Standing outside that hospital room day after day and being told that his brain activity hasn't changed is…it's hard.

It just doesn't make sense to me why this happened to such an incredible guy.

I'm not saying that someone else deserved it, but why couldn't he have been one of those with bruises or sprains? Why couldn't he have been one of those who walked away with a black eye and a sprained wrist? Why did he have to be the one lying on a hospital bed relying on machines and drugs to keep him alive?

Most of the time, I feel like a walking skeleton. Jamie is my only source of joy, the only reason I'm keeping up with the mundane, albeit mechanically. Were he not here…

As we stand by that window, I try to not think about the fact that people die every day in hospitals.

_It won't be him, it won't be him_, I keep chanting to myself. I have to believe that.

I have to believe that he's just a little lost and he's stumbling through the maze, looking for his way back. I have to believe that he knows we are waiting for him.

But whenever I see him, I get overwhelmed with an urge to cry. He looks so…lifeless. Like he's not here anymore.

I don't want him to go.

I want a little more time with him.

Jamie needs his father, and even as much as I tried to do those things they do together, I wouldn't do them the same way his father would.

* * *

><p><em>"Momma, can I have some money?"<em>

_"What for?" _

_"I want to make a wish."_

_"A wish?" _

_"Daddy told me that if I throwed money in water my wish will come true. We can do it in the bathroom."_

_"He did? What do you want to wish for?" _

_"Daddy to come home."_

* * *

><p>It's Saturday and Peyton is visiting.<p>

Over the years we've been in college, we've made a point of alternating visits to each other when we have free weekends.

I usually take Jamie with me when Nathan is away at a game or when he has all-day practice, but if he has a weekend free of basketball, he stays with Jamie.

After stopping by the hospital, we took Jamie to the park and then passed by the mall; he was in need of new sneakers and I hadn't had the time to do it.

Five minutes into the store and he'd picked out what he wanted: a monstrous pair of lime green and purple sneakers, with red splatters on them. So hideous that they wouldn't look good with anything plain he has in his closet.

I steered him away from them to a white look-alike pair, which he loved more. If I allowed Jamie to have free reign over what he wore, I would either be constantly flinching at the multicoloured get-ups or he would go in the buff, running around the house singing at the top of his lungs.

For lunch, we had some salad and chicken nuggets.

Jamie loves chicken nuggets with honey mustard sauce and I've been making it regularly for lunch on Saturdays for the last year or so. He hasn't tired of them.

I don't really know how it became a Saturday tradition but I'd made it as a treat for him one Saturday, and then I ended up doing it again and again.

Whenever we visit Peyton at Chapel Hill, I carry packed chicken nuggets for Jamie. The one time I didn't, he cried and screamed all afternoon for them, saying just how much I didn't like him anymore.

"You hate me!" he cried.

"I'll never hate you. I love you."

"Then…then why no chicken nuggets? You love another baby?"

"You're my only baby."

"Then…then why you starve me to death? You don' love anymore, Momma!"

He was barely three but he knew what needed to be said.

He hasn't eaten much today and I notice that he's been rubbing at his bellybutton.

"You okay, buddy?" I ask, pushing a bowl of fruit salad in front of him.

"It tickles, Momma."

"What does?"

He lifts up his shirt, pointing to his bellybutton. "Here."

"Hm, maybe it's your tummy saying hello!"

He squeals with laughter when I tickle him.

"Momma!"

* * *

><p>We're on the couch talking, Jamie laid out on his side on a big cushion on the floor, watching one of his animation movies while picking off fruit from his bowl.<p>

"Hales?"

I look up. "Hm? Sorry, what?"

She'd asked me something that had caused my mind to drift.

"I just want to know how you are," she says kindly.

"I…I'm fine."

"No, you're not."

I turn away; looking her in the eye while talking will be cause enough to start the waterworks. I can't help but weep every time I think about Nathan on that bed…

I've cried so much since Nathan was hospitalized that I feel my eyes could pop out of their sockets any moment from all the rubbing.

"I'm such a mess, Peyt. Every day, I wake up feeling like a mess. I'm forcing myself to go to school just so I don't sit around driving myself crazy."

I snort. "At this age, I should be thinking of what to wear to Friday night's party or the best way to cure a hangover."

"You don't go to parties or drink, Hales."

I laugh halfheartedly. "You know what I mean."

If I drank, my liver would be begging for salvation right now.

She pats my hand. "You need to take care of yourself, at least for Jamie's sake. You've lost weight and you look tired."

I feel sapped of strength.

"I-I know. I don't want anything to happen to me. What will become of Jamie?"

I look at him on the floor, quietly watching his movie. My little joy.

"I-I just can't eat right or sleep well, Peyt. Nathan…if he's not with me–"

I blink back the tears and take another sip of my tepid tea, my hand shaking as I bring the cup to my lips.

"How was he?" I ask her quietly, staring at the coffee table.

"When?"

"When they told him I was dead."

I never asked them, and no one offered to tell me.

She doesn't say anything for a while.

"He was devastated. He didn't talk about it but you could see it."

I wipe away my tears discreetly. I don't want Jamie to turn around and see me like this.

"I-I can't do this without him, Peyton. I can't. I need him so much. Jamie needs him…God, I love him so m-much…"

My voice breaks as I struggle to swallow the lump in my throat.

I tried to during the tour. I tried to just be me and I couldn't stand it. I couldn't be _just Haley_ without him. It was like a constant jab to my heart whenever I looked at my wedding ring. I couldn't bear being away from him, so I came home. I needed him. And he needed me. Somehow, we had become joined at the hip…or the heart. It had become Nathan _and_ Haley, Haley _and_ Nathan.

I place my cup on the coffee table.

"Why do these things keep happe–"

"Hales…"

She wraps her arm around my shoulder and pulls me in for a hug. I slump against her, afraid and exhausted.

* * *

><p>Late into the night, I'm seated on the couch, watching the sports network.<p>

Peyton didn't stay over. Jamie is asleep. Deb is still in Tree Hill.

The quietness is a bit unsettling. At least if Nathan was away at a game I knew he would be coming back home. And he would be just a phone call away.

Listening to his voicemail again left me curled up on the couch like a scared child, crying silently for him. Crying about what is happening, crying about what could happen.

The flickering light from the muted TV provides enough light to the living room.

I have never quite figured out how to use the remote. There are so many buttons and it can be so frustrating trying to find a channel that I just ask Nathan to do it for me. Jamie even knows it better than I do.

With the sports network as the default setting, I've been trying to switch the channel to something other than sportscasters talking about things I barely understand but I've just been messing it up.

The third time the screen went blank caused me to give up, grunt and throw the silly remote on the opposite end of the couch furiously, cursing it out like it was the Devil incarnate.

Just once! Just this once! Is it too much to ask for the stupid Shopping Network? Or some talk show? Heck, I'll even settle for a fashion show! Granted, I don't keep up with the catwalk fashions but anything is better than listening to orange-tanned, leather-skinned Hercules over there as he yaps on about sailing and knots and blasted b–

They bring on a basketball commercial.

I just burst into tears.

That sunken feeling in my stomach intensifies ten-fold. Everything about the commercial reminds me of Nathan, and it's only a fifteen-second advertisement about an upcoming game.

"Momma?"

I try to wipe the tears away before he sees them, but my eyes and cheeks are just too wet.

He walks sleepily to me, carrying his blue stuffed dog, Doggie.

"Hey, sweetie. Why are you up?"

"Why are you cryin', Mommy?" he asks softly, his eyes looking sad, his fingers on my cheek. I want to bawl again at the contact.

"I-I just miss Daddy a lot."

He crawls to my lap, laying his head on my chest. I wrap my arms around him, resting my cheek on the top of his head.

My little love.

"I miss Daddy, too."

We sit like that as I compose myself.

"Are you excited about going to the zoo?"

He nods against my chest.

"I guess so. I want you to come, Mommy."

I rub his hair. "I wish I could come, too. But I promise we'll go again. Just you, me and Daddy, okay?"

"Okay."

We're quiet for a moment.

"Want to see something?"

"Uh huh."

I lay him on the couch and walk to the bookcase, turning on the lights and picking out one of our photo albums. After I've settled him on my lap, I open it to the first page. It's a picture of Jamie that was taken hours after he was born; he's wrapped in a blue blanket, the cap on his head stark white against his small flushed face.

"When you were born, Daddy was as happy as a rat with a gold tooth."

We giggle.

"Daddy was so so happy that he even had happy tears."

"Tears? Daddy cried?"

"Yes, but they were happy tears. He would carry you even when you sleeping, just so he could hold you."

"Really?"

"Really. See this picture here?"

I point to the one of Jamie in his diaper, asleep on Nathan's chest, Nathan himself asleep.

It was the summer before college, when Jamie had mastered the crawl and really knew how to hide from us. I had a recording session in Charlotte for the album that day and when I got home, they looked so cute that I had to take a picture.

"You and Daddy spent that day together. You didn't want to wear anything else so he had to chase you around the house trying to get you to wear pants."

From what Nathan told me, he had averted his gaze for a second to grab them and when he turned back around, Jamie was out of sight.

He had such a Houdini complex that it sometimes required one person to keep watch in case he disappeared. That same summer, we looked for him all over the house for fifteen minutes, only to find him asleep in a carton in the pantry, snug as a bug. Seven adults adorned in swimwear looking for one baby. Scary stuff.

"And then Daddy found you asleep under the kitchen table. So he carried you to the couch and that is how I found you."

Jamie giggles. "We look funny!"

"You look adorable!"

"Ab…Aborabol?"

I kiss his temple and hug him closer.

"Very aborabol."

* * *

><p>It's Jamie's first field trip without me or Nathan.<p>

When I saw the permission slip last week, I almost cried. I think I have a bigger problem with separation than Jamie.

Although the class is small and there are enough chaperones, I still feel anxious. What if something goes wrong? Should I just tag along? Should I just follow the bus in my car?

Kneeling outside the classroom, I'm so nervous that I have to make sure he has everything for the tenth time. I've checked and rechecked but it will make me feel better if I just do it one more time.

"Are you excited?"

His eyes have been shining since he woke up. "Yes!"

"Okay. You have everything?"

He nods.

"Your handkerchief?"

He removes it from his jeans pocket.

"My phone number?"

He removes the paper from the inside pocket of his jacket.

"Your snacks and lunch?"

"You put them in my bag! I wanna go now!" He stomps his feet.

I grin at his impatience. A sigh and a roll of the eyes and he'd be a mini-Nathan.

"Just one more thing…"

"Momma!"

I shake my head slightly. "What do you do when you think you're lost?"

He sighs. "Find a momma with babies and give her the paper with my momma's number."

I kiss his cheek. "You're so smart."

"Can I go now?"

"Okay, okay. I'll be here to pick you up. Have fun and when you come back, I want you to tell me everything."

"Everything?"

"Everything. I love you."

"I love you! Bye, Momma!"

He hugs me excitedly and then runs off to class.

Is it strange that I'm tearing up?

* * *

><p>It's a slow ride on the elevator to the ICU. I decided to come to the hospital rather than follow the preschool bus to the zoo.<p>

Midterms start in a few days and professors sometimes give us time to study. The break from mind-numbing lectures is welcome. I've barely paid attention in my classes lately, which means I'll have to work thrice as hard to keep my grades up so that I don't lose my scholarship.

When I look in through the window to Nathan's room, my heart jumps at what I'm seeing. Or not seeing.

I've been coming here for the last three weeks and the bed has always been occupied. There's no one there today.

The bed is empty and perfectly made, like no one is expected to return.

I run to the nurses' station in a panic, finding a thin, serious-looking nurse I haven't seen before.

"Where's my husband!?"

"Who is your husband?"

"Nathan Scott! Where is he!?"

She smiles. "You're Mrs. Scott? You should wait for Dr. Jasinski."

Being told to wait for the doctor is the least reassuring.

"Did something happen to him!?"

Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God.

"Where is my husband!?" I yell.

She looks at me calmly as she picks up the phone.

"One moment. Hello? Dr. Jasinski, Mrs. Scott is here. . . .right. . . .okay."

"Please have a seat, Mrs. Scott. The doctor is on his way," she tells me once she's hang up.

I'm so terrified that I'm shaking from head to toe. What if something happened to him? Is he in surgery? Why didn't they call me? Did he…? I can't think that far. I just can't.

"Mrs. Scott."

I jump at the sound of his voice.

"Where is my husband?"

"Calm down–"

Calm down? Is he out of his mind!?

"No! Where is Nathan!"

He's looking at me in the same way he usually does, like a child who is way overdue for a scolding.

"Your husband is in CCU."

"CCU?"

That doesn't sound like a good thing and I don't think I can bear hearing what bad news come next.

"Critical Care Unit. It's just on the other side of the wing. Last night the swelling in his brain was significantly down so after the tests, we successfully reattached the piece of skull that we had removed. H–"

"And his spine?"

"I was just getting to that. Tests on his spine show that there is no acute fracture or swelling. His spine is fine. And because he was breathing on his own, we moved him out of intensive care."

I breathe out heavily, my chest burning with relief. He's okay, and he's breathing on his own.

"Did anything happen during surgery?"

I hope he didn't die again.

"His blood pressure and body temperature dropped but we got him stabilized. There were no other abnormalities but given the sensitive nature of the surgery, your husband is still at a very high risk of infection and–"

"I should just wait again until his immune system is stronger," I finish.

He nods. "Any patient after surgery is vulnerable to infection, and even though he's a step down from the ICU, you should wait until he is truly out of the woods."

As I've read, infections can cause serious problems.

"You said he's breathing on his own?"

"Yes, he is."

"That's good, isn't it?"

"It is a good sign. Taking him off the ventilator means that he's on his way to recovery."

"But he's still in a coma."

"Yes."

I don't notice when he leaves. I sit still, absorbing all he has told me.

Nathan is getting better.

* * *

><p>I head off to school after seeing Nathan through his new room. He does look better.<p>

His head is still wrapped in a bandage but the tube that was in his mouth is no longer there.

He's breathing on his own and his brain is not swollen. There's hope.

After a tutor session with Ben and finishing up several assignments, I stop at the library.

When I was pregnant, I had a deep-seated need to make sure that everything was okay. I did so much research that at some point I was convinced my baby was going to have all sorts of medical problems because of eating too much of anything.

Following Nathan's accident, after Dr. Jasinski told me about Nathan's prognosis, I couldn't help myself. I printed out pages of information; what could go wrong during surgery, what kind of injury his spine was susceptible to, everything about lung and kidney failure.

The most terrifying was the side effects of brain surgery, from brain damage to paralysis to amnesia. All these papers sit in a folder on my bedside table and unhealthily, they have become my bedtime stories.

I got so neurotic one time thinking that perhaps the surgeons had forgotten a sponge, bandage or surgical instrument in Nathan's body that it took sleeping beside Jamie to calm me down.

The online articles I'm reading through say the same thing: brain damage, seizures, speech impediment, infection.

I'm so absorbed in reading people's personal experiences with brain surgery that I practically forget to pick up Jamie.

* * *

><p>When I get to the school, the kids are not back yet.<p>

I sit in the car working on a rough draft of an essay, and it's only after I start feeling my legs going numb that I get out, leaning against the passenger door. It's heading to an hour since they were supposed to be back.

"I don't think I've seen you before at this time," a deep voice says.

He's as tall as Nathan, brown hair, big green eyes, and really wide shoulders. A football player's build.

"I'm not usually here."

The rise and fall of his eyebrow is quick and if I hadn't been paying attention closely, I would have missed it.

"Sam Cregg. Kyle's dad," he says with an outstretched hand.

"Haley Scott. Jamie's mom."

He cocks his head to the side and smiles from the side of his mouth.

"Jamie Scott? Nathan Scott?"

"Yes."

"Great guy."

"They sure are."

He chuckles, leaning on the door beside me.

"Wait. I think I remember you. Weren't you in charge of the drinks during the Sports Day?"

"Yeah. That was me."

Better than signing up for a game of soccer.

"I could swear I didn't see Nathan or Jamie near you."

I shrug. "I guess you missed seeing them near me."

"Where is he? Nathan, I mean."

I don't answer.

"I haven't seen him in a while," he continues.

Do I tell him? I don't know him. Are they friends with Nathan?

Just then, the colourful bus pulls into the parking lot.

I stand up straighter as the kids trickle out, finally spotting Jamie in his bright red jacket.

"Momma!"

He runs into my open arms.

"Hi! Oh, I missed you! Did you have fun?"

"Lots!"

There are no bite marks, teeth impressions or claw marks on him.

"What did you see?"

As he's telling me about the trip, I take his backpack from his shoulders. It feels a little heavy. Peering inside, I notice the untouched lunch.

"Didn't you eat your lunch?"

He stops talking and looks up at me. "I ate the sandwich."

Parts of it from the looks of it, not the whole thing.

"And the apple?"

He shrugs his little shoulders. "I din' wanna."

I pick him up and buckle him in his seat. He is still excited about the zoo trip.

"It was the best, Momma! I saw a chi'nzee!"

"A chimpanzee? Really?"

His face is alight with pure joy. I've missed seeing him like that.

"It was big! I wish Daddy came!"

There's that pain in my chest again.

"When Daddy wakes up, we'll go to the zoo," I say hoarsely.

"Really?"

I kiss his forehead. It feels a little warm.

"Really. Are you feeling okay?" I ask, my hand on his cheek.

"Uh huh! When you come, you're gonna see a chi'nzee! It was big, Momma!"

I chuckle at his enthusiasm. "I can't wait. Will you draw Daddy a picture of what you saw?"

He nods vigorously, showing his small teeth, making me laugh.

"How about some ice cream? It's a special day."

"Sweet!"

"Sweet. And you can tell me all about the monkey."

"Chi'nzee, Momma!"


	11. Chapter 11

"Will Daddy like my picture?"

"He will love it. Like all the other pictures you've drawn for him."

"But he's still sleeping."

Every time Jamie draws a picture for Nathan, I give it to the nurses to paste it to the wall. By now, they must be covering half the wall.

"When he wakes up, he'll tell you how much he loves them. Remember Nurse Lori said that Daddy's room was pretty because of all your pictures?"

He grins. "The _prettiest_, Momma!"

Smiling, I pull him closer. "The _prettiest_. And when Daddy wakes up, he's going to see just what a wonderful little boy he has who draws him pictures to make his room look the prettiest."

He giggles as I rub my nose against his cheek.

"Momma, where are we going? Are we lost?"

"We're not lost. Daddy's in another room."

"Why?"

"The doctor said that Daddy is a little better so they gave him another room."

"Is it pretty?"

"I don't know, but I bet it is. We'll ask the doctor, okay?"

There's a familiar head of blonde curls in one of the chairs at the reception.

"Guess who's here?" I whisper in his ear.

He lifts up his head, grinning when he sees her.

"Aunt Peyton!"

I put him down and he runs to hug her.

"Hey, buddy! I've missed you!"

"Me, too! Did you come to see Daddy?"

She puts him down. "Sure did. Hey, friend."

Stepping forward, I hug her warmly. "Hey. This is a nice surprise. Are you okay?"

I hadn't heard from her in a while. When I called, her phone was off or on voicemail and my emails went unanswered, too.

"Yeah. Sorry about not being in touch. It's been a crazy week."

"Good to know you're okay." I look at her closely. "What are you doing here in the middle of the week, anyway? Were you suspended from school?"

Jamie puts his hand in mine and looks up at Peyton. "Were you sassend from school, Aunt Peyton?"

She laughs, hunkering down to his height. "No. I finished my project early and I thought I'd come see you and your mom. Are you happy to see me?"

"Yes! I have a picture for Daddy! Wanna see?"

"Oh, this is beautiful! Your dad will love it!"

"Momma said so! This is a chi'nzee and this is a lion and this is me and Daddy at the zoo. See?"

"It's beautiful. Can I keep it?"

"I can draw for you another one."

Jamie is always enthusiastic about discussing his art with her, as she's the only one with knowledge about art. Peyton as one of his godmothers was a very sound choice on our part.

"I'd love one! And then I can hang it on the wall with all the others you've drawn for me."

"Can I see them?"

"When you come to Tree Hill, you can. Guess what?"

"What?"

"I have a present for you."

"You do?"

She's always bringing him art supplies. Add the clothing samples from Brooke and we're halfway to affording Jamie's college tuition. Or reform school if he's as much of a rebel like his father was in his teens…

"Close your eyes."

She pulls out a sketchpad and a box of crayons from her bag.

"Open them."

"Wow! Momma, look! I have a new drawin' book! See?"

"I see. What do you say to Aunt Peyton?"

He throws his arms around her. "Thank you!"

"You're welcome, buddy."

"Have you seen him yet?" I ask her when she stands.

She shakes her head, her face a little distorted.

"No. I was waiting for you."

"Oh. Okay. It's this way."

"Can I meet you there? I'm kinda pressed." She shuffles on her feet. "You took your sweet time getting here."

"Maybe I should have stayed longer," I chuckle.

She sticks her tongue out at me.

"Very mature. You're teaching my son bad habits."

"My job as godmother is to corrupt him," she grins.

I laugh softly as she walks away. "His room is the last one on the right," I call out.

She waves a hand before dashing down the hallway.

"Come on, Jame. Let's go see Daddy."

He carries his sketching pad and crayons, skipping as we walk towards Nathan's room.

When we get to the window, I pick him up so that he can see Nathan.

"Daddy's still sleepin', Momma," he says sorrowfully.

"But see? There's no tube in his mouth. That means Daddy is getting better."

"Really?"

"Really."

He peers through the window, wiggling in my arms.

"Mommy, where are my pictures?"

"I think they're next to the door, but we'll ask the nurse."

He presses his nose against the glass.

"Be careful not to drop your sketching pad."

He looks back at me. "My skitch pad?"

"Sketching."

"What's that? Are we going skating!" he asks elatedly.

"Sketching is like drawing."

"Are we going skating, Momma?"

He's wanted to skate since he was two but I've always been hesitant about enrolling him for a class, despite Nathan's assurances that he'd be fine. He's turning four soon and it's getting to a point where I have to let go of my fears…

"Not today, sweetie."

"When?"

"I don't know."

"Can you skate, Momma?"

"I haven't in a long time."

"And Daddy?"

"Daddy can. He raced with Uncle Lucas once."

"Really?" he squeals. "Where? When? Who won?"

"Well, we were in high school and it was at the River Court and I think they both tripped over each other."

He giggles. "They falled down?"

I kiss his cheek. "They did."

"Do I get one, too?"

"Peed your pants?"

"Geek."

"Moody."

We stand at the window looking at Nathan silently.

It would be considered creepy under normal circumstances but this is not normal.

"Aunt Peyton, can you skate?"

* * *

><p>Jamie's at the reception with Lori, and Peyton and I are still by the window.<p>

The faint sound of the beeping machines through the glass has been taunting me. Each punctuated beep is a reminder that I could lose the man I love.

"I didn't want him to go," I hear myself say.

"I'd had a nightmare about him dy– leaving but he told me not to worry, that it was just a dream. He promised to come back in one piece. He lied to me, Peyt."

_"It was just a dream, Hales. I'll be back on Friday and we'll laugh over it."_

I move away from the window. The Friday he was to be back, the Friday we were supposed to be laughing about my dream, I opened the door to two cops looking at me sorrowfully.

"Hales…"

_"I promise I'll be back. Not a single scratch on me. Okay, babe?"_

"I'm so mad at him for going! He could have died!"

He could have d–

I realize what I've said and place my hand on the window, like I'm touching Nathan's face.

"Baby, I'm sorry! I didn't mean it! I'm-I'm not mad at you…I love you! Please come back to me…please, Nathan…I-I love you…come back to–" I beg, my voice breaking like fine china.

I'm not angry at him, I'm just angry at this situation. I'm mad that he's like that and I'm mad that someone caused him to be like that.

_"I'll miss you too, Hales. I'll call you, okay?"_

Peyton throws an arm around me.

"He's not going anywhere, Hales. See how much better he looks?"

I nod and look at Nathan, tears in my eyes.

His bruises have been healing and he's breathing on his own. That has to count for something, right?

His brain isn't swollen but his body is still unresponsive. The only movement from him is the motion of his chest as he breathes.

"Please don't leave me, Nathan…please…"

_"I love you, babe."_

* * *

><p><em>I was just from the shower when I heard my phone ringing from my purse. <em>

_"Hi, stranger."_

_He laughed softly. "Hi, stranger. How are you?"_

_"Good. I just miss you."_

_He laughed again. "I just miss you, too."_

_"How was it?"_

_"Skills made it hard for me."_

_"I'm sure. You can make it harder for him when they come here."_

_"Can I tell him you said that when he complains?"_

_"He won't complain so much when I tell him that he's not allowed to use Jamie to score a date if he does."_

_"You're mean, Haley Scott." _

_"Yeah, well. Anything for my man." _

_He sighed. "What are you doing?"_

_"Nothing. I'm just from the shower." _

_"Now I _really_ miss you."_

_"Down, boy. I don't think your teammates will appreciate it when you start getting naughty."_

_"They understand the things that are a necessity when you're married and traveling."_

_"Oh? Have you talked naughty with other girls on the phone?"_

_"Well, there was this hottie back in freshman year who would tease me so much that I had to grab a seat alone on some days."_

_"You can't fault me for that!" I laughed. "I got a craving."_

_"Too often. Especially when I was away."_

_"It gets worse when you're away. Where are you now?"_

_"We just passed by Lakeside. We'll be there in about two hours."_

_"God, I've missed you."_

_"I've missed you. It's been–"_

_" –three days, ten hours and thirty-nine minutes."_

_"You've been counting?" he teased._

_"Haven't you?"_

_"No. I was just going to say it's been a few days."_

_"Nathan!"_

_He laughed. "Of course I've been counting. Three days, ten hours, forty minutes and two seconds."_

_"I'm impressed."_

_"I knew there was a reason why you agreed to marry me."_

_"Not for the gorgeous baby you'd give me some day?"_

_"That, too. How is he?"_

_"He's good. Upstairs with Kenny."_

_"You think they're smoking weed?"_

_Our laughs lingered over the line for a moment, Nathan shushing me to keep it down. _

_"Your teammates can't hear me."_

_"But they can hear me. If you keep laughing, I laugh, too. Some of these guys can be really cranky. Uh oh. Lars just gave me the finger."_

_I laughed some more. "Sorry, honey. I'll stop now. I can't wait to see you."_

_"Me either. I love you, Hales."_

_"I love you, too."_

* * *

><p>On the first night we got back to Tree Hill from my hospital stay in Newark, Nathan told me that had it not been for Jamie, he would have seriously hurt himself.<p>

_"I can't do it alone if you're dead…I can't…I would want it to be over…"_

Seeing him talk so openly about it broke my heart. The way his voice broke, the tears in his eyes…he meant it.

His admission brought the guilt to the surface.

The guilt of the racetrack accident when I left for the tour.

The guilt of being the reason he crashed a racecar into a wall, flying at one hundred and eighty miles per hour. He got hurt because of me.

It's a miracle he wasn't paralyzed.

"_I would want it to be over…"_

I didn't understand it until now.

How does someone get over the pain of losing the person they love?

He didn't want to live without me.

I don't want to live without him.

* * *

><p>I'm wide awake, staring at the window, in Nathan's Blue Devils t-shirt and a pair of his boxers that I had hijacked, a gift for him from me. I thought they would give me the comfort I needed but they're really not.<p>

The shirt smells strongly of him and I can just picture the way he smiled at me whenever I wore it. He always said that it looked better on me than on him.

_"Am I ever going to get that shirt back?"_

I wipe away the tear that rolls down the side of my face, swallowing back the lump in my throat. I'm tired but I can't find sleep easily.

With my husband getting better, I should be able to sleep better. It takes a while for my brain to shut down, and when I feel like I've just dozed off, it's already morning.

Sometimes I feel so exhausted that I'm tempted to ask for prescription slee–

"Momma…"

The bed rustles as he climbs up, his small hand pressing into my shoulder.

"Momma, I don' feel good."

The moon reflects enough light in the room for me to see that his face is contorted in pain.

I'm instantly alert, a cold feeling washing over my heart. "What's wrong?"

He lays his head on my chest, taking my hand to his forehead. It's warm and a little sweaty.

"My t-tummy hurts."

He starts to cry. "It really hurts, Mommy…"

Oh my God.

Kissing his cheek, I run my fingers down his face. I feel myself trembling.

"Let's take you to hospital, okay?"

"Uh huh…"

I'm frantic as I dress.

"Momma…" he groans into the pillow, curling himself into a ball.

I gulp painfully as I reach for his face. "I-It's okay, Jame. I'm here."

"It hurts…"

"I know, sweetie. We're leaving right now."

I kiss his forehead, not missing the heat on his skin, before running to his room to grab his jacket.

With a crying Jamie in my arms, I run towards the front door, scared to death of what could happen.


	12. Chapter 12

By the time we're walking into the hospital's Pediatrics wing, Jamie is much paler and sweating visibly.

He's crying against my shoulder, his legs tight on my waist.

"Moooommy…"

How is this possible? My husband is in critical care and here I am rushing my son to the emergency room floors down in the same hospital.

"It's okay, Jame…we're here," I kiss his temple as I rush to the reception desk.

"Excuse me! My son is not feeling well! He says that his stomach is hurting and he–"

"Have a seat and you'll be assisted," she grumbles, flipping through a magazine.

I look around the waiting room.

It's empty.

"Please…please just help him…" I plead desperately. I want to scream.

She looks up at me momentarily, turning a page noisily with one hand, slapping a paper on the desk with the other.

"Fill this and take a seat."

Take a seat? As if.

I'm trembling as I take out my cell phone to call Jamie's doctor.

She's on call.

"Momma…I feel sick…" Jamie moans when I hang up.

He's heaving. Luckily, the bathrooms aren't far and I make it in time for him to throw up.

Sitting him on the bathroom counter, I dab his face with a wet paper towel.

"Is it all out?"

He nods weakly and clutches his stomach.

"It hurts, Mommy…"

I'm terrified, scared out of my mind and it will show if I don't keep it together for his sake.

"I know, baby. It's going to be okay…"

As I carry him back to the reception, I see her standing by the nurse's desk.

"Doctor Perrin!"

Emily Perrin is Jamie's pediatrician from when we moved to Durham. It's a miracle that she was in the hospital tonight when I called.

"Haley. What's wrong?"

"His…his stomach is hurting, he has a fever and he just threw up."

She takes him from my arms and carries him to an examination bed.

Jamie looks very pale and sweaty.

"Hi, Jamie. I'm just going to take a look at your tummy, okay?"

"O-okay."

I hold his hand as she lifts up his pajama shirt.

She presses his belly…and he screams, kicking up a leg in the air.

"OWWWW! Mommy! It huuuuuurts!"

Oh my God.

He's crying harder, thrashing his legs around and squeezing my hand.

"W-what's wrong with him?" I push back his hair with shaky fingers, blinking rapidly at my tears.

"I suspect appendicitis but I cannot be sure until I carry out some tests."

She turns to look at Jamie. "We'll make sure you get better, okay?"

He nods weakly.

"I'll send a nurse to come for him in a few minutes. We'll run a test on his stomach and as soon as we know what's going on, we'll know what needs to be done."

"Th-thank you," I nod, turning my attention back to Jamie.

He's still crying and it's taking a lot of control for me not to cry along with him.

"Momma, I want Daddy…"

"Daddy's sleeping, remember?"

He coughs, tears falling down his cheeks. "Tell him to wake uuuuuup…Please, Mommy…I want my Daaaaaddyyyyy…"

"Oh, sweetie…"

Whispering words of comfort, I calm him down enough for me to help him into the small hospital gown and the nurse, as said, comes to take him for the tests. She's not the unpleasant one from the reception.

Jamie refuses to let go of me.

"DON' LEAVE MEEEE!"

"Baby, you have to go. And I won't go anywhere. I promise," I assure him, rubbing his hair.

"I don' wanna goooo!"

His head is buried in my neck and I can feel his tears.

"They have to do the test to know what's wrong with you."

"NO! They'll hurt me to death!" he cries.

"They won't, sweetie. The test will help them know what they can do to make the pain go away, okay?"

He nods against my shoulder.

I rub his hair. "I promise I'm not going anywhere. I'll be right here when you come back. Nurse…" I look at her name tag "…Amy will make sure that nothing happens to you. And as soon as she's finished, she'll bring you right back to me. Okay?"

He loosens his grip on my neck.

"Don' go anywhere, Momma."

I rub his tears away.

"I won't. I promise. Pinky promise."

I kiss his cheek again before she takes him away.

What is happening? My son is sick and my husband is comatose.

I'm wiping away tears discreetly as they disappear down the corridor.

* * *

><p>The tests don't take long. When the nurse brings him back, Jamie lifts his arms, wrapping them around my neck as I pick him up.<p>

"That wasn't too bad, was it?"

"Nah-ah."

I press a kiss to his forehead. "You're such a brave little boy."

As I lay him back on the bed, his face is drained of colour and he looks weak.

Doctor Perrin's sneakers squeak against the linoleum floor as she walks towards us.

"Haley, it's appendicitis. The ultrasound shows that his appendix is inflamed and we need to get to it as soon as possible."

Dear God.

Another chat with another doctor about surgery.

On my three-year-old son.

"He needs s-surgery?"

She shakes her head.

"Not exactly. In Jamie's case, his appendix has not ruptured so it doesn't have to be an open surgery. I'll perform the laparoscopic appendectomy, which is not as invasive as the open one. I'll make several tiny incisions on his abdomen and using a small camera and surgical instruments, I'll get it out."

That's not surgery? They're cutting into my baby's stomach!

"That…that sounds painful!"

"Actually, the LA has less post-surgery complications than the open appendectomy. And we need to do it now before it gets any worse."

I sign the necessary paperwork after the pediatric anesthesiologist asks me about what Jamie has eaten and drank in the past few hours.

Jamie is scared and upset, crying for Nathan, and I stay with him as the anesthesia takes effect.

Every minute I'm sitting there watching him drift off, I want to cry. I won't. I can't. I'll just make him more agitated and scared.

He's out in a few minutes and then they wheel him off to surgery.

Surgery.

Everything is collapsing around me.

My three-year-old son is having surgery.

My husband had surgery and is in a coma.

They are my world, they mean everything to me, and both of them...floors apart but both of them have their fate tied to hospital beds.

I run down to the chapel, tears already running down my face, falling to my knees when I get there, gasping for air, crying, praying and begging.

* * *

><p>I become aware enough to call Peyton and Deb. I want to call Luke but he's too far away and I don't want to alarm him. I'll just call him when I get good news.<p>

I can't believe I'm calling them again in the middle of the night from the hospital.

Peyton's phone leads me to voicemail and I leave a quick, teary message. Was it just today that she was here visiting Nathan?

Deb promises to be here by morning. I burst into tears when she picks up, rambling through my sobs about Jamie. She did come back as she had promised to see Nathan again but she didn't stay longer than a day. I'm hoping that she's stronger now to see him again. I'm hoping that she'll stay longer. I need someone…

With my eyes focused on the clock above the door of the waiting room, I drink cup after cup of bitter coffee for an hour. Sixty-four minutes to be exact. I may be at risk of a caffeine overdose.

At four a.m., Doctor Perrin comes back.

"Haley."

I get up so quickly that I spill some coffee on my shirt. "I-Is he okay?"

"He's going to be fine."

I exhale with relief, a weak sob passing my lips.

"It's very common for children his age to be brought in with a ruptured appendix but we got to his in time. Did he show any signs of abdominal pain and vomiting?"

I wrap my hands around my waist, hit by a new wave of horror.

"I-I didn't notice any vomiting but he did have stomach pains. He also didn't eat as well as he usually does…"

How could I not have noticed that my son was sick?

She places a hand on my shoulder.

"Don't blame yourself. Appendicitis isn't something that parents can diagnose."

But I should have been able to tell that my son was not feeling well.

"It's easy to miss, and some doctors have when it comes to children Jamie's age. It could have been worse but it isn't, alright?"

I give her a very unconvinced nod.

"Right now he's still asleep due to the anesthesia. We're also administering antibiotics to prevent the spread of infection. He's going to be in pain for the next twelve hours but he'll be fine."

"C-can I see him?"

"Of course."

She leads me to a blue-wallpapered single room and then leaves.

He looks so peaceful and small lying on that bed. There are needles and tubes leading into his arms and even though they're helping him recover, I can't help but fall apart.

He'll be okay.

I slide against the wall to the floor, sobbing silently for my baby and my husband.

* * *

><p>The vibrating of my phone wakes me up. Pushing my hair away from my face, I turn to look at Jamie.<p>

He's asleep.

Digging into my pocket, I stretch my stiff neck, staring down at my phone.

Unknown number.

I kiss his forehead before stepping out of the room, smothering a yawn as I lean against the corridor wall.

"Hello?"

_"Am I speaking to Haley James Scott?"_ a raspy female voice asks.

"Yes. May–"

_"Dorothy Sutton. Epic Records. You were part of our charity album."_

"I'm sorry?" I rub my sleep laden eyes, confused as to what's happening.

_"I understand from your contract that you are to perform at twelve charity events hosted by Epic Records?"_ she continues.

Oh, no.

"Yes."

_"This is your lucky day. There's a concert we are hosting in Los Angeles tomorrow night in aid of leukemia."_

What!

"Tomorrow?"

_"Yes. Tomorrow."_

"But…this…this is not much warning!"

_"You are expected to perform at least three songs at each concert, is that correct, Miss Scott?"_

"Mrs. Scott. And yes, three is correct."

_"Mrs. Scott, failure to perform at any of these concerts makes you liable to a lawsuit."_

"Why? You're not exactly giving me any time to prepare! I should be the one suing you for being so–"

_"I doubt the courts would rule in your favour," _she spits.

"This is not a good time for me!" I'm waving my hands around in the air. "My husband and my son are bo–"

She snorts. _"I don't care. You signed a contract. Let me make it clear, _Mrs._ Scott. If you don't carry out your part of the deal, we sue you. Worst case scenario? The label binds you to recording an album for every one of those concerts you miss. We call it a settlement off court. I'm sure a pretty young thing like yourself wouldn't mind being associated with a major record label for years."_

Cruella de Vil.

"That's a harsh alternative!"

She scoffs. I think I hate her.

_"Epic Records invests a lot of time and money in its artists and when one of you goes rogue, it costs us a lot of money. You can call it punishment but it keeps musicians in line_." She sounds so smug.

Why is everything going wrong like this!

_"Your flight leaves at six o'clock. The ticket and the rest of the details will be waiting for you at the counter." _

I hang up after a syrupy and sarcastic 'see you there!' from her.

Oh, God. The timing of this is just…unbelievable!

This is the first time the label is calling me up for a charity concert since the benefit album.

Two years, one concert.

The contract binds me to twelve! If they have one concert every two years, I'm tied to them until I'm–

There should be a soundproof room in this hospital where parents are allowed to scream their lungs out.

* * *

><p>I'm curled up in the chair next to Jamie's bed, holding his hand and watching him sleep when Deb arrives.<p>

She looks harried and breathless when she walks in, hugging me for a moment and circling to the other side of the bed.

"How is he?"

I look at Jamie breathing softly, rubbing his cheek with my knuckles. "He's going to be fine. They got to it before it got worse."

"That's good."

"I'm-I'm his mother, Deb. I should have noticed that he was not well. He wasn't eating properly and he complained about his stomach hurting…I ignored the signs. What if it had ruptured? He c-could be really sick!"

Deb leans in.

"But it's not, Haley. You're a good mom. You can't think of 'what if' when he's going to be fine. You know that Nathan had an appendectomy?"

I nod.

"And I didn't pick up on it until it was too late."

"What?"

She nods remorsefully, picking off lint from the blanket.

"His appendix had ruptured by the time we got him to hospital. He was on antibiotics for a week and I was so frightened that he would die...I blamed myself for a while, but I realized that this made me better when it came to listening to Nathan and paying attention to his health."

I wipe away the tears that are running down my cheeks.

She's right. I can't think of the what if's.

"But I did not listen to him," she adds softly.

"What do you mean?"

She looks up at me. "I left him with Dan. I left him at the mercy of his father, who constantly bullied him a–"

She looks away, her jaw clenching.

I don't know what to say.

Nathan told me about it. Deb had an affair and left Dan when Nathan was younger, and for that summer she wasn't around, Nathan would cry for her, calling her night after night begging her to come home. He had no one to turn to, no one to talk to…

"He's forgiven you, Deb. He knows that you're sorry and he–"

She smiles weakly, and then asks, "How are you holding up?"

"I'm okay but…Epic Records called."

"Aren't they the ones you did that album for?"

"Yes. They want me to perform in L.A. tomorrow and…I have to go."

I look back at Jamie.

"Can't you just say no?"

Shaking my head, I rub Jamie's hair. "If I do, they'll want more from me. I don't want to leave him…"

I don't want to leave them.

"Blackmail?"

I sigh, looking up at her. "Insurance…blackmail…I don't know. Could you–"

She nods. "If you really have to go, I can stay with him."

"Thank you."

"How long will you be away?"

"Two days at most."

She nods. "I'll take care of him, Haley."

I smile appreciatively at her. "I know."

"And I promise not to take him back to Tree Hill with me," she smiles.

I laugh softly. "I'll come after you."

Jamie is stirring in his sleep, a look of distress on his face.

"Shhhh…it's okay…Mommy's here…" I hold his hand to my cheek, continuously rubbing his hair until he relaxes.

"The doctor wants him to stay, so by the time I come back, we can take him home."

* * *

><p><em>Our baby's sick, Nathan.<em>

I can't even get to tell him that.

Nathan is good in a crisis. He is rational and calm when things seem to go awry. I'm the complete opposite, the type of female feminists can be disgusted by: hysterical and emotional.

When I got scared out of mind during my pregnancy about small things, he was there to quote a baby book.

When I was in labour, he was there to remind me to breathe, saying over and over again that I could do it.

When Jamie would cry endlessly the first couple of weeks after we brought him home, he was there to tell me that it wasn't because of something we'd done.

_"Babies cry a lot, Hales."_

When we were packing up and moving to Durham, he was there to remind me that we were not moving to space, _just a couple of miles away from the drama_.

He has always been my rock, and on some days I feel like I'm not doing enough to show him that he can rely on me, too.

Placing my hand on the glass, I observe him for a while, holding a mental conversation with him.

_They want me to perform in L.A. and I have to go. And I'm leaving him here…when he's sick…when he needs me…I'm sorry…I'm so sorry…_

It's crazy, I know, but it's the only way I can talk to him right now. Until he's better, until we can be allowed to see him, I have to settle for crazy.

_I love you, honey._

I can imagine him smiling back like he always does when I tell him that, the way his lips will turn into a huge smile, leaning down to kiss me…

Doctor Jasinski passes by while I'm still standing there, with nothing new to tell me about Nathan's progress.

No change.

I remember to call the preschool to let them know about Jamie's hospitalization, spending a few more minutes with Nathan before going back to Pediatrics to Jamie.

He's awake.

Deb is giving him water that he's sipping through a straw.

"Mommy…" he calls out groggily.

I rush to his side and kiss his cheek, Deb passing me the cup.

"Hi, sweetie…"

He drinks a little more.

"Are you feeling okay?"

"Uh huh. It don' hurt anymore."

"Good. You are so brave."

"Where's Daddy?" He looks around the room for Nathan.

"Daddy's sick, remember?"

"Sleepin'?"

I nod.

"Yes, Daddy's still sleeping."

"Can I see him?" he asks sleepily, his eyes drooping.

I shake my head and a tear slides down my cheek. "N-no. Not yet."

"I miss Daddy…" he mumbles.

I lay out on the bed next to him and he snuggles into me.

"I know, baby."

I miss him, too.

"Big Moon, Momma."

* * *

><p><em>"Haley." <em>

Nathan?

"Nathan?"

Someone clears their throat.

_"No. It's Deb."_

_"Wake up, Momma!" _

I focus on my surroundings. I'm still in the hospital.

Jamie is up and Deb is leaning over me.

And Nathan is not here.

"Hi. Sorry," I apologize.

"It's okay," she says with a slight smile.

"What time is it?"

"Four o'clock. Shouldn't you be…?" she gestures to Jamie with her eyes.

Right.

Los Angeles. Concert. Jamie.

I turn to Jamie. "Hey, buddy."

"You was sleepy, Momma! I pushed you but you was sleeping!"

I smile at him and rub his cheek.

"I think I was really tired."

I pause for a moment. "Jamie…I need to tell you something."

The big blue eyes look unblinkingly at me.

"What is it?"

"I have to go away for a few days."

"To the zoo?"

I stroke his cheek. "No, not the zoo. California."

"Cal'fona? Where's that?"

"It's far away and I have to take a plane."

"A plane? I wanna take a plane! Can I come?"

I rub his hair. "I would love it if you came but you have to stay here and get better."

"I can't come?" he asks tearfully.

Shaking my head, I run my fingers over his cheek. "No. But Grandma Deb will be here with you."

"Is Daddy coming to Cal'fona?"

"No. Grandma can take you to see Daddy when the doctor says it's okay."

I look over at Deb. She nods.

"I'll be thinking about you a lot and I promise to call you and send you kisses before you sleep, okay?"

He nods, looking more and more like he's going to cry. His lips are quivering. There's that giant lump in my throat.

"A-and I want you to rest and sleep so that when I come back, I can take you home and you can play with Doggie again."

"And Kenny?"

"And Kenny."

"And Andre?"

"And Andre. You want me to bring you a present from California?"

"Uh huh."

"What do you want?" I wipe at his tears, blinking against my own.

"B-basketball."

I laugh softly. "I'll see what I can do."

"Momma, why…why are you going to Cal'fona?"

"Someone wants me to sing and I have to do it so that I can spend lots of time with you."

"And Daddy?"

"And Daddy. I promise I'll be back very soon."

"You promise?"

"Pinky promise. Give me a hug before I go?"

He's sniffling as he cuddles against me. "Mommy, I don' want you to go!"

"I have to, sweetie. But I'll be back very very soon. I love you."

I hold him a little longer and give him a kiss before releasing myself from him, my heart heavy with loss.

Good God, what am I doing? Abandoning my child!

"D-Deb…"

"I'll take care of him," she confirms as she replaces me next to a crying Jamie.

"Th-thank you," I give her a hug and Jamie a kiss before I walk to the door.

"Mommy! Wait – for – me!"

I turn before stepping out of the room. His face is crimson, his eyes full of tears, heaving and hiccuping with each word.

"I-I love you, sweetie. I'll be back soon."

Jamie is now screaming as I leave the room, his legs thrashing about under the blanket as Deb holds him.

"Moooommyyyy!"

My heart breaks with every cry he makes.

"Moooommyyyy! Don' leave meeee! Mooooommyyyyy! Where are you goiiiiiiing? Come baaaaaaack! Mooooooommyyyy! Don' leave meeeeee! MOOOOOOOOOOOMMYYYYYY!"

I walk away fast towards the elevators, passing by people who are casting me curious glances, wiping the uncontrollable tears that are now streaming down my cheeks. I know that if I stay there any longer, I'll never leave.


	13. Chapter 13

I get up slowly from the couch, moving towards the mantel.

There are many photographs around the apartment, on the walls, on the mantel, on table tops.

Pictures of family, pictures of friends, pictures of us.

Pictures of our life together.

One in particular always catches my eye.

It's the largest of them all, not more than ten inches in length, and whenever I see it, I get a feeling of happiness and pride.

It's easily my favourite.

I stand frozen in front of it, staring with an intensity I haven't had the hundred times I've gazed at it before.

It's a black and white studio photograph of Nathan and Jamie taken last year.

They're both barefoot, Nathan's long legs stretched out in front of him, Jamie's cross-legged on Nathan's lap.

They're laughing at something funny Jamie had said, his head leaning back on Nathan's chest, his face showing pure joy, his small white teeth visible.

Nathan is leaning slightly on the wall, one arm across Jamie's waist, nose and mouth grazing Jamie's temple and cheek, lips curled in a huge smile.

It was one of several test shots but I loved it so much that I asked the photographer to print it out.

I trace my fingers on their faces, trying to smile to avoid crying.

It doesn't do any good.

The tears choke me, coming as fast as I'm wiping them away, hot against my cheeks.

* * *

><p>The usually meticulously clean bed is crowded with clothes and shoes.<p>

It's so quiet in the apartment, save for the echoes of hangers clinking against each other and my sniffling.

I've been rifling through the closet looking for my favourite scarf for ten minutes and I just can't find it. I can't remember where I last put it but I'm not leaving without it.

It's not an expensive piece from any exotic far away land.

This was a gift from Nathan.

He bought it for me back in high school after an out-of-town visit to his grandparents over Christmas. On his way back to Tree Hill, he passed by a roadside stall where a multitude of accessories were on sale.

They were nothing extraordinary but a certain blue and grey scarf blowing in the breeze caught his eye. Not because my eyes are blue or grey, because they're not, but it 'looked perfect' for me.

I loved it.

I wore it when we celebrated a belated Christmas together in his apartment, both of us having been away for visits with extended family members.

I wore it at the New Year's Eve party at Tric, wrapping it over his neck and pulling him down for a kiss with it.

I wore it when we brought Jamie from hospital, his tiny fingers clutching at a thread of the fabric.

I wore it on the first day of college, nervous about being part of such a huge school and only knowing Nathan, who was at home with Jamie when I had my first class.

I wear it in autumn, I wear it in winter, I wear it when we're going out for a date in summer.

I love it.

I'm not leaving without it.

I know I'm a friggin' mess right now. It took the label two years to call me up for a concert and when they finally do, it is at the worst possible time.

I could just slap myself right now. Did I not fight hard enough to stay in Durham? What if I just blow off this whole thing? What then? They arrest me? Send Dorothy to electrocute me to death?

I've been avoiding looking at Nathan's side of the closet. Ours is not a massive wardrobe but the space is enough.

But I can't help it. My body wants to have the final say.

I glance at his clothes. His shirts are hanging neatly on the rail and I can't resist laying my head on them. I inhale deeply and stroke a shirtsleeve on my cheek.

It takes me back to the night of our senior prom.

Seeing him sitting there on the couch, my heart just fluttered.

He was holding a corsage and his knee was bopping; he was as nervous as I was.

He looked so handsome that I'd have jumped his bones right there and then were it not for Jamie and Deb.

The black suit fit his tall frame perfectly, outlining his broad shoulders, his narrow waist, his strong hips. The charcoal grey shirt made his tanned skin look darker, giving it a bronze hue. Nathan has always looked good in formal wear.

I make a point of buying him more formal shirts when I have some extra money. He wears them to his college games, out of habit from high school. Whitey wanted his players to look tidy and clean-cut on game days, even if they would be sweating like pigs on the court eventually. It's no wonder Tina has such a crush on him…

I honestly feel like I'm abandoning both of them.

I want to stay and take care of my son but if I don't, the record label will bind me in chains for years. I'd rather do this than have to develop ulcers over them badgering me about an album, especially when I have the least bit of inspiration right now.

As I wipe my eyes for the umpteenth time, I see the familiar flicker of blue and grey. The scarf is lying at the back of the closet on top of Nathan's dress shoes.

I get to the airport just in time.

There's a thick yellow envelope waiting for me together with my ticket and since I don't have much with me, I get cleared quickly.

Before long, we're on our way to L.A.

* * *

><p>Los Angeles is hot, even at night.<p>

I get rid of my jacket the moment I step down from the plane.

I'm on my way to finding a cab when I do a double take.

There's a man holding a white placard with my name on it. I don't know why I feel shy walking towards him but I do, perhaps because my name is on display for everyone to see.

"Hi?" I greet him nervously.

His eyes look over me quickly and then he smiles. "Haley James Scott?"

"Yes?"

"I'm Paul, your driver."

"Driver?"

There was nothing about a driver in the envelope.

He nods. "Epic Records sent me," he says as he reaches for my bag.

"No, you don't have to do that. I can ca–"

"Please," he says, tugging it from my hand. "I insist. Follow me."

He leads me through the crowd and out into the lot, to a shiny black limo.

"Welcome to Los Angeles and enjoy the ride," he winks as he tips his hat before he shuts the door.

"Thank you."

It feels strange being in this lush limo. When I was on tour, we mainly used tour buses. This is certainly a weird and wonderful change.

It's a shame that I'm alone when there are two guys in Durham who would make this ride a lot more enjoyable if they were here with me.

* * *

><p>Paul pulls up at a swanky building and The Ritz-Carlton flashes at the front drive.<p>

The label sure does know how to keep their musicians happy.

A smiling valet opens the limo door for me and when I step out, I notice that The Staples Centre, where we'll be performing, is a few yards away from the hotel.

I grab my bag and thank Paul before he pulls away.

My low heels click on the shiny, tiled floor as I walk towards the front desk. It would be embarrassing slipping on the linoleum right now, breaking my teeth and having a shiner the size of my fi–

"Good evening, ma'am. How may I help you?" the friendly receptionist greets me.

"Hi. Um, I believe I have a room here? Haley James Scott?"

The extravagance of this place makes me wonder if someone will appear out of thin air, telling me it's a black-tie-only hotel and I'm dressed inappropriately.

"Just a moment."

Nervous, I run a hand through my hair as she clicks on the computer keys.

"Yes, there is a room booked for you. You're on the twenty-fourth floor, room 304. Welcome to The Ritz-Carlton, Miss Scott," she lilts as she hands me a key, with an impressively white smile.

"Mrs. Scott. Thank you."

"Mrs. Scott. May I assign a bellman with your luggage?"

I shake my head. "No, thank you. I don't have much with me."

She smiles again and points towards the edge of the lobby.

"The elevators are to your left. I hope you enjoy your stay," she says with that gleaming smile.

"Thank you."

* * *

><p>The first thing I see is the huge bed occupying one side of the room. It has a thick, snow-white duvet and several inviting soft pillows piled high. Running my fingers along the bed cover, it feels feathery soft.<p>

A large flat-screen TV rests on the wall opposite the bed and big windows show a breathtaking view of the city.

There's a separate living alcove with a long couch, a glass desk and smaller seats. Another flat-screen TV is above the fireplace, and a vase of fresh flowers is atop the coffee table.

Everything is glossy and sparkly.

I drop my bag on the bed and walk to the bathroom. It's spotlessly clean, spacious and there are several towels stacked on the counter. Not a water droplet in sight. You could eat off the floor if you lacked dishes.

There's another TV built into the wall next to the mirror. The possibilities of dripping toothpaste onto your shirt are very high when your eyes are riveted to the ginormous screen.

Nathan and Jamie would love it here. Someday when we have some spare change, we'll come here. There's not much fun in experiencing things by myself when I know my guys would love it as much as I do.

The moment I'm blasted by that powerful spray from the polished expensive-looking showerhead, I feel like sinking onto the bathroom floor. The different massage options make it even more delicious, making me purr in satisfaction. I spend so long in the shower that I feel like I'm turning into a raisin. If only Nathan was here…

I dry off with a fresh fluffy towel, wrapping myself up in one of the plush bathrobes hanging on a hook by the door. Jamie would be swallowed whole in one of these.

Someday…

Sinking onto the fine linen sheets, I groan. Is this what clouds feel like? It's absolutely heavenly.

It was a short flight to L.A. but I'm exhausted. But before I let sleep overcome me, I need to call Jamie.

I miss him.

The image of his teary face as I was leaving makes me feel guilty and awful.

Just when I'm about to dial Deb's number, my cell phone rings, startling me.

"H-hello?"

_"Mrs. Scott?" _

Dorothy.

"Hi, Dorothy."

_"How do you like the hotel room?" _

"It's wonderful. Thank you s–"

_"Very well. Rehearsals are at The Staples Centre tomorrow from eight o'clock. Be there," _she orders.

I left both my son and husband sick in hospital to do this. How would I not show up?

"I'll see y–"

She hangs up.

" –you there."

Dorothy is quite a character.

I then call Deb.

_"Haley?"_ she whispers.

"Hi," I can't help whispering. "How is he doing?"

_"He's asleep. I think the crying exhausted him." _

My poor baby.

She jumps in to fill the silence. _"But the doctor said that the antibiotics are working so he'll be good as new." _

"Good. That's good. And Nathan?"

She sighs. _"Still the same. I couldn't take Jamie up to see him but perhaps tomorrow…"_

I play with the robe's belt, wanting to be back in Tree Hill really badly. "I'm so grateful that you stayed, Deb. I don't know what I would have done if…"

_"Family sticks together, Haley. And I love these boys."_ After a moment's pause, she adds, _"I know I left when I saw Nathan the first time…" _

I know she feels guilty for that.

"It's understandable, Deb. But you came back like you said you would. That meant a lot."

_"Thank you. Before I forget, Jamie made me promise to tell you that he misses you."_

I place a hand over my chest, a sudden physical ache pulsing below my collarbone.

"I-I miss him, too."

She asks about the flight and my schedule for tomorrow, informing me that Peyton had visited Jamie not long after I'd left.

"Give him a kiss for me," I exhale with a heavy heart. "Tell him I love him."

_"I will."_

Through the slits of the blinds, I have a beautiful view of magnificently lit skyscrapers from the bed. I look around the room before laying my head back on the soft pillow, sighing.

It's a beautiful room and a beautiful city, but I'm all out of sorts.


	14. Chapter 14

I'm at the Centre by seven forty-five.

My early morning research tells me that it's home to the L.A. Lakers. Nathan and Jamie would have been thrilled at the prospect of running into a professional basketball player! I wonder if I will? Hopefully the only thing on sight to sign won't be my bra.

Girls do that a lot in college, though. Once, one of them did that in front of me with Nathan. He was as calm as glass as he signed it, and I honestly still don't know between embarrassment and irritation which one was more prevalent.

It's chaotic when I get there. People are running about everywhere with cameras, lights, wires, microphones and speakers.

Looking at the concert's program, I whistle when I see the lineup of performers. This concert is a really big deal. Little ol' me from North Carolina will be sharing a stage, a fairly large stage, with some really big names from Epic Records. There are also a few hip hop artists I recognize by name; Nathan would enjoy that part of the show.

This is going to be a _really_ long night. I hope we are not compelled to attend the after-party if there is one. My contract says performing at a charity concert; it does not stipulate attending an after-party. I'll just have to be sly and sneak out after the concert.

Since I didn't have much time to prepare, it was exasperating trying to pick three songs at the last minute. Sorting them out this morning, I settled for "Halo" as the opening, "Crazy Girls" as the second, and "Sunday Train" for the last act.

I did "Crazy Girls" for the charity album and I know Dorothy will want – force – me to do it. I'm curious about what she's like in person when she's such a force of nature over the phone.

Only two bands from the charity album will be performing tonight. I guess the others chose to produce an album over attending the benefit concert. Or maybe they were not threatened like I was.

It's for a good cause, and I might as well give it all I have.

* * *

><p>I'm leaning on a pillar downing water after rehearsing my first song, watching one of the performers go through their act, when I finally meet Dorothy.<p>

"Haley James Scott?"

I turn at the raspy voice.

"Yes?"

She's itty bitty. I'm wearing flats and we're at eye level even with the dominatrix-like heels she has on. Petite, middle-aged, raven-black hair that is tightly pulled away from her face, grey eyes, and an equally tight mouth.

"Dorothy Sutton, label PR."

There's no offer of a handshake.

"Hi."

"I apologize for the tardiness of your invitation. The airheaded brunette I call my assistant was coughing her lungs out all over my office last week. It forced me to get rid of her for a few days. That little act of unhygienic behaviour imposed on my schedule and _I_ had to make the last-minute phone calls. I'm unsure how your name slipped through the cracks because all artists got their invitations two months ago."

She raises a perfectly tweezed eyebrow at me as if expecting me to know the answer to that.

I just purse my lips together, shaking my head.

"Nonetheless, you are here now and I certainly hope this little speed bump won't affect your performance."

With a slight smile, she turns sharply, leaving such a bristly trail of her perfume in her wake that it makes me crinkle my nose.

Dorothy could play the stereotypical wicked stepmother effortlessly in a film.

* * *

><p>The label provides a wardrobe and a stylist, who barely talk to me, just curt instructions of "turn your head like this" and "no, not like that" and "try this one".<p>

I'm nervous as I sit before the mirror after they're gone, staring at the image of my impeccably made-up face.

In a short while, I'll be walking up a stage to perform in front of a dome full of people, music headliners and executives being the primary audience. This is the biggest crowd I've ever performed in front of.

During the tour, there were no big shots in the crowds. This is different. Record executives make me anxious, especially if you have so many of them in one place. Perhaps it's because one word from them and I'll be blacklisted from even singing at a children's party. God, I'm pathetic!

My heart is beating so loud and hard, my palms are clammy and there is a trace of sweat on my forehead.

I dab at my brow carefully with a paper towel and take in a deep breath. I'm tempted to cower under the table like I've done several times before in previous performances.

Instead, I close my eyes and play with my wedding ring, humming as I think about the first time I played for anyone.

He's not here to wish me luck, he's not here to tell me I'll do great.

I wrap the soft scarf around my wrist, thinking about the way he was looking at me as I played the piano at the café late that night.

I think about the look on his face when I sang the last note.

I think about the first time I laid my eyes on Jamie.

I think about the first time I sang to him, his tears ceasing as he calmed down.

I refuse to think about the look on his face when I left his hospital room.

By the time the stage manager calls me up, I'm more than ready.

* * *

><p>Performing "Halo" takes me back to that first year of our marriage.<p>

I wrote it for Nathan when I came back from the tour, a tour I left for after a pileup of several huge rows and an ultimatum.

He was so angry with me when I came back that he wouldn't even look at me. He couldn't stand being in the same room with me without a sneer or have that look of wanting to flee.

With that song, I wanted to let him know that I was sorry, and like anyone else, I make mistakes.

I wanted him to know that the perception of me he had that I was mistake-free was wrong.

I wanted him to know that holding it against me for not being what he wanted me to be was turning me into someone I wasn't, someone I didn't want to be.

In all our screaming and arguing matches, he didn't have to spell out what he thought of me but I knew what he meant.

I didn't want to be perfect, I wasn't aiming for perfection, but he seemed to think I was.

I had apologized so many times and the only other way left for me to explain myself was in song. The other option was letting loose with a barrage of curses, which had already become a part of our conversations.

The song worked to my favour.

That summer night after I performed it, he forgave me.

Slowly by slowly, he broke down those walls he'd put up after I'd left. He finally trusted me again, and I have no intention of betraying that trust ever again.

As I walk down the stage, someone steps in front of me.

"Nice song," he praises with a smile.

"Th-thanks," I stammer, flushed and still pumped with adrenaline from the performance.

"Maybe we can do something together."

A perfectly manicured hand snakes out from behind him and gives me a card. The title says that he's a music producer.

"Maybe."

"Cool," he grins, walking up the steps.

"Break a leg," I call out.

What?

* * *

><p>I'm in the dressing room practicing for my next song when my phone rings.<p>

"Deb! What is it!"

_"Someone wants to talk to you." _

I hear shuffling, and then the little voice comes over the line.

_"MOMMY! Mommy, where are you!" _

I hold the phone tighter. "Hi, baby!"

I am so relieved to hear his voice that I choke on a sob. I called twice today and he was asleep both times.

_"Mommy, I'm scared!"_ He's crying.

I swallow back my tears, which feels like a wad of steel wool is stuck in my throat.

"D-don't be scared, sweetie. Grandma Deb is there."

_"Momma, please come get me!" _

"Sweetie, I'm in California. Remember I told you I had to go away? I'll come as soon as I can! I promise," I tell him as crying-free as I can.

_"Cal'fona? Can I come?" _

"No, baby. You have to stay in the hospital to get better, remember?"

_"Can I get better at home?"_

"As soon as the doctor says it's okay to take you home, you can get better at home. Does your tummy hurt anymore?"

_"Jus' a little." _

"That's okay. It means you're not sicker."

_"Really?" _

I wipe away my tears. "Really. And when I come back, I'll ask the doctor when we can take you home."

_"I wanna go home now, Momma! I don' like it here!"_ he shrieks.

"I know, baby. But you have to stay there until you get all better and then we can take you home."

There's a knock on the door and the stage manager indicates that it's my turn to perform.

"Sweetie, I have to go."

_"No! Don' go!" _

"I don't want to but I have to. Remember I told you that I have to sing so that I can spend a lot of time with you?"

_"Uh huh." _

"As soon as I finish singing, I'll come to you. I promise."

_"You promise?" _

"Pinky promise. I want you to sleep so that you can get better, okay?"

_"Okay." _

"Be a good boy for Grandma and remember that I love you very very much."

_"Uh huh. I love you, Momma!" _

"I love you too, sweetie."

The phone shuffles again.

_"Haley?" _

"I'm still here, Deb. H-how is he doing?" I sniff.

_"Doctor Perrin said that he's going to be okay. He just misses you a lot. He's been asking for you for some time but I figured you were performing." _

"I was. But thanks for calling me back. I actually have to go back on stage. I'll be back as soon as I can. Give him a kiss for me."

_"I will. Bye." _

"Thanks. Bye."

I'm crying openly when I hang up. There's another knock on the door and I wipe my face quickly before walking back towards the stage.

* * *

><p>It's two in the morning by the time I get back to the hotel room.<p>

I have fulfilled my contractual obligations and I'm exhausted.

There's a fruit basket on the bed, and an elegantly calligraphed thank you card enclosing a cheque. I'm actually surprised they paid me at all. This will definitely make it to the emergency fund.

It's too late to call the hospital. Jamie is probably asleep and I don't want to wake him. Instead, I call Peyton after another soul-cleansing shower. She's nocturnal, usually up until strange hours of the night.

_"Hales!"_

"Hey, Peyt. How's it going?"

_"Nothing much. Just taking it easy with my free week. I saw Jamie again today." _

"Yeah. Deb told me you were around. I tried to call you last night…"

_"Sorry about that! I had some artwork to finish for the school paper and…" _

"No, it's okay. I thought something had happened to you."

_"What? You know I'm a tough cookie!" _she cries.

"But a real sweetie on the inside."

_"Don't ruin my image, Hales." _

"It's no secret," I laugh. "Lucas saw past that broody air you exude."

_"Speaking of, Luke called asking about you. You should call him back." _

"Yeah. I got his messages. It's just been a really long day."

_"So how's L.A.? How's it going?" _

I pull back the duvet and curl up on the bed. "I just got back to the hotel. The concert ended about an hour ago."

"There was no party?"

"I skipped it."

_"Is it because of Jamie? Nathan?" _

I sigh. "Partly. I'm not in a partying mood, anyway. Not like I usually am. When I got here I was just thinking of how much Jamie and Nathan would have enjoyed it…"

"Hales…"

"I'm…I'm just so miserable, Peyt," I sniffle.

_"Hey…" _

"I-I'm sorry. I don't mean to dump all my emotional stress on you…"

_"No! I know it's a hard time for you." _

"You remember what I told you when I first started dating Nathan?"

_"You said _a lot_ of things when you first started dating Nathan," _she jokes.

I chuckle softly. "That I couldn't breathe when he was around. I-I can't breathe when he's not–"

She's quiet.

_"I know, buddy."_

"I–"

I don't know what comes over me but I just crumble. I'm tired and I want to go home. I want to be there for my son and I want my husband to wake up from his coma.

It must be awkward for her to have to listen to me crying like a baby over the phone.

"I'm-I'm sorry…"

_"It's okay, Hales. Really." _

I leave the bed and head to the bathroom to clean my face up.

"Th-thanks, Peyt. I just can't wait to come home."

_"I know. Do you want me to pick you up?" _

"Are you sure?"

_"No worries. What time is your flight?" _

"Um…I leave at seven thirty. I should be there by noonish?"

_"I'll be there. Calm down tonight, okay? It will all work out." _

"I hope so."

_"I know so." _

"Are you psychic now, moody?"

_"You know it, geek. I'll see you tomorrow." _

"Thanks. Goodnight."

_"'Nyt."_

* * *

><p>"Hey, Lu–"<p>

_"Hales! Are you okay? Did you get my messages? Where are you?" _

"I'm fine," I chuckle. "Sorry about the–"

_"Where were you? I've been worried sick!"_

He's yelling and I pull the phone away from my ear.

"Could you just let me finish talking, Lucas?"

_"Yeah. Yeah. Sorry."_

"Are you calm?"

_"Yes. Of course. Yeah. You're sure you're okay?"_

"I am. You want a picture of me holding the evening paper?"

_"That will do."_

I laugh. "Are you serious?"

_"Very."_

I reach for the bedside lamp, engulfing the room in total darkness. "I'm setting up the camera right now."

_"Good. Good, good, good."_

"How are you?"

_"I'm good. Fine. Okay. I'm sorry to hear about Jamie. How is he?" _

"Deb says he's doing alright. I think they'll discharge him tomorrow. Thanks for your concern."

He chuckles. _"Hales, he's my nephew." _

"I know. But…thank you, all the same."

We're quiet for a while until Luke asks me about Nathan. He tells me he has a few free days coming up, so he'll be able to visit.

I'm happy about that. I've really missed my best friend.

My phone beeps a few minutes after we hang up.

_I'm waiting for that picture, Haley!_


	15. Chapter 15

"Hey, rockstar!" she yells when I spot her.

"Hi!" I walk briskly, giving her a hug. "Have you been here long?"

The flight had a slight delay back in L.A.

"Nah. Where's your luggage?"

"I'm not Brooke, Peyt," I say as we head out of the airport.

"Thank God for that. She once packed three huge suitcases for an overnight trip to Charlotte. You can imagine how cramped her Bug was."

I laugh as we approach her car. She's not parked far from the entrance.

"I got you a present."

She screams, throwing her arms around me. "Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! I've been meaning to buy this one but I haven't got the time. Thanks, Hales!"

I wave it away. "It was nothing. I asked them for a favour and…yeah."

"I can't wait for you to start attending music awards! You're already talking about favours as small as an autographed CD! Can you _imagine_ what you'll get at those award things? I'll get to keep your gift bag!"

"Uh, no." I slide into the passenger seat.

"Come on! I need something to look forward to!"

"You think I'd give you a complimentary stay at a five-star hotel? Or jewelry? The jewels may come in handy when I need some quick cash."

"Pawning? What is wrong with you?"

"Let's not get carried away, Sawyer. It's just imagination."

"That's how it starts. And then you're meeting beefy guys in alleys selling your wedding ring for drug money!"

"I don't do drugs."

She scoffs. "Not yet. To the hospital?"

"Yeah. And please get me there in one piece?"

She laughs as she turns on the ignition. "I'm not a bad driver. Those other drivers are."

"Oh, you mean those other drivers like me?" My hair is blowing in the wind as she drives down the street. Peyton likes the top down, even in freezing weather. "Denial, Peyton. It's unhealthy."

"I'm not in denial. I'm confident about my driving ski–"

Suddenly, she brakes so hard and fast that I'm jerked forward, my hair falling over my face. Tires squeal and the smell of burning rubber rents the air.

"PEYTON! WHAT THE HELL!"

"Did you see that? That old guy just flew past us!" She stands and the car inches forward.

I grab the emergency brake. "ARE YOU CRAZY! We're at a red light!"

"Stay home if you can't see the road, grandpa!" she yells, flipping off the car that is disappearing around a corner.

Oh my God!

I'm inclined to believe Nathan when he says that Peyton is a little mental.

* * *

><p>She heads up to CCU while I wait for Doctor Perrin in Pediatrics. I want to talk to her before going in to see Jamie.<p>

"Haley."

"Hi."

"Hi. Your mother-in-law informed me that you were away?"

"Yes. I wanted to know how he's doing before I go in?" I ask with bated breath.

"He's fine. The antibiotics worked excellently so we have reduced the dosage, but he's still on a drip since he was a little dehydrated."

I am relieved beyond measure to know that he's going to be okay. Some of the tension seeps out from my body; it's more reassuring hearing it in person than over the phone.

"Can I take him home today?"

"I'd rather he spent one more night here, but you can take him home tomorrow. I have a few patients to see right now, but I'll pass by his room later."

I nod gratefully. "Thank you."

When I peer through the small glass window at Jamie's door, he's awake, Deb giving him something from a bowl.

"Knock, knock."

He looks up at the sound of my voice.

"MOMMY!"

Grinning widely, I drop my bag next to the bed. It feels like years since I last saw him.

"Hi, sweetie!"

He lifts the arm free of the IV needle, squeezing my neck when I hug him.

"Mommy, you came!"

"Of course I did!" I rain kisses on his hair, his forehead and his cheeks.

"I missed you, Momma!"

"I missed you, too! So so much!"

I mouth a hi to Deb over Jamie's head.

"Are you feeling better?"

He nods, loosening his grip on my neck. "My tummy don' hurt so much anymore. Grandma bringed me soup!"

"Chicken soup?"

"Nah-ah. Creamy soup."

I hug him again, chuckling. "I promise to make you chicken noodle when you're all better. Want me to feed you?"

He smiles, nodding again.

Deb passes me the bowl.

"Thank you, Deb. For everything," I tell her, squeezing her arm appreciatively. "I really can't thank you enough."

"No problem," she replies, getting up.

"You don't have to go."

"I'll just give you two some time. I'll see you later honey, okay?"

"Bye, Grandma!"

She gives him a kiss and excuses herself.

"Did you sleep enough?" I ask, poising a spoonful of soup on his lips.

"Uh huh. Lots and lots! And Grandma Deb told me stories and Doctor Perr'n came to see me," he continues after he slurps it down.

"What stories did she tell you?"

He swallows. "About Daddy when he was a little boy like me. Daddy was a little boy like me, Momma!"

"Yes, he was. And then he grew into a man who loves his little boy very much."

"Me!"

"You." I kiss his nose and feed him the last spoonfuls.

He sighs in satisfaction and I reach for a paper napkin to wipe his mouth.

"Now you'll grow big and strong."

"Like Daddy?"

"Just like Daddy."

I lean over the bed and search through my bag. "Guess what?"

"What?"

"I brought you a present."

His eyes light up. "You did?"

"Of course I did! Who's my favourite little boy in the whole world?"

"I am!"

I laugh and kiss his cheek. "And you get a present from California."

"Lemme see! Lemme see! What is it!"

I help him as he rips open the package and pulls out the mini Lakers jersey.

"Wow! Thank you, Momma!"

"You're welcome," I tell him, rubbing my nose against his.

"Can I wear it now?"

"I don't think so. See this?" I point to the needle in his arm.

"Uh huh."

"We don't want to do anything that would hurt your arm. But when the doctor says it's okay, you can wear it."

He nods happily. "Can I...can I show Daddy?"

"Why not? We'll even take a picture and show it to him when he wakes up. How's that?"

"Sweet!"

"Sweet. You have room for me on this bed?"

He giggles as he scoots over.

I remove my shoes and when I lay down, he snuggles into me.

"Did you have fun in Cal'fona, Momma?"

It doesn't take long for me to fall asleep after he does, telling him about Los Angeles, hotel rooms, basketball players and limousines.

* * *

><p>When I wake up, there's a nurse checking Jamie's drip.<p>

"Hi," she whispers.

"Hi. What time is it?"

"Almost four. Your friends said that they'd be back later."

I nod while rubbing my eyes.

"Your son is charming," she smiles.

I laugh softly, still half asleep. "He gets it from his father."

She looks away, tapping the drip bag. "I heard. I'm sorry."

I haven't seen him since I arrived.

"Thank you," I reply.

"You're all set here. I'll just go get the doctor," she says before walking out of the room.

Jamie hasn't stirred. I release him gently from my arms, tucking the blanket around him, careful of the drip needle. Just as I'm putting my shoes back on, Doctor Perrin walks in.

"Well. Good afternoon, Mrs. Scott," she grins.

"Hi. Sorry. I must have been really tired and forgot to wait up for you."

She dismisses it with a wave of her hand. "It happens. Frankly, I'm happy when I see parents finally getting to sleep after being so high strung and worried about their kids."

She inspects Jamie's drip and the needle on his arm. "Looks like he's taken in a lot of it. We'll remove it when it's empty. Does he drink cola?"

"No. But he loves raspberry juice boxes."

"He'll need liquids for the next two days. Water, fresh juice, broth."

I nod as she scribbles into the clipboard.

"I'd like to see his incisions but I won't wake him up," she says as she walks towards the door. "You can ask the nurse to page me when he does."

"Okay. Thanks."

After making sure that Jamie is comfortable, I head for the CCU.

* * *

><p>Looking in through the window, a gloved and masked Doctor Jasinski is examining Nathan.<p>

The bandage around his head looks thinner and they've adjusted the bed such that he's sitting up at an angle. His dark eyelashes are a bleak contrast to his really pale skin.

_Hi, honey. I'm back._

In my mind, he's just paused a video game, looking up at me with a smile.

_I wish you'd come with me._

He's holding out his hand to me.

_I miss you._

"Hi," I greet him as he steps out of the room.

"Well, hello, Mrs. Scott." He disposes of the mask and gloves. "I haven't seen you around."

"I was out of town. How is he?"

_Please let it be good news._

"Not much to tell you, I'm afraid. Although his finger did twitch."

How's that not much?

"What? That's huge!"I exclaim incredulously.

How can that not be g–

He shakes his head. "Mrs. Scott, it is not uncommon for comatose patients to show reflexive movements. They dream, they have nightmares, they have muscle spasms. It's the body's natural response to whatever pain or agitation they're experiencing in their subconscious mind. It doesn't mean that they are waking up."

Is Nathan in any pain or agitation? Are the needles and tubes hurting him?

"But these…reflexive movements are better than none at all, right?"

He looks back at Nathan. "Yes. Hopefully he will come out of this soon."

I don't like the sound of that.

"What…what if he doesn't?"

I'm really scared of the answer.

He looks straight at me. "We can't predict how long he'll be in the coma. Depending on the extent of the injury, comas can last days, weeks, months or years. I'm sorry."

I shake my head vigorously. "No. No. Nathan won't be one of them." I move forward until my nose is touching the window. "He won't."

He can't.

* * *

><p>"Momma! Where did you go?"<p>

He looks scared.

"I went to see Daddy. What's wrong?"

He reaches for me as I lay down beside him.

"I don' want you to go again," he whispers timidly against my chest.

I kiss his forehead, the guilt of being away from him when he needed me piercing through me.

"I'm…I'm not going anywhere."

I don't even know what I would do if they called me up for another concert, but I'm not leaving my son again.

The door then opens and Peyton walks in…Lucas behind her.

"Luke?"

"Hey," he laughs as he leans down to hug me.

"What are you doing here? I thought your free time wasn't until much later?"

"I wanted to surprise you."

"You did!" I hug him again, turning to Peyton. "You knew?"

She grins. "Yep. Apparently I can keep my mouth shut long enough to pull off a surprise visit from your best friend."

"Hi, Uncle Lucas!"

"Hey, buddy! You don't look sick at all!" Lucas bends down to hug Jamie.

"Momma said sleepin' would make me better!"

"And have you been sleeping?"

"Lots! Momma got me a present! Wanna see?"

He removes the purple and gold jersey from under his pillow. "Isn't it sweet?"

Lucas whistles. "Very sweet. Can I have it?"

"But it's mine! From Cal'fona!"

"California?"

Jamie nods. "Momma said she had to go 'cause she wanted to spend lots of time with me."

"You're so lucky."

"I know!" he beams proudly. "Momma said that not all little boys and girls are lucky. Were you a lucky little boy, Uncle Lucas?"

My phone vibrates. No caller ID.

It can't be the label again, can it?

"Sweetie, I'm just going to step out for a minute. Maybe you can tell Uncle Lucas and Aunt Peyton those stories about Daddy when he was a little boy."

"Okay."

I slide off the bed and walk out of the room.

"Hello?"

_"Haley?" _

Oh, shoot.

"How did you get my number?"

_"I have my ways." _

He probably has spies in Tree Hill.

"Why?"

_"I heard about Jamie. Is he alright?"_ His voice is actually soft when he asks.

"He's going to be fine. Appendicitis."

_"I remember when Nathan had the same. Deb was–" _

"Please, Dan. I need to get back to Jamie."

_"Of course. How…how is Nathan?" _

Dan and Nathan's relationship is more than complicated. It has always been estranged because of the pressure he put on Nathan when it came to basketball. When it came to anything, really.

He disapproved of my relationship with Nathan when we were dating and when Nathan got emancipated, he hated me. When we got married? He despised me. Telling him we were going to have a baby? He loathed me.

He hated me so much at that moment we told him that were it not for Nathan, I was afraid he would have physically hurt me.

Even after all that, I feel sorry for him. He's Nathan's father. He's Jamie's grandfather.

"He's still the same."

_"Right. Okay." _

"Um…I have to go."

_"Say hello to Jamie for me." _

"Bye, Mr. Scott."

I hang up and step back into the room, silently congratulating myself for handling the conversation like that. I've never spoken to Dan Scott on the phone and whenever we were in each other's presence, it was a sum of tension, curt hellos and animosity. His voice sure sounded different, though…

I step out after remembering that Doctor Perrin asked to be paged.

* * *

><p>"How's my favourite patient?"<p>

Jamie beams at her. "Hi, Doctor Perr'n! This is Uncle Lucas and Aunt Peyton!"

"Hello, Uncle Lucas and Aunt Peyton."

"Hi," they greet her amusedly.

"They came to see me!"

"Were you happy?"

"Uh huh! I'm feeling lots better, Doctor Perr'n! Can I go home?"

"How about I check how you're doing? Can you lift up your gown for me?"

His tiny fingers clutch at the gown and I help him pull it up.

She examines him so gently that Jamie doesn't even flinch.

"You'll be back in the playground sooner than you think," she assures him when she's done.

"I can? When!"

"How does two weeks sound?"

He frowns. "Is that a long time?"

"It's the perfect time for you to be strong again. You want to be able to play?"

He beams. "I do! I do!"

She smiles at him. "Good. Does your tummy hurt?"

"Jus' a little. Can I go see my Daddy? I miss him."

I swallow back a sad sigh.

She points to the drip. "When the nurse removes your needle, you can go see him."

"What's that, Momma?" he points to the IV bag.

"Special water."

"Water? Can I drink it? It's faster and I can say hi to Daddy," he reasons.

I smile down at him, rubbing his hair. "No. Because you were sleeping, you couldn't drink it so they had to give it to you like that."

"Daddy has one too," he says sadly, leaning his head on my chest.

* * *

><p>It seems like it's only been a short time between us talking and the nurse coming to check in on Jamie again. The drip bag is already empty.<p>

"Looks like you've taken in every drop, Mr. Scott," she tells him as she removes the needle.

He doesn't seem fazed as it's pulled out.

"I can go see Daddy now, Momma! You promised!"

I look at the nurse and she nods.

"He can use the wheelchair or you can carry him."

"Momma?" He looks up at me expectantly.

I rub his cheek. "What if Uncle Lucas carried you?"

He's probably missed having his father carry him. He always seems to favour riding piggyback on Nathan's back or being carried rather than walking.

"Uncle Lucas! Can you carry me?"

"Come 'ere." Lucas pulls him carefully out of the bed. "Am I hurting you?"

"No," Jamie replies while shaking his head. "Momma! Wait! My jersey!"

I help him put on the jersey on top of the hospital gown.

"Okay. Ready?"

"Uh huh."


	16. Chapter 16

Unable to take Jamie home yesterday, we spent the night in hospital.

He woke up in the middle of the night, crying and calling for Nathan. He absolutely refused to sleep unless he saw his dad. I carried him up to CCU to see Nathan, humming softly to him as we stood by the room's window until he fell asleep.

This is destroying him slowly. And I don't know how to help him.

Deb is waiting for us at the apartment, Luke and Peyton said they'd drop by later after an art show they wanted to catch at the museum.

"Unless he has a high fever or you notice any bleeding or infection on the incisions, you don't need to bring him in again."

Doctor Perrin is giving me last-minute instructions before I take him home.

"Is that likely to happen even with the antibiotics?" I ask, cramming Doggie into the small Scooby-Doo duffel bag and zipping it up.

"No. But there have been cases of infection, which is mostly due to the fact that parents are unaware of their children's allergies."

"Oh. Okay. Sweetie, are you ready?"

"I miss home!"

"You do, huh?"

"Very much!"

I help him into his jacket, careful not to stretch his arms too much in case his incisions are affected.

"Mommy, can I have candy?" he asks me.

"Not yet."

"Why?"

I pull up the zipper. "Because you're not better yet."

He pouts. "You said sleepin' would make me better! And I feel lots better!"

"Remember you have those little stitches over here?" I point to his abdomen.

"Uh huh?"

"Until they heal, you can't eat candy."

He looks puzzled. "Apples?"

I caress his cheek. "Apple juice."

He grimaces. "Yuck."

He calls it 'slimy juice'.

I grin and kiss his nose, then turning to Doctor Perrin.

"Apple juice is okay?" I ask her, unsure. I don't want to do anything that will jeopardize his health.

She nods.

"You can return to his regular diet after two days of the liquids diet," she continues. "He can take a shower after two days but give him a bath only after five. Eventually, you can resume the normal bath routine. Do you live in a bungalow? Apartment building?"

"Apartment building. Why? Is that bad?"

"Not at all. Stair climbing is actually encouraged, and so is walking. But until he is fully recovered, vigorous activities like swimming, contact sports or monkey bars should be avoided. Wait at least three weeks to let him do any of those."

"Okay. Ready to go home, Jame?"

"Yes!"

"How about a thank you and goodbye to Doctor Perrin first?"

He turns to her. "Thank you, Doctor Perr'n! And goodbye!"

She laughs quietly. "You're welcome. Make sure you get enough rest before you start playing too much, alright? And if anything hurts, tell your mom, okay?"

"Okay. Momma, can we say bye to Daddy?"

* * *

><p>We spend a few minutes looking in at Nathan, and when I notice Jamie drfting off, I carry him to the car.<p>

"Are you okay? Do you hurt anywhere?" I whisper as I settle him in the car seat.

He shakes his head drowsily.

"Okay. Ready?"

"Uh huh."

By the time I pull into our building, Jamie's asleep, looking quite angelic.

Last night, he just cried inconsolably as we stood outside Nathan's room, asking me over and over again why he wasn't waking up to take him to school.

I lift him up, careful not to wake him, humming softly as I walk up the stairs. Deb lets me in when I knock, unable to get to my keys because of Jamie and the bag.

I'm stepping quietly out of his room after tucking him in when I hear him speak.

"Story, Momma," he mumbles sleepily.

I lie beside him and he snuggles into me, his head in the crook of my neck.

"What book do you want us to read?"

"Peter Pan."

"Peter Pan, huh?"

"Uh huh. Daddy reads it to me."

Kissing him lightly on the cheek, I draw him close before I start to read.

"All children, except one, grow up. They soon know that they will grow up, and the way Wendy knew was this.…"

He's soon asleep, his warm breath tickling my neck with every soft, even breath he takes.

* * *

><p>"He'll be fine, Haley," Deb comforts me as she refills my coffee.<p>

"I know. I just…I feel so helpless, Deb. My husband is in a coma and I just brought my son home from an appendectomy at the same hospital. And Nathan knows nothing about it! I wish so bad that Nathan was here…I wish I could at least tell him about Jamie. I know it's not good news but I'd just like him to know that his son was…in hospital…"

"Oh, honey…"

I put my cup down and hold my face in my hands, crying. "I-I miss him so…mu–"

It's so hard keeping it together but when I get scared, I just crumble.

No matter how much I concentrate on keeping my chin up, and being brave and upbeat, sometimes it's a little too much to bear and I break into pieces. It's worse at night with the ominous darkness and silence.

Thank God for Jamie. He was there for Nathan when I was in a coma, he's here for me when Nathan is in a coma…But this…this can't be what our son's purpose is. To offer comfort to his parents when– it can't be.

Deb wraps an arm around me. "It'll be okay, Haley…it will be…"

"Everyone – telling me – but – I –"

I want it to be okay _now_.

"D-Deb…" I blubber through my tears.

She squeezes my arm. "Yes?"

"How are you?"

She puts her arm down, wrapping her hands around the mug, looking down at the dark liquid.

"I'm fine. Just fine."

She's always telling me that she's fine.

I reach out to touch her arm, wiping at my eyes.

"Deb. How are you, really?"

"I miss him," she finally says, her hands gripping the cup so tightly that her fingers pale. "I just want to him to wake up."

I nod understandingly.

It's not easy to express how much we miss him. Every passing day, we miss him more.

"He's my only son, Haley," she adds. She looks up, her eyes connecting with mine for a moment.

"My only child," she finishes softly, and then turning towards the window.

* * *

><p>I take the rest of the week off to be with Jamie. Deb offers to take care of him while I'm in school but I turn her down. School is the last thing on my mind and I think I've already asked too much of her.<p>

She's with us for about a day when she gets a frantic call from Karen about the café and Tric. As summer approaches, Tree Hill gets an influx of visitors and holiday home owners. This time when she leaves, I don't feel deserted.

I ensure that my regular tutees are taken care of, and ask the few people I know to take notes for me in class. Assignments are frequently accessible online and I'm able to work on them during Jamie's naps.

I haven't seen Nathan since Jamie was discharged but I've been calling Doctor Jasinski every day. He has nothing new to tell me whenever I call. I am so scared of what it could mean.

I miss him so much that it actually hurts.

More than anything, I want to be there for him.

I want to sit next to him, touch him, talk to him, just so he knows I'm waiting for him. I want Jamie to be able to hold his father's hand and tell him about his day.

He's probably not waking up because no one is really talking to him.

I hope that none of the doctors and nurses are saying anything pessimistic around him. I remember when I was in my coma hearing voices, of which 'poor girl' stood out.

Poor girl, poor girl.

I must have wanted to prove them wrong so badly that I finally woke up.

Brooke calls from D.C. for Jamie. Because of her busy schedule, she doesn't usually get a lot of free time.

When we're all in Tree Hill for the summer, she's in the middle of organizing a fashion show.

When we're gathering for Thanksgiving dinner, she's getting ready for an important business dinner.

When we're having Christmas brunch, she's at the airport about to board a flight to another part of the world.

We miss Brooke.

In the few years since we went off to college, we've interacted with her mainly on video chat, phone calls and emails. If this is how it is when she's employed, I can't imagine how it will be when she's running her own company. There's a chance we'll get to see her face-to-face years later when we're all getting dentures.

Jamie has met her a few times, on those rare days her calendar is clear, but she calls him often and sends gifts. Half his wardrobe is free samples from Brooke!

Peyton and Luke spend their remaining free days with us before they go back to school.

During the time they're around, I take plenty of pictures for Nathan and put them in an album, despite Peyton's numerous objections. She hates being photographed.

I read that doing something as simple as putting memories together can help a coma patient when he regains consciousness.

Jamie helps me with it, and I also buy a huge calendar to mark events on it, showing Nathan what we've been doing during the time that has passed.

I don't want him to miss a thing.

* * *

><p>"No monkey bars or anything with too much running, okay?" I tell him as I walk him to class.<p>

Jamie is quite energetic and in the few days he was away from school, he was getting restless and tired of staying home.

"Momma, you told me!"

"I know I did but I want you to promise me. I want you to be one hundred percent healthy before you bring out your inner Tarzan, little man."

He giggles, tugging his hand loose. "I promise! Can I go now? I wanna see my friends!"

"No kiss for me?"

I lean over for his kiss to my cheek and then he runs into the room.

Miss Maria stops me before I walk away. "Hi, Mrs. Scott."

She is not that much older than me but she always refers to me as Mrs. Scott, no matter how many times I've insisted she call me Haley.

"Hi."

"He looks good."

"Yeah. I thought I'd bring him back before he hitchhiked and came on his own."

She laughs and looks back at him. "How is he?"

He's sitting with Andre and Kenny, talking excitedly while playing with green plasticine.

"He's alright. He shouldn't be doing any rigorous playing until later, though. Monkey bars, contact sports and such."

She smiles at me. "Noted."

After she updates me on Jamie's progress in class, I leave.

Time to get back to the madness of academics.

* * *

><p>There's a quadrangle between the Arts and Business schools, a recreational spot with a gazebo, and several tables and benches scattered around.<p>

Usually, the people who lounge on this grassy knoll are cheerleaders, athletes, and Greek society members. Some of the athletes are Nathan's teammates, many of whom I know by face and on the acquaintance level, but a few whom I would call friends.

College has elements of high school; the cliques, the who's in and who's out mentality, the stereotypes, the coolest parties to go to.

Nathan gets invited often to parties every other, no, _every_ weekend, and he refuses to attend them without me.

I'm often pushing him out the door, telling him to enjoy himself, to celebrate with his teammates. I don't want to be possessive or demanding, and I just want him to _not_ forget that he's young.

We're young parents, in college at that, and even though we can't live the wild life that most students do, I think it's okay for us to remind ourselves that we are still young.

He usually comes home after about an hour, claiming boredom and grumbling about crazy college girls and parties, which always results in us bumping into walls and doorways around the apartment, giggling and shushing each other as we–

"Mrs. Scott!"

Taking a quick look around, I don't see anyone I know. I'm in a rush; my class begins in a few minutes and I've never liked walking in when the lecture is ongoing.

"Mrs. Nathan Scott!"

I turn in the direction of the voice.

Oh, no.

I don't wait for her to catch up.

"Heard you were partying in L.A. No invite for me?"

How did she even know about it?

I stop to face her, wondering why she's so persistent about irking me.

"I have to get to class."

She is walking slowly, like a cat calculating its next move towards a kill.

"Can I have an autograph?" she mocks, crossing her arms over her chest.

"What do you want, Tina?"

She narrows her eyes at me. "Feeling like a diva, are you? You think you're better than me? You think just because you're _married_ to a basketball player you're automatically the big girl on campus? You're definitely big, judging by the size of your thighs, but you're not _anything_ in this university."

"These thighs gave me a son," I drawl.

She thinks she'll get to me by attacking my body? I'm not in the running for a modeling contract.

She grits her teeth, her jaw sliding slightly. "Know your place."

The way she's looking at me, it's like I'm something she scraped off the bottom of her shoe.

"Know my place? Look. I don't have time for your drama or to soothe your damn ego."

She flicks my shoulder. "There are enough people to soothe my damn ego. In case you haven't noticed, loser, I can get any guy I want."

I have a strong urge to hit her in the face.

"I hope you've been to the free clinic for testing," I snap.

She flicks my shoulder again. "You have a big mouth on you. Is that what your husband liked about you? Your _wide_ mouth?" she sneers.

I flick her shoulder. "Why are you so concerned about my marriage? He's taken and you need to get over it."

Her face darkens. "Watch what you say. Don't get on my dark side."

Has she been playing nice since day one?

I step up to her. "Don't you know that wanting what you can't have can be dangerous?"

"Are you threatening me?"

I shrug. "I'm telling it as it is. You seem to be very interested in my husband. Why?"

As much as she wishes, Nathan wasn't forced to marry me. Ours was not an arranged marriage, I was not a mail-order bride, he wasn't shipped a complete stranger for a wife and we didn't pick each other off catalogues. Did she think this was 1866?

We may have had a fast courtship but the love was, _is_, real. For people to keep questioning it is their prerogative. Nathan and I have learned how to pick our battles, and we haven't cared about what people think of our relationship in a really long time.

Her eyes are blazing. "I will hurt you."

"I have enough things to deal with than listen to this." I turn to resume my walk to class.

She pulls me back roughly by the elbow, making me stumble. "Where the hell do you think you're going? I'm not done with you."

I shake myself loose. "Back off, Tina!"

"Oh, I'm scared. Back off or else what?"

"Go find somebody else to harass. I'm not in the mood."

"You are such a bitch," she says venomously.

"What?"

"You. Are. Such. A. Bitch."

It's happening again.

I'm crumbling. The shaking is coming from someplace in my core, through my bloodstream, to my tongue, to my lips.

I can't stop it.

"I'm a bitch? I'm a bitch? My husband is in a coma! A COMA! My son just had an appendectomy that his father knows nothing about! I had to leave him behind in hospital just to fulfill some stupid contractual clause while he lay there crying for me! I can't see my husband because he's too sensitive from surgery to have any visitors! For weeks, I've had to look at him through a window! A goddamn window! SO FORGIVE ME FOR BEING SO BITCHY THAT I DON'T HAVE A MINUTE TO KISS YOUR ASS OR WHATEVER IT IS YOU'RE HOPING TO GET FROM ME!"

My fury is hot enough to burn metal. She's a little taller than me but it feels like we're eye to eye. She's staring at me unblinkingly, her nose flared up.

This feels like something that would happen in a nightclub bathroom. My first catfight.

Someone touches my arm.

"Haley…"

I turn my teary eyes to the voice, spotting a few students huddled around us.

Mark Keegan. He's one of Nathan's teammates I can say I talk to.

He leads me away from Tina, away from the crowd and the stares.

"Are you alright?" he asks softly.

"N-no," I wipe at my face furiously. "But I will be. Th-thank you."

I leave him standing there and head for class.

* * *

><p>My head is pounding. After my meltdown at the quadrangle, classes and tutor sessions, my head got a heartbeat.<p>

I'm waiting for Jamie beside the car, rubbing my temples, breathing in and out slowly.

Jesus, my head hurts like a bi–

"Hi, Haley."

Sam Cregg.

"Hi."

"Long day?" He's now standing next to me, leaning back on the door like I am.

"Yeah."

"Mondays are like that."

I nod.

"So Kyle was pretty excited about the trip to the zoo."

"Jamie, too."

We stand there in silence.

"Haley…I heard about Nathan. I'm sorry."

I turn to him, as if I'm just noticing he's there. "What?"

He looks wary. "Some of the moms were talking and I…"

"Right."

When he touches my arm, I feel goose bumps rise and I shift my legs so at shrink back from his touch without being obvious about it.

"If you need anything…"

I manage a tight smile. My head is _really_ pounding.

"Thanks."

"I–"

At that moment, the kids run out of the school, shrieking as usual.

"Momma!"

"Hi, sweetie. How was your day?"

Jamie wraps his arms around my legs and then pulls away.

"Okay. Are we gonna see Daddy?"

I open the door and help him into his car seat. "Yes, we are. Did you play today?"

He sighs. So cute.

"Jus' a little. You told me not to play a lot and I din't."

I kiss his cheek, opening the door for him. "You are my favourite baby."

"I'm your only baby, Momma!"

* * *

><p>We're outside the room, watching Nathan as the nurse checks in on him.<p>

He needs a haircut. And a shave. Are they not d–

"Momma! I made you something!"

He wiggles out of my arms and I put him down.

"You did?"

"Uh huh!"

He pulls out something from his pocket.

"This is beautiful. What is it?"

I take the molded blue plasticine from his palm.

His face falls. "Can't you tell?"

I crouch to his level.

"I want _you_ to tell _me_," I point to his chest and then mine with my forefinger. I honestly can't tell what it is.

He smiles wide. "A butterfly, Momma! See? It has wings and I made it to make you happy!"

"What?"

His face saddens. "I din't mean to get sick, Momma. I'm sorry!"

I wrap my arms around him in a hug. "It's not your fault that you got sick. Did you think that it was?"

Pulling him away from me, his eyes are filling up with tears.

"I din't mean to get sick! I din't mean to make you go away! I din't mean for Daddy to be sick! I'm sorry, Momma!"

Oh my God. Has he been feeling guilty this whole time?

"Jamie, you didn't make Daddy sick."

He nods and his little shoulders are heaving up and down as he cries.

"I did! I was mad at Daddy! I wanted him to go away!"

"It's okay to be mad sometimes, baby."

He shakes his head forcefully.

"Daddy din't want to play with me and I said I hated him and I told him not to come back and I wished he would never come home and he din't and Daddy's sick and I din't mean to tell him to go away and then I wished on my lucky penny that Daddy can come and I can say I'm sorry and I love him but he din't come! Daddy din't come!"

He throws himself into my arms, crying against my shoulder. His little body is shaking.

How did I miss this? Again?

Holding him tight, I carry him to the waiting room.

"It wasn't your fault, baby. Daddy didn't get sick because of you."

He pulls away from me and looks at me, his big, blue eyes wet. Seeing him like this breaks my heart. He's learning about pain too early…

"Why…why is Daddy sick?" he hiccups.

I wipe away his tears with my thumbs, my own blurring my vision.

"B-because somebody was not careful when they were driving."

"Like you and Daddy?"

I nod at him. "And because they were not careful, Daddy got hurt. So it's not your fault. Okay, sweetie?"

His crying has lessened and he nods slowly.

"I miss Daddy, Momma. I jus' want him to come home."

I kiss his cheek and pull him to me.

"I know, baby. I want Daddy to come home, too."


	17. Chapter 17

My phone is ringing as I walk out of my second class on Thursday.

I stare down at the number for a moment, wondering who it could be. So far, unknown callers have been horrid record label executives and terrorizing father-in-laws.

"Hello?"

_"Mrs. Scott?" _

I halt on the corridor, frozen in my steps.

Oh my God.

My heart feels like it's sitting on a block of ice at the sound of his voice.

Is this what it's come to? The Call? The one I've been dreading every minute of the day?

"What…what happened?"

_"Mrs. Scott, how would you like to see your husband?" _

Oh, God.

"What is it? Did something happen to him? Is he in surgery!"

_"No. Would you like to see your husband?"_ he emphasizes.

Does…does he mean what I think he means...?

"See…see him _see_ him?"

_"Yes. He has improved considerably for visitors." _

"Are…are you serious?"

_"Yes. H–"_

"Oh my God!" My scream echoes down the hallway, causing students to stare at me as some bump into me but I don't care.

We can see him!

_"Yes. Can we expect you at the same time?" _

"Yes! Of course! Oh my God! I'll be there!"

If this doesn't certify me as The Basketball Player's Strange Wife, I don't know what will. I've given them plenty of reasons to think of me that way so far.

I'm ecstatic as I run to the Tutor Centre. I rarely run but today, right now, I need to do something that shows what I feel.

We can see him!

I grin like a fool throughout my session with Ben, and he avoids making eye contact with me after what looks like a dozen Cheshire cat grins. When we're finished, he doesn't linger.

I know that Nathan isn't awake but being allowed to see him is a start. It means we can be there for him, we can be with him…this is huge!

He's getting better!

I'd love to be there now but I'm willing to wait and see him together with Jamie. We honestly needed this. Going to the hospital and being unable to see Nathan, being told that there was no change, was taking its toll.

* * *

><p>"Momma, I'm in the choir!"<p>

"The choir?"

He nods excitedly. "Miss Maria says we have a recital and I'm gonna sing like you! Will Daddy come?"

I don't know.

I remove his backpack from his shoulders, opening the door for him.

"When is the recital?"

"Miss Maria says five weeks. Is that a long time?"

"It's the perfect time to learn your words," I answer as I buckle him up.

He grins. "I want it to be perfect, Momma!"

"It will be. And I will help you."

"Really?"

I rub his nose with mine. "Really. So guess what?"

"What?"

"You have to guess!"

"Momma, I can't guess!"

"So I just tell you?"

"Yessssss!"

I'm stifling a smile. "What do I get–"

"Mommaaaaa!"

Laughing, I kiss his cheek. "Okay! We can see Daddy today."

He frowns. "But we're going to see Daddy."

"This time, we can walk into Daddy's room and see all your pretty pictures."

He smiles widely. "Really?"

I nod at him.

"Are you happy?"

"Yes! Yes!" He jumps in his seat. "Can we go now!"

"Are you ready?"

"Uh huh!"

As I drive us towards the hospital, Jamie is talking excitedly about seeing Nathan.

"Will Daddy be happy about me singing, Momma?"

"Very happy."

"Will he come to my recital?"

"I don't know, sweetie."

I've just stopped at a red light when Jamie suddenly yells.

"Momma! We have to go home!"

"Why?"

"I don' have my jersey! I want Daddy to see it!"

* * *

><p>We're a little late when we get to the hospital. Jamie was so adamant about getting his jersey that I drove us home for it.<p>

"Momma, how do I look?"

He pulls at the jersey while we're in the elevator.

"Very handsome."

"Like Daddy."

"Just like Daddy."

I hold his small hand in my own as we walk out of the elevator.

As usual, there's not much activity in the CCU.

Once, there was a commotion at the end of the opposite hallway. It happened when Luke, Peyton and I went up to see Nathan after Jamie's appendectomy.

I was walking back to Nathan's room when I heard someone say "time of death". I froze, my heart beating erratically, watching as a doctor walked out of a room to a woman waiting at the end of the hallway.

The way he looked at her, the way she broke down…whoever was in that room had just died. I panicked and I was so terrified of ending up being the one receiving such grim news about Nathan that I ran back into the bathroom to catch my breath. Which was followed by a bout of crying when I realized that anything could happen.

Anything could happen…

We're about to turn towards Nathan's room when we run into Doctor Jasinski.

"Mrs. Scott. You're late today."

"Um…yes…Jamie, meet Daddy's doctor."

He looks up curiously at Doctor Jasinski. They've never met seeing as I usually meet with him after we visit Nathan.

"Are you making my Daddy better like Doctor Perr'n?"

Doctor Jasinski looks at me with a puzzled expression.

"His pediatrician."

He nods, bending down to Jamie's level.

"I am," he confirms with a smile. "Would you like to see your dad?"

Jamie nods emphatically. "Momma says we can see my pictures!"

"You drew those?"

"Uh huh! You like 'em?"

"I do. Your dad is very lucky."

"I'm lucky, too! Momma says so!"

Doctor Jasinski laughs as he straightens, and we walk with him towards Nathan's room.

"Will we need the gowns?"

"No. He's strong enough now, and despite the coma, his body is healing itself. There are some injuries that will need a little more time, though."

By now, we're standing outside Nathan's room.

Jamie pulls at my hand. "Momma, let's go."

Doctor Jasinski smiles down at him.

"I don't have much to tell you so you can go in now. I'll see you around, Jamie."

"Bye!"

"Doctor…thank you."

He nods, stepping into the next room.

Jamie's already trying to reach for the door handle.

"Slowly, baby."

"But I wanna see Daddy!"

I put my hand over his before he hurts his fingers trying to turn it.

"Ready?"

"Momma!"

"Okay. Here goes."

There's not much light in the room as we walk in but it's enough.

"Momma! Look!"

He points to the hand-drawn pictures that are decorating the wall next to the door, colourful and vibrant, just waiting for his dad's eyes to see them.

"They're beautiful. Daddy will love them so much."

He walks slowly towards Nathan, as if scared and excited all at the same time. I know I am.

It's been seven weeks since I've been allowed to touch my husband.

Seven weeks since Jamie has been allowed to touch his father.

* * *

><p>His hair is a bit longer and he has a slight stubble. He looks a little gaunt, circles under his eyes, skin a little too translucent that you can see the veins underneath.<p>

Nathan has always been tan, in the "tall, dark and handsome" way, and when I see him like that, it scares the hell out of me. It's different when there's a window between us and him…it's like the coma is draining him slowly…

"Mommy, can I sit with Daddy?"

I pull him up to the bed, careful not to touch any tubes.

"Don't move around too much, okay?"

He nods and looks at Nathan.

"Hi, Daddy."

I take the chair, my eyes roaming up and down Nathan's still body.

"Momma got me a jersey from Cal'fona, see?" He pulls at it. "And I'm gonna sing in a recital! Miss Maria says we can sing in five weeks and Momma says that five weeks is perfect to learn my words and Momma says she'll help me! Daddy, can you come? I come to your basketball games and I want you to come and see me sing in the choir!"

He stops talking and looks closer at Nathan, then to me.

"Momma, he's not saying anything."

He leans his head back on Nathan's chest.

"I can hear his heart, Momma. _Ba-bam ba-bam ba-bam_. But he's not saying anything."

He sounds so dejected when he says it that it simply crushes me.

I scoot my chair closer to the bed and touch Jamie's arm.

"He-he can't right now, baby. But when you talk to him, I'm sure he can hear you. He just can't answer right now because he's in a deep sleep."

"Like when I can't get up to go to school?"

Nodding, I rub his arm.

"Like that."

He's quiet as he thinks about this.

"Momma, you haven' talked to Daddy."

I smile at him.

"I wanted you to talk to him first. How about we tell him about your surgery?"

He looks up at Nathan as he's leaning on his chest.

"My tummy hurt, Daddy. And then Mommy taked me to Doctor Perr'n and then she put something cold on my stomach and then she told me that she would make me better and then I fell asleep and then I woke up and my tummy hurt just a little. Momma told me not to play too much until I feel better but I feel better already and I want to play and I miss you, Daddy."

He looks so little and tired as he talks to Nathan. The beeping machine is the only sound in the room for a while.

"I'm going to call Grandma Deb. Tell Daddy about what you made for me in class, okay?"

He nods and I leave the room.

Leaning against the wall, I take in shaky breaths to calm myself.

I wish I could make things better for Jamie. He's too young to have to feel like this, too young to be here.

Deb, like Peyton, has been coming up to Duke on weekends when possible. It can't be easy commuting like this for them, and I'm really grateful that they take the time to visit.

_"Hi, Haley." _

"H-hey, Deb. How are you?"

_"Alright. You haven't called me during the week in a while. Did…did something happen?"_

Good news over the phone seems to be a rarity for the Scott family nowadays.

"No. Don't worry. It's good news, actually. We're allowed to see Nathan."

She takes in a sharp breath.

_"See h– really? When?"_

"Doctor Jasinski called this morning. Jamie and I are here."

She's quiet for a moment.

_"H-how is he?" _

I don't answer right away.

"The same…but he just doesn't look like Nathan…"

_"Haley…" _

I lean against the wall, chewing my thumbnail.

"Um…it's okay…uh, anyway, I-I wanted to let you know. Are you coming this weekend?"

She's quiet again.

"Deb? What is it?"

Did something happen to her?

_"I can't come up this weekend. We're having a private party here at the café and Karen can't do it alone. It was unplanned for but…" _

"No, that's okay. You can come down when you can."

_"Are you sure?" _

"Yeah. Besides, Peyton is coming. How is Allan, by the way?"

_"He's fine. In San Francisco for a conference. And Jamie?"_

"Good. He's been begging me about getting back on the monkey bars."

_"Nathan had the same impatience at his age."_

"Still does..."

We're both lost in our thoughts for a moment.

_"I think I can come down earlier next week, though. There's a carnival passing through Tree Hill next weekend and Allan will be back by then. I'd love to take Jamie for the weekend if you don't mind?"_

A chance for Jamie to get away from all this? I don't! His incisions are barely visible now and he hasn't complained about anything. Well, except wanting to run around as he pleases.

"Really, Deb? That sounds like a fantastic idea!"

I'm sure Jamie will be excited to see Karen, Keith and Lily. And he loves Allan.

_"He could use a change of scenery and I'm sure he'll love the carnival. Candyfloss, games, rides, clowns…would you like to come with us?"_

I shiver. "Funny, Deb."

_"That's my goal. We'll work out the details when I come. Wednesday okay for you?" _

"Yeah. I have classes and a tutor session until one, then I have to pick up Jamie but I can meet you at the hospital."

_"I don't mind picking him up. You can meet us at the hospital when you're done with classes." _

"Okay! Thanks so so much, Deb! This means a lot."

"No problem."

"Um…I actually have to get back inside…"

_"Give him a kiss for me?"_

"I will. Both of them. Say hi to everyone for me."

_"I will. Haley…thank you,"_ she whispers.

I hope she can tell I'm smiling over the phone.

"You're welcome. I'll see you next week."

* * *

><p>"Mommy! I saw Daddy move!" he says excitedly when I walk back into the room.<p>

I rush to the bedside. "You did?"

He bobs his head up and down.

"Just like this!" He moves his tiny index finger. "See? Is it okay that Daddy moved his finger, Momma?" His face falls. "Did I do somethin' wrong? Did I hurt him?"

I lift him off the bed, sinking into the chair and sitting him on my lap.

"No. It's wonderful! It means Daddy can hear you, Jame."

He leans back, his head tipped back right below my shoulder, looking up at me.

"But Daddy din't say anything, Momma."

I kiss his forehead.

"That's because Daddy is probably too sleepy to be able to talk so he moved his finger. Aren't you happy?"

He nods.

"But…but I want him to talk to me. And I can tell him I'm sorry and that I wasn' mad and that I din't mean to make him sleep for so long!"

I hold him tighter and kiss his cheek.

"Sweetie, it's not your fault that Daddy's sleeping. Daddy doesn't blame you, I don't blame you. No one blames you because it was not your fault. Okay?"

He nods and sniffles. My God, he's just a child!

"Y-you promise?"

"Cross my heart."

He draws an X over my heart. "Cross your heart?"

"Cross my heart."

He lays his head back on my chest. I sigh quietly, shakily, kissing his forehead and rubbing his arm.

_Come back, Nathan. We need you._

"Ready to go home? You have school tomorrow, little man."

"I wanna tell Daddy the story Miss Maria told us today!"

"What was it about?"

"Jack and the magic beans."

"Jack and the magic beans, huh?" I ask him as I lay him next to Nathan again.

"Uh huh. And Jack climbed to the sky…."


	18. Chapter 18

I think I'm having an internal fit of separation anxiety.

"Do you have Doggie?"

Deb drove down as she'd said and she's taking Jamie with her to Tree Hill for the weekend.

"Uh huh. He's in my bag."

"Are you excited about the carnival?"

He smiles widely. "Grandma said that Lily's gonna be there!"

"You'll have so much fun! Will you bring me a present?"

"What do you want, Momma?"

"Something you think I will like. Surprise me."

He grins.

"Have lots of fun but don't eat too much cotton candy, okay?"

"Okay."

"Oh, I'm going to miss you so much!" I kiss his cheek, wrapping my arms around the car seat. He's growing up so fast!

"Momma!"

"Sorry! I'm just gonna miss you so much!" I pull away from him, reaching for the car seat's straps to double-check that it's secure.

"Mommy?"

"Hm?"

"Don' go to Cal'fona."

His eyes have that look, the fear that at his age he shouldn't know about.

I cradle his face in my hands.

"I won't. I'll be right here when you come back."

"You promise?"

"I double promise. One more kiss, okay?" I kiss his lips. "I love you very much."

"I love you very much too, Momma."

Closing the door, I lean in on Deb's window.

"Thanks for this, Deb."

"No problem," she says, patting my hand. "Before you say anything, I know he likes those chicken nuggets on Saturdays. And he likes passion fruit pudding, not mango."

I grin at her. "Looks like you're all set. Call me when you get there?"

"Of course," she smiles as she pulls out of the parking lot.

"Bye, Momma! I'll miss you!"

"I'll miss you, too!" I blow him a kiss, waving and crying as they drive away.

The apartment feels so lifeless and empty as I walk around picking up Jamie's toys.

I've not been alone for more than a day in a really long time. Sure, Nathan and Jamie would go out during the day but they'd be back home by evening. But now? Nathan's in hospital and Jamie is spending the weekend with his grandmother.

Peyton called last night. She can't make it this weekend.

Lucas is stuck in school.

Sighing, I fall back on the couch, staring at the ceiling. I've come to rely on my family's presence so much.

I don't know how I'm going to deal with the silence that is already killing me.

* * *

><p>I stretch his leg, twisting his foot gently.<p>

"I think he's grown a little taller. When you wake up, you'll see for yourself. Or maybe it's just me? I have to be honest with you, honey. He sometimes gets this haunted look…I don't like it…he's too young, Nathan…"

"He told me that he said he hated you before you left for the game. H-he blames himself for you being like this…"

Jamie seems broken sometimes. The way he looks at Nathan, the look on his face and his tone of voice when telling Nathan about his day…he's just a little boy! It breaks my heart thinking about it, seeing what this has done to him.

Breathing out shakily, I massage his calf slowly. By talking, I want him to know that I'm here waiting for him.

My research on coma patients says that lack of muscle movement means there's a risk of developing atrophy. The nurses do what they can but they can't devote all their time to one patient. I appreciate what they do but I want to do more for him.

Today is the first time I'm doing this after a lot of reading up on the best massage methods. When he wakes up, he'll need his limbs. This will make it easier for him to move around.

I've also taken it upon myself to bathe and shave him, clip his nails and trim his hair. He may be a patient but he's my husband. Had he known I was in a coma in New Jersey, he'd have done the same for me.

I don't see it as a chore; it's just an example of my unconditional love for him.

"Your mom isn't doing so well. She says she's fine and she's been strong and very helpful but I've heard her crying. She took Jamie to Tree Hill for a carnival. You should have seen him, babe! He was so excited."

Jamie had been talking about it for days since I'd told him, making me pack up his bag the day I did. I excused him from school today, but it won't become a habit. I just think he really needs this, to be a kid and have fun, and forget about going to the hospital for a while.

"I think it's good that he gets away. And by the way, my fear of clowns hasn't dissolved since you decided to take an overextended nap."

Deb called last night when they got to Tree Hill but I didn't get to talk to Jamie. Allan was taking him up to bed after he fell asleep during the drive there. I miss him. The little sunshine of my life…

I work on his other leg.

"Your dad called me. I don't know how he got my number. Has he called you before? He asked about you and Jamie…"

I don't have much to say about Dan Scott.

He's a sore subject, a bullying man whose love for his son was measured by the number of points on a scoreboard. The pressure of it got to Nathan, leading him to taking drugs. Amphetamines.

That night is still fresh in my mind. I remember it clearly, the terrifying fear that took hold of me, my heart in my throat as I watched him sway on the court, his hands gripping the ball as he became more and more unsteady on his feet.

He'd snapped at me earlier that day and I hadn't bothered to talk to him since then, but as I saw him fall in a heap on the court, I didn't care about any of it. I wanted to run to him, to shake him awake, to tell him it would be okay, but Dan beat us all to it when he carried him out of the court, driving him to the hospital.

Sick with worry, I called Nathan's cell phone a dozen times, leaving messages, my voice breaking with every message tone. And then he showed up at my house.

He'd been crying. He looked scared, he looked remorseful, he looked fragile.

_"When I fell to the floor tonight, I was so scared, I was so terrified. Then I saw you, and I promised myself that if I could just get up, I'd walk over to you...I'd tell you how much I need you and how much I want you...and nothing else matters."_

I didn't know I could love him any more than I already did.

For a long time before the drugs incident, Nathan didn't see his worth past basketball; Dan had made the game define him. That was what I hated about Dan Scott. He had broken his son, making him feel like he was nothing without basketball.

After that night, Nathan broke away slowly from Dan's hold over him, getting emancipated and moving out of home.

I pour more of his lotion onto my palm before taking his hand.

"My parents haven't come to see you yet. I've only talked to them once since y– but they said they'd stop by. I think they were on their way to the Grand Canyon…I'm not really sure. The others have sent emails." I squeeze his hand. "Don't be mad that they're not here for me. That's one of the many reasons I love you so much, but I'm fine. I promise I'm doing okay without them. I told you I already have my family. Honest."

Nathan hates the way my family doesn't seem all that interested in me. I have him and Jamie and that's enough for me but he says I deserve better than that.

I've tried to keep in touch but I don't think they really want to.

All my siblings are scattered in different states and we see each other once in a while when my parents demand a family gathering. Sometimes we call each other, sometimes we email but rarely do we meet. I stopped forcing things a long time ago when I received an email reply from my eldest brother after eight months.

Taking his other hand, I try to keep my voice steady.

"I know you can hear me and I…I-I can't go on like this, Nathan," I blurt selfishly, running my hand along his arm.

"I-I need you so much, honey...I needed you when I was on tour. Every day I needed you when you were not with me. I–" I wipe my cheeks with the back of my hand. I _need_ him.

"Don't…don't leave me behind. Always and forever, right?"

Always and forever.

"You promised…"

I knead his palm gently, feeling the warmth radiating from the rubbing, the guilt attacking and agonizing.

"Please don't be mad that I didn't tell you about Jamie. They wouldn't let me see you. I was so s-scared and then the label told me that I had to attend their concert…" I sit on the edge of the bed, crying. "I-I left him here and I left you…I'm so s-sorry!"

Sniffling, I hold his limp hand to my face, rubbing his callused fingertips on my cheek.

"When you wake up, babe, we're going to have that big wedding you've always wanted us to have. I promise you that we'll do it for real this time. The one we're always talking about, remember?"

_"All our family and friends, Hales. You deserve it."_

"I want you to be there when I'm having my neurotic bridezilla meltdowns."

_"I think you'd look perfect on a carriage. Remember our prom night? You were such a naughty girl!"_

"I want your opinion about the theme and the décor and all those things that come with weddings. We'll have those little purple flowers and I promise to let you choose the cake. I want to argue with you about things like place settings and who to invite."

_"And then Jamie can walk you down the aisle."_

I kiss the back of his hand. "But I need my groom, so you have to wake up. You have to wake up, Nathan! I-I love you…I love you so much...Please come back to me…Ple–"

_Beep!Beep!Beep!Beep!Beep!Beep!Beep!Beep!_

The heart monitor is going crazy.

_Beep!Beep!Beep!Beep!Beep!Beep!Beep!Beep!_

And then I feel Nathan's hand shake in my palm.

I jump up, so startled that I drop his hand, staring as the jerky movement spreads to the rest of his body. His eyes are rolled back in his head and his body is shaking violently on the bed.

Oh my God! Did I do something wrong!

I sprint out the door, screaming for the nurse.

"NURSE! NUUUUURSE!"

Lori's already running towards the room as I stand at the doorway yelling.

"Oh my God! Lori, I – I –"

"What happened?" she asks me as she holds Nathan to the bed.

"I-I don't know! I was just talking to him and then…WHERE IS DOCTOR JASINSKI!"

"He's on his way. Help me out here. Hold down his arm and leg like I am."

I run to Nathan's side, doing as she asks.

Doctor Jasinski walks in while Nathan is still jerking around.

"WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN!" I growl.

"Mrs. Scott, could you please step out?"

Is he crazy? Why would I leave my husband!

"NO! NO! Do what you need to do but I'm _not_ leaving him!"

He throws a dark look my way and then turns to Lori, barking out orders about milligrams, holding Nathan down as she rushes to get what he asked for.

"What is wrong with him!" I ask.

My heart is full, thundering so loud, beating so fast.

"He's having a seizure."

"A seizure? Like…like an epileptic seizure? Nathan is not epileptic!"

Lori injects Nathan and in less than ten seconds, he begins to calm down.

I don't notice how hard I'm breathing until he is completely still and the steady rhythm of the beeping machine takes over.

Slowly, shakily, I slump down in the chair and wipe the tears that had somehow made their way down my cold cheeks.

"Oh my God…I was just talking to him and then…Oh my God…"

I'm shaking everywhere.

"Mrs. Scott, seizures are not necessarily related to epilepsy. Your husband sustained a serious brain injury. Anyone with such an injury is at risk of developing seizures. In your husband's case, it wasn't a severe one. If it were, his mouth and nails would have turned blue due to lack of oxygen."

I look closely at Nathan's mouth. He may be pale but there are no traces of blue on his lips. His nails are also clear.

"Seizures are a sign of brain activity. Perhaps whatever you said to your husband triggered something in him and his brain reacted."

I was talking about our wedding.

"W-will it happen again?"

"There's no way to tell. Since his surgery, we have been giving him medication to prevent seizures but convulsions are not pre-determined. But to be on the safe side…"

My head turns sharply at his words.

"What safe side?"

He breathes out.

"To be on the safe side, Mrs. Scott, we will need to restrain your husband."

"Restrain him? Like a…a dangerous patient in a psych ward?"

Am I yelling? I feel like I'm yelling.

"We need to restrain him."

"Why?"

"Mrs. Scott, you need to understand that if the muscle spasms or seizures are violent at any time, they will gravely interfere with medical equipment, which he needs to keep him alive. Restraining him will prevent any involuntary movements from interfering with tubes and IVs."

I nod slowly, unsure.

"When we're certain that the seizures will not occur again, we'll remove them."

Lori walks in and Doctor Jasinski helps her secure Nathan.

"Please don't hurt him…"

I don't know if they hear me.

* * *

><p>I'm crying as I flip through our photo albums.<p>

I dragged them all to our bedroom when I got home and every time I see Nathan in a picture, I just cry. And he's in almost every one of them.

Here he is feeding Jamie, sleeping with Jamie, playing with Jamie at the park, carrying Jamie on his shoulders, all of us sticking our tongues out at the camera when we went to the beach…

After Jamie walked in on me crying that one night, I only cry when I'm sure he's asleep. Quietly, the pillow over my face muffling my cries. I don't want to scare him.

I pick up a picture that was taken right before a thunderstorm.

It was back in high school after we got married, on the last day of summer before school started. We were all still at the beach in the early evening and I asked Peyton to take it as raindrops began to fall. My arms are wrapped around his neck, our faces pressed close together as we look into the camera.

We have always had a thing about the rain since our first kiss.

* * *

><p><em>"You're driving me crazy!" <em>

_"I know, babe. I'm good like that." _

_"I have a History test tomorrow, Nathan. It's thirty percent of my grade and I can't afford to fail! You want to be proud to have a valedictorian for a wife, don't you?" I pouted, turning my head to the side._

_"Duh! One of us has to hold the academic credentials in this marriage!" Nathan mocked me. _

_"Hales, I'm proud of you whether you're valedictorian or not…but it wouldn't hurt your brownie points to have that sexy academic thing going," he teased._

_"Nathan!" I blushed. _

_It was a rainy Saturday evening. I was sitting cross-legged on our bed between Nathan's legs, papers and books strewn in front of me, Nathan lying back on the headboard. _

_We'd been concentrating on finishing up on our homework because Sunday was the only day we got to spend alone together with no obligations like work, basketball practice, tutoring or assignments._

_Nathan rubbed my arms up and down and kissed the back of my neck. At my moan, he chuckled, kissing me again. _

_"Four kisses for good luck," he whispered. _

_"Only four? And on my neck? Don't be mean…" _

_I closed my eyes, enjoying feeling his lips on my body. _

_"Have I ever told you how much I love your neck? It's like an aphrodisiac. Sometimes in class I get so lost thinking of what I would do to you when I see it…"_

_I sighed at that. "You never told me."_

_"Now you know. The hair right here…" He placed a kiss on my baby hair. "And the way the skin is so smooth…so creamy…the sexiest part has to be this beauty spot right here…" Another kiss. "So small but I adore it."_

_His arms were now below my breasts, resting on my ribcage, making me breathe heavily. _

_"Is my neck an aphrodisiac or a fetish for you, Scott?" I whispered. _

_"Definitely an aphrodisiac. That's bordering on fetishism." _

_We let out breathy, shaky laughs. My heart was beating._

_I was completely enfolded in his arms. I love Nathan's hugs. Warm and gentle and I always feel so safe. _

_"Nathan?" _

_"Yeah, baby?"_

_"Will you help me study later?"_

_"Why not now?"_

_"You're distracting me with your mouth."_

_He laughed. _

_"I thought you liked my mouth, Hales."_

_My eyes were still closed and my body felt like it was on fire. _

_"I love your mouth. I'm a realist and I know it's useless to try to study when your husband is being such a tease."_

_I turned around and put my arms around his neck. _

_The kiss started off deep; neither of us was in the mood for foreplay._

_Nathan pushed the books and papers off the bed with his feet, laying me on my back. _

_"Hi," I said softly, running my fingers through his hair. _

_"Hi."_

_I pulled him down for a kiss, and against the pattering of the rain, the only thing that mattered was being together._

* * *

><p>I want those moments.<p>

Maybe not the same ones, but I want to share moments like those with my husband. But he needs to be here.

I keep everything Nathan has given me in a shoebox on the top shelf of our closet.

The pink Cracker Jack bracelet he gave me on our first tutor session, the little love notes he's left for me around the house even though he says he can't write anything romantic to save his life, birthday cards, Mother's Day cards, Valentine's Day cards, I Love You cards, colour strips of photos we took at a photo booth in Tree Hill's mall before graduation after my orthopedic boot was removed…

I've kept everything.

My husband seized today. And it scared the hell out of me, shaking me up to my very core.

I'm so afraid of losing him. He's my true love, and ever since we met, we're bound at the heart, each of us seemingly useless without the other.

Wiping my eyes with the back of my hand every few seconds, I sit on the floor in front of the open closet looking through all those things I've saved.

My favourite pictures of Nathan and me, Jamie and me, and the three of us.

The charm engraved with miniature footprints of Jamie that Nathan got for me after Jamie was born.

The bundle of postcards, each a souvenir from Nathan for every town and city they've played in.

The drawing by Peyton of the three of us, a replica of the photo we took right after Jamie's birth, Nathan beside me as we look up at the camera, showing Jamie off.

There's a small bottle of sand that is a handful of the part of the beach where we got married, the chocolate wrapper that was the first Nathan ever bought for me on our second date at the movies, and the tickets from a concert that Nathan surprised me with when he took me to Charlotte for the weekend when I was pregnant.

I wasn't really showing then but my belly was slightly visible. Nathan drove slowly and even though it took us longer to get there, I loved him more for being so worried and careful.

I have every little thing that matters, and they all matter.

Hit by inspiration, I immediately scramble off the floor and rifle through the bedside drawer for my music notebook and a pen.

Sitting back down in my spot on the floor, I start to scribble.


	19. Chapter 19

It's nightfall by the time I'm pulling away from the hospital.

Packed with stars, the sky is a dark navy, which makes it a perfect night for a drive. I really need to clear my head. The silence in the apartment has been driving me crazy, and I just want some time to think. Or not.

We usually leave early from the hospital because I have to give Jamie dinner and a bath, and get him to bed since he has school. He's coming home tomorrow. I talked to him this morning before they left for the carnival and he was so excited that I barely got to talk to him for more than a minute. It's only been two days but I've missed him so much.

I spent most of the afternoon at the hospital. I get to talk to Nathan without feeling like a crazy person. I get to be there for him.

Doctor Jasinski told me that Nathan had a mild seizure last night, and so they upped his anticonvulsant medication. I'm hoping that none of it will affect him when he wakes up.

After driving in no particular direction for a while, I decide to head back home. I wish Nathan were here with me. We do a lot of stargazing when we're out on a date, making up stories about the brightest stars and any planes in sight.

We make time to go out on dates; sometimes alone, sometimes we take Jamie with us when those we'd ask to babysit are unavailable. We don't restrict our dates to nighttime, especially when Deb is visiting. On those rare weekends when we're both free, we'll leave Jamie with her and go for a movie, or a walk in the park, or grab sandwiches at a deli…With the constant chaos of school, tutoring, basketball and pare–

The car suddenly lurches. It's been doing that lately, requiring an extra jolt to get it to start.

Begging it not to break down before I'm back to civilization, I drive for not more than a minute before the engine coughs, sputters, and dies.

I curse softly a few times.

It's a secondhand CR-V but it's much sturdier and roomier than the car we had in high school.

It's never broken down on me before.

Looking under the hood will be useless because I know next to nothing about cars. My husband and my best friend have worked in a garage but I'm clueless about changing oil or a flat tyre. Nothing beyond child-safety lock and filling up the gas tank.

This is just great.

I don't know what else to do besides take out my cell phone and dial Information for a towing service. They say that it will take them twenty minutes to get to my location, which is a long way off the highway, in the middle of nowhere.

I tap my fingers on the steering wheel as I wait. It feels like eternity but when I look at the dashboard, it's only been four minutes and twenty-seven seconds since I called for the tow truck.

I'm fiddling with the radio when I see headlights in the rear view mirror. They're blinding as they inch closer to my car.

Whoever it is stops directly behind me. It can't be the tow truck already. They have fifteen more minutes to get here…

Panicking, I lock the doors and reach for the pepper spray in my bag, switching off the radio and not making a squeak.

I hear a car door open and close.

Then heavy footsteps.

A knock on my window.

It's dark and despite the clear sky, there's no moon tonight.

A tall and built silhouette is hunched over, tapping repeatedly on my window.

"Hello? Do you need help?"

I don't answer.

"I can see you in there. I'm just trying to help."

Wait a minute. I think I know that voice. What is he doing here?

I press the power window switch, lowering the window a couple of inches.

"Haley?"

"Uh…hi…"

"What are you doing out here?" He peeps into the car. "Alone?"

"Car trouble. What are you doing here?"

"Just taking a drive. You need a ride?"

"Thanks but I'm waiting for the breakdown service."

"In the middle of nowhere? Come on, I'll give you a ride." He pulls a hand out of his pocket and reaches for the door handle.

"No! That's okay. I called them fifteen minutes ago. They should be here shortly," I fib.

I don't want to go anywhere with him.

His bright-white smile is pretty hard to miss against the darkness.

"Well, I can't leave you here alone after knowing you're the one in need of assistance. Mind if I wait with you?"

Can't he just leave?

"I don't mind waiting. Five more minutes and they'll be here."

"I don't mind waiting, either."

"What about Kyle? Is he with you?" I turn my head to look back at his car.

"Nah. He's with his mom this weekend."

"Oh."

After a moment, he asks, "Aren't you going to let me in?"

"Oh. Um…" I wasn't planning on it but he's been quite pushy.

I open the lock as he circles to the passenger door.

"Thanks. It's a little chilly out there," he says as he slides in and shuts the door.

We sit in silence and I resume drumming my fingers, chewing on my lower lip and looking out my window.

"How is Nathan?"

I turn to look at him briefly, more like through the window behind him.

"He's still in a coma."

"I'm sorry."

"Thanks." I turn back to the windshield.

Where is that towing truck!

"I've been meaning to ask you…It's Kyle's birthday next weekend. Would you like to bring Jamie?"

"When?"

"Saturday. Starts from about one o'clock."

"Um…sure…"

"Good. I'll give Kyle a card to give to Jamie."

I nod.

Silence. Awkward, awkward silence.

"You don't like me very much, do you?"

I whip my head. "What?"

"You look terrified. And you're hanging onto that pepper spray for dear life. I'm not going to hurt you, Haley," he chuckles. He sounds sincere.

I loosen my grip on the bottle.

"I don't know you, Sam. Can you blame a woman for taking out her pepper spray when a stranger shows up at her window?"

He laughs. "I hope to change the stranger mentality."

More silence.

"Nathan's pretty good at basketball."

I genuinely smile at that. "He is. He's gifted at it."

Sam chuckles. "He whipped my team's ass on Sports Day."

"Nathan's good at it. Basketball, not whipping your asses. Although given the chance, he'd do it again."

I laugh softly along with him.

We talk about our kids and the preschool as time passes. I don't want to talk about Nathan to anyone I don't know. Sam weirds me out a little. He's not creepy-looking but there's just something about him that makes me wary.

"You're very pretty."

What?

Looking directly at him, I just blink. "What?"

"Uh…I'm-I'm sorry. I tend to say things without thinking them through sometimes," he laughs it off.

The silence that follows hangs uncomfortably. He's made me uncomfortable.

What the heck was that? Was that all it was? Saying without thinking? Why did I let him into my car in the first place?

"I uh…I think the truck is here," he stammers, opening the door and scrambling out quickly.

The truck stops in front of my car as I get out.

Sam has already revved up the engine, zooming past us as he waves a hand at me.

* * *

><p>Keyed up and excited, I'm waiting at the apartment building's parking lot on Sunday evening for Jamie. I have really missed him. Except for the L.A. concert, we've not been apart for a night since I came home from my accident back in high school.<p>

I spot Deb's car as it comes around the corner, and it's as if she's driving slowly just to make me more anxious. She finally pulls into the lot.

"MOMMY!" he yells loud enough that I can hear him through the tinted windows.

"Hi, baby!"

The backseat opens and I halt in my step. The last time I saw her was last summer.

"Oh my God! Hi!"

I hug her tight, overcome with nostalgia. My second mom, the woman who would invite me to join her and Luke for dinner whenever my parents were out of town.

She pulls me away from her. "Look at you, Haley Scott! All grown up!" She's laughing as she hugs me again.

"You look great, Karen! How are you?"

"Good. Thought I'd come check in on you, kiddo."

Hearing another door open and shut, I turn my head…to see Whitey.

He's smiling, looking quite composed as usual. I feel like crying right now. It's been a lonely weekend.

"Whitey!" I hug him, too. He was a great influence on Nathan in high school, and he also pushed Nathan and me together when I came back from the tour. Through detention.

He smiles, tipping his hat. "Mrs. Scott."

I recover enough to pick my jaw off the ground.

"Wha…what are you guys doing here?"

"We wanted to see you! Deb was driving down and so we thought we'd hitch a ride," Karen says.

"You refused to let me drive," Whitey tells her.

"I didn't want to die."

Deb walks over to us, holding Jamie's bag and stuffed dog.

"Hi, Deb."

"Hi. Back in one piece as you can see," she grins as we pull apart.

"Thank you. Did he have a good time?"

"He's been talking about it a–"

"Mommy! You forgot about me!"

I move away from them, slipping into the backseat. He looks really happy.

"Of course I didn't! I'm saving the best for last!"

"Am I the best?"

"You are the best of the best."

I unbuckle him from his car seat and he throws his small arms around my neck.

"Hi, sweetie! I missed you!" I kiss his cheek a few times and he giggles.

"I missed you too, Momma!"

"Let me look at you! Have you grown taller?"

He grins widely. "I guess so! I went on a big boys ride!"

"A big boys ride? Which one was that?"

"A bumpin' car! And Grandpa Allan drived it!"

"You had fun?"

"I had the bestest time! And I got you a present!"

"I'm sure I'll love it!"

"I choosed it all by myself!" he says proudly.

"You did?"

"Uh huh!"

He wraps his legs around my waist as we all walk into the building.

"Can you show it to me later? You can watch cartoons as the grownups talk."

"Can I see _Nemo_?"

* * *

><p>We've been sitting around the kitchen table, drinking coffee and catching up for a while now.<p>

They've shown me pictures of people back home. Lily looks so cute in her pink overalls helping Keith at the garage, Keith has grown his hair out a little longer and the café has expanded to include an upstairs floor. Allan is teaching part-time at Tree Hill Community College and Whitey is now out of full-time retirement and he's a consultant for the college's basketball team. We haven't been back in Tree Hill since last summer; a lot has happened in a year.

I walk them to the door when Whitey mentions a headache. In fall of our junior year, he had eye surgery that left him with sporadic terrible migraines. He says they're not very serious but when he starts squinting and blinking rapidly, it's serious. He's doing it right now.

"I'm sorry I couldn't make it sooner," he says. "I'm just not as young as I used to be but I wanted to see him."

For as long as I can remember, Whitey has been the constant male in Nathan's life. Keith and Dan didn't get along, they still don't, and it's only when Nathan got emancipated did he come to know his uncle. His Uncle Cooper, Deb's brother, being a professional racecar driver, is frequently traveling around the world.

I put a hand on his arm. "No, I understand. It's good that you finally came."

Sometimes I miss the life we had in high school, when everyone was still in town, and meeting up was easy without having to think of time and distance…

But we had to leave, we had to move away…we had to grow up.

They plan on visiting Nathan in the morning and being on their way back to Tree Hill by midday.

"I'm sorry that there's not enough room here."

Karen pulls me into a hug.

"Don't worry about it. I'm sure we could all do without Whitey's snoring."

"I do not snore!"

She laughs, turning to him. "Unless you've recorded yourself taking one of those power naps you enjoy so much, you can't tell us you don't snore when we have witnessed otherwise."

He's like a father to her and they usually exchange harmless banter. He walked her down the aisle when she and Keith got married.

"I'll see you next weekend, alright?" Deb tells me as she hugs me.

"Thank you so much for taking care of him…" I look over my shoulder at Jamie, curled up on the living room couch, his quietness telling me that he's sleepy or asleep.

"Any time."

After they give Jamie their goodbye kisses, her and Karen walk towards the stairs, talking about the café.

"Whitey…" I place a hand on his arm. "I-I don't mean to alarm you but Nathan…Nathan doesn't look very good when you see him…He's…he's not the Nathan we're used to…"

He pats my shoulder.

"Don' worry about it," he says with his twang. "That boy is a fighter and he'll come back to us. He'll come back to you and that little boy."

Smiling shakily, I give him a hug before he walks away.

Shutting the door, I pad to the couch, lifting Jamie in my arms.

"Come on, sleepy. Let's get you into a bath."

"Mommy, I don' wanna," he mutters.

I kiss his cheek. "You have to, baby. The bedbugs won't bite if you have a bath, remember?"

"But I'm tired…"

I walk towards the bathroom and turn on the taps, helping him out of his clothes.

"I know, but I promise it won't take long. You'll fall right back asleep, fresh and clean."

His eyes are closed as I remove his clothes.

"Mommy, I wanna grow up," he moans sleepily.

"You will."

"I wanna grow up now."

"Why?"

"Grownups don' gotta take a bath when they don' wanna."

* * *

><p>"Do you know Kyle, sweetie?"<p>

"Uh huh," he says from the backseat. "But I don't play with him like I play with Kenny and Andre."

"His dad invited you over for Kyle's birthday. You want to go?"

"I do! I wanna go!" He is excited. "When is it?"

"Saturday."

"Will they have clowns? Clowns are funny! I liked the clowns at the carnival!"

"Um…I don't know, baby."

Jamie's still talking about the carnival when I pull into the school, especially about the clowns.

He took a photo with four clowns, all of them grinning at the camera, Jamie perched on the shoulders of one of them…I shuddered when Deb showed it to me.

"Has Miss Maria given you your song for the recital?"

"Yes."

"What is it?"

I kneel to his height outside the classroom.

"Knick wack paddy back."

"Knick knack paddy wack?"

He grins and nods. "Mine has a hive and Andre's has a tree and Kenny's has a shoe!"

"If you want, I can help you learn your words."

"You will?"

"Of course I will. Mommas help their babies with their recitals."

He giggles as he throws his arms around me. "Bye, Momma! I wanna make Grandma Deb and Grandpa Allan a picture."

I hug him again before letting him go, watching him settle in his regular seat. He's been really happy since the trip to Tree Hill and I'm really hoping that it doesn't go away.

As I walk out of the building, I notice Sam pulling out of the parking lot.

I wave to him, intending to do just that, but he stops the car.

"Hey."

"Hi, Sam."

I really want to get the awkwardness out of the way. I didn't like what he said but I don't want to dwell on it.

"Got home alright, I see," he grins.

"Yeah. Thanks again for waiting. I hope it didn't interfere with anything."

"No problem. I'm sorry about leaving so abruptly…I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable…"

His grin is wider, but in a frozen kind of way…

"Um, thanks. I actually have to get going but…have a nice day."

"You too," he smiles.

Walking towards my car, I get the eerie feeling of being watched. I turn around, to find Sam looking at me intently, seriously, in such a way that it's almost frightening and creepy.

I narrow my eyes at him suspiciously. He flashes that frozen smile, gives me a wave and drives off.


	20. Chapter 20

"Momma! There are ropes on Daddy!"

I completely forgot to tell him about that.

He walks slowly towards Nathan, touching the restraint lightly. He looks afraid.

"They're not ropes, sweetie. It's something the doctor put on Daddy so that he can't hurt himself."

He lays his small hand on Nathan's, looking up at me. "Does it hurt him?"

I put my arm around his shoulder, rubbing his chest. "I don't think so. You want to tell Daddy about your trip to the carnival?"

He nods and I pick him up, laying him next to Nathan.

"Hi, Daddy. Grandma Deb took me to the carnival and I ate candyfloss and played basketball and rode on a train. Grandma took lots of pictures. I can't show you 'cause Momma put them in your special book. I got you a present, Daddy."

I didn't know that.

He pulls something out of his pocket.

A wooden key holder, same as the one he gave me last night, except "Nathan" is carved out on it.

"It has your name, Daddy! I got Momma one too and she said she loved it! I even signed my name, see?"

Just like mine, it looks like someone gave him a knitting needle to scratch out his name. Jamie told me that the tall man selling them asked for our names.

_"I said Haley James Scott and Nathan Scott. And then he asked me if I wanted to write something and I wrote my name. See, Mommy? I know how to write my name!"_

"Momma, can we put it in Daddy's special book?" he asks.

Nathan's special book is the photo album I'm putting together with all the pictures we've taken since his accident.

"Of course. How about you hold onto it until we get home?"

"Okay. I promise not to break it," he says seriously, putting the key holder back in his pocket.

Whenever he has that serious look on his face, it reminds me that my little boy is growing up a little too fast.

"Daddy! I'm going to Kyle's birthday party on Saturday! There'll be animals and clowns and cake!"

Clowns?

"Did Kyle give you a card?" I ask.

He nods. "Uh huh. Can I have a party with animals and clowns? I want a tortoose for my birthday!"

"A tortoise?"

"That's what I said! And clowns!"

"We'll see."

Clowns? Absolutely not.

I take out the lotion from my bag as Jamie excitedly tells Nathan about the party.

"Would you like to massage Daddy?"

He looks puzzled.

"Like this." I take Nathan's hand and press at it.

"Why?"

"To help Daddy relax."

"Okay."

He slides off the bed and sits on my lap.

"We'll use this." I pour two droplets of lotion onto one of his small palms and help him rub them together.

"It smells like Daddy, Momma!"

"That's because it's Daddy's."

I help him with massaging Nathan's hand and when he gets it, I work on Nathan's other hand. After I'm finished, I move to his legs.

"And his legs, Momma?"

"Yes. Daddy will need them to play basketball."

"And to play with me!"

I laugh as Jamie's small hands try to grasp Nathan's toes.

* * *

><p>"Haley!"<p>

What is he doing here? He seems to pop up in the least likely places.

"Hi, Sam."

He catches up to me.

"Hey! Fancy running into you here!"

"I'm a student. Are you in Duke, too?"

"Just for a week. I enrolled for a course here. Last day today."

"What course?"

"Management. Figured I might as well learn as much as I could as a bakery owner."

"You run a bakery?"

"Sweet Sensations. It's downtown. I focus mainly on cookies and cupcakes."

I walk at a faster pace, drifting slightly away from him. He seems to be a little too close.

"Is it new? I go downtown often and I don't think I've ever seen it."

He smiles. "It hasn't been in operation for very long. I moved here from South Carolina a few months ago and it's taken me a while to get it open."

"Oh." I walk up the steps of the Tutor Centre. "Right. I guess I'll s–"

"Would you like to have coffee with me?" he asks.

Catches me off guard.

"Uh…I actually have somewhere to be, but thanks," I say nervously.

"Some other time then."

I force a smile, unsure of what to say. The way he said it…it's like he was asking me out. He knows I'm married. Have I given him a reason to think I'm interested in him?

"Are you still bringing Jamie to Kyle's party?"

I look back at him, my hand on the open door. "Saturday. One o'clock."

Jamie will most likely blow a gasket if I dare forget. As with all the other birthday parties he's invited to, he's been talking about it every chance he gets.

He nods. "One o'clock. See you then."

I nod briefly and step into the Tutor Centre.

* * *

><p>He looks so happy.<p>

He's been running around the park with his friends, laughing, screaming and having fun like a three-year-old should.

Looking around the park, a sense of loneliness stabs into my heart. I don't know people that well here, except for Denise, and she's in the farther end of the park supervising kids on the bouncy castle.

Peyton is still unable to make it because her new project is taking longer than she thought, Luke is in New Jersey, Brooke is probably in D.C. but I haven't heard from her in a while, and Deb is tied up in Tree Hill due to a private event at Tric.

It's a beautiful day but I feel lousy, with a sizeable dash of pitiable and rotten.

When I see a clown approaching me, I tense, scrambling out of my seat and aiming for the food table in a mad panic.

This is the kind of insane reaction they bring out in me, running for my life in the middle of a park full of children.

Those eyes.

That hair and makeup.

Unnatural and scary.

I feign interest in the fruit pile and watch from the corner of my eye as he diverts direction to another mom.

"Interesting bowl, isn't it?"

Raising my head, I find Sam reaching for an apple.

I've only talked to him once, when Jamie and I arrived, and I've been avoiding him since then. I just don't like the vibes I'm getting from him after the last two times we've spoken.

He's called me pretty and asked me out. Can anyone blame me for being guarded?

"Um…very." I look back at the clown, who has one of the moms amused with his balloon tricks.

I'm safe.

He laughs and bites into the apple. "Having a good time?"

I look at Jamie as he and Andre spray water on a tree with water guns, shrieking and laughing. "Jamie's having a wonderful time. That's all that matters."

When I turn to look at Sam, he's staring at me.

"What?"

"You look beautiful."

I'm instantly irritated.

"That is very inappropriate."

I walk away from the table, angry and ashamed. He's crossing a line that he shouldn't.

"No! Haley, wait!"

He grabs my arm and I break free, looking around to make sure we don't have an audience.

"Let me go."

"I'm sorry. That dress…I had to say it."

My anger goes up a notch higher. That dress?

He's practically leering.

"Listen to me. It's very tasteless of you to hit on me when you know I have a husband. And my son is right here!"

I glare at him, furious.

"I'm married, I love my husband and I'm not interested in going out with you. I'm not interested in you _at all_."

"That's not the impression I got," he says with a grin.

What?

"You're mistaken. I agreed to bring Jamie because I wanted him to have a semblance of normal for at least a day. It is _not _normal for a three-year-old to be visiting his father every day after school! I wanted him to forget for a few hours that his father is in a coma. And then you hit on me?"

I'm so annoyed that my teeth are clenched. He thinks that I was interested in him?

"I appreciate that you invited Jamie for your son's party but I hope to God the invitation wasn't with an ulterior motive. I want to leave but seeing Jamie enjoying himself, I won't. Stay away from me and my son for the rest of the day."

"I'm sorry. I just really like you and I thought the feeling was–"

I put my hand up to silence him.

"No! You thought wrong. Just…stay away from me. And just so you know, I have a brother-in-law who will not hesitate to kick your ass on my husband's behalf if you try anything. Are we clear?"

He nods slowly.

I walk away quickly, making my way to one of the empty picnic tables, sniffling while holding back tears of humiliation and loneliness.

A tear escapes from my eye and I wipe it away quickly.

I really miss my husband.

* * *

><p>Jamie runs to me after Kyle blows his candles.<p>

He drops his head on my lap, looking sideways at me. "Mommy, where are the chicken nuggets?"

I run my fingers through his hair. "I don't think there are any, sweetie. We can have them tomorrow."

He smiles and lifts his head up. "Okay. Can I have cake?"

"Sure. A big piece or a little one?"

"A big one! And then we can eat together like with Daddy!"

We wash our hands before I get a big piece of cake and walk us back to the table, sitting him on my lap before he digs into the cake.

I'm laughing as he tries to lick off smears of icing around his mouth.

"I can't reach it!"

"We can just wipe it off."

"But it's yummy, Momma! It's got strawberries! See?"

"I see, but look at this whole piece you have here. You won't miss a lick of icing."

"Are you sure?"

Amused, I wipe his mouth. "Yes, I'm sure."

"Mind if we sit with you?"

"Hey, Denise!"

"Hi, Jamie's mom!"

"Hi, Andre! Are you having a good time?"

He nods before stuffing a big piece in his mouth.

"Slowly," Denise tells him while shaking her head at me.

I smile in acknowledgment; we always seem to have the same problem with Jamie.

"Slow eaters they are not," I grin.

The boys talk about the animals and the party as they eat their cake. Sam had hired a petting zoo that was a hit with the kids.

"Do you think it's weird that we're the only moms not in a clique?" she leans in to ask me.

I chuckle. "I don't mind pitching in for events when I can but the mom groups, I stay away from."

Being a young mother made me a target for their disapproval. At least I think that's why they were so mean.

I tried to be polite, friendly and accommodating but it didn't seem enough.

I'd try to strike a conversation and they'd just ignore me by turning away. Literally. I'd start a conversation and eventually end up talking to myself when whoever I was talking to faced away from me to speak to one of her mom buddies.

I'd arrive 'late' to a meeting, yet they themselves had given me the wrong time.

I'd get the worst jobs, like staying up all night baking batch after batch of cookies for a meeting that was 'canceled last minute. Oops.' Luckily, they were not made from scratch or I swear I would have given Jamie a lesson in violence by stabbing some mother's eyes out. But still…what a waste. I took them down to the Duke dorms and left them wrapped in aluminium foil in the common room. I don't know if they were eaten or thrown away.

A bunch of sadistic mothers out to make me miserable simply for kicks and giggles. It was like a war of some sort they had declared on the newcomer. I couldn't take it; I only volunteer now when it's non-PTA related.

Denise snorts. "Me, too. They don't look too kindly to anyone who challenges what they say. They were a little too judgmental about my life for my taste."

We talk about the school and the party as we assist the boys with their cake.

"I'm really sorry about Nathan, Haley."

I haven't forgotten where he is; I just didn't want to remember it right now. Coupled with the aloneness I feel, I'd probably be too depressed to drive us home.

"How is he?"

I take in a breath to steady myself, tears pricking at my eyes. "H-he's doing better but he's still not out of the coma."

She squeezes my shoulder.

"How is he taking it?" she gestures towards Jamie.

"I think he's pretty broken up about it," I tell her as I rub his back. "When we're at the hospital, he talks to Nathan and he asks me why his dad is not saying anything in return…I'm-I'm actually thinking of not taking him to the hospital anymore."

It breaks my heart every time I watch Jamie talking to Nathan. Sometimes the pain is so much that I have to step out to pull myself together, instead of giving in to my grief and bawling in front of him.

"Do you think it will help?"

I shake my head. "I'm not sure but…isn't he too young to be seeing this everyday? I don't want him to be affected psychologically by this. I mean, he could develop a dreadful fear of hospitals and then when he's older and needs to go to hospital, he'll refuse to, get sicker, and then he'll probably–"

Denise is looking at me strangely.

"Sorry. Nathan says I get too carried away."

She grins. "I can see why Jamie is so talkative. But won't he be more upset when you don't take him with you all of a sudden?"

I sigh. "He will be. It's just so…excruciating every time I see him with Nathan."

"Momma, you're not eating!" he says as he holds up a forkful.

"I am. See?" I lift the fork to my mouth. "Mmmm. Good. Yum!"

He giggles as he feeds me some more. When we're done, I wipe his sticky face before they join the other kids for a puppet show.

"What do you think of our host?" she asks, pointing across the park with her chin.

"Sam?"

"Yup. He's hot but mighty strange."

I turn to her. "How so?"

She leans in. "I think he's a little obsessive. He dated Sharon…"

I don't know who Sharon is and it must show on my face.

"Lena's mom? Cute short hair, looks like Tinkerbell, has a voice to match?"

"Oh, yeah."

"Anyway, I heard that they dated for a couple of weeks and he became too clingy. He almost hit her once."

"What?"

Sam is a stocky guy and Sharon is half his size that if he had hit her, he'd have really hurt her.

"Yeah! She broke it off after that. And he was just angry because she showed up half an hour late for their date because Lena's babysitter had arrived late because she had been having a huge argument with her parents over curfew."

I chuckle softly. "How do you know all this?"

She shrugs. "People talk a lot over margaritas."

"Cute Sharon?"

She makes a drinking motion with her hand.

I laugh, turning to look at Sam.

He's carrying Kyle on his shoulders, the other kids laughing, shrieking and running around them.

"You can't even tell looking at him, though."

He looks so…normal?

"Looks can be deceiving. Trust me, I know. The good looking ones can be the worst."


	21. Chapter 21

I'm strolling past the quad on my way to class, not in any rush today. I have a few minutes to enjoy the sun.

It's a warm day, an introduction to summer, a really nice day for a picnic or hanging out at the beach. The closest beach from Duke is about an hour away and it takes a special kind of planning and coordination to make the time t–

"Haley!"

"Hey, Mark." I look over his shoulder to the gazebo. "No sign of Tina today?"

The basketball captain grins. "I think you scared her. Not many people get under her skin like that."

"Ha. How did she even find out about the concert?"

"Online rags, Haley. You're in the twenty-first century, aren't you?"

"I'm flattered that she took the time to look me up."

He laughs. "Or maybe Tina is in love with you. How you been, anyway?"

I resume my strolling. "Alright. I'm able to see Nathan now, so that's good news."

He raises an eyebrow. "No sh– I mean, that's great! We've wanted to visit but considering…" He shrugs.

"We?"

"The team."

"Really? That would be great!"

It's really thoughtful of them to want to visit Nathan.

"When is a good time?"

"Jamie and I are there every day from about one-thirty."

"How's our little unofficial groupie?"

I smile. "He's alright. Tougher than I am, for sure. He gets that from Nathan."

He shakes his head. "Nah. It's from both of you. Were you there when you were giving Tina a tongue-lashing in public?"

"She chose the wrong day to annoy me," I laugh.

We turn to the corridor that leads to my class.

"I've been meaning to ask you something."

"Is it about the accident?"

I smile slightly. "How did you know?"

"I figured you'd want to know. What did you want to ask?"

Stopping by the fire extinguisher mounted on the wall, I ask nervously, "Can you remember what happened?"

He shakes his head slowly. "Nothing about seeing it happen. I was asleep when this loud crash woke me up. The bus started spinning in a circle, tires were screeching…and then it stopped. I remember my neck hurting, and it took forever before I finally looked up. When I did, everyone seemed to have a cut or blood somewhere."

He hesitates, taking a glance at me.

"What, Mark? What happened?"

I know who it's about.

"And then I saw Nate. He…he was hanging off the side of his seat, held in place by the seat belt, his arm dripping blood on the aisle. It was just flowing down his hand… we couldn't tell where it was really coming from. We broke the emergency door and got him out…He woke up for a minute, said your name and then passed out."

Oh my God.

He touches my arm, and I turn slowly to look at him.

"I'm sorry, Haley."

"For what?"

"For not keeping him awake…not doing enough," he says quietly.

He looks so morose that I just hug him.

"Thank you."

"For what?"

Pulling away, I say, "Telling me. Getting him out. It was enough. Tha-thank you."

They got him out.

"You're welcome. Will you be alright?"

I nod, biting down on my lip to stop the quivering, pulling out my phone from my pocket. "Um…I sh-should get to class."

"Yeah. Are you going to be okay?"

I nod again, looking down at the floor. "I-I'll be fine. See you around?" I turn away quickly, heading down the hall.

"Say hi to Jamie for me!" he shouts.

I throw him a wave over my shoulder as I walk fast towards my class, as if running away from what he just told me.

_He was bleeding everywhere…he was bleeding everywhere…_

"Canoodling with the captain?"

Isn't this just perfect? Running into the thorn in my side when I'm really not in the mood to hear what it has to say.

"So unlike you to cheat on your husband, goody two-shoes. Isn't he in a coma?" she sneers.

I'm done being polite.

"Shut the f– hell up, Tina," I snap, pushing the door leading into the lecture hall.

* * *

><p><em>This old man, he played five<br>He played knick wack on my hive  
>With a– <em>

"Mommy, what's a hive?"

I'm helping Jamie with his bit for the recital as we drive home from the hospital.

"It's a house for bees."

"Bees? Georgie got hurt by a bee and his finger looked like a sausage!"

I laugh at his description. "Bees can sting you when they're scared."

"Can I get a bee for my birthday?"

I drive towards our street. "A bee is too small for a pet. I thought you wanted a tortoise?"

He sighs. "I saw one at Kyle's party and it was slow and I got bored waiting. Are bees fast, Momma?"

Jamie has quite an imaginative mind when it comes to asking for a pet. So far, he's asked us for everything from a lion, to a shark, an eagle, a polar bear, and now, bees. He either learned about them in class or he's been switching channels to the nature channel. We suspect it's the channel-surfing but we are yet to walk in on him watching a nature show.

"They are."

"How fast?" He's grinning when I look at him in the rear view mirror.

"If we were in a racecar, it would try to fly as fast as us. But we'd win."

"Really? Can we buy a racecar and a bee? Then we can race!"

I laugh. "Don't you like this car?"

"It's okay. But Uncle Lucas' car is super fast!"

_This old man, he played five  
>He played knick wack on my hive<br>With a knick wack paddy back  
>Give a dog bone<br>This old man came running home_

"Was that perfect, Momma?"

"You're doing wonderfully, sweetie. Remember last week when you couldn't remember the first line? Now you can!"

He giggles. "I can 'member all my lines, Momma! But I wanna be perfect! I wanna be perfect for Daddy!"

His recital is next week and he's so sure that Nathan is coming even when I tell him he's not.

_He said your name…_

"You'll be perfect, honey," I say quietly as I pull into our parking lot.

* * *

><p>A soft knock on the door reveals Lori.<p>

"There are some people here to see you, Mrs. Scott," she says with a wide grin.

"People?"

"They say they won't come in unless you say it's okay."

I'm not expecting anyone. Jamie and I are usually visiting Nathan alone during the week and everyone knows where Nathan's room is…

"I'll be right back, sweetie. Keep reading for Daddy, okay?" I kiss his cheek and follow her out of the room.

"They didn't say who they were?"

"No. Can I take one of them home with me? Or all of them?" she smiles wickedly.

I laugh. "Who are we ev–"

I stop when I see them.

"Hi."

"Mark…wha…?"

"Is this a bad time?" he asks nervously, holding a basketball under his arm.

Since I last spoke with Mark, I hadn't seen him around. I had forgotten that he had said they wanted to visit.

I shake my head. "N-No! You just surprised me!"

The team is standing behind Mark. Every one of the players.

"We wanted to surprise you," he grins. "These are for you. Carter?"

Carter steps forward with a bouquet of daffodils and daisies. "Hi, Haley."

"Hi, Carter. Taking your vice captain responsibilities seriously."

He grins. "He holds the ball, I carry the flowers. Says so clearly in the Team Handbook."

I laugh. "They're beautiful. Thank you."

He smiles and steps back.

"Okay…um…this way," I stammer as I turn back. It's really nice of them to visit. The closest people to Nathan in campus are his teammates, and the few students he knows have just sent flowers and cards. Even though he's popular, he's an introvert at heart.

"It's just Jamie and me," I tell them as I lead them to Nathan's room.

"I hope we're not intruding," Mark says apologetically.

"No! Not at all! Jamie will be so happy to see you," I reply as I open the door. "Jame, guess who's come to visit?"

He looks up at me from the storybook. "Uncle Lucas!"

He's been wishing Luke would visit for a while now. It's not easy for Luke commuting between New Jersey and North Carolina but he's been calling us regularly.

"No, buddy, but…"

I open the door wider to let Mark in.

"Hey, little Scott!"

His face breaks into a wide smile. "Mark!"

Mark and Jamie hit it off the first time they met. It wouldn't have been surprising if the six-foot-seven captain had intimidated him but he wasn't the least bit fazed.

"Did you come to see my Daddy?"

"And you!" he answers as they bump fists.

The rest of the team walks in, surrounding Nathan's bed. They are really tall and I feel like a dwarf in their presence.

"Hi, guys!"

"Hi, Jamie," they say in chorus.

"We brought you something, little man." Carter passes Jamie a blue package.

He pulls out a white and blue miniature Duke basketball jersey with Nathan's number on the front.

"Check the back," Mark tells him.

"My name! It has my name! Thank you!"

"You're welcome. And we also got your dad something." Mark gives the basketball to Jamie.

"Cool! What's this stuff?"

"We all signed it."

He looks up at Mark. "Really?"

"Yep. Even Coach K. See?"

"Daddy will like it very much. Won't he, Momma?"

I'm obscured by the height of the players and Jamie's eyes dart around the room for me. He's been doing that a lot, ever since the California trip. Whenever I'm out of his sight, he gets a panicked look in his eyes. I know that he's afraid that I could get sick like Nathan. Or leave again.

"Mommy?"

"I'm right here." The players let me through and I walk to sit beside him. He looks relieved.

"Daddy will love it," I tell him, placing the flowers on the small table.

"Have you seen my jersey?"

"It's pretty neat. Think I can have it?"

"But it has my name!"

I smile, rubbing his hair. "Unlucky me, then."

He turns to Mark. "I signed something too, Mark! Wanna see?"

"Sure."

He pulls out Nathan's wooden key holder from his pocket. He's been carrying it around since I told him to keep it safe for Nathan.

"I got it at a carnival when I went with Grandma Deb and the man told me to sign and I did. I know how to spell my name! See?"

He thrusts the key holder in Mark's hand.

"You do. And you've grown up too."

"Really? I wanna grow up!"

The team laughs.

"Someday, little Scott."

"I wanna be just like my dad! Momma says I can be big and strong like Daddy!"

Mark ruffles Jamie's hair. "You will be."

Mark and Jamie do most of the talking and Jamie's stories about school, zoos, carnivals and birthday parties keep the team entertained.

I tell them about Nathan's progress, explaining the restraints, and they in turn tell me about their injuries.

Many of the players have recuperated from the accident, but there are few whose wrists and knees are giving them trouble. Even so, they anticipate a great end to the season.

Jamie talks about his recital and even sings his part to them. Perfectly. No errors. I'm so proud of him that I give him a hug and a kiss. His cheeks colour a bit, feeling shy about it in front of the guys.

Adorable.

Nathan's hospitalization has left him with a certain quality in his eyes and mood swings, a shift between haunted and jubilant.

He doesn't play basketball video games anymore, when he's watching TV he takes Nathan's 'spot' on the couch, and he's been sleeping with me more frequently. And he won't sleep on any other side but Nathan's. Sometimes I wake up to find he had pulled me to him somehow during the night.

He'll sometimes cower into a shell, a series of emotions conveying everything from broody, silent and agreeable to shrieky, aggressive and rageful to lively, giggly and exhilarated.

He went into a full-throttle rage when he was playing NBA Live alone a few weeks ago, something he and Nathan did together, that I just packed it up in a box and put it away.

_"I HATE IT!" he screamed, throwing the controller on the couch and running to his room. _

_He refused to talk to me, telling me to go away, to leave him alone._

_I later found him asleep, his face a little puffy, his cheeks stained with dried tears, clutching one of Nathan's t-shirts. I just sat on the bed, holding a hand over my mouth as I tried to control my own crying._

Doctor Jasinski walks in as Carter is telling us about Nathan's first day on the team. He says that the locker room hushed when they saw Nathan put up a picture of the three of us above his locker.

"Mrs. Sco– hello. This is unusual."

I get up from the bed as Doctor Jasinski walks between Jamile and Lars.

"Hi. Nathan's teammates paid him a visit."

He nods to the team. "As much as the gesture is appreciated, I have to examine my patient, gentlemen."

He can be snotty, but he's a good doctor.

Mark looks at me and I shake my head slightly at him.

"Uh…we were actually leaving. Basketball practice," Mark says as he gets up.

"Mark! Don' go!" Jamie shouts. He sounds scared.

I sit back on the bed, rubbing his cheek gently with my knuckles. "They have to, baby. Remember Mark said they wanted to win? They have to practice to win their games."

"But…but Daddy can't play!"

His eyes are brimming with tears.

It makes me want to cry.

"I-I know, sweetie, but they'll try to win for Daddy, okay?"

He nods slowly.

"Hey, little Scott," Mark starts gently. "Your mom's right. We'll do our best to win the games for your dad."

"You're gonna?"

"We're gonna."

Jamie sniffles as he bumps fists with Mark.

Once they're gone, he leans his head on Nathan's chest, holding the basketball in his tiny hands, looking fragile, forlorn and sad.

"Mrs. Scott. We need to put the neck brace back on your husband."

So intent was I on the heartbreaking look of desolation on Jamie's face that I had forgotten he was in the room.

He's holding the beige neck brace, moving to Nathan's other bedside.

"B-but why?" I ask hoarsely. The wretchedness of this whole ordeal has taken its toll, and seeing it claim Jamie pains me so much that a part of my heart chips away every time.

"He sprained his neck from the whiplash effect in the accident. With the seizures, it wouldn't be advisable to leave his neck vulnerable to more damage."

He hesitates, looking down at Jamie.

"Come here, sweetie." I lift him off the bed and onto my lap.

"Momma, what's that?" he asks faint-heartedly, watching Doctor Jasinski wrapping the brace around Nathan's neck.

I kiss his temple. "That is to protect Daddy's neck from hurting."

"Like the ropes?"

"Like that."

After securing the brace, Doctor Jasinski pulls on his gloves and examines Nathan's eyes with his flashlight, checks his pulse and the numerous tubes running to Nathan's body. He then walks to the foot of the bed, picking up the clipboard and scribbling on it. We've been watching him silently and I'm tense as he begins to speak.

"Your husband's wounds have not been affected by the anticonvulsant medication. He hasn't seized lately but as a precaution, we're still administering the medication."

I lean my chin on Jamie's head. "Is that good? That it's not affecting his wounds, I mean?"

He stops writing to look at me. "Some medications have side effects that reveal themselves later on, especially when they stop being administered. This just means that your husband isn't allergic to any of them and the drugs are not interfering with his system."

"How long do you plan on giving him the medication?"

"At least two more weeks. Until then, we're doing all we can to make sure he's all brand new when he wakes up."

He taps the pen on the clipboard.

"At this point anyway, it's up to him to wake up or not," he finishes.

What? Is this what they've been saying around him? It's not a demoralizing statement but it's not the least bit encouraging either!

I just glare at him. "Can you see my son is here? Don't talk like that in front of him. He's waiting for his father to wake up."

I know he's telling it as it is but I can't help but feel offended.

He looks at me as he clips his pen to the breast pocket of his white coat and hangs the clipboard back on the railing at the foot of the bed.

I turn my head sideways as I watch him leave the room from the corner of my eye, feeling almost hostile.

"Mommy, I wanna go home," Jamie says quietly.

Surprised at his request, I ask, "You don't want to read Daddy another story?"

He looks up at me, his blue eyes shining with tears, saying, "I don' wanna stay here anymore."

I feel that lump in my throat. "Is-is something wrong?"

He leans back on my chest.

"I miss Daddy very much."


	22. Chapter 22

"Hi, honey! We're just about to leave for Jamie's recital and um…we don't want you to miss a thing! Say hi to Daddy, Jame."

I point the camera at him.

"Hi, Daddy!" He waves excitedly. "I'm gonna sing!"

I turn the camera back to me. "Hear that, babe? Your son will be a singing basketball player."

Jamie giggles. "Can I sing and play basketball, Momma?"

"You'll be the first, baby," I say, focusing the camera back at him. "Doesn't he look handsome in a tie? Just like you, honey."

He's in a white formal shirt, a black tie, faded blue jeans and a black waistcoat; the entire ensemble is a gift from Brooke. She couldn't make it to the recital but she mailed this to him. God bless her job in fashion design.

"Momma looks pretty, Daddy!"

Back to me again. "I'm in that green dress you love so much," I whisper and wink.

The dress was an impulsive buy, a v-neck piece with short sleeves and a hem that reaches slightly above my knees. It wraps tightly around my body, fitting like a glove. It didn't stay on for more than five minutes the first time Nathan saw me in it.

"Momma, I don' wanna be late!"

He is already by the door, holding his jacket and looking very much like his dad when he's impatient.

"We gotta go. Jamie doesn't want to be late," I grin at the camera and point to Jamie again.

"Mommy!"

"Uh oh. I think he's about to start stomping his foot. Wanna tell Daddy you love him before we go?"

He waves. "I love you, Daddy! Momma, let's go!"

Laughing, I point the camera to me. "I love you, honey. See you soon."

I shut the camera and stash it in my bag, grabbing my coat from the couch.

"Ready?" I help Jamie into his jacket.

"I've been ready fo'ever, Momma!"

He has such a cute pout.

"Fo'ever, huh?" I tease as I open the door.

"_Fo'ever_," he emphasizes.

* * *

><p>"Is Uncle Lucas coming?"<p>

We're walking hurriedly towards the auditorium, ducking between parked cars. The school is not more than ten minutes away from home but there was an accident that had caused some minor traffic, which made us run late. And because we were late, I had to park at the far end of the lot.

"He said he wouldn't miss it for the world. Guess who's coming with him?"

"Aunt Peyton?"

He lets go of my hand to skip towards the door.

"And Grandma Deb."

"I wish Daddy came. I want him to see me singin' basketball."

I rub his hair and push the door open. "That's why we're taking a video of everything."

"Everything?"

"Everything."

It's a full house when we walk in.

"Everybody's here! You lated me, Momma!" he laments seriously.

"I'm sorry, sweetie."

"They're gonna laugh at me 'cause I'm late!"

"Who will?"

"_Everybody!_"

Jamie can be delightfully dramatic.

I walk him down the aisle to the backstage, where Miss Maria is waiting.

"Sorry! Are we very late?" I ask her as Jamie joins his friends in line.

"No. There are still a few children missing."

I catch a glimpse of Sam in the back positioning the kids for the lineup. He just blinks at me.

I turn away, wiggling my fingers at Jamie before walking back to the auditorium. Looking around, I spot Peyton waving at me from the second row.

"Hey! Thanks for coming!"

I hug them all.

"He looks so handsome!" Deb says.

"Brooke," I reply.

"Is she still in D.C.?" Luke asks.

"I think so. I honestly don't know. She's hard to keep track of nowadays."

Deb is taking pictures of us.

"Deb, Jamie's the one performing tonight," I tell her.

"I know. We'll put these in Nathan's album."

I give her an appreciative smile.

"I haven't seen him yet. How is he?" Lucas inquires.

"They removed the neck brace and restraints."

Just this morning.

"That's great!"

I wonder if it is.

"The doctor said that he hasn't had any seizures after the last one so they had been weaning him off the medication."

"I thought that seizures are unpredictable?"

I nod as I bite down on my lip. "That's what he told me. But since Nathan hasn't had any, it's…safe…to assume it won't happen again. I'm just hoping it's not a huge gamble on their part."

"It's gonna be okay, Hales," he says, squeezing my hand. "You'll see."

"I just want him back," I say in a voice almost too quiet to hear.

The lights dim.

* * *

><p>When it's Jamie's group to perform, I wave at him, zooming in on him as they walk up on stage. I'm not sure if he can see me in the faint light but he does. He waves back at me, grinning when he sees Lucas.<p>

Nathan would have been kneeling right below the stage shooting from every angle. In all of Jamie's school activities and events, he's never missed one.

He's perfect, singing clearly and brilliantly.

Jamie runs to us once all the presentations are over. I am so proud of him!

"You were perfect!"

"Did you get everything for Daddy, Momma?"

"I did! Give me a hug, you gorgeous boy!"

He grins, hugging me quickly and then turning to Lucas.

"Uncle Lucas! You came!"

Luke lifts him high. "I told you I would come."

"Did you like it?"

"I loved it. It was the best thing I have ever heard."

"Better than Momma?"

"Better than."

I chuckle as I focus the camera on them.

"Hey, buddy."

"Aunt Peyton! Momma said you was comin'!"

She kisses his cheek. "I promised to come see you, didn't I?"

"Uh huh. Did you like it?"

"I loved it. You were the best up there. And you look so handsome!"

She smoothens his waistcoat.

"Aunt Brooke gave it to me. Momma says I look like Daddy. Did Daddy look like me when he was a little boy, Grandma?"

"Not as handsome as you, honey."

She hands Peyton the camera and takes Jamie from Luke's arms.

I've been filming all of this. I really feel happy being surrounded by all of them right now. Their love for Jamie, their need to want to be there for him when Nathan can't, brought them here. And I am so grateful for that.

"Who wants to say hi to Nathan?"

They all turn to the camera and wave.

"Hey, little brother!"

"Hi, Daddy!"

"Hi, honey!"

"Hey, Nate!"

"Daddy, Grandma Deb and Uncle Lucas and Aunt Peyton came! Aunt Brooke gave me this!" He pulls at his waistcoat.

"He's the best looking kid in the school," Luke says.

"Heartbreaker in the making, Nate. You did good." Peyton gives two thumbs up.

"I have to warn you, Nate. You had your first D-A-T-E when you were four. Isn't Jamie's birthday coming up?" Deb asks teasingly.

"Momma said she's gonna get me bees and a racecar for my birthday, Daddy! Bees!"

They all look at me through the lens with puzzled expressions.

* * *

><p>"Which one do you want?"<p>

"Chocolate chip!"

Jamie wanted ice cream after the recital. Since he doesn't have school tomorrow, I agreed to it.

"Mint chocolate chip for him, please," I tell the cashier. "And vanilla fudge for me."

I carry him on my hip as he helps me count out the change.

"Momma, do you have a lucky penny?"

"No. Where's your lucky penny?"

He plays with the button of my jacket.

"I think…I think it's in my bag. I wanna make another wish."

"You can make it when we get home, okay?"

"Uh huh."

"Mint chocolate chip for you, sir," the cashier says as she gives Jamie his ice cream.

"What do you say?" I murmur.

"Thank you!"

I kiss his cheek and take my ice cream, walking us to the table at the corner where Luke, Deb and Peyton are sitting.

"Mint chocolate chip? I thought you liked banana," Luke says.

"This one is Daddy's favourite. And it's yummy! Wanna taste?"

He holds the cup out to Lucas.

"Nah. I like mine. I heard you went to a party."

Jamie nods and some ice cream drips on his tie. "It was the coolest, Uncle Lucas! I rode a donkey!"

"Stay still, honey," I tell him as I wipe the ice cream off.

"A donkey? How was it?"

"The best! But they din' have chicken nuggets but Momma made them for me after the party. I played with Andre and there was cake and games and the chi'nzee wanted to play with us." He slides off his chair and tries to climb up my lap. "Momma took lots of pictures for Daddy's special book."

"She did?" Peyton asks him.

Jamie nods. "Momma says that Daddy will be happy to see them. Can you take a picture, Grandma? I want Daddy to see me with his favourite ice cream."

The last two times we've gone for ice cream, he's asked for mint chocolate chip, Nathan's favourite.

"Say ice cream!"

His favourite cereal is Lucky Charms but he's abandoned that completely for Nathan's favourite, Froot Loops.

He never used to pee in bed but lately, wetting the bed has been more frequent.

Is it stress?

Should I be worried that my son likes his father's favourite things a little too much?

Is he still blaming himself for Nathan's accident?

How can I help him?


	23. Chapter 23

He approaches me as I'm packing up my books on Monday, waiting for the rest of the students to exit the room after class.

"Haley?"

"Yeah?"

He played a beautiful acoustic piece in class once.

There's something about his I-don't-give-a-crap attitude when he participates in class discussions that reminds me of the first time I met Nathan.

_"Does English care? Cause I suck at that too."_

"Hi…" I draw a blank on his name.

"Alec."

I grimace with embarrassment. I'm working on it but I really have a terrible time remembering names. "I'm sorry!"

He shrugs. "No worries. I saw your performance. Great act."

"Uh, thanks." I can feel heat creeping up my face. Compliments embarrass me.

He's saying something.

"Sorry, what?"

"I like your style. I'm putting together a band and I know you'd be perfect as the lead singer."

"Hm?"

I space out a little too much sometimes…

"Your kind of music," he continues. "Contemporary, folk. Interested?"

"I-I don't think I can."

"Is this about your husband?"

He doesn't miss a beat.

I narrow my eyes at him in question.

"It's all over campus. Awesome love story, by the way."

It sure doesn't look like awesome on his face. Sarcasm, perhaps?

"Heard he's a vegetable."

What!

Irritated, I move up to him, pointing a finger at his chest.

"Listen, you…you…person! He is _not_ a vegetable! He's in a coma and he's going to wake up! Pass that along to your little rumourmongers."

Sometimes my anger alarms people. Nathan told me that he thought I was a pushover until he asked me to tutor him, and I turned him down completely. It was only when the team started causing trouble for Lucas that I offered to, just so they would leave him alone. It all began from there.

_"Don't say I never gave you anything."_

He takes a step back. "Uh…right. Sorry. But hey, wouldn't this be the perfect outlet for you? Songs being stories told to music and all that?"

I have lyrics, I have melodies but there are no harmonies. I'd love to but this is a bad time.

Breathing out, I take a step back. "I still don't think I can. I have a son to take care of and a dozen other things to do."

He whips a black card out of his pocket. "Think about it and let me know."

Etched in white against the black is his name and phone number.

He has pre-made business cards?

Tucking it into my organizer, I look up at him. "Thanks for thinking of me, anyway."

"Let me know when you change your mind," he salutes as he walks out of the empty room.

* * *

><p>"Jamie…you know you can tell me anything, right?"<p>

"Uh huh. And you can tell me anythin', Momma," he replies after he swallows.

He can be such a grown up sometimes.

I've been wondering how to bring up this conversation for the last few days. I need to know what's going on with him.

"I want to ask you something, sweetie."

He lifts his eyes reluctantly to me. "Mmhh."

"Okay. Finish your fruit first."

He takes his time and when he's done, he pushes the bowl away, belching loudly.

"James…"

"Sorry! Daddy and I do it when–"

He covers his hand with his mouth, realizing he's said too much.

I take the bowl and look away, smiling.

"I want to ask you something, okay?"

He nods. "Okay."

Sitting in the chair opposite him, I rub my hands along my jeans. "You know how Daddy is in the hospital?"

"Is Daddy coming home?" he asks, looking excited.

I'm ready to cry.

"N-no, baby…"

His little shoulders sag with disappointment.

"I'm sorry, sweetie. Daddy's not coming home yet."

He tucks his hands under his knees and begins to swing his legs.

"Jamie…how do you feel about Daddy being in hospital?"

He raises his shoulders slightly, giving the tiniest shrug and looking at the floor.

"Do you still think it's your fault that Daddy's in hospital?"

He doesn't say a word but the motion of his legs increases, swinging vigorously backward and forward.

"Is that why you've been eating Daddy's favourite ice cream and cereal?"

He shrugs.

"Does eating Daddy's favourite things make you feel close to him?"

There is another shrug, another swing of a leg.

"Look at me, baby."

He doesn't.

"Jamie…"

I put a finger under his chin, raising his face to mine. His eyes are shimmering with tears.

If a look could slice me into two, this would. A sharp pang of sorrow cuts through me like a hot knife to butter.

"Oh, come here…"

I lift him up and carry him to the couch.

He curls himself into me and cries.

I rock us back and forth, shushing him as he cries. When he's quiet, I pull him gently away from me, kissing his wet cheek and framing his small face in my hands. A huge lump forms in my throat.

"H-have I ever lied to you?" I ask him softly, wiping away the tears.

He shakes his head.

"And I won't lie to you now, okay?"

He sniffles and nods.

"Sometimes we say things that we don't mean but that doesn't make bad things happen. It is not your fault that Daddy's in hospital. It is not your fault, sweetie."

I can't bear to see the pain behind his eyes.

"You are the most wonderful boy in the world to us and your Daddy loves you very very much. What happened is not your fault. And I don't want you feeling like it is anymore, okay?"

My God, he's only three!

"I-It's okay to eat your favourite cereal and ice cream. Daddy won't be mad. He loves you more than anything in this world."

He blinks, sniffling again. "More…more than basketball?"

"More than basketball."

He leans his head against my chest, his small arms encircled around my waist.

I hold him for a while until he pushes away from me.

"Tell me somethin', Momma."

I smile as I rub my thumb on his cheek. "Tell you something? I have nothing to say."

"Please, Mommy? I told you something."

I comb my fingers through his hair, already sticking out in different directions.

"Hm…well, somebody asked me to sing with them."

"Really?" He grins widely.

"Uh huh."

"Will you sing?"

I shake my head. "No."

He frowns. "Why?"

"Well, Daddy's in the hospital and I also need to take care of you."

"Grandma Deb can take care of me and you said that the hospital will make Daddy get better."

He doesn't forget things.

"We can't ask Grandma Deb to come and take care of you. I'm your Momma and it's my job to take care of you."

"You can get another job, Momma." He's dead serious. "Daddy told me that your voice is special."

"He did?"

He nods vigorously. "You have to sing, Momma!"

"I do?"

"Uh huh. You don't have a sad face when you sing. Daddy said that he likes to hear you sing. And I like it when you sing to me."

He leans back on my chest.

"Will you hav'ta go to Cal'fona again?" He sounds scared of hearing the answer.

"No. I'm not going to California any time soon."

He exhales loudly. "Don't leave me, Mommy."

I kiss his forehead.

"I'll never leave you."

* * *

><p>I walk up to him after class.<p>

"Two things. One, my family comes first. Two, I won't do gigs that require extensive travel."

"I'm just thinking of setting us up in Durham. For now. Besides, we have to put in a lot of hours of practice before we look for a gig."

Breathing out, I say, "Okay."

Alec's mouth curls slightly to the side, as if victorious. "So you're in?"

I thought about it all night. I'm doing this.

I straighten. "I-I guess so. My three-year-old convinced me."

He stands up and takes out a notebook. "Smart kid. Write down your email and I'll send you details about practice."

"Have you found any other members?" I ask him as I scribble.

"I have a pianist, bass guitarist, a violist and now, the lead singer. I just need a drummer. I'm thinking of Miller."

"The guy with the neck tattoo?"

"Yeah. I haven't seen him in class or around campus lately but I'm hoping he'll say yes when I ask."

We make our way down the empty corridor.

"What made you think of starting a band?"

He shrugs. "Thought it was time. I'm from a small town and in my high school, there were very few students who could play instruments. We were all in the school marching band bu–"

"Wait, a marching band with guitar?"

He smacks his lips. "And cello."

"Progressive town," I chuckle.

He grins. "It was more like a jazz band, really. They hustled up everyone who could play an instrument. School spirit is what they used to guilt us into it. No one was willing to perform elsewhere except school events, but college…there's something about college that makes people brave enough to say yes to things. Plus, it doesn't hurt that when one musician isn't working out, you can replace them easily. I hope."

I grin at that. "And the business cards?"

"All started out as a joke but I stuck with it. I'm sure they'll come in handy when I meet a record label executive," he beams.

I chuckle. "Just your name and a phone number. They better appreciate your efforts at mystery."

He laughs softly as we exit the building. "So…how's your husband?"

"He's improving."

He is. His injuries have healed, except for the part of his skull where they drilled into and the shoulder, which are slowly healing. But he's not woken up…

We're now walking past the quad, and I catch a glimpse of Tina. She's staring at me like I am her. Her eyes momentarily look over at Alec and then they're back on me. She narrows her eyes.

"Jeez. Who's the frosty blond?" Alec asks.

"Tina."

"A friend?"

"Hardly," I snort. "She's a little mad that Nathan is married."

"He dated her?"

I laugh. "No. I think she just has a case of the I-can't-believe-its. Anyway, I have to go but I'll see you in class."

"Sure. I'll email you."

I wave a hand to him, walking towards the Tutor Centre. I can't help but turn back and tease her, giving her a small wave. Obviously, she doesn't wave back. But her mouth certainly twitches into what looks like a growl. I can feel her deadly glare despite the distance. I'm surprised I haven't fallen, tripped or bitten my tongue from it.


	24. Chapter 24

"Jamie! Lunch!"

His little footsteps run towards the kitchen.

"Chicken nuggets?" he asks as he pulls himself up on a chair.

"Mac 'n cheese."

His face falls. "Momma! It's Saturday!"

"It is?"

"You told me it's Saturday! Saturday is chicken nuggets! Did you forget?"

He looks like he's going to burst into tears.

"Of course I didn't forget. I was just teasing you," I chuckle, revealing the plate from behind my back. "Ta-da!"

"Mommy! You can't tease me! I'm three!"

"Sometimes I'm allowed to."

"Why?"

"Because…I'm your Momma." Taking the seat beside him, I pour out some ketchup on his nuggets.

"Mommy that don't make sense." Promptly, he picks up a nugget and pops it into his mouth.

"Doesn't."

And then another. And another.

"Hm?" he mumbles around a full mouth.

"Jamie Scott. How many times do I have to tell you to eat slowly?"

He shrugs, holding up his hand and showing five fingers.

"Five times?"

Nodding, he clamps a ketchup-stained hand over his mouth.

"You really have been hanging out with the guys too much, buddy."

He nods, putting his other hand over his mouth, smearing sauce on his cheeks and closing his eyes as he chews bit by bit.

"All gone!"

I shake my head, wiping the sauce off his face. "Drink." I hold the cup over his mouth as he sips the juice. "Better?"

"Uh huh."

I rub his back. "Does your chest hurt?"

"No. Why?"

"Swallowing like that can make your chest hurt. Eat slowly, okay?"

He nods and picks up a nugget. He's just reaching for another when he draws his hand back.

"See? I list'n!" he grins.

Just then, the doorbell rings.

"No hurrying, alright?" I laugh.

"But I'm really really really hungry, Momma!"

Wiping my hands on a paper towel, I walk to the door. "I mean it, James. One by one, not two–"

"SURPRISE!"

What?

"No hug?" she asks.

My parents. My parents are here. My. Parents. Are. Here.

I snap out of it and hug them both.

"We didn't mean to scare you like that, lovebug!" Dad lifts me off the floor.

"N-no. I'm just surprised."

Shocked is more like it.

"How are you, honey?" she asks.

She is just about to give me one of those wet mouth kisses she used to give me when I was a kid but I recover enough to offer her my cheek instead.

"Good! Great! It's good to see you!"

"It's good to see you, too! Aren't you going to let us in?"

"Oh! Of course! How long are you here for?"

"Just today, peanut." Dad says as he ruffles my hair.

What's so urgent that they can't stay for a night?

"Now, where's my grandson?" Mom asks as she pushes past me.

"Kitchen."

I shut the door and lean my back against it, her cry echoing through the apartment.

"Look at you, sweetcakes! You're so big!"

After months of silence, they show up.

My parents are a little flighty. For as long as I can remember, they're travelers. Visiting relatives, monuments, landmarks. After Nathan and I got married, their trips got longer and longer, eventually leading them to selling the house and going off the grid for months.

They have an affinity for surprise visits, arriving when least expected. After Jamie was born, they showed up when he was two months old, and I opened the door to them while wiping puke off my shirt, looking like a vagabond.

I walk slowly towards the happy voices.

"Mommy! Grandma and Grandpa are here!"

"What a surprise, huh?"

"Uh huh!"

Jamie's sitting on my dad's knee, his chicken nuggets forgotten.

"Look what Grandpa brought me!"

He lifts up a clear water-filled plastic bag. There's something swimming in it. It doesn't look like a fish. It looks like a…

"Froggie!"

* * *

><p>"A frog? Really, Mom? They have diseases!"<p>

My skin is still crawling with the thought of that slimy thing.

She waves a hand away. "Pfft! Are you still on that? It's time he had a pet."

"He's only three! A toy truck would have sufficed."

"Your brothers' first pets were all frogs. And you all turned out fine."

We're walking to Nathan's room, my dad ahead of us carrying Jamie.

"Be careful, Dad. He's the only one I have."

"I've had six children. I think I know how to carry a child on my shoulder."

"You've had six children? Show me the stretch marks, Jimmy."

I step up to him. "Okay. We're here. Can I have my baby back, Daddy?"

I take Jamie from him, turning to open Nathan's door. "Ready?"

They both nod seriously.

"It's okay, Grandma. It's just Daddy."

She smiles adoringly at him.

I walk towards Nathan's bed and put Jamie down on his usual spot, kissing Nathan's lips. I'm happy they took out the tube. The little contact we get with him is appreciated.

"Hi, honey. Guess who's here to see you?"

"Hi, Daddy. Guess who's here to see you?" Jamie mimics, kissing Nathan's cheek and leaning his head on his unwounded shoulder.

My parents are standing at the foot of the bed, looking on at Nathan.

"Don' be scared, Grandma. Daddy's just sleeping."

They both walk over slowly to Nathan's other side.

"Oh my God…" Dad is in disbelief.

Mom puts a hand on her chest. "I'm so sorry…I should have been here…"

She's talking more to herself than to me.

"He's better, Mom. He's going to be okay…" I run my fingers through Nathan's dark hair and rub his cheek. "He's going to be okay…"

"It's just so unfair…"

"Mom…Please…"

Dad throws an arm around her shoulders and pulls her to him.

"Lydia, think of him…" he points to Jamie with his chin.

"Momma, we hav'ta relax Daddy."

They are confused.

"We massage his hands and feet to prevent them from weakening," I explain, pulling out the bottle of lotion from my bag.

Jamie chats to Nathan about school. My parents, sitting on the chairs beside Nathan's bed, are quiet as they watch us massage him.

"What happened?" Mom asks once I'm done.

Jamie is already dozing beside Nathan and I'm sitting on the bed holding Nathan's hand.

"They were hit by a trailer."

"Is he the only…?"

I squeeze Nathan's hand. "The other players weren't as bad. Both drivers were killed, though."

Silence, except for the beeping heart monitor. Unable to attend the memorial service for the bus driver, all I could do was sign the condolences book that was laid out at the library.

"He's better now. Two months ago, they wouldn't let us see him. His brain was bleeding and then they removed–"

I sigh, not wanting to rehash all that. My husband has been in a coma for two months.

"How have you been? Where have you been?"

As usual, they gush about what and who they've seen, the friends they've made, where they're thinking of going. They're always so excited when they talk about their travels. I wonder if Nathan and I will get to do that, too. Or perhaps we'll be in a condo or nursing home trying a hand at knitting and golfing, and learning how to play cribbage and gin rummy.

Doctor Jasinski makes an appearance. He has no update about Nathan's progress but he seems to hit it off with my parents. He's pushing retirement and they chat about all the places they've been to and he should visit. Given more time together, they would have made a plan to meet up in some diner off some highway for some 'divine' pancakes.

Jamie's in a deep sleep by the time my parents decide to leave. And the aloneness settles in again after a few hours of suppressing it.

"Where are you going in such a rush, anyway?" I ask, walking them to the door.

"Las Vegas." Dad rubs his palms together and has a wide grin on his face.

"Tonight? Can't it wait?"

I've gotten used to them being away but I can't help but feel like a frightened little girl every time they come into town and then leave. Especially now.

Mom pats my hand. "We're meeting up with people. It's a group thing."

The youngest kids being showered with love and attention? It wasn't me the books were talking about. It's most likely that we're left to fend for ourselves, because of the energy drain of raising the kids before us.

I plaster a fake smile on my face, worthy enough to be in a beauty pageant. It's convincing enough to make my mom grin.

"Oh, I'm gonna miss you!" she says, squeezing the life out of me.

"I'll miss you, too. Call me when you get there."

They won't, but it's okay.

I don't resent them but I just wish they'd be a little more involved in my life than spur-of-the-moment visits a few times a year. Heck, I'd settle for postcards. Sometimes I feel like I'm on the way to the crazy house from worrying whether they drove into a lake and are lying in a morgue, unclaimed…

"I will. Take care of those precious boys, okay?"

I hug my dad, holding onto him a little longer.

"A-always."

I watch them walk away and it takes a lot of effort not to burst into tears on the corridor.

This is not the same feeling I had when I waved them off in their RV after Nathan and I got married.

Or when we're waving goodbye after another surprise visit.

No, this is worse.

Nathan is not telling me it will be okay.

* * *

><p><em>"No, she didn't!"<em>

_"I'm telling you she did, babe."_

_Nathan had been telling me about a girl who had tucked her underwear into his pocket after their big win against Pfeiffer. Jamie had a cold so we didn't get to go to the game._

_"So what did you do?"_

_I was massaging him, my legs over each side of his back. _

_He didn't answer._

_"Nathan? Did you fall asleep again?" _

_I noticed him smiling. "Nathan!"_

_He laughed. _

_"That's not fair!"_

_"I know. I just wanted to make you wait." _

_"Tell me then! What did you do?" _

_"When we got to the locker room, I removed my shorts and just flapped them around until they fell out. Then I dumped my shorts in the locker room hamper." _

_I laughed. "How is it that you can dump your clothes in the hamper in the locker room but not at home?"_

_"Because…" He turned his face to the side. "There is only one woman's underwear I want in my pockets."_

_"Yeah?" _

_I trailed kisses on his back, all the way to his shoulder._

_Rolling me over, he leaned over to kiss me. _

_"Double yeah." _

* * *

><p>Sometimes I think I'm being tortured.<p>

The loneliness and the solitude churn inside me, like a machine in a repeat cycle, never ceasing.

On some days, I feel like it's choking me.

Unable to sleep, I've been lying awake in bed for the last two hours. Jamie's not sleeping with me tonight; he fell asleep soon after his bath as I was reading him a story.

I adjust myself diagonally across the bed, my head on Nathan's side, my right hand almost hanging off the bed.

I can make out the silhouette of our wedding picture that hangs on the wall, the first picture that was taken after we said our vows.

We were terrified that day, we were in high school, but we were so happy. My parents were the only witnesses but it was perfect.

_"Someday, this beach might wash away, the oceans may dry, the sun could dim, but on that day, I'll still be loving you. Always and forever. I promise you, Haley."_

And one moment has changed everything for us.

One moment shatters our life together.

It's happened before with my train accident in high school and now with him in the bus accident.

_"…to have and to hold from this day forward… I promise that I will love and cherish you…"_

As corny as it may sound, Nathan is my better half. We are like two parts of a whole and I feel like I'm being ripped to pieces every time I visit him, being sucked into a black hole every time I look at his still form.

_"I make this promise for eternity…"_

I'm doing everything I can just to preserve my sanity. I may be physically strong but I'm wallowing in anguish.

_"A promise that I will keep forever…"_

I can't live without this man. I can't deal with this life without him. God help me, I just won't let him leave me. I'm not prepared to lose him. Never. I would never recover from any pain associated with losing him.

_"Until the end of time, til death do us part."_

I sound like a deranged, love-crazed woman but what we have is for always and forever. Hasn't everything that's happened to us proved that? We have a life together; we have a son who needs his father.

My eyes close as the words wash over me.

_"Don't leave me, Mommy." _

_"I'll never leave you."_

The only reason that would keep me anchored to this world.


	25. Chapter 25

I'm beat.

As most undergraduates don't have classes on Fridays, many of those wanting academic assistance have their sessions today.

I've been tutoring all morning and part of the afternoon. It's not the first time but I feel really exhausted today.

Before heading for the hospital, I have to pass by the preschool for Jamie; the school has a daycare program that we enrolled him for on Fridays because of our hectic schedules.

Sighing, I look back at the computer screen, my Duke email account on display.

Other than the directions to the Warehouse District, Alec has emailed us the band practice schedule.

I tap my pen to my chin, wondering how I'm going to be able to squeeze in evening sessions during the week and afternoon sessions on Saturday in my schedule.

The daycare program doesn't run past five-thirty on weekdays, and it's closed on weekends. And because of the noise, I don't want Jamie with me for band practice.

I really didn't think this through. How am I going to pull it off?

A part of me is screaming that I'm being selfish for taking up an extracurricular when Nathan is lying in a hospital bed in a coma and Jamie needs me to take care of him. But there's another part of me that desperately needs this.

What basketball is to Nathan, music is to me. Music has served as my oblivion, my opiate. Even before we got married, sitting on my bed in my room, playing around on my guitar and composing songs made me feel better. Like Alec said, I told my stories through my songs.

At that moment when I'm trying to solve my dilemma, my phone rings.

Denise. Denise! DENISE!

"Hi! Hi, Denise!"

_"You okay?" _

I'm absolutely thrilled!

"Yeah! I just thought of something! Um, what's up?"

_"Well, Andre's feeling a bit down and he wanted to ask Jamie to come over." _

"What happened? Is he alright?"

_"He had a doctor's appointment and he doesn't exactly give high fives before or after." _

"I'm just heading out to the school and then we're going to see Nathan. Can I bring him by later?"

_"Yeah. Thanks for this, Haley." _

"No problem."

I hang up, grinning to myself like a crazy person.

* * *

><p>"Momma!"<p>

"Hi, sweetie."

He hugs my legs and then looks up at me. "Are we gonna see Daddy?"

I slide the backpack off his shoulders, opening the back door. "Sure are. Did you have a good day?"

He climbs into his car seat. "Yes! I have lots to tell Daddy!"

"Really? Like what?" I secure him in.

"We played leap frog in PE and then Miss Maria gived us chocksticks!"

"She did?"

He smiles widely. "Uh huh! With noodles!"

"I bet you were great using them." I gently pinch his nose.

He nods happily. "I ate all my noodles! Douglas putted noodles in his nose! Yucky, Momma!"

"He put noodles in his nose?"

"Uh huh."

"Yuck." I make a face, leading him into giggles.

* * *

><p>"So guess where we're going after this?" I ask Jamie, twisting Nathan's foot.<p>

"Ice cream?"

"No."

"Zoo?"

"Nope. Andre's."

"We are!"

"Yup. Andre's mom said that Andre wants to play."

"Andre din't play today. His Momma taked him for a shot. He told me."

"Well, you can tell Andre all about leap frog and chopsticks. Maybe you can play leap frog with him."

"I can?"

"Why not? I'm sure the next time you play in gym class, Andre will want to be as perfect as all of you."

He turns to Nathan.

"Daddy, did you hear? I played leap frog today! When you wake up, we can play together! And then we can go to the zoo and take pictures of chi'nzees and fishies and Mister Lion! And then we can play basketball with Uncle Lucas but Momma said Uncle Lucas has a bad heart and he can't play but Uncle Lucas said that he can play a little and I really really want to play!"

Jamie can say a lot in one breath.

"You hear that, honey? We're waiting for you to go to the zoo. So you have to wake up. It would be awful when we're old and toothless and Jamie has to watch us in case we fall into a pond of crocodiles or something."

Jamie giggles.

"I'm going to be singing in a college band."

"Yes, Daddy! Momma's gonna sing but she's not gonna go to Cal'fona. And Momma has a special book that she putted pictures for you!" He clamps a hand over his mouth. "I wasn' s'posed to tell!"

I laugh at his expression. "It's okay. You can tell Daddy about his book."

We talk to Nathan as I finish up with the massages, giggling as we recall funny moments with him.

When he put too much detergent in the washing machine and the laundry room foamed.

When he climbed up a tree to get Mrs. Everson's cat and it dug its paws into his neck.

When we cheered him on at the annual university marathon.

Why…why does it feel like we're mourning him?

Doctor Jasinski makes his customary visit. Same thing every day: no change, let's wait and see.

As we are leaving, we've just stepped out of the hospital when my cell phone rings.

"Hello?"

_"Hello? Haley? Is that you?"_

"May! Hi!"

Jamie starts jumping excitedly on the spot, tugging at my hand.

_"Hello, dear! Can you hear me?"_

"Loud and clear. It's good to hear from you."

_"How are you?"_ she asks in that soft, Southern voice, a charming lull reminding me that every cloud has a silver lining.

"I'm-I'm fine. How are you?"

_"I was fine until a few minutes ago. I just listened to your messages. What is going on over there? What happened? How is he?"_

"He's still in a coma."

I squint, clenching my teeth, silently begging myself not to cry.

_"And Jamie? How is he?"_

I had left another message about Jamie's appendectomy. Brushing my hand across his hair, I smile at him as he restlessly waits for me to finish up.

"He's doing okay. Better."

Thank God.

"Momma! I wanna talk to Gran!"

_"Is that him?" _she asks excitedly._ "Can I talk to him?"_

"Just a moment," I tell her, passing the phone to Jamie.

"Hi, Gran! Did you see pirates! And sharks!. . . .I went to the zoo and a carnival! . . . .I'm okay. Mommy's taking care of me. . . .I want treasure, Gran! And I have a lucky penny! . . . .Okay. . . .I promise. . . .love you, too! . . . .Okay. . . .Momma, Gran wants to talk to you!"

"May?"

_"Haley, we'll be out here until next month. I wish I could come sooner."_

"No, that's okay. We'll be fine. How's Royal?"

_"Grumpy as usual. I haven't had the time to tell him yet but I will. I actually have to get back to the ship. We're about to leave Bonaire."_

"Are you having fun?"

_"It's so beautiful out here. Perhaps we can take a family cruise next summer."_

I hope so.

"That sounds like a good idea. Well, I won't keep you. Thanks so much for calling."

_"I wanted to. I needed to know…Tell him to wake up, okay? Tell him that we love him and we can't wait to see him. Awake,"_ she laughs softly.

"I will. Say hello to Royal for us."

_"I will. Bye-bye."_

"Momma, Gran said she's gonna bring me treasure!" Jamie tells me after I hang up.

"She did?"

"Uh huh! I want a sword!"

I take his hand as we walk towards the parking lot. "What will you do with a sword?"

"Fight with Capt'n Hook for treasure!"

* * *

><p>"Sweetie, why are you singing the birthday song? It's not your birthday today."<p>

"I know. I'm jus' getting ready."

He sings it again, this time for Nathan.

"But it's not Daddy's birthday, either."

He sighs loudly. "Momma, you're killing me!"

"Where did you learn that?" I laugh.

"Grandpa Jimmy. Grandma said no when Grandpa said he wanted chicken nuggets. And then Grandpa said she was killin' him."

"He did?"

"Uh huh. I asked Grandpa why he wanted to kill Grandma and he said it was a…a…figpish 'cause she said no."

"Figure of speech?"

"That's what I said! Momma, can I have a Popsicle?"

"A Popsicle?"

"I'm hungry."

"I have an apple in my bag."

"Noooo! I want a Popsicle!"

"No Popsicle."

"But I want a blue tongue!"

He's kicking the seat.

"James…" I tell him sternly, looking at him through the rear view mirror.

"Mommy, please! I promise to be good!"

"You'll be bad if you don't get a Popsicle?"

"Very bad!"

"How bad?"

"I won't go to school!" he says matter-of-factly.

"You won't?"

"Yes!"

"That's blackmail."

"What's that?"

"Blackmail is when you tell Mommy you won't go to school unless she buys you a blue Popsicle."

He's quiet.

"I won' take a bath! Is…is that blackmail, Momma?"

* * *

><p>Denise and I are in the kitchen, putting the kitchen back in order.<p>

"I joined a band."

"A band? A marching band?"

I laugh, wiping away watermelon seeds off the table. "No. A music band. As the lead singer."

"Really? You sing?"

"Yes, and uh…I have a big favour to ask you."

She leans on the kitchen counter. "A favour?"

Wringing my hands on the towel, I feel nervous about asking her. What if it's too much to ask?

"Yeah. Thing is, practice has been set from five to six-twenty and daycare isn't open past five-thirty and I don't want to take Jamie with me because of the noise and I was hoping you could watch him for me until I can pick him up and I'd take him to his grandmother's but she's in Tree Hill–"

"Haley…"

" –and I don't know where else I can take him and Nathan isn't here and what was I thinking? How could I say yes to joining a band when I have a sick husband and a son who–"

"Haley!"

I blink. "Sorry."

"Now I see why Jamie talks so much."

She laughs and I breathe out.

"I can take care of him."

I smile widely. "Really?"

I probably look and sound like Jamie whenever I give him good news.

Denise nods. "Yeah. Andre could do with the company. He's quite shy and I'm glad that he and Jamie get along."

I throw my arms around her.

"Thank you so so much! Jamie doesn't have many friends his age, either. It's usually Nathan's teammates or his relatives and–" I pull away from her, the goofy smile still on my face. "I'll pack his stuff and his snacks and whenever you want me to take care of Andre, I'll do it!"

She laughs. "No worries. I hope to cash in on that one when I go off on a romantic hot balloon ride with Tom Cruise."

"Denise! Tom Cruise? He's kinda old!"

She shrugs and sighs dreamily. "What can I say? He had me at hello."

We giggle like schoolgirls until we hear the kids yelling in the living room.

* * *

><p>Monday evening, I'm driving around downtown Durham, in an area that is mostly made up of warehouses.<p>

Thank goodness for GPS.

Stopping at a standalone building at the end of the road, I look again at the directions I wrote down. It's so quiet and deserted that it would be easy to die here.

I shake off the grim thought, stepping out of the car. Guardedly, I walk around the building looking for an entrance until I find a heavy steel door.

He finally opens the door after what feels like an hour of waiting. Pen in his mouth, he waves me in. My hand hurts from the pounding.

Enormous. That's the word to describe Alec's home.

A thick beige and brown carpet covers the entire floor of the warehouse. I count three couches and five large beanbags in the part I walk into, and there's a huge poster bed against the side of the wall. Several clothes rails and shoe racks are a few feet away from the bed.

There's a wide cabinet full of CDs and vinyl records that would rival Peyton's collection, a stereo system, turntable and flat screen TV. A keyboard and two guitars sit in a corner beside the couches.

A massive long table is pushed against the opposite wall, with a stove, microwave, kettle, coffee machine, and dish racks holding cutlery, dishes and cups.

Posters of musicians and bands are pasted on the white walls and there's a large light blue bulletin board covered with pictures and sticky notes. It's a really nice and spacious place.

"Did you buy a warehouse?"

"Yeah. Pretty cheap. I didn't feel like partitioning it so I just let it be."

I look around. "Where's the bathroom?"

He points a thumb over his shoulder to the furthermost corner of the room.

It will be a long walk to the bathroom.

"I think we need to– Oh. Hi."

A brunette in a white t-shirt and black jeans walks out of the bathroom.

"Hi."

"Haley, meet Emma. Our pianist, also known as my girlfriend. Emma, meet Haley. Our lead singer."

"Hi." She has dimples.

"Hi. Nice place."

"All his doing," she smiles.

"Really?" I turn to Alec. "What's your major?"

He grins. "Art."

"Maybe you should take a course in interior design."

She shakes my hand before walking to the large table where Alec is. "I keep telling him the same thing."

Removing my sweater, I sink onto the red loveseat.

"Want some?" he asks me, pouring coffee into a cup.

"No, thanks." I look around again. "It's no wonder you wanted us to practice here."

He sips his coffee, plopping down on one of the couches. "It's quiet around here. My closest neighbor is five warehouses away."

"How long have you lived here?"

"Since early last year," he says, picking up a guitar. "I like the quiet."

A loud pounding on the door reverberates through the warehouse a short while later.

"I'll get it," I tell him as I walk to the steel door.

It's quite heavy as I pull it open, revealing two guys and a girl.

"Uh…is this Alec's place?" the girl asks curiously.

"Yeah. Come on in."

As they walk past me, one of the guys whistles.

"Nice. How long have you been living here?" the curly-haired one asks me.

"Oh. No, no. I'm the singer. Haley."

He holds out his hand. "Well, Haley, I'm Wes, bass guitar. This is Suzanne, viola and Miller, drums."

Suzanne has wavy bright orange hair and Miller's neck tattoo is visible over the collar of his t-shirt, though not as large as I thought it was.

"Viola. You don't hear that often," I shake hands with Suzanne but Miller pumps my fist.

"We are sort of an endangered species when it comes to the orchestra," she grins as she sets down her case.

Miller halts in front of me, turns and then begins to walk backwards.

"Singer, huh? How about you sing me a lullaby later on tonight?" He gives me a flirtatious smile.

"I'm married." I flash my wedding ring, walking past him.

"You don't say."

Suzanne has taken the loveseat, so I take one side of the couch. Wes and Emma are on beanbags.

"Are you like, thirty?" Miller asks as he sits on the armrest.

I look up at him. "Do I look like I'm thirty?"

"Why are you married in college, then?"

"Love. What else?"

"Is it an open marriage?" he whispers lasciviously.

"Eww! No!"

"Oh, I get it. It's to turn off guys. It's not working, sweetheart," he winks.

It takes meeting Nathan or Jamie to make people believe I'm married.

"I'm really married."

"Sure you are."

"I–"

Just then, Alec speaks.

"All right. Welcome to the first band practice. To start off, I want you all to read and sign this." He distributes a thin bounded document to each of us.

"What is it?" Wes flips through the pages without reading them.

"That, my band-mates, is our band agreement."

"Band agreement?" Suzanne asks.

"Yes. Interband Contract. It's to help us be in alignment regarding music and songs. Covering our bases, so to speak." He takes the opposite end of the couch.

"Isn't that a little extreme?" Miller taps his fingers on the booklet.

Alec leans forward on the couch, elbows on knees, looking back and forth at all of us.

"Extreme would be when there's a dispute and one of us ends up claiming ownership over songs or equipment. Which reminds me, for whatever song we write, we'll have to copyright it. I presume you all have done group work in classes?"

We all nod. It's admirable that Alec went into so much trouble to draw up a contract for us, even if we're not a mainstream band.

"I'm sure you've had a rogue member or two in those groups who do very little and want to be given credit? That's just it. You can't have contracts in group work projects but you can have them in a band. Issues are unavoidable and that's why we need to be in agreement before we proceed. If any of you have a problem with it, speak now."

* * *

><p>"Did you have fun with Andre?"<p>

"Uh huh. We watched cartoons and Andre's momma gave me an apple."

"That's good. You're going to grow into a strong man like your father."

"I wanna be big and strong like Daddy but I'm…I'm gonna sing basketball, Momma!"

I laugh softly. "You want to be a singing basketball player?"

"Uh huh! Momma, did you sing today?"

"No. We were just talking but the next time we'll practice."

"Can I come?"

"I don't think so, baby. It's very noisy and I don't want you to hurt your ears."

"But, Momma! If I come with my…my…'fmuffs they won' fall off! Daddy says I have to wear my 'fmuffs when I go for basketball and when I say no he tells me I have to 'cause it's loud."

I grin at his explanation. We bought him protective earmuffs for when we attend Nathan's games.

"Maybe some other time but not next time."

"Why? I wanna hear you sing! Please, Mommy?"

He has such a cute begging voice. Accompanied with the puppy-dog eyes, it's usually hard to say no to Jamie.

"Tell you what. When the band has practiced enough, I'll let you come with me."

"Promise?"

"Um…I'll think about it?"

"Momma!"

"Alright," I chuckle. "I promise."

He seems more like himself these days. He's happy, he's not been asking to sleep with me lately, and the bedwetting has stopped.

He does get sad when we visit Nathan but he's honestly happier, and that regular flicker of guilt he had is gone.


	26. Chapter 26

"Deb?"

"Yeah?"

"I'll have to go to the store."

"Why?"

"I forgot to buy the chicken."

Tomorrow is Saturday. Chicken nuggets. Honey mustard sauce.

I usually do the shopping during the week but I've had so much to do this past week that it completely slipped my mind.

"Now?"

"You know how crabby Jamie gets without his nuggets." I sigh. "I can't deny we've spoilt him."

"He's your only child. You're allowed. And it's not like you overindulge him."

"I guess." I shut the fridge, walking towards the front door. "Do you need anything from there?"

"Can't it wait until tomorrow?" She puts her book down, folding her arms over her chest as she leans back on the couch.

"I have a couple of things to do tomorrow. I might as well just do it now."

She turns to the living room window. "I can go tomorrow. It's getting pretty dark."

"No, it's okay. It's still light outside."

"But it looks like it will pour any minute!" she protests.

I put my arms through my jacket, wrapping a scarf around my neck. "I'll be fine. I won't be long. Jamie's asleep and he won't notice I'm gone."

"Haley…"

Picking up my keys and my wallet, I look at her and smile weakly.

"I know. That's why I'm going to be careful. Thirty minutes. Tops."

I don't wait for her to respond.

* * *

><p>Driving home slowly from the store, it's already a torrential downpour.<p>

I meant it; I don't intend on being careless when my son and my husband need me, just like I do them.

I love the rain, especially when Nathan and I are in the midst of it. We've had some wonderful moments in the rain, like when he proposed. I honestly thought he was joking when he asked me to marry him.

_"I could love you forever… You're my family now, Haley. The true thing I have. I never want to lose you. What I'm feeling is definitely not normal and to be honest with you, I don't ever want to be normal. Not with you… I'll say it again, I could love you forever…Why can't forever start today?"_

Everything just sucks right now. There's little I feel joyous about. And the joy comes and goes, doesn't seem to want to hang around for long. Do I sound bitter? Perhaps.

How can I not be when I'm walking past happy couples at campus or down the street?

How can I not be when I'm watching fathers drop off their sons in school?

How can I not be when I roll over in bed in the middle of the night only to find a cold, empty space?

How can I not be when I see the look on my son's face when we visit his dad?

I just want my husband back.

And our son needs his father.

Jamie has been my rock. I don't know in what state I'd be in were he not here.

Sometimes I feel so lonely and alone, yet I'm not. I feel as though the prayers I'm constantly whispering go with the wind and don't reach the ears of the one who works miracles.

People are not coming to visit as much anymore. We call each other, we text, we email, they send flowers, but they don't come. I don't know if it's losing hope or desperation that's keeping them away.

Deb comes when she can, when it's not too busy at the café or Tric, at least twice a month.

Peyton has only been here once in the past month.

Luke hasn't been back since Jamie's recital and short phone calls and emails are how we've been keeping in touch.

And Brooke? I really hope she's okay. None of us have heard from her in ages. For all we know, she could be in the North Pole setting up a fashion show for Santa. What would he want a fashion show for anyway? Doesn't he only have one outfit?

I'm on the brink of madness with all these soliloquies and monologues…

I hum along softly to "When A Man Loves A Woman"as I steer towards a curve when the light turns green. It's one of Nathan's favourite songs. I thought he wouldn't be caught dead listening to such music but after we got married, I discovered his secret delight.

He was making breakfast one morning, and walking sleepily to the kitchen, I caught him crooning along with the radio, flipping pancakes and gyrating his hips. He looked so cute. He was stunned when he turned to see me standing behind the kitchen counter that he almost dropped the pan, blushing fu–

The car suddenly starts to skid.

"Oh my God…"

Luke checked it out for me and fixed it.

The tyres are spinning fast and the car is sliding all over. I'm trying to control the car as I frantically turn the steering wheel. I can't get it stable, and I'm losing control, and my wits, as it skids.

I don't realize I'm screaming until I manage to avoid a lamppost and a fire hydrant, fighting with the steering wheel, the car finally coming to a screeching stop.

I'm panting so hard that I feel my lungs will burst at any moment.

The windshield wipers swish back and forth, Percy Sledge sings about being played for a fool, and my hands are pasty white around the steering wheel.

_Oh my God! Oh my God! _

The loud pounding of my heart is like a thousand drums beating around me.

Oh my God! If the car hadn't–

Does this car hate me?

I burst into tears, my body shaking with every sob.

Cries of fear and despair.

If the car hadn't stopped…

Oh my God.

It's a long while later when I look up from the steering wheel, somewhat calmed down but still trembling slightly from what I just escaped.

I push my hair away from my face, sniffling, lifting my head up slowly to look around.

The car is sitting sideways on the street, facing the costume rental shop.

There's a flash of lightning and when I peer through the windshield, I see a lone figure standing in the alley next to the store.

The light illuminates on the face for a moment, and it looks like somebody I recognize.

Sam?

I blink and when I look again, I don't see anything.

* * *

><p>Shivering and dripping water on the foyer, I drop the grocery bags to remove my wet jacket and scarf.<p>

"Deb! It's crazy out there! I almo–"

"Mommy!"

Jamie is running to me and I step over the water puddle to scoop him up.

"What are you doing up, mister?"

He wraps his arms tightly around my neck. His small body is shaking.

"You're shaking, baby. What's wrong? Are you cold?" I rub his back.

Is he getting sick again?

He buries his head between my shoulder and neck. "I woke up and then you were gone and then I got scared 'cause of the thunder and I couldn' find you and Grandma said you went to the store and I got scared 'cause I don' want you to be hurt like Daddy…"

Poor baby.

"I'm sorry I scared you, sweetie." I kiss the side of his face. "I'm here now, okay?"

"You won't go?"

"No way. Do you want to go back to bed?"

"Can I sleep with you?"

Jamie sometimes sleeps with us when it's raining. Thunderstorms, especially, scare him.

"Of course."

There's a sudden loud rumble of thunder and he screams, holding tighter onto my neck.

"It's alright, baby."

"Don' leave me!" he wails, his legs clenched around my waist.

"I'm not going anywhere."

"You promise?"

"I promise. Let's get you to bed, okay?"

"Uh huh. Will you tell me a story?"

"Peter Pan?"

"No. When I was little stories."

I draw back the duvet and lay him on the bed. He curls into me when I pull the duvet over us.

"Well, when you were a really little, itty bitty, teensy weensy…"

"Momma…"

I chuckle, rubbing his hair. "When you were little, I got sick."

"You were sick?"

"Yes. I was in hospital getting better and Daddy was taking care of you."

"Really?"

"Really. You would wake up every night at three in the morning and because I wasn't there to sing to you, Daddy had to get you to sleep."

He looks up at me. "Momma, Daddy can't sing!"

I laugh. "No. Daddy didn't sing but every night, he played for you the special CD I'd made for you that had all the songs you liked."

"What's a CD?"

"You know that round shiny thing we put in the car when you want to sing _Itsy Bitsy Spider_?"

"Uh huh."

"That's a CD."

"Is it in the alphabet? Miss Maria says we have to learn our ABC's to be smart and I want to be smart."

"You are a very smart boy already."

"I am?"

"You are. And you're my favourite little boy in the whole world."

"I'm your only little boy, Momma! What did Daddy do?"

I rub his cheek. "Daddy played the CD, carrying you until you fell asleep."

"I did?"

"You did. Every night. And you know what your favourite song was?"

"Big Moon?"

I kiss his forehead. "Big Moon."

"Where's it now?"

"The CD? I think it's in the closet."

"Can I have it? We can take it to Daddy."

"Are you sure?"

He nods against my chest. "I wanna take care of Daddy 'cause I love him more than playing in school."

He's such a sweet child.

I hold him closer. "I love Daddy too."

"More than singin'?"

"More than."

"I'm sleepy now, Mommy. Can you sing me Big Moon?"

After he falls asleep, I take out my music notebook.

Sitting on the windowsill, the rain splashing against the window, I begin to write.


	27. Chapter 27

"Doctor Shinski! Hi!"

"Hi, Jamie. How are you today?"

They have developed a friendship over the duration we've been coming here. Jamie knows that when Doctor Jasinski walks in, it means that he needs to move off the bed. He slides down off it to sit on my lap.

"School was great, Doctor Shinski! I drawed Daddy another picture. Momma put it on the wall. See? And Miss Maria is takin' us to see butterflies tomorrow!"

Doctor Jasinski looks at the wall. "Very nice, Picasso."

"My name is Jamie, Doctor Shinski," Jamie giggles.

Chuckling, he says, "Picasso was a famous artist and he began drawing when he was a little boy just like you."

"What's famous?"

He shines his small flashlight into Nathan's eyes.

"Famous is when everybody knows who you are."

"Can I be famous, Momma?"

I rub his arm. "You can be anything you want."

"Anything?"

"Anything."

Jamie is in deep thought.

"I know! I want to be a fishie!"

Doctor Jasinski laughs softly. "That's going to be hard because you're already a little boy."

"Can I be a little boy fishie?"

"You can be a fantastic singing and drawing little boy, Jame."

"But…but what about basketball, Momma? I wanna play basketball."

"Basketball, too."

"And soccer?"

"Even soccer."

We watch as Doctor Jasinski examines Nathan.

"I bringed Daddy music, Doctor Shinski."

"You did?"

Jamie points to the portable CD player on the small table next to the bed.

"Momma said we can play the…the…Momma, I can't remember what it's called."

"CD."

"We bringed Daddy the CD Momma made for me when I was a baby and it made me sleepy but I want Daddy to wake up."

"Your dad is very lucky to have a little boy like you."

"Momma says I'm her favourite little boy in the whole world."

"In the whole world?"

"In the whole world 'cause I'm her world. And she says I can have bees for my birthday! Will you come to my party, Doctor Shinski? I'll give you bees!"

* * *

><p>"Can we live here, Momma?"<p>

I brought Jamie with me today for band practice. He's been amazed by the size of the place since we got here.

"I don't think Alec would want to leave. Don't you like our house?"

He nods while he looks up at the ceiling.

"But me and Daddy can play basketball like when you–" His voice trails off.

"Someday I'll find out what it is you and your father get up to when I'm not around."

"Guy Code, Momma," he says seriously.

"Guy Code?"

"Uh huh. Daddy says that it's what men do and they don' tell their mommas."

"You won't let me in on the Guy Code secrets?" I laugh.

He shakes his head. "No. Guy Code is just for me and Daddy," he whispers sadly. I lean my cheek on his hair, every part of me saddened by the tone of his voice.

The door opens and I look up to see Miller…in a painfully bright orange Gatsby hat.

"Like the hat?" he asks me, sitting down.

"Uh…um…Jame, this is our drummer, Miller."

"Hi!"

Miller's mouth twitches as he turns to Jamie. "Hi."

"I'm James Lucas Scott! And I'm three!" He sticks his hand out.

"Nice to meet you. Scott?" Miller shakes Jamie's hand.

"My Daddy plays for the Blue Devils."

"Nathan Scott?"

He nods. "But Daddy's sick and Doctor Shinski is making him feel better."

"Doctor Shinski?"

"Daddy's doctor. What's that?" He points to Miller's neck.

"A tattoo."

"Can I touch it?"

"Sure." He leans down and Jamie slides his fingers over the snake.

"Cool! Momma, can I have one?"

Miller laughs. "You can get one when you're eighteen."

"Miller!"

"Sweet! Can I get one when I'm eighteen, Momma?"

"No."

How hypocritical can I get? I had Nathan's jersey number tattooed on my lower back when I was sixteen, a few months after we started dating. It was impulsive, it was permanent, and I've never regretted it.

But he's my son. I'm allowed to have double standards. It's probably in the Motherhood Manual or something.

"Why?"

"Because."

"Because why?"

"Because I said so."

"Momma, that don't make sense."

He slides off my lap and plops down on a beanbag.

"You have no ink?" Miller asks me.

I don't answer.

"You do? Where? What is it? Let me guess! A butterfly? A dolphin? Stars?"

"Drop it, Miller."

He grins.

"So you're the famous 'Oh my God! Nathan Scott has a wife!' people talk about?"

I laugh at his girly expression.

"Yup."

"To Nathan Scott, Duke Blue Devil."

"Uh huh."

"With a kid."

"Oh, yeah."

"How old is he?"

"Nathan?" I grin at him. "He's turning four in July."

"Four? Which means that…"

"Yes, we were in high school. And no, we didn't get married because I was pregnant."

"So the story is true."

"Depends on what the story is."

"Wow. You moved fast."

"It was incredible. Still is," I respond absentmindedly, losing myself in a memory.

_"Did the closet explode?"_

I was frustrated that day. It was hot, I was looking for something to wear and every piece of clothing wasn't fitting. Everything I was trying on was tight, showing my swollen belly, my swollen boobs, my swollen _everything_, and I was annoyed.

Nathan came home shortly after that, reminding me _why_ my clothes were frustrating me.

_"How do I look in this?"_

_"Is there a right answer to that question?"_

I ran into the bathroom, slamming down the toilet lid, plopping myself on it, crying for what seemed like hours, images of dowdy granny dresses making me cry harder.

_"Baby, you're pregnant. They're not supposed to fit you."_

"I heard he's in hospital. I'm sorry."

I nod, my gut aching with the thought of him.

_"I want you to know something. If anything ever happens to me, if you ever lose me, I want you to know how happy you made me, how wonderful my life was with you and...I will always be with you."_

"So you're married. Like, really really married!" he remarks.

"I told you," I chuckle, a little shakily.

"_I just…I want you to be okay, Haley, and know that you made me happy."_

"Momma! This is fun! Can I keep it?" Jamie falls back onto the beanbag, laughing.

* * *

><p>"Everyone here? Good. Okay, so on top of Haley's songs, I have something we can work on and…let's just see how it goes today," Alec states.<p>

"I have something too," Wes says. "It's still rough but I'd like us to use it some time."

"And I got us booked for a gig in summer," Miller drawls.

"Seriously? Where?" Suzanne asks excitedly.

"Yadkinville."

Hushed silence.

"Where the he…ck is that?" Emma asks with a glance towards Jamie. I grin at her.

"Yadkin County. Couple of miles from here and we'll be playing at their Independence Day Festival."

"But summer? What if we're doing…stuff?" Suzanne asks.

"Are you?" Miller counters.

"No, but…"

"Are any of you doing anything? You were partly selected because you're Durham or North Carolina residents. So if you know you're unavailable on the day…" Alec has quite the assertive personality.

Everyone is quiet.

"Good. Let's get practicing!"

"Dude, how did you know we were from North Carolina? Were you digging around? That's a little weird," Miller prods.

I turn to Jamie. "Time to get your ears protected."

"Why?"

"The noise."

"Do I have to?" he whines.

"You have to. Here you go." I remove the earmuffs from my bag.

"Momma, please…"

"You promised, Jame. Remember what you said this morning? That you'd wear them if I brought you with me?"

"But I wanna hear!"

"You'll hear but it won't be so loud for you. I don't want your ears to fall off."

"Mommy, please!"

"I know that you keep your promises, James Lucas Scott. Will you prove me wrong?"

He shakes his head vigorously and reaches for the earmuffs. "No!"

"See? You do keep your promises!"

He smiles.

"Guess what?"

"What?"

"I wrote something special for you."

His eyes widen and then he grins. "You did? For me? Just for me?"

"Just for you. And I wrote one for Daddy, too."

"Will you sing in the…the CD?"

"When they are perfect, we could sing them on a CD. Ready?"

I adjust the earmuffs over his ears and walk to my spot. The rehearsal area is at the corner of the room and like Alec said, it has great acoustics.

Jamie is asleep by the time we're perfecting Alec's song.

* * *

><p>Jamie's field trip to the butterfly farm is to the neighbouring town, so they'll be out there all day and won't be back until four.<p>

I'm getting used to him traveling far. By the time he's in grade school, I'll be signing field trip permission slips without crying buckets.

I've been at the hospital for some time, having received my usual dosage of No News from Doctor Jasinski.

I'm seated in my regular chair, talking quietly to Nathan about random things.

For a moment, I just sit still, not saying anything, watching his chest rise and fall.

I'm hopeful, yet dejected. It's almost three months since the accident, three months of pure agony and torment.

Jamie's CD plays softly in the background, a reminder of what happened a few years ago.

* * *

><p><em>When I woke up from my coma, I was frantic, scared out of my mind and calling out for Nathan. I just cried when they told me where I was, so terrified because no one I knew was there. <em>

He_ wasn't there. _

_I was in New Jersey, a long way from home. _

_When I felt calmer, I asked them to call him for me. My throat was sore and achy from weeks of disuse and I didn't want to scare him on the phone sounding like a creepy guy from a horror movie. _

_I couldn't imagine what it had been like for him not knowing where I was. Did he think I was dead? Did he think I was never coming back?_

_Three days. I waited three days for them. Three long days. _

_If I could, I would have discharged myself from the hospital and taken a cab home. I would have stood on the doorstep, supported by my crutches, ringing the doorbell and waiting for him to open the door for me. But I couldn't. I had to wait._

_Then the doctor told me about my injuries. I was a little relieved that my body was recuperating when I was in the coma. I don't think I would have wanted to be in so much pain while awake. _

_The worst of it was hearing about the hysterectomy. I cried more after he left. _

_I cried for the children we wouldn't have, I cried for the siblings Jamie wouldn't have, I cried for the strength to be able to understand why it had happened. More than anything else, I cried for Nathan, knowing he had wanted more kids. But I made my peace with it; we had Jamie._

_They brought in a shrink to talk me. I guess from such a traumatic accident and with my severe injuries, they were worried I'd be on my way to dementia. I was fine, I was okay; I just wanted my family to come for me. _

_The first time my uninjured foot touched the floor, I almost fell flat on my face. Good thing my hand was holding onto the bed or I would have broken a couple of teeth. Or split my head open. I had to call the nurse to wheel me to the bathroom._

_Leaning on the sink, I felt lighter than usual. I didn't look like my true self. I had lost a lot of weight, my cheeks somewhat sunken, and my skin was a lot paler, the colour of alabaster. Would he recognize me if he saw me? _

_I was so weak and it took some rehabilitation exercises to get me back on my feet, rather foot, to help me move my limbs. I was determined to get it right; by the time Nathan and Jamie arrived, I wanted to be able to hug them. _

_The exercises also taught me how to use my crutches. I had to strategically balance my weight so that it wasn't all on one foot. My upper body was so sore from using the crutches and hoisting myself around by the end of it that I was worried I had developed blisters under my arms. _

_As much as I detested depending on that wheelchair, I truly detested those crutches more. I wanted to throw them through the window. I wanted to scream into my pillow out of frustration. I just didn't have the energy to do any of that after two months of no movement. _

* * *

><p>"Did I tell you that I wrote you a song? I did. And I want you to wake up and listen to it. You're my biggest fan, you know that?"<p>

I bite my lip, holding back the urge to cry. "I-I hope you're not mad that I joined a band, honey. I just needed it so bad…We actually got our first gig. I'd love it if you came…"

Taking a measured breath, I lean my head on his arm. "Everyone's waiting for you. We'll have a big party when you wake up, okay? Or maybe not. Whatever you want."

I raise my head, looking out the window at the sunshine streaming in.

"Summer's coming, babe. You love summer. Don't miss this one." I lift his hand to my lips and kiss his palm. "Remember my trip to L.A. for the charity concert? I was thinking we could take a trip there before fall. Jamie will love it. I won't let you drive, by the way. Call it payback for the way you treated me like an invalid when I was in crutches. Or maybe you can convince me to give you the keys."

I rub my thumb along his hand, against the inside of his wrist. "I miss you. A lot. Do you miss me? Squeeze my hand if you do."

He doesn't.

I let out a desperate sigh, accompanied by a small whimper.

It was worth a try.

_I hadn't heard him walk in but when Jamie gurgled, my heart fell to my stomach. _

_He was here._

_Afraid I was hearing my own things, I turned very slowly to look at him._

_He was real._

_He was as tall as I remembered, but he looked leaner. He hesitated to approach me at first but when he did, I could see the tears in his eyes…and the sorrow._

_I cursed myself for not waking up sooner, for falling into a coma in the first place. _

_He had been grieving for me._

My throat feels closed up when I remember.

He had been grieving for me.

Sighing, I look back at him.

"No secrets, right?" I pause.

"There's this father at Jamie's preschool who hit on me. Sam Cregg. I think you know each other. I set him straight, though. You'd have been proud of me, honey."

Remembering the humiliation I felt at Kyle's party makes me feel even worse about it.

"I – I just want you to come back, Nathan. I want people to know that I'm happily married to a wonderful man and I wouldn't dream of leaving you…Please don't leave me…Come back to me…"

Holding his hand to my cheek, I cry silently, every tear I shed a way of telling the universe that I want my husband back.

"I-I really wish I could stay but I have to pick up Jamie from school. I know he'll bring you a picture of a butterfly." I turn to the wall, a large part of it filled with Jamie's colourful drawings.

Gently releasing his hand, I switch off the player, grab my bag and lean over him. I kiss a slow trail from his mouth to his ear.

_"Haley, nothing's going to happen to me."_

"I won't give up on you," I whisper. "I won't." I graze the tip of my nose against his ash-grey cheek. "I love you, Nathan Scott."

Giving him a soft kiss, my lips linger on his for a while longer. Like they always do. I walk away from the bed, wiping at my eyes, leaving another piece of my heart behind.

And then I hear it.


	28. Chapter 28

I stop, with my hand on the door handle.

Am I hearing things?

Silence.

Shaking my head slightly at my imagination, I pull the door open, my feet now on the corridor, letting the door fall shut behind me.

But then I hear it again.

A groan.

Oh my God.

I'm starting to tremble and I feel lightheaded.

I don't want to take too close a look in case it's my wishful thinking playing mind tricks on me.

Apprehensively, I push the door open with my back, turning my head sideways, glancing slightly behind me over my left shoulder.

Movement.

A dry cough.

I turn on my heels so fast that I bump my elbow on the door, rushing to his bedside.

"N-Nathan?"

I'm cautious as I lean over him, excited, afraid, my knees wobbly.

He's as still as I left him a minute ago.

I lean closer, peering at his face.

His head moves slightly and then he moans softly.

Sweet baby Jesus!

My bag falls in a thud as I drop it to the floor. Gasping, my hands cover my mouth as my wide eyes stare down at him.

He moans again, a look of distress on his face.

Cold shock goes through me and I instantly reach for his face.

"N-NATHAN! Baby! Nathan! Can you hear me?"

I don't realize I'm crying until tears fall from my eyes to his forehead. I wipe them away, stroking his face, kissing his cheeks, his forehead and his lips.

"Baby, I'm here…"

His eyes are fluttering.

"Nathan? Nathan? NATHAN! OH MY GOD!"

I'm crying harder.

"H-honey! Can you hear me? NUUUUURSE!"

They flicker open very slowly, so slowly that I'm holding my breath as I wait to see their colour.

Blue.

Sometimes lighter, sometimes darker, depending on the light, but they are forever blue.

I finally see those blue orbs. Those beautiful blue eyes that our son has, those beautiful blue eyes that make my heart race every time I look into them, those beautiful blue eyes that were locked in unconsciousness for three months.

"Nathan! Baby! I'm here!" I hold his face gently and kiss his lips. "I'm here! Oh my God! I love you!"

He's awake!

It's taking a lot for me not to throw myself onto him, to drown myself in him. He just came out of a coma and his body is weak right now. I don't want to do anything that could make him go into another coma.

He takes in a huge long breath, blinking slowly against the light.

"H…H…" A hoarse rasp, but he's awake!

"Baby! I'm here! I'm – I'm right here!" I'm crying and laughing and kissing him.

I can't believe it! Oh my God!

He's looking directly at me and I see a tear slip down the side of his face.

"H…H…Ha…wey…" he croaks.

Oh my God!

I wipe away his tear and kiss him again.

"I missed you! I love you! Oh, God…NUUUUUUUURSE! LORI! NURSE!"

I know I'm incoherent but I don't care. I'm doing everything at once; hugging him, touching him, kissing him, crying, laughing and telling him how much I love him.

My pulse must be frightfully high as I stand beside the bed, my eyes roaming over his body, breathing him in; his covered legs, his arms, his chest, his face, his eyes.

I kiss him tenderly on the mouth for the hundredth time, his soft, silky hair slipping through my fingers.

"I-I missed you so so much," I say in a throaty voice.

I lower the bed's railing, stretching out on the bed, laying my head on his chest, intertwining our fingers.

His grip is not strong but I can feel a slight pressure where he's holding me.

He's back.

In my delirium, I don't hear the doctor come in until he touches my shoulder.

"Mrs. Scott, could you please leave so that I can examine your husband?"

Nathan's hold on me tightens.

I kiss his lips again. "I'm not going anywhere." I turn to Doctor Jasinski. "Do what you have to do but I'm not leaving him."

He's probably used to bossy spouses but I don't care.

* * *

><p>My hands are resting on the thin hospital blanket, my fingers playing with the edges of the red blanket I brought from home when we first saw Nathan. Was that three months ago?<p>

They are shaking, wanting to touch him just to make sure I'm not dreaming all this but Doctor Jasinski has hijacked his body.

"Can you move your fingers?"

I watch his hand. After what seems like ages, his fingers move slightly.

"Alright. That's good. Can you move your toes?"

He breathes out heavily as he wiggles his toes slowly.

"That's very good, Mr. Scott. Now I'm just going to take a look at your eyes…"

Nathan hisses when the bright light hits him directly in the eyes.

"I apologize. It will take some time for your senses to get used to the environment. I'll send the nurse in with some eye drops. They will help with the dryness. Can you say your name?"

Nathan growls.

"Don't worry, Mr. Scott. We'll assign a speech therapist to work with you."

He moves to the foot of the bed.

"Do you feel this?" Doctor Jasinski taps Nathan's foot with his pen.

Nathan groans.

Doctor Jasinski does the same with his other foot. "And this?"

Nathan groans again.

He is very gentle with Nathan, examining him for a while longer and then he's gone.

I don't know why I feel so shy all of a sudden. I grab the pitcher and pour water out into the plastic cup, trying to calm my shaky fingers from dropping or spilling anything.

Taking in a deep breath, I sit on the bed next to him.

"Hi," I whisper softly as I run my fingers through his hair.

I can't believe it. After so many weeks of…I'm never forgetting this day!

"You slept for so long, babe," I smile at him.

He releases a guttural sound.

"You don't have to say anything. We have time, okay? Drink this."

He must be parched.

I put the straw in his mouth and watch as he drinks it all slowly.

"More?"

He groans.

After two more cups, he's satisfied.

"Welcome back," I whisper in his ear.

His fingers twitch slightly in my hand and he opens his mouth.

"Hhhhhhhhh…"

I wipe at my eyes.

"It's o–" I kiss his cheek. "It's okay."

We sit like that for a while, looking at each other, with me telling him tidbits about what has happened.

"I have to go pick up Jamie." It's ten to four and the bus is probably close to pulling into the school.

When I mention him, his eyes light up.

"I know. He'll be so so happy," I grin. "Thirty minutes, okay?"

He blinks slowly.

I kiss him deeply. "I love you."

* * *

><p>There are no words to express my happiness.<p>

Every synonym for joy mashed up together will still not create a word to tell what I feel.

If I saw a nun kick a dog, I'd probably still be smiling.

If that dog raised a leg to pee on one of my wheels, I'd probably still be smiling, watching it do it.

I have one of those creepy wide grins that clowns paint on themselves. I can't even explain how I got from the hospital to the preschool in one piece but I did; it's like I was high on joy. I can't remember stopping at any red lights or turning corners but I made it alive. It's all a blur.

The paranoid side of me kept throwing a question at me, though: _what if he slips back into a coma between you leaving and going back? _

_Shut up. He's not._

_But what if? _my thoughts chide.

_Stop it! There's no what if!_

It's really not that insane that I'm having an argument with myself when I've been holding mental conversations with Nathan the last few months.

"They were really beautiful!"

Jamie has been talking about the field trip since I picked him up. I haven't told him about Nathan. I want it to be a surprise.

"Maybe you can draw Daddy a picture of the butterflies."

"I was gonna! Are we gonna go to Andre's, Momma?"

Oh, shoot. I forgot I have band practice.

"Um…not today, baby."

"Where are we going?"

"The hospital. You want to tell Daddy about the farm?"

"I guess," he says quietly.

I glance quickly at him through the rear view mirror. He's looking out the window, his face devoid of any of that happiness he had earlier.

"How many butterflies did you say were there?"

"Lots! And Crusty the bull!" he answers happily.

"Crusty the bull?"

"Uh huh! Crusty's biiiig, Momma! And he had biiiig horns and biiiig feet and Miss Maria said…"

He'll be so surprised…

* * *

><p>I'm waiting at the nurses' station as per instructions from Doctor Jasinski passed on to me by Lori.<p>

"Haley?" asks a soft voice.

I lift my head up, looking into the face of a tall woman, dressed in black, large grey eyes behind dark-rimmed glasses, a thick notebook under her arm.

"Yes?" I stand to greet her.

"I'm Marion, your husband's speech therapist."

"Hi."

"Is he yours?" she asks, looking at Jamie. He's behind the desk helping Lori with paperwork.

"Yes. That's Jamie."

"He's adorable."

"He is."

We sit back on the chairs and she opens the notebook.

"Well, we've worked on something in the short while I met your husband and I am quite impressed with his determination."

I grin. "He's like that."

"And that's a very good thing for patients who've had brain injuries. He recognizes the items in the flashcards but getting the words out is the problem," her voice is intriguingly low and rich, like a musical note.

"But don't worry. Coma patients take a while to get articulate about what they want to communicate because of the dormant tongue but with some work, we'll get his speech and his thoughts to coordinate."

"How long does that take?"

"It differs from patient to patient but your husband could be one of the fast learners. I really don't have much to say. For now," she smiles, standing, extending her hand. "I have another appointment but I'm seeing him tomorrow so I'll see you around?"

"Yes. Thank you."

I walk up to the desk once she's gone.

"Thanks, Lori."

"No problem. And thank you, sir," she tells Jamie with a high five.

"I can help again tomorrow!"

"I'd like that," she says, putting together a disorganized pile of papers. "You're a good assistant."

He grins as he circles the desk towards me.

"Ready to see Daddy?"

"Uh huh," he answers as he reaches for my hand.

I swing our joined hands as we walk towards Nathan's room.

"Momma, are you famous? Georgie said that his momma said that you're famous."

The tour feels like a lifetime ago. "I don't think I am, sweetie."

"I still like you when you ain't famous, Momma. We can be famous together when I'm a grownup!"

I give a little laugh, amused. "We can?"

"Yessss! It's gonna be the best! You'll see!"

* * *

><p>When I push the door open, Nathan is sitting up, eyes closed. They must have raised the bed.<p>

There are no tubes or machines in sight.

Jamie looks up at me. "Can I tell Daddy about the trip?"

I glance at Nathan. His eyes are now open, and he's looking at Jamie intently.

"Jamie."

That's what Marion was talking about.

Strong and clear.

Jamie whips his head to Nathan, and then draws closer to me.

"Hi," Nathan says.

"Momma. Momma." He tugs at my hand.

"It's okay, sweetie. It's Daddy."

He loosens his hold on my hand slowly, walking as slowly towards Nathan.

"D-daddy?"

Nathan blinks slowly, his eyes damp.

"Hi."

"DADDY!"

Jamie jumps on the bed, throwing his arms around Nathan.

"DADDY! YOU WOKE UP! I MISSED YOU!"

I walk towards them both, tears springing to my eyes.

"I-I missed you, Daddy! Where did you go? I din't want you to leave meeee!" he cries, clinging to Nathan's neck, his head buried in his shoulder.

"Did you hear my stories? And my songs? Did you see my pictures? I missed you! I love you!" Jamie sobs. I can't contain my tears.

Nathan's eyes are closed, tears on his cheeks.

"Love…you…"

Jamie suddenly pulls away, saying, "Miss Maria took us to the butterfly farm! Wanna hear?"

"Y…yes."

I sit on the chair holding Nathan's hand as Jamie talks about the butterfly farm and everything he's been doing since the accident. He's asleep in ten minutes.

"Do you like the pictures?"

I gesture to the wall full of Jamie's pictures.

He blinks slowly.

I squeeze his hand. "We've missed you so much…"

I tell him about school and the basketball team's visit.

I tell him about everyone's love for him, their love for Jamie in his absence.

I tell him about May's call.

I tell him about the L.A. concert.

I tell him about Jamie's appendectomy.

His hold on my hand tightens slightly when I talk about Jamie's surgery.

"He – he's okay now. He is a Scott after all."

His eyes are shining.

"I know. I wish you could have been here. I'm – I'm so sorry I left him, Nathan…"

He blinks slowly.

"N…no."

My rock.

Kissing his hand and resting my forehead on it, I just start to cry.

He's here.


	29. Chapter 29

They observed him critically for the first twenty-four hours.

PET Scan, SPECT Scan, CT, MRI, EKG.

No abnormalities in his cerebral blood flow, no lesions or swelling, no hemorrhage.

I didn't know whether this was a good sign or not because my notes say that some post-coma patients can take years to recover. _Years_. And they don't come out unscathed.

Some are paralyzed, some develop seizures, some are completely unresponsive, yet awake, some sustain major neurological and functional deficits that they require dependant care, some _die_.

It scares me on some level. Is the lack of any side-effects a delay or 'blind spot' that will later cause something worse? Will we come in one afternoon and find him asleep and then we can't wake him up again? Ever?

Doctor Jasinski keeps saying that his rate of recovery is high because he's young. I have to always remind myself over and over to accept this as a miracle, to stop being inwardly bound by the fear that something horrible will happen...

"Haley."

I look up from my notes. "Yeah?"

"Outside."

He turns his head to the window.

"You want to go outside?" I ask him.

He blinks.

I've come to understand that this is his way of saying yes when he doesn't feel like saying it.

His speech is limited to short sentences but it's coherent. I think it's taking a great deal of effort for him to speak for too long. Recovery from brain injury is not a snap-your-fingers result. It's long and painful, always a work in progress, Marion says.

It's understandable; it's been three months without use of his voice. He's alert, he's aware but trying to say what he wants to is sometimes a struggle.

"Okay. Let me just ask the nurse to help." Lori's not here today.

"N-no…w-we…"

He exhales.

I nod and kiss his cheek. "Fine. That Scott pride better help me get you into that chair. You may have lost weight but I'm still a waif in comparison."

His mouth twitches.

As he said, Doctor Jasinski assigned a rehabilitation program for Nathan, speech therapy and physiotherapy. Trust Nathan to want the sessions consistently and regularly, especially physiotherapy.

He's been more focused on gaining his physical strength more than anything. In the past four days, he has asked to be wheeled down to physiotherapy thrice a day, despite being told numerous times that he shouldn't. I've tried telling him to take it slow but he still won't do it. For Nathan, getting back in shape is more important. His career depends on it.

Helping him to the wheelchair is a little effortless on my part.

"Honey, you need to take it easy. Aren't you overdoing your therapy?"

He shakes his head. "Basketball."

I kneel in front of him.

"I know you love the game. And your position will be waiting for you when you get back. But please don't go overboard with it? I don't want you passing out like I did."

He smiles. It comes slowly, arrives shakily, but it's there.

"Knew it."

It makes me laugh and I kiss him quickly. "Don't be smug."

A little thrill shoots up through me.

He's my smug man.

* * *

><p>The summer heat is already here. He's not missing summer.<p>

We're sitting on one of the benches on the lawns behind the hospital, basking in the sun.

"Are you practicing on my fingers, Scott?"

His hand is holding mine, squeezing it every couple of seconds.

"Must," he grins.

He squeezes my fingers again, this time more tightly. I press a noisy kiss to his cheek.

"That's pretty good, babe!"

His grin tips the corners of his mouth. Something aches in me. Not the bad ache that was there…something good. I swallow hard.

"I missed the hell outta you," I say honestly, my eyes beginning to fill with tears.

I don't want to be without him.

He presses my hand, holding it to his lips. I keep that image in my mind, leaning forward to kiss him, laying my head on his shoulder.

We sit like that, him squeezing my hand every other moment, until he asks, "Jamie?"

"With your mom. They'll be by later."

After Nathan woke up, hours later when I remembered, I called everyone with the news.

Deb hasn't seen him yet. She was so excited that she cried for a few minutes over the phone, and I ended up crying along with her. It was difficult for her to get away earlier from work but she finally arrived late last night, offering to pick up Jamie from school and come with him to the hospital.

"How are the other therapies going?"

He takes in a deep breath.

"Ch-chew…s-swallow food," he grins. He's so positive about his rehabilitation.

He hadn't been able to eat anything but Jell-O, puréed food and fluids.

"That's really great, honey! Pretty soon you'll be yelling at me to hurry out of the shower."

He presses my fingers repeatedly. Urgently.

I'm instantly scared.

"What? What is it? Are you hurting? Am I hurting you? Oh my God…do y–"

He shakes his head slowly, heaving a deep breath.

"Marry me."

I blink.

"Ma-marry me. Again."

"Y-you heard me?" I bite down on my trembling lip. He heard me?

"Yes. Marry me. Again."

I kiss him fiercely.

This reminds me of the first time we said 'I love you'. For a few days, we'd exchanged words over the "big bad" sex issue. We met up at the bus stop and as we talked, he told me that he loved me, and that it was scaring him. God, if he had known just how scared crapless _I_ was falling for him, him being my first _everything_, he wouldn't have needed to be scared at all. I know what I felt that moment when I heard him say those three words. Other than the fright, I felt…alive.

I get the same feeling right now. I feel alive.

"Of course I will."

"I love you," he says softly.

It's the first time he's said it articulately since he woke up.

I throw my arms around him, kissing him hard, for a very long time.

"I love you, too," I breathe, breaking away from him.

"Haley…"

"Hm?" I rub my nose against his, my eyes closed.

"I ch-choose the c-cake."

* * *

><p>"I have to say that you are a very fortunate man, Mr. Scott. No two brain injuries are alike but you seem to be one of the lucky ones where this has not resulted in paralysis or brain damage. However, over the course of your stay here, we'll frequently check you for spasticity or any other physical side effect as a result of your accident."<p>

"Spasticity?" I ask him.

"Weakness, tightening and shortening of the muscles. What's the last memory you have?"

"Dr-driving. Highway."

"Any memory of the accident?"

Nathan's features scrunch up. "No."

"Can you remember everything else before the accident?"

Nathan turns to me and smiles. "Yes."

I lay my hand on his, smiling in return and looking at the doctor.

"Why? Is something wrong? Is it…?"

He shakes his head.

"It's common for patients with head injuries and brain traumas to have amnesia. Gaps about specific events are normal in traumatic amnesia."

"Is there a treatment? Will he get it back? How long does it last?"

"Memory is tricky. Some people resort to hypnosis or alternative medicine to get it back but medically speaking, it is advisable to just let it come back on its own. The memories are stored in your long-term memory and in time, it will or will not come back."

"What are the chances he won't get it back?"

"Amnesia can last as long as days or years. Those memories may or may not return but it's all about self-healing." He turns to Nathan. "Let's get you started on those tests, Mr. Scott, shall we? Mrs. Scott, I suggest you wait here."

I watch as the nurse helps him out of bed. I find it incredible that his legs were untouched in the accident. Not a single scratch.

"I'll be right here," I tell him with a kiss when he's settled in the wheelchair before she wheels him out.

* * *

><p>"You didn't want to go."<p>

"I didn't want to go."

"Why?"

"I want to spend my time with you." I adjust the pillows behind him. He complained of soreness on his shoulder blades after PT.

"Haley…"

"It's not a big deal. The school isn't going anywhere."

"B–"

"Daddy!"

Jamie runs into the room, beelining for the bed.

Nathan has gotten stronger and he's able to wrap his arm around Jamie.

"Hi, Jame."

"Hi, Daddy! I don' have a picture today."

He leans his head on Nathan's chest.

"Okay. S-still love you."

"I love you too, Daddy," he replies quietly.

I haven't told Nathan about Jamie's guilt.

"Nate." Deb is standing on the doorway, looking shocked and about to cry.

He looks up, his lips forming into a smile.

"M-mom. Hi."

She walks around the bed slowly to him.

"Oh, honey!" Then her arms around him, saying how much she missed him and loves him.

It's impossible not to tear up seeing them like that.

"I told you, Grandma! Daddy's not sleeping!"

She laughs, pulling away from Nathan. "You were very right, honey. Your daddy's not sleeping any more."

"Sorry," Nathan tells her.

She hugs him again. "You're forgiven. Allan sends his love, by the way."

It took some time for Nathan to really show that he approved of Allan.

"Daddy, we bringed your special book! Grandma's got it!"

She extracts the purple and white album from her big bag, passing it to me.

"We made this for you," I tell him.

"It was all Haley," Deb says.

I smile at her. "It's from all of us, really. I didn't print out all of them but I think you'll like these ones. The rest are stored in the camera. Want to tell Daddy about every picture?"

Jamie nods and opens the album. I placed the keychain on the first page.

"My keychain!" Jamie squeals.

"You can give it to Daddy now."

Nathan has been quiet this whole time but when Jamie turns to him holding out the keychain, he's blinking back tears.

* * *

><p>Peyton and Luke arrive a few hours later.<p>

She bursts out into a loud, barky laugh when she sees him.

Luke's voice is shaky when he says 'hey, little brother', as though he's on the verge of tears.

Peyt got him a Wizard of Oz snow globe. Short notice gift, she said. Luke brought him a Rutgers baseball hat 'for the bare patch at the back of your head'.

When Doctor Jasinski visits, everyone except a sound-asleep Jamie has puffy eyes and pink noses from all the crying.

It doesn't matter. This has been a long time coming.

The only thing that matters is that we finally have Nathan again.


	30. Chapter 30: Rated M for strong language

Nathan's recovery is nothing short of miraculous since he woke up two weeks ago.

He's not stuttering as much, his vocal chords are strong, and he's able to walk without assistance, albeit slowly and with the use of a cane.

There were some things following his waking up that were worrisome, like the sudden bouts of agitation and zoning out.

We'd be talking and then his eyes would just go dead as if lost somewhere else. It really spooked me out and my irrational fear of his slipping into another coma was brought to light.

I talked to Doctor Jasinski immediately after that. He explained that such behaviour wasn't uncommon for those who emerged from a lengthy coma. He told me to ignore it and not show any nervousness in case it increased Nathan's distress. So far, he hasn't had any of those moments in Jamie's presence.

The other disconcerting part was the swearing outburst. It happened after one of his earlier physiotherapy sessions.

Jamie was playing at the Children's Den, where I had taken him earlier when Lori had wheeled Nathan down to the Physiotherapy Wing.

I was pulling the blanket over his legs, trying to make him comfortable, asking about the session.

"Was it painful? Does the stretching make your shoulder sti–"

_"FUCK OFF!" _

I was so full of blind shock, not having the slightest clue as to how to react that I just froze, staring at him, my hands still holding the blanket.

I straightened, swallowed, and then asked quietly, "Do you feel better now?"

And then I left the room.

I thought it was something I had done to make him so frustrated that he had to yell at me. Even before the accident, we never argued to the point of screaming obscenities at each other.

_Fuck off._

I walked away in a daze, past the Children's Den, the nurse's station, to the elevators, finding myself in a corner table at the cafeteria.

_Fuck off. _

The more I thought about it, the more the scene played out in my mind, and the more scared I got all over again that I just cried.

_Fuck off. Fuck off. Fuck off._

He didn't even say it quietly, he shouted it.

_Fuck off. _

After my mind was clear enough, I went back up.

He looked as miserable as I felt.

"I'm so sorry."

Hesitant to approach him, I stood midway between the doorway and the foot of the bed, bursting into another round of tears when I heard him say that.

I didn't know what to do.

"Hales. Baby, I'm so so sorry."

I garbled through my tears, saying how I thought I was probably being a suffocating wife and he couldn't take all the fussing.

It was the first time he was able to walk without anyone's help.

That outburst wasn't his fault, I found out later on after a chat with Doctor Jasinski and a spell of online research. Another effect of brain surgery. It could have been worse; it could have been Jamie or he could have stabbed me with a syringe like that guy did to his nurse…

* * *

><p>The room is packed with stuffed animals, flowers and get-well cards from friends and schoolmates.<p>

I threw away the raunchy pictures girls sent to him with scribblings of perverse things that were more or less saying, "here's what is waiting for you".

I kept the animals that were sent along with the pictures, though; I'm thinking of handing them over to the hospital so that they can give them to the kids in Pediatrics.

The basketball team visited but I wasn't around for that, having finally made an appearance in my classes and tutor sessions. There are only so many classes I can skip on a scholarship. Administration understands the situation we're in but I don't want to cause any waves.

In the pictures they took with Nathan, he's holding the second-place trophy they won in the season's final.

Brooke finally emailed, and she's in Miami. She was shipped there, her words not mine, because of the successful shows she ran in D.C. From her excited tone, she loves it in Magic City.

She also sent a three-foot giant stuffed Panda. Jamie loves it.

Whitey and Karen, unable to come down in person, called. Karen's conversation was dipped in 'Oh my God's' when I picked up and I think Whitey was as choked up as Nathan was as they spoke.

I did tell Nathan about Jamie's self-blame, leaving them alone to talk when we visited again. I figured it was part of their Guy Code.

The staples and stitches in his skull were removed. Even though the incisions on his abdomen from the surgeries had healed between having the surgeries and waking up from the coma, he was told to take it slow with his physiotherapy. Did he listen? No.

The results of the regular, no, _constant_, physiotherapy is that he's stronger, he's gained weight and muscle, and colour is back in his cheeks.

I smuggled him a cheeseburger after he begged me for it. How could I say no to that charming face?

He devoured it in two minutes flat.

* * *

><p>Whenever we visit, Jamie ends up falling asleep beside Nathan. Out of habit, I find myself massaging Nathan's legs and feet. He can wiggle his toes now without his face contorting.<p>

"You have a girlfriend, by the way."

He looks up from the pile of books beside him. He's been studying, slowly trying to catch up before finals.

"What?"

"Remember the cheerleader in the bathroom who got all possessive on you?"

"How can I forget?"

"Weren't you in an accident?" I smirk.

His mouth curls up on the side. "Funny."

"Her name is Tina and I think she has a serious crush on you. We exchanged a few words a couple of weeks ago."

"Slapping?"

I shake my head as I work on his calf. I've seen Tina around campus, and she hasn't hesitated to give me the stink eye, throwing a 'fat loser' over her shoulder once or twice. Are there store-bought cards that say "_I'm not divorcing my husband any time soon"_?

"No, just a public squabble. What if she's a mental case? She could kidnap you and kill you and mount your head in a cabin in the woods! Heaven's sake, you were just in a coma! And she has the audacity to call me a fat loser! I will feed her to those zoo lions Jamie talks about one of these days if she pushes me!"

I'm energetically rubbing his leg.

"Hales…"

"God, your groupies are just…just psycho! Remember the ones who sneak into your hotel room? And the one who put her underwear in your pocket? Not forgetting the ones who flash their boobs in the bleachers! I cannot wait for us to get married again! It should be broadcast live on radio and TV just so all those hussies can get the point!"

"Haley!"

"Hm?" I notice that his leg has turned a darker shade. "Oh. Sorry."

"Come here."

He takes my hand as I sit at the edge of the bed.

"I'm not going anywhere."

_He's here._

I rub his cheek, kissing him softly. "I missed you."

"Missed you, too."

"How's the shoulder?" I lay my fingers lightly on his injured shoulder.

"Better. Not as painful."

"Good."

Getting off the bed, I take a step back to reclaim his foot.

"Haley."

"Yeah?"

"Sam."

My hands still for a moment. "Who?"

He cocks his head to the side. "Hales."

I grin. "Is that why you woke up? Because I mentioned him?"

"Haley."

"Alright. I think you know him. Sam Cregg?"

He thinks it over for a moment. "Can't remember his face very well."

"What do you think of him?" I look up at him while I work on his heel.

"Don't know." He frowns. "He hurt you?"

Speech therapy has been going wonderfully for Nathan. He speaks softly but articulately, and in longer sentences.

"No. Apart from hitting on me, he hasn't–"

"He. What." It sounds like a growl.

Oh, shoot.

"Don't you remember that part…?"

He shakes his head slowly. Nathan can be pretty jealous. When any strange guy lays a hand on me, he doesn't hesitate introducing himself. When any strange girl gets too chummy with him, _I_ don't hesitate introducing myself. Between the two of us, I don't know who has the worst jealous streak.

"Just the name."

"Sorry, babe," I grimace, reaching for his hand. "It wasn't a big deal."

Liar. I felt humiliated, double-guessing myself on what the heck had led to him thinking I was interested.

"How many?"

"How many what?"

"He hit on you."

"Twice?"

"Twice!" His voice is harsh and fierce.

Jamie fidgets. Nathan rubs his hair and he relaxes back into his sleep.

I caress Nathan's hand with my thumb. "I dealt with it. And I told him that Lucas would kick his ass even if you were not around to do it. Plus, it would have been the best time to allow Jamie to bite someone. His little teeth can come in handy."

His lips twitch. "Violence isn't the answer?"

I raise my eyebrows. "Do you really believe that?"

"With you two, no."

"Me, either."

"If he tries…I will hurt him."

I kiss the side of his mouth.

"I know. Thank you."

* * *

><p>"How are you feeling today, Mr. Scott?"<p>

"Fine. Tired."

"Anything else?"

"There's…clicking in my head."

Is his brain untangling!

"It's the settling and healing of your skull," Doctor Jasinski says while looking at me. I think he's come to expect my numerous questions.

"Isn't that dangerous?"

"Haley…"

I turn to Nathan. "Nathan, what if it's something bad? I have to ask."

"Forgive her. A little neurotic," he tells the doctor while tightening his hold on Jamie, who seems to be sliding off his chest.

"I'm not! Okay, just a little. But can you blame me? You woke up from a coma two weeks ago and there are clunky noises in your head!"

"Clicking, not clunking."

"It's my role as your wife to worry about you."

"Mine to tell you to calm down."

"I'm not letting you take another overextended nap, Nathan."

His fingers touch mine. "I know."

"You better. I can't get through this life without you." I rub his knuckles.

I tried. It sucked beyond words.

Looking up at Doctor Jasinski, I ask, "Is the clunking dangerous?"

"Clicking."

"Clicking, clunking. They're still noises in your head!" I sigh. "Okay, let's not do this again. I don't want to wake the baby." I release my hand from Nathan's to rub Jamie's back.

"He's three, Hales."

"Four, soon. But he's still my baby. Isn't he beautiful, Doctor?"

"How is it that you two are so young yet you behave like people in a nursing home?"


	31. Chapter 31

"D-A-N called me," Deb whispers.

Jamie, on the bed as usual, is scribbling in his sketching pad with his crayons as we wait for Nathan to return from physiotherapy.

"How does he find out these things, anyway?" I whisper back.

"He's always been obsessive."

"D-A-N. Momma, what does that spell?" Jamie asks inattentively as he writes it out across the page.

Deb and I look at each other.

He has never met his grandfather, and we have never talked about him in his presence. Nathan didn't want any of Dan's crazy theories on life and winning to be passed on to his son.

"D-A-N. Dan. Momma, what's Dan? Is it my fishie? Am I gett'n a fishie for my birthday! I want a gold one, Momma!"

He is clapping with excitement.

"A fishie?" Nathan asks as he is wheeled back into the room.

"Daddy!"

"Hi, honey."

"Hi, Mom. Hey, buddy."

Jamie squirms on the bed as Nathan gets onto the bed.

He forgets the sketching pad and crayons, lifting Nathan's right arm to curl up underneath. I pick them up off the floor, stashing them in my bag.

Nathan kisses his forehead. "You're getting a fishie?"

He nods against Nathan's chest. "Uh huh. Momma said it's a Dan!"

Nathan turns to us curiously. "Dan?"

I shrug slightly, rubbing my nose. "Um…who wants lunch?"

We left earlier today from home but I packed lunch for us all. Chicken nuggets, honey mustard sauce. What are the chances that we're growing mini poultry in our stomachs from this Saturday diet?

"Me! Can I eat with you, Daddy?" Jamie looks up at him.

"Still messy as usual?" He tickles Jamie's tummy, leading him into a fit of giggles.

Nathan and Jamie often eat off the same plate. Jamie will sit on Nathan's lap and then force his father to feed him. It's better now; when he was younger, he refused to eat unless Nathan fed him.

It's not that he can't do it himself but he'd rather have his father do it because he does it better. His exact words.

"I'm not messy!" he laughs.

"Have you forgotten what happened on Christmas?"

The issue of Dan Scott is forgotten.

For now.

Oh, shoot. Will I have to buy a goldfish and baptize it Dan?

* * *

><p>There's a local fundraising later on at Tric and since Karen is handling things at the café, Deb has to leave early to hold down the fort at Tric.<p>

Tric is the all-ages club that was Peyton's idea when we were in high school. She approached Karen with the concept, Deb became a partner in the project but despite their ownership, it's been more Peyt's baby than anyone else's. I had my first stage performance at Tric, and it's also where I performed "Halo"when I came back from the tour.

There was an accidental fire about a year ago from a wiring problem. It took some work to whip it back to shape and when it finally reopened, it was spiffier than before.

Since Peyt's away in college, she's not able to manage Tric as much as she did while we were in high school. She takes over during the summer, though, and helps out when she can over the weekend when she's around.

She mentioned that Deb and Karen offered her a small stake of Tric's shares. It's going to be official in October on her twenty-first birthday.

Peyton's a music junkie and she has a…wild taste in music. Metal, old school punk and rock, bands that seem to scream and bang their drums more than they sing, but she has such a love for it that it can be a little mad. The girl never sings but arguing with her about her beloved artists can become quite the fight.

I can't help goading and baiting her about them once in a while. There's a particular vein on her temple which pops up during one of our arguments, and it can be pretty fascinating and amusing watching it grow.

It feels like ages since I last saw her. Saw anyone, for that matter.

Skills and Mouth haven't been here, but we've been talking on the phone and through emails. I don't fault them; they went the farthest distance to college and it's only over major holidays that we get to see them.

Finals for everyone are coming up soon, which means friends haven't been able to make it for a visit. But with the summer, I hope for better things.

Normalcy, if we can achieve it.

* * *

><p>Sometimes I wonder if Nathan is making up for something with all the vigorous exercises and sessions. He won't say it but I think it has something to do with helplessness, or an inadequacy of some kind. I don't want him to stress himself out trying to live up to expectations of his recovery when we really don't have any. As long as he's here, I'm okay. I'm still trying to figure out how to broach that subject with him…<p>

"Hales?"

I lift my head up from my organizer. "Hm?"

"What's this about D-A-N?"

I look at Jamie, sleeping peacefully beside Nathan, and then turn my eyes to Nathan.

"He called your mom."

"Why?"

"I think it was about you waking up from the coma. He'd called me when Jamie was hospitalized."

"He did?"

I nod. "I guess you can't remember hearing that."

He exhales. "There are some things my mind intentionally shuts out. Why can't he just stay away?"

"He was probably worried about you both."

He sighs. "I wish he wouldn't."

I squeeze his hand. "I think it was pretty nice of him. But don't think about it too much. Not right now, okay?"

He nods and then looks away, like he sometimes does, but this time it doesn't seem like he's gone too far.

If Dan Scott had been more of a father than a sociopath to Nathan, perhaps things would have turned out different.

They would have gotten along, a family of Scotts, and most of all, he wouldn't have missed out on knowing his grandson.

* * *

><p>When Jamie wakes up, it's already dusk.<p>

"Momma, can I stay with Daddy?"

He asks to stay the night every time we're about to leave.

"Please, Mommy?"

Because Nathan seems stronger, I wouldn't mind letting him stay tonight. And tomorrow is not a school day.

I glance at Nathan, who is looking at me expectantly, too.

"How about we go home for your bath and your things and then you can stay with Daddy tonight?"

"REALLY?"

"Why not? I bet Daddy misses you, too."

"Daddy! Did you hear? I get to sleep over!" He frowns. "But Momma says I hav'ta take a bath."

Nathan rubs his hair and chuckles. "Real men take baths."

"They do? I take a bath every day!" he says proudly.

"You are definitely a real man."

"Don' go, okay?"

"I'll be waiting right here. And I'll make sure I take a bath, too."

"Really?"

"Yep."

"Then we can be real men together! Don' go anywhere, okay?"

His earnestness is quite amusing. He hugs Nathan and slides off the bed.

"Mommy! Come on! I don' wanna be late for my sleepover with Daddy!"

* * *

><p>Peeking at the nurse's station, I see it's empty. I sneak past quickly before the nightshift nurse gets back, slipping quietly into Nathan's room.<p>

He is awake, his face turned away towards the window. One of Jamie's legs is over Nathan's waist, his head in the crook of Nathan's shoulder.

Taking out the camera from my purse, I snap a picture of them like that to add to the many I already have. I've still been carrying the camera around with me, out of habit from the last few months.

He blinks a few times when he notices me. "Hey. I didn't hear you come in."

"Hi," I whisper as I walk towards the bed. "I just got here. Why are you up?"

"Slept for too long already," he smiles. "You're early."

It's almost five in the morning.

I lean over to kiss him. "I missed you both. Too lonely at home."

"Did you sneak in? Visiting hours don't start until eight."

I smile sheepishly. He laughs softly.

"Wow. I married a cat burglar."

"Surprise. How was it?"

"Great. He sang me his recital piece. I'd really missed him." He holds Jamie closer, a solemn look on his face.

"Hey…" I pull at his thumb. "What's wrong?"

He's quiet.

"I missed three months, Hales. That's a lot of time." His face shows pure sadness.

"Nothing is your fault."

"I know, but…I could have not slipped into the coma. It's like I wasn't strong enough to fight that heaviness that was dragging me down. And I couldn't fight my way out of it when I was already there."

"Nathan, please don't do this to yourself. You're back now."

"It's just unfair to him, you know? He can't remember when you were in hospital but he can remember this. And he's so young…"

I squeeze his hand, rubbing Jamie's hair.

"Hales…"

"Yeah?"

"From what you told me…I just can't bear it knowing that he was blaming himself like that. It was really eating him up. He refused to talk to me when I called, you know that?"

I didn't.

"No. When?"

"Before I spoke to you, I had called earlier. He picked up and he was still mad. I know he doesn't like it when I go away for games…"

"He's so proud of you, Nathan."

He nods. "I know but…do you know why he was mad?"

"No."

"I accidentally promised to take him for soccer that weekend. I was distracted by some game plays and I honestly couldn't remember until he mentioned it."

"It happens, babe. Remember the dog incident?"

Last year, I'd said yes when Jamie had asked about getting a puppy and when I realized what I'd done…When Jamie's angry, biting can get involved. Tantrum Central.

_"Momma, why do you hate me so muuuuuch!" he'd shrieked._

_"I don't hate you."_

_"YOU HATE MEEEE!"_

He's barely in kindergarten but he can act like a teenager.

"Yeah. But that phone call was a major part of his guilt."

I look at Jamie, so snug on his father's chest. "He said that?"

"He's pretty aware for his age. Expresses himself better than I do," he smiles down at Jamie.

"He'll be okay, Nathan. We'll make sure of it."

Placing my bag on the table, I stretch out on the bed.

"Am I hurting you?"

"No. Shoulder's better. I'm lifting weights now."

I lift my head to look at him.

"It's fine. It's like I'm not lifting anything at all."

"And the fatigue?"

"Sometimes…but I'm okay."

I wrap an arm around his waist and close my eyes.

"I'm so glad you're here, honey. And Jamie is, too."

He draws me close.

"I'm really glad I'm here," he whispers, kissing my forehead.

I feel drained and tired of everything that has happened but I couldn't ask for anything more right now.

Being able to be like this with Nathan, with my family, makes me feel contented.


	32. Chapter 32

"I can't wait to get out of here," he says, leaning his chin on the cane. "I never thought I'd actually miss being in class."

With a laugh, I shake out the blanket.

"Seriously, Hales. Some words just don't create a sentence in my vocabulary."

He was in a coma for fifteen and a half weeks, spending an extra twenty-four days in the hospital. He's coming home today.

The intensive rehabilitations included occupational therapy to regain basic skills like eating and gripping, speech therapy, physical therapy, regular checkups, blood work and scans.

"And you say Jamie's dramatics are from me?"

He rolls his eyes. "That is all you. He got the good looks from me."

"What am I? Chopped liver?"

"I like liver," he grins.

"Baby, you're kinda weird."

"This coming from the girl who puts ketchup on bread?"

"That was years ago! And I was pregnant. With your son."

"It was still gross."

"If we compared who's weirder between the two of us, you'd take the crown."

"Ah-ah. No way."

I raise an eyebrow at him. "You want to make a list? This time, there's no charming your way out of it."

He laughs. "I think I was pretty smooth."

"Maybe I should ask you to write that list again," I say sweetly. If he wrote that list of every girl he slept with before we got together again, it would send me mad with a combination of jealousy and fury.

"Okay. I'll write the list. Of your weird habits, not my…friends."

"You know where to find me."

"In my bed?"

Chuckling, I peck his lips. "You're just too corny."

Although he's being released from hospital and declared in good recovery, he still has to attend outpatient rehabilitation.

Nathan says that by the fall semester, he'll be resuming his normal routine.

His steely determination is more than admirable. I do worry about him, though. The fatigue, especially. He just looks so…weary and worn-out sometimes, even when he reassures me that he's not taking his therapies too far. Of course I asked Doctor Jasinski about it. _It's normal_. That doesn't make me worry any less.

"Jamie, are you okay over there?"

"Yes!"

He's collecting the cards scattered around the room. I already asked Lori to organize the collection of the teddy bears for Pediatrics once we're gone.

"Hales?"

"Hm?"

"Is there a party?"

I glance up at him quickly. "No."

"You're not lying, are you?"

"Would I lie to you?"

"Um, yeah."

"Nathan! Child in the room!"

He looks at me questioningly.

"Fine. I just tell…small fibs."

"This doesn't rate as a fib?"

"No. But honestly, there's no party. I didn't tell anyone you were coming home. And I don't want anyone hassling you when you're not fully recovered and I certainly don't want to give any of those crazy groupies a chance to whack you in the head! You could slip back into a coma for all we know and probably forget we were even together when you wake up and I'd have to spend months crying and watching you date other women all the while acting like a complete nincompoop while you deny having a wife and a son!"

"What?" He sounds amused.

I zip up the bag that has his clothes and prescriptions. Straightening myself, I look at him. "You heard me. We just got you back and we are not giving you another go at this."

"I'm not going anywhere, babe."

"Where can I get one of those ankle thingamajigs they give to offenders? The ones where if you go too far from the allowed distance, it beeps and you're arrested?"

He chuckles. "You want to buy an ankle monitor?"

"Why is that so crazy? Spouses have done crazier things."

Jamie dumps the cards on the bed.

"Everythin', Momma."

"Thank you, sweetie. Can you keep Panda company for a while before we go?"

"Okay."

"Crazier things like what? Chained their husbands to the bed?"

"Well, yeah."

"Sit with me. Your protectiveness is cute but–"

"What? Am I smothering you?"

"I wouldn't say smothering–"

"Nathan! You weren't exactly sitting back and throwing parties when I came back from the dead, you know."

"I didn't have the energy. Hales, I don't want you driving yourself crazy. Have I ever given you a reason to believe that I would elope with any girl?"

"You're already married. Why would you elope?"

"Hales."

"Alright. No."

"And I know this is not about the girls. I promise you I'm not overdoing my therapies."

I sigh. "It's just that…You're a very determined person and I don't want you to risk injury trying to be at one hundred percent."

"I'm getting a sense of déjà vu."

"I don't know what you're talking about," I mumble.

"Hm. Let me refresh your memory. High school, senior year, broken leg, someone passed out on the stairs, and that someone started ditching physiotherapy?"

"That was different! I wasn't overcompensating!"

"Sure you weren't. Like I'm not," he smirks.

"Okay!"

I was ditching.

"Nathan, your physical strength is important to you and I don't want you pushing yourself too hard. It takes coma patients up to a year to fully recover. A year. And you want to do it all over the summer. I just don't want to wake up in the middle of the night hearing grunting noises from the floor."

He grins. "I'm not going to be humping the floor, Hales."

I nudge him with my shoulder playfully. "Be serious. All I'm saying is that you have a tendency to push yourself when you're feeling pressured."

"No steroids. I promise."

The thought of that night still scares me. What if we'd lost him?

"Nathan…"

"I'm not feeling pressured, Hales."

"Are you sure?"

He turns serious, his eyes to the ceiling.

"This helplessness isn't something I'm used to, that's all," he admits quietly.

I reach for his hand, softened up by his honesty. He doesn't admit things like that easily.

"Rushing your body into things so quickly isn't good either. I need you to take care of yourself, okay?" I look over my shoulder at Jamie lying on the giant Panda. "_We_ need you to take care of yourself. We have the summer, Nathan."

He leans down to kiss me. "This is why I need you."

"I kinda need you too, Scott." I kiss him again. "How about we get you home?"

"Can we get pizza first?" he asks, with the same look Jamie usually has when hoping I'll say yes.

"Vegetarian."

He looks horrified.

"But…but why? It has no flavour!"

"Ah-ah. It's either vegetarian or none at all."

"I just came out of a coma! Have some mercy!"

"Exactly. You just came out of a coma."

* * *

><p>I carry Jamie up the stairs as Nathan takes slow steps behind me with his cane.<p>

"I could have carried the bags. Or at least one of them," he tells me as we stop at the first floor landing.

"For the last time, no. I'll go back for them once I've settled both of you in."

"Are you thinking of tucking me in?"

"Do you want to be tucked in?"

"It's three in the afternoon. I'm not sixty."

"But you must be tired from the drive?"

His face looks flushed. "I've been asleep for three months."

"Are you okay?" I ask as I reach for his brow.

"Yeah. Stairs just need getting used to."

I wish I could make it easier for him.

As we start for the second floor, I say, "Babe, you know you thrashed around sometimes during your long nap?"

A jolt goes through me when I remember seeing his eyes rolling to the back of his head, seeing only the whites of them…

"I did?"

"Yeah. You had seizures for a while."

"What?"

"They had to put restraints on you."

"They did what?" He halts on the last step, leaning on the wall.

"Doctor Jasinski said that they would prevent you from interfering with the needles." I'm digging around my bag for the house keys. "Coma patients do it a lot. Some even remove the needles themselves even if they're unresponsive."

"Seriously?"

He takes the bag from me, rifling through and pulling out the keys.

"Thanks. Yeah, but you weren't in them for too long."

"How long?"

Leaning on the cane, he inserts the key into the lock to open the door.

"A few weeks."

"I'll die happy if I never have to get another injection ever again."

"Don't use that word! That's asking for trouble."

"Hales, how much worse can it get? It's all movin' on up from here."

I laugh as I step into the apartment, turning towards Jamie's room. "Just relax and I'll be right back."

Nathan is laid out on the couch when I walk back to the door.

"Two minutes."

Stumbling into the apartment, I'm juggling a pizza box, two bags and a giant bear. He is standing on the foyer without his cane and before I have a chance to react, he grabs the bags from me.

"What are you doing!"

"Being helpful."

"Where's your cane? You could have fallen!"

"But I didn't."

"Nathan…"

"Hales…"

"Your stubbornness makes me so…why can't you just be a normal patient!"

"Oh, you mean like you were?"

I grunt as I follow him into our room.

"I was a normal patient."

"Tell that to the judge. You were back in school three days after being restricted to bed rest," he says, placing the bags on the floor and falling back on the bed.

"Well, you kinda made me mad, honey." Leaving the pizza box on top of the bags, I pad across the hallway to Jamie's room to put away the Panda. I hope it doesn't scare him when he wakes up.

"You had no reason to be mad. We did go to prom, didn't we?"

"After getting worried I would divorce you if you didn't."

He laughs, then groans, nestling into his pillow.

"Oh, God. This feels so good."

"I thought you were not sixty to be napping at three in the afternoon?"

"Anyone would after putting their back on this bed."

He groans again.

I take off his shoes and stretch his long legs on the bed. "Hospital beds leave a lot to be desired. Are you hungry?"

He opens his eyes. He looks so tired. "No. Come sleep a while with me."

I press my lips to his. "I'll be right back."

I'm trembling as I grab the pizza. It pains me to see him so exhausted.

After wiping down the counters in a bid to compose myself, I stash the pizza in the fridge, ensure the front door is locked, and turn towards the bedroom.

He's lying on his side, an arm below his head, back to the door. Even with the physio, his left shoulder is a bit sore and he prefers not to sleep on it. His breathing tells me that he's already asleep.

The patch where they drilled into his skull is slightly visible, hair already growing back.

I stretch out next to him, watching him. I still can't believe that he's back. After all those agonizing weeks of looking at him through windows, touching him with the protection of gowns and gloves and masks, seeing him lying there day after day…he's here.

_He's here._

I trace my finger lightly on his cheek, reveling in the solidity of him. It's not a mirage, it's not a hallucination; it's a miracle.

_He's here._

He's speaking, he's walking, he's okay. He'll be okay.

There haven't been any outbursts lately but he often gets tired and looks a bit down on some days. It all comes down to the brain injury. Doctor Jasinski told me that these are all expected outcomes after a brain injury. I just don't want to wake up and be unable to wake _him_ up.

I can't deal with everything alone. Call me selfish but I need him. I _need_ him.

Curling up in a fetal position, my forehead in contact with his chest, my arm over his waist, I close my eyes, the rhythm of his breathing slowly soothing me to sleep.

* * *

><p><em>"Momma."<em>

I open my eyes slowly, seeing his face right next to mine, nose touching nose.

"Momma?"

"Hm?"

His fingers reach for my nose, pinching it repeatedly. "Mommy, I'm hungry. Are we gonna go see Alec? Can I have a juice box?"

"Not today."

He's now grabbing at my cheeks.

"No juice box today?"

Laughing softly, I hold his hand to my lips. "No seeing Alec today."

"Who's Alec?" Nathan mumbles.

Jamie turns his whole body towards Nathan. "Alec has a cool house and we can play basketball!"

"He has a basketball court in his house?"

Jamie giggles, laying his head on Nathan's chest. "No! His house is biiiig! And Momma sings but she says I hav'ta wear my 'fmuffs 'cause my ears will fall off and Momma said she wrote me a song and she wrote you a song."

"She did?"

"Uh huh."

"Has she sung it yet?"

"No. I wanna hear it! Can I hear it, Momma?"

I sit at the edge of the bed, rubbing my eyes. "At the festival. Where are your pants, Jame?"

He's only in his t-shirt, underwear and socks. When he was a baby, he'd kick his legs around when we tried to put his pants on. He removes them now.

He shrugs. "I dunno!"

"What festival?" Nathan asks.

"We got a gig at the Independence Day Festival in Yadkinville. You can remember S-A-M but not the festival?"

"I guess I got a reason to wake up," he grins.

"Cal'fona, Momma?"

"No, not California. You want to come for a road trip with me?"

"Is Daddy coming?"

"Of course Daddy is coming! We can make it a Scott Family Road Trip."

"And Uncle Lucas? He's a Scott!"

"We can ask him. Are you still hungry?"

"Very much!"

"Okay. Find some pants and I'll be right there."

He slides off the bed and runs out the door.

"Careful!" I call out.

"Do I know Alec?" Nathan asks, sitting up.

"I don't think so. He's in one of my music classes."

I feel too warm in my Duke sweatshirt.

"So we have to wait for you to perform? In July?"

I blow my hair out of my face after a struggle getting the sweatshirt out through my head. Did my head gain weight?

"Yep."

"Hales, we're your biggest fans. Can't we have an exclusive performance? July is so far away."

I lean on the bed on one knee and pat his cheek.

"It's just a couple of weeks."

"Come on, babe."

"Your impatience is just too cute, hon."

He pulls me on top of him, making me squeal.

I adjust myself, so as not to lean in too much into him.

"You're not heavy," he says softly, his eyes boring into mine.

"I don't want to hurt you."

"You're not," he murmurs, his lips barely touching mine.

"MOOOOMMY! I'M HUNGRY!" Jamie screams from the kitchen.

* * *

><p>"I don't understand why we couldn't get sausage and bacon."<p>

"Maybe next time."

He raises an eyebrow. "Maybe?"

"Most likely not."

"There you go," he says flatly, making me laugh.

"So when do you practice?" he asks, taking a bite from the same slice he's feeding Jamie.

I can't eat any more after the slice and a half I've already had. My stomach may have shrunk over the weeks...and my head began taking in all my meals.

"Weekdays from five to six-twenty and weekends from three to five-thirty."

"Daddy, one more!"

Some cheesy goo drips onto his chin and Nathan wipes it off with a napkin.

"Aren't they angry with you for skipping so many practice sessions?"

"They understand. I want to be here with you more."

"You need to go back, Hales."

I fold my arms over my chest, leaning on the table. I haven't had the enthusiasm to go back, wanting to be around during his recovery.

"Daddy, one more!"

"Leave some tummy space for fruit, sweetie," I tell Jamie.

He nods distractedly as he chews.

"Hales. You should go for practice. Jamie and I can hang out. Right, buddy?"

"Mhh!"

"What about your physiotherapy?"

"I'll still go. And I have the best guy in the world for company."

"Is it me, Daddy? Am I the best guy?"

"Sure are. Are you full now?"

He thinks it over, so seriously as though the world's fate is in his hands.

"Just one more!"

"We can take the bus if you don't have the time to drop us home before practice."

"I'm not sure about that, Nathan."

He was in a bus accident and he has no concerns about getting back on the bus? I haven't been on a train since my accident. Not like I've ever needed to but even watching a moving train on television makes me feel nervous.

"Why not?"

"Why not, Momma?"

I wipe the cheese and grease around Jamie's mouth.

"Because I want to be there for Daddy when he's getting better."

"Hales, don't do this."

"Don't do what?"

I get up from the table, collecting the dirty dishes. Nathan loves leftover pizza for breakfast and somehow Jamie picked up on the habit. Good thing it's not a regular meal in our house.

"Don't use this as a reason to halt your dreams."

"I'm not!" Am I? I don't think I am!

"You are. We'll be fine. Right, Jame?"

He looks up at me and nods repeatedly. "We'll be fine, Momma! I can help Daddy relax at home! You'll see!"

I rub his hair and put away the remaining pizza pieces in the fridge.

"You're a perfectionist, babe."

He takes my hand, pulling me back to the seat.

"You won't feel right getting up there with them when you've not perfected everything. Come on, just do this for me? I don't want you to put your plans on hold."

"I'm not p–"

"If I promise to take things slow, will you resume practice?"

I bite the inside of my lower lip.

"You promise to take things slow?"

"I promise. And Jamie here will make sure I take it slow. Won't you, Jame?"

"I promise! Pinky promise!"

I laugh, unconvinced as I am about it. "Okay. I'll go. How do watermelon slices sound for the best guy in the world for company?"

"That's me! Me! Can Daddy have slices too?"

"Do I get to be the one being fed this time?" Nathan rubs his cheek.

Jamie giggles. "Promise not to bite! I have little fingers!"


	33. Chapter 33

The grocery bags are slipping out of my hands when I barge into the apartment.

While walking up the stairs, one of the bags caught on the newel, ripping off a large part of the side seam, apples and oranges spilling out. Like a lunatic, I ran after them down the stairs, begging them to stop.

After I'd packed them all up, I started back up again, holding the bag strategically. My _shirt_ then caught on the newel, and now there's a loose piece of fabric hanging off my hem. And then I bumped my elbow so hard that I could have cried.

"Can someone tell me what the karmic ramifications are for being a good tenant? This has got to be the– Luke!"

He has a way with surprise visits. I think he may have spent a little too much time with my parents at some point while we were growing up.

"Hey!"

He's on the couch, Jamie between him and Nathan, playing NBA Live. Jamie asked me to drag it out after Nathan came home.

"What are you doing here?"

He gives Jamie the controller and pulls me for a hug.

I haven't seen him in about a month! I find it weird that I don't see him everyday after all those years we saw each other daily.

His emails have been short, same as mine. Settling down, or at least trying to, and him being busy with school doesn't leave us with much time for lengthy emails.

He plops back down on the couch, yelling at the screen.

"Nice shot, Jame!" They give each other a high five. "I had my last final yesterday and I thought I'd pass by before I head on to Tree Hill. Wanted to see little bro."

"Aww," Nathan bats his eyelashes.

"Shut up," Lucas tells him with a playful punch to his arm, causing Jamie to giggle.

I walk to the kitchen to unpack the grocery bags. "Did you just get here?"

There are yells from the living room.

"Not really! I've been here about an hour!"

"You want something to eat?"

More woo hoos. I honestly haven't ever understood the fascination with video games. They're addictive to say the least, and when Jamie was old enough, we had to create a balance between him lounging on the couch and being active.

I stick my head out of the fridge. "Do you want anything to eat, Luke?"

"Sure!"

After putting away the groceries, I cut up a banana into a bowl, throw in a few blueberries and sprinkle some raisins. I make a cheese sandwich for Lucas and place three rice cakes on a plate for Nathan.

I give Jamie the bowl, Luke his sandwich and pass Nathan his rice cakes.

"Slowly, Jame."

"But I'm hungry!"

"James…"

He huffs.

Lucas is staring at Nathan's plate. "What are those?"

"Rice cakes."

"Why?"

Nathan steals a glance at me. "I'm a recovering patient."

I turn towards the kitchen.

"Trust me, I'm feeling the pain. No meat, no cheese, vegetarian pizza that tastes like S-O-C-K. You want to know what I had for breakfast?"

"No."

"I'll tell you anyway. Oatmeal. _Oatmeal_. I seriously have motivation to get back in shape."

"I heard that."

"You were supposed to."

"Are you complaining, Nathan?" I place my hands on my hips.

"Absolutely not."

Jamie giggles.

"I just didn't have a heart attack, Hales."

"I've read up on this stuff, Nathan. And veggie pizza doesn't taste like…that. Oatmeal is good for you with all the fibre. Do you want me to show you the folder?"

He frowns. "The folder?"

"Momma's bedtime story!"

Nathan pops a large piece of rice cake in his mouth.

I watch him chew, he watches me watch him chew. After about a million years, he speaks.

"Bedtime story?"

"Momma says it has stories about you when you was sick." He picks up a blueberry and eats it.

"Is my tongue purple yet?" He sticks his tongue out and tries to look down at it.

"Almost there, sweetie."

Nathan looks at me and then pops another piece into his mouth.

"Can I read your bedtime story, Hales?" he asks amusingly after he swallows.

I grab the empty plate from his lap. "I'm thinking of signing up as a volunteer tutor at a prison."

* * *

><p>"Hales, this is like a school-issued textbook!"<p>

He'd look like a cute, young professor if he had glasses hanging at the end of his nose.

I slide under the covers. "Did you forget that I'm Tutor Girl?"

He pecks my lips. "My Tutor Girl. But this is like tons of research! How long did it take you to do this?"

"Whenever I was at the library, I always found something new to add to the collection."

Feeling too warm, I push back the duvet with my feet.

"Some habits sure do die hard," Nathan mutters.

"What habits?"

"Throwing away the covers. Jamie got his spread-eagled habit from you. Do you know how many nights I've woken up shivering because the duvet was on the floor?"

I scoff. "You're one to talk. Unlike the rest of you, your feet are ice cold. I shiver when they come in contact with mine."

"But yours are sooooo toasty warm," he pouts, turning a page.

"Sometimes I think you're part merman," I laugh.

He turns away from the folder to look at me. "Merman?"

"Yeah. The male equivalent of mermaid? Haven't you heard of the word?"

He shakes his head. "Who has except you?"

"You know, someday this info will come in handy when you're in the hot seat on one of those game shows."

"Hales, why would I be in a game show in the first place?"

"I don't know. These things happen. You want a massage?"

I've been massaging him every night since he came home from the hospital.

Throwing the folder to the floor, he reaches for my waist, pulling me on top of him.

"I can think of something else I'd rather have you do."

"You?" I chuckle.

"Me," he laughs.

I throw a leg over his lap. "Isn't it too soon?"

He sighs. "It's been a month. Four since the accident."

I kiss his Adam's apple. "I don't want any–"

"Hush. Think of it as a favour. Or a welcome home present."

I giggle against his throat. "A favour?"

"A favour. For an invalid like me. A poor soul who was lost in a maze of unconsciousness and loneliness and darkness for months and couldn't even hear his wife scream his name like this time at the b–"

I cut him off with a kiss. A kiss so deep and hot that my toes actually curl.

My tongue sucks on his, teasing and probing.

He tastes like mint.

I end it with a slow lick to his lower lip.

He groans.

"You made me very naughty that day, Mr. Scott."

He pulls down a strap of my black silk chemise. "Did I? Care to refresh my memory?"

I lift a shoulder seductively. "Sure you can handle me?"

He rolls me over, pressing into me.

I have _really_ missed him.

"Trust me. I can handle it, babe."

He runs his fingers across my stomach, making me shiver and moan.

"D-door…"

"Locked." He licks the pulse point at the base of my throat.

I can't even think straight.

"D-don't–" I groan.

"I won't forget to unlock it."

He pulls the chemise up my hips, his knee pushing my thighs apart, his fingers grazing my inner thigh.

"Nathan, we have to be–" A low sound comes from the back of my throat, a half growl a half gasp, when his thumb rests between my legs, rubbing me gently.

I arch against him, sliding my fingers through his hair.

"I know…" He kisses my jaw, my collarbone, my throat, and burrows his head in my hair.

I run my fingers down his stomach, and sliding my hand over the waistband of his pajama pants, I touch him.

"Ha–"

I suck his nipple and he clenches in my hand. "What? You have something to tell me?"

He presses his thumb against me. I gasp so loud I can barely breathe.

"Na–"

Neither one of us is able to complete a word coherently.

In return, I tighten my hand around him, and he lets out an uneven hiss, swearing throatily.

He slides his tongue into my mouth, stroking me with so much ecstasy that I can hear a crashing wave around my ears. After what feels like eons of delicious sucking, he lifts his mouth slowly from mine.

"Hales…" He looks into my eyes, his desire and expectation mirroring my own. Before he says anything, I kiss him.

"Hush, Scott. Let's reminisce."

* * *

><p>I wake up to the bed shaking, sunshine warm on my face.<p>

_"Momma! Wake up!"_

"Hm?"

"Wake up!"

I can't seem to open my eyes. I am so sleepy. Memories of last night flood through me. It was a long time later that we were able to fall asleep…

He's jumping up and down and the shaking is taking me out of my happy place.

"Can you hand me my robe?" I mumble against the pillow.

The bed stills and then the shaking is back again, accompanied by the familiar tune of 'Na Na Naaaa!'. He dumps the robe on my head.

"Thank you."

I pull it away from my face and slowly open my eyes. It's so bright and sunny. The curtains are drawn back and any pervert would be ecstatic at having such a view. Good thing I'm not naked.

"Where's Daddy?"

"Kitchen! Daddy made pancakes!" He's still jumping on the bed. I close my eyes. The motion is turning soothing.

"MOMMY! WAKE UP!" he screams in my ear, slides off the bed and runs out of the room.

Pulling myself out of bed, I'm half asleep as I drape the thick purple robe around my shoulders. How snug. I want to curl up into a corner and sleep a little more.

The smell of coffee makes me smile and I reach for the cup Nathan is holding out.

"Thank you." I close my eyes, sighing in contentment as the coffee takes effect on my system.

"You okay, Hales?"

I open my eyes slowly, swallowing, turning to Lucas. "Hm? Yeah."

"She's become addicted to the stuff since college," Nathan says. He points to his neck and winks at me.

In confusion, I answer, "Not addicted. Just love the taste."

"Can I love the taste, Momma?"

I walk to the table, taking the chair next to Jamie.

"No. You're too young for coffee but you can enjoy your Lucky Charms for as long as you'd like."

"When I'm eighteen? Like…like Miller's tootoo?"

Nathan and Lucas both give me a questioning look.

"Miller's tootoo?" Nathan asks as he pushes a plate with two thick, yellow pancakes towards me.

I smile at him gratefully. I love Nathan's pancakes.

"Momma's drummer man! Miller has a tootoo of a snake here, Daddy!" Jamie points to his neck. "And Momma said I can get one when I'm eighteen!"

Nathan raises his eyebrow and sits back on his chair. "She did?"

Jamie nods excitedly.

"Uh huh. Daddy, I want a pancake!" He slides off his chair to sit on Nathan's lap.

"Lots of syrup?" Nathan pours some on the plate in front of him.

"Lots! Momma, Uncle Lucas promised to come on our trip! And he said he'll come with Aunt Peyton."

I turn to Lucas. "You can make it for the festival?"

He swallows. "Wouldn't miss it. It is a Scott Road Trip, after all."

"Momma said she has a song for me. And for Daddy."

Lucas turns to Jamie. "I bet they're special."

"But she said that we hav'ta wait until the road trip. Daddy, more juice!"

He sips from the plastic cup Nathan holds to his lips.

"Can Grandma Deb come? And Aunt Karen and Uncle Keith and Lily and Uncle Skills and Uncle Mouth and Aunt Brooke and Dan…" Jamie continues to rattle of the names of all the people he knows in Tree Hill.

"Dan?" Lucas mouths to me, his eyes wide.

"Fish," I mouth back.

He gives me a blank expression. I shrug and take another sip of my coffee.

"You have…something, Hales," Lucas says as he points to my neck.

"What?" I rub at my neck. Did I drool all the way down to my neck? I don't even drool…

"Is it out?"

He shakes his head. "No."

I rub again. "Now?"

"No."

I stand to walk to the bathroom as I rub at my neck. "If I find that this is one of your crazy jokes, Lucas, I will really h–"

Oh my God!

* * *

><p>Luke doesn't stay for long after breakfast. After promising Jamie several times that he'll be at the festival, he leaves.<p>

"Nathan! You could have warned me about this!" I reveal the dark red hickey.

"I did. Some people don't take hints very well," he smiles, winking and pointing to his neck.

"I – I was half asleep!"

"I did try to warn you."

"Try harder next time!"

I pull the robe back tighter around my neck like I had when I had emerged from the bathroom after realizing what the 'something' on my neck was. I was beyond mortified. I didn't make eye contact with Lucas for a while after that discovery.

"You want one next time? I'll just make a biting sound for the warning." He clamps his teeth together.

I narrow my eyes. "That will do."

"I'll remember that."

"Don't forget it."

"I won't."

"Good."

"Good."

"Same schedule as usual today?" I ask him, stabbing into the remaining piece of pancake.

"Yeah. What about you?"

"I have to sign up for the tutoring job and then go for band practice. I think we'll be doing that all day."

"Are you up for it?"

"I honestly am. We have the basic tunes in place and I'm really looking forward to perfecting everything."

He looks up at me as I clear the table. "You'll be great, as always." He sighs. "I wish I'd been there for your L.A. concert."

"We can check online. I won't be surprised to find a snide comment from Tina. Sometimes I actually think she's stalking me."

He laughs. "Unless she signs off as Tina, you won't find it. Who is this girl, anyway?"

"Cheerleader. I'm sure you know her as the one with the short cheer skirt who constantly stares at you on the court?" The dishes seem to rattle as I load the dishwasher. Tina and her cronies have that effect on me.

"That's narrowing it down, Hales," he grins. "More juice, Jame?"

"Uh huh."

"Unless you see her, I can't help you any more than that. She's just a little unbearable. If you see her, tell her to stop pining after you."

"Hales…" he laughs.

I shut the dishwasher, leaning on the kitchen counter. "It kinda worked on Rachel, didn't it?"

Rachel Gatina. My high school...nemesis? She had such a crush on Nathan that she rubbed it in my face whenever she had the chance. She also had the audacity to kiss him in a gym full of witnesses, feigning that it was accidental. Accidental, my foot. I could have killed her.

"Where did she go, anyway? Jame, look at me."

Jamie turns his head and Nathan wipes his mouth.

"Rachel? I don't know. Peace Corps?"

We laugh at the idea.

"Probably went to college in L.A. or Vegas. I'd bet Vegas."

"Daddy, look! Miller's tootoo!"

It's a long, thick squiggly line.

"That's Miller's tootoo? That's the one you want?" Nathan asks.

"Uh huh. On my neck and then everybody can see! Isn't it the best?"

"The bestest. Can I have it?"

"Okay. How will the tootoo be on my neck? Will I hav'ta draw it with a crayon?"

Nathan turns to me and curls his mouth sideways. "I think Mommy knows more about that than I do."

I narrow my eyes at him.

"Momma! How will the tootoo be on my neck?"

"How about drawing me a picture of Doggie and Panda? We don't have any of your drawings of them together. We can put it on the fridge."

He turns his attention to the sketching pad, the tattoo issue forgotten.

Nathan is laughing. I swat his arm. "Why are you on my case this morning?"

"Because I love you."

"I love you too, Momma!"

I kiss Jamie's forehead. "I love you too, sweetie."

"None for me?" Nathan asks.

I point to my neck and shake my head.

"We have to get going, anyway."

He looks at me seriously. "I'm really sorry I can't do the summer thing this time."

He is so apologetic that I can't help but bend down to kiss him.

Last summer, Nathan and I worked at Duke's annual teen's academic summer camp program; he was a basketball coach and I was a pre-college tutor.

"It's not your fault. Besides, we're not going broke any time soon."

He sighs. "But we're not rolling in money, either."

Standing behind him, I wrap my arms around his shoulders. "We're not but we're not starving, either. That money you got from last summer really came a long way for us. And next summer, you can sign up again."

They were so happy with him that he got quite a pretty penny from it.

"Besides, isn't this back our moneymaker?" I peck his cheek.

He laughs. "I'm working on it. Maybe I can find something else to do for the summer."

I release my hold on him to stand in front of him. "Absolutely not. You've not been home for very long and rehabilitation takes longer than w–"

"Just hear me out."

He pulls my chair with his foot.

"Sit."

I sit slowly, tightening the robe around myself and crossing my legs.

It's too soon for him to consider working.

"I feel better and I want to help."

I blink. "That's it?"

He rolls his eyes. "Hales, I'm sure the school has jobs that don't require too much physical exertion. Like the library. I need to get back to normal."

I fold my arms across my chest, raising an eyebrow at him. "The library, Nathan?"

Nathan is allergic to libraries.

"Okay, that's a little farfetched but maybe in Admin or Finance or something. Just until the Yadonky trip."

I chuckle softly. "Yadkinville."

"That one. If I promise to get a job that doesn't require a basketball or a basketball court or too much physical activity, will you be happy?"

"Daddy keeps his promises like me!" Jamie points out, still colouring.

"I do, Hales," he says with a grin.

I sigh in defeat. "Okay. But if it has anything to do with sports or training, absolutely not."

"Yes, ma'am."

"Yes'am!" Jamie concurs with a toothy smile.


	34. Chapter 34

This past hour has been nerve-wracking.

After my last exam, I went to pick them up at the hospital as usual but they were not there. They were not in the Physiotherapy Wing or Doctor Jasinski's office or anywhere in the hospital grounds. I decided to come home, thinking they would be here but they weren't.

Nathan still doesn't have a phone so calling him is pointless.

Several scenarios have run through my mind, each one involving blood, hospitals and comas.

Oh my God. I think I'm justified to panic.

Should I go back to the hospital? Or call the police? Should I cruise around t–

I hear the key turn in the lock and then the door opens. Oh, thank God!

Their faces look flush with joy.

"Hi, Momma!"

"Hey, babe!"

At the sight of them, I deflate with relief. Then I get hit by fear.

"Where have you been! Are you okay! I was worried sick!"

Kneeling in front of Jamie, I check his face and arms for any bruises.

"Momma, what are you doing?" He's frowning, looking at me curiously.

"Nothing, baby."

I get up and look at Nathan. His cane is missing.

"Were you robbed? Where is your cane? Oh my God! Did someone snatch it from you? Did they hurt you? Did you get lost?"

What the hell happened! This is taking me back to that night. That night where I opened the door to find two policemen looking at me with pity...

"Calm down, Hales. We're fine."

Am I having an anxiety attack?

"Then…then where were you?"

"School, Momma! On a bus!"

School? Bus?

"What are you talking about?"

Nathan grins. "I enrolled Jamie for a few weeks in the school's summer program. Starts next week and he is excited. Aren't you, buddy?"

"A lot! Andre and Kenny are gonna be there! Miss Maria said so!"

"Then we went down to the store and I got reconnected. Check this out. Got a good deal on it, too."

He takes out a small black flip phone from his pocket.

"On a bus, Momma!"

I feel the apprehension seeping slowly out of my body. They're okay.

"D-did you have fun?"

"Uh huh! And Daddy played a game with me! We counted twenty white cars!"

"You did?"

"I did! And I got all my numbers right!" he says proudly.

"All of them?"

"All of them!"

"Look at you, smarty! Go get ready for your bath and you can tell me all about your day out, alright?"

"Okay!" He scampers off to his room.

"You okay?" Nathan asks me.

"Y-yeah. I was a little worried."

I was more than a little worried. I was going crazy with it.

He throws an arm around my shoulders. "I love that you can be such a worrywart but we're fine."

"I – I can't cope if something happened again, Nathan. I ju– I just can't."

He kisses my cheek, giving me a hug. "Nothing will."

I hope so. God, I hope so. This can't be how our lives are mapped out. _The Scotts are to spend countless days on hospitals beds, constantly worried when they're out of each other's sight_.

I should slap that idea out of life.

"You like it?"

I look at the phone in my hand. Small, yet demurely stylish.

Nathan goes for simplicity more than posh innovations. He tried using his mom's Blackberry once and he almost threw it against the wall out of frustration. He and my parents can yap for hours about the nuisance of gadgets. What's ironic is that cell phones frustrate him but computers fascinate him.

"I do. It suits you."

He grins and pockets it.

I search his face for a sign of…something else. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"You were on a bus," I say quietly.

"Yeah," he mutters after a moment's hesitation. "I'm fine. It wasn't bad."

"Where's your cane?"

"Gave it to an old homeless guy."

I can feel my eyeballs drying from the air they're taking in. "You…"

He shrugs nonchalantly. "He needed it more than me. Better than throwing it away eventually."

I blink severally and follow him to the living room.

When I first met Nathan, he was a pompous ass. Even as kids, he acted like a jerk, especially towards Lucas. With Dan Scott for a father, who could blame his bitterness and callous behaviour?

The façade lasted as long as Dan Scott had his talons sunk into Nathan, but getting away from Dan, being emancipated, changed something in him. His generosity, his sweetness, his goodness and his loyalty shone through.

Sitting sideways on the couch, I lean back with my elbow on the back of the couch.

"You just…gave it to him."

He turns on the TV. "Yeah."

"Just like that."

"Uh huh."

I sigh loudly. "I think I've fallen in love with you a little more."

"Just a little?" He flips through the channels.

"Tell me something else and we'll talk about magnitude."

The screen jumps from one channel to another. How is it that something as simple as a remote can send me into a tailspin?

"Can you teach me how to do that? I can give you a lesson on how to use my phone."

"No, thanks. I can do this for free."

I laugh, laying my head on his shoulder. Months ago, we swapped phones for fun for a day. I couldn't believe just how tragically simple his was, having to log in to a computer just to check my emails. He couldn't believe just how complicated mine was, complaining about how long it took him to save someone's number.

"By the way, where's the list?" I ask him.

"I'm still compiling it," he replies with a silly grin.

"Jeez, Nathan. I'm not a descendant of the Addams Family."

His smile stretches wider. "Even if you were, I'd still love you. Provided you don't fry me in a cauldron."

I run my tongue across my upper lip in an exaggerated way. His gaze focuses on my mouth and it feels suddenly dry. He leans forward, his lips slightly grazing my cheek.

"If you keep up with that, Haley Scott, I will willingly fo–"

We both pull apart like we've been scalded when we hear Jamie's little feet running down the hallway.

"Mommy! I'm ready!"

He's naked.

* * *

><p>"Momma, that one's too big!"<p>

"It is?"

"Yes! I told you I want a small one!"

"You did?"

"Yessss!"

I grin as I pick up another piece. We are on the living room floor working on a jungle jigsaw puzzle he's had for a while, a gift from Allan when Nathan was in hospital.

"How about this one?"

"Let me see!"

"Where does that go? The face, right?"

He refers to the box, holding the piece close to his eyes. "I guess so."

"Hales, have you seen this?"

"Seen what?"

"This."

"What?"

"Thi– just come and see it."

Getting off the floor, I walk towards Nathan where he is in our 'office'.

"Wrap it up, Jame. Bedtime."

"Do I gotta?" he whines.

"Yes, you gotta. Honey, it would make things so much easier if you could just tell me what 'this' is." I look over his shoulder. "Is it one of those hilarious videos about cute ani– what…"

My face is frozen on the computer screen, my mouth slightly open…as I scream at Tina.

"Nathan! What is this!"

"Remember that public squabble you told me about?"

Oh, God.

"Someone must have recorded it and posted it online."

"For…for everyone to see?"

I am mortified. I was going through one of the worst times of my life and my sudden outburst was shown to the world!

"Relax, babe. It's dated…" he peers at the screen, "…less than a month ago."

A month ago. Just about the time Nathan woke up.

"But…but it's still there!"

He looks up at me, grinning. "You look hot."

I swat his shoulder, unable to hide a smile. "I do not. How did you find it?"

"I was watching the L.A. concert and this was recommended."

"Recommended?"

"Uh huh. Recommended. Listen to this. It's my favourite part."

_"SO FORGIVE ME FOR BEING SO BITCHY THAT I DON'T HAVE A MINUTE TO KISS YOUR ASS OR WHATEVER IT IS YOU'RE HOPING TO GET FROM ME!"_

"See the look on her face?" he laughs.

"You're mean," I chuckle. But she does look peeved.

"She deserves it."

He pulls at my hand, sitting me on his lap.

"We're okay, Hales." He glances sideways. "Both of us."

With his affectionate eyes and quiet tone of voice, I feel hopeful.

I nod my head slowly, wrapping my arms around his neck, tears coming to my eyes.

They're okay.

"She's the mean one for saying what she did about you. I think you're just perfect. And those thighs…" he whistles softly.

I laugh against the crook of his neck, pulling away from him.

"You have a thing for thighs, Scott?"

He gives me a kiss on the corner of my mouth. "Yours in particular."

"I want a hug, too!" Jamie says, struggling to climb up on my lap.

* * *

><p>"You want me to come with you to rehab?"<p>

"Why do you call it rehab? Are you an aspiring junkie or alcoholic?"

I bury my head in his shoulder and laugh. "But it's rehab!"

"Just call it physiotherapy. That way, people are not likely to think I'm a druggie."

"You shouldn't make such jokes. Your mom was in rehab."

He looks around. "Is she here?"

"She's the one in the invisibility cloak."

"Funny," he says with a sardonic smile.

I snigger.

"Anyway, I'm not going to re– physiotherapy today."

"See? It's so much easier to say rehab!"

"You can try 'physio' on for size."

"Whatever, Scott. Why are you not going then?"

"I thought I'd head on over to the gym."

I grab his hand.

"Hales!"

"The gym? Where there are weights and basketballs and…and…gym things?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Could you stop digging your nails into my skin for a minute?"

I retract my hand. "Sorry. Why are you going to the gym instead of rehab? Are you ditching?"

"No. Unlike some people," he mumbles.

"I didn't ditch! I was just…selective about the days I made an appearance."

"Yeah. None."

"Could we please focus here?"

He turns his body to the side. "I want to play basketball. Try out my shoulder and my skills and know what I need to do to be ready next season. The physiotherapist approves. I'm not using my cane any more and I seriously want to start practicing. I plan to play in fall, Hales. You know that."

"I know but–"

He shakes his head, taking my hand. "I'm not going to the weights room. I just want to try playing for a while. And when I do start lifting weights, you'll be the first to know."

I bite my lower lip. "Just be careful, okay?" I say, in what sounds like a whiny voice.

He kisses me quickly. "I will. I promise. How's work and practice going?"

The band has been meeting every day for the last few days. We had to push it to the afternoon because of all our jobs. Only Alec works an evening shift.

"Um, no rowdy students, we're getting the songs right and we hope to be perfect by the day of the festival. Hey, you want to come meet everyone later?"

Jamie's feet can be heard coming down the hallway. "I'm ready!"

He sometimes forgets to go to the bathroom before we leave and complains when we're in the car. Countless times have we arrived at the preschool only for him to make a mad dash to the bathroom.

"Did you wash your hands?"

"Uh huh!"

"You have everything?"

"Yessss! Momma, I don' wanna be late!"

Grabbing his backpack from the coffee table, he runs to the door.

"Can I drive?" Nathan asks as he gets up from the couch.

"No."

"I have a follow-up appointment with Doctor Jasinski. How am I supposed to get there?"

"Walk. Boost your performance." I grin at his back as he locks the door behind us.

"Isn't that what Viagra is for?"

"N–"

"Daddy, please let's go!" Jamie tugs at Nathan's hand.

"That's mean, Hales. What if I collapse in between?"

"Do you have Doctor Jasinski on speed dial?"

* * *

><p>"You know, if I drove, it would be like a session of therapy," Nathan tells me before I turn the key in the ignition after we drop Jamie off.<p>

"No way."

"Come on, Hales. Please? You've seen how strong I am. Last night proves it," he winks.

Heat flares up my cheeks. "Nathan!"

"What? It was quite memorable. Making up for months of celibacy has been just…"

"Will you stop that?" I look around the preschool courtyard, as if expecting someone to pop out pointing a finger at me and laughing hysterically.

"We're married, Haley. Sex is completely natural."

I know it is but I'd rather not talk about our sex life in public. There are things I would rather keep between Nathan and me and leave people to assume they happen. They can see Jamie, right?

"Nathan, please!" I look around the car as if Jamie is hiding someplace underneath the seats.

"I don't understand why you get so shy talking about sex but the wicked things you _say_ and _do_ in private…" He shakes his head. "They would be termed illegal in church. Or a courtroom."

I shrink a little in my seat.

"And by the way, the whole birds and the bees talk with Jamie falls on you."

What?

I whip my head. "Me? What? Why?"

"I called dibs on not giving it."

"Since when?"

He grins. "Right now."

"That's not fair! You're his father! He is daddy's boy! Why would you want to do that to me!"

Is he serious?

"Someday you'll have to face the fact that your son will have sex, Hales. Better he's prepared than not."

He really is.

I slap his thigh. "Better he's prepared when he hears it from his father."

What am I saying!

"Don't make me think about this! He's three, Nathan!" Am I hyperventilating?

"Three and a half. Four next month."

"He's _three_!" I insist. "I can't even explain tattoos to him and you're pinning the…the sex talk on me? How unfair is that?"

He's quiet, his gaze focused behind me.

"What? What is it? Is it the parenting police?"

"Is that who I think it is?"

I turn my head to look out the window. Oh, jeez.

"Yeah. Sam Cregg."

He's a few yards away leaning against a car, staring at us, not blinking.

"What is he doing?"

It's strange. He's just standing there, arms folded across his chest, looking unabashedly at us. After what seems like eternity, he gets into the car and drives off.

"That was weird," I tell Nathan, turning to look at him. His face is stony.

"You okay?" I touch his hand.

He seems to be coming out of a daze. "Yeah. What's his deal?"

"I don't know. That was a little creepy, hm?"

"More than. We are passing by the store and buying you mace."

"I still have my old one somewhere…"

He scoffs. "No way. You throw that thing away. It's probably defective. I'll get you a new one. Or a stun gun. I don't like that guy at all."

"He implied you were friends."

He shakes his head. "Hardly even acquaintances. We just played basketball, exchanged a few congratulatory words and that was it."

"What was he like?"

"Normal."

"Did he…touch you?"

He gasps. "Haley! What the– we were playing ball!"

His disbelief is amusing. I _really_ like messing with him.

I shrug. "Guys slap each other around a lot in sports, including your team. Don't deny it."

"I won't."

"So Sam didn't touch you?"

"No! This is seriously making me uneasy."

It looks like it.

"I was just teasing. So listen…" I say as I turn myself fully towards him.

He looks at me curiously. "Yeah?"

I bite my upper lip, looking for the right words. "Remember when I told you about the car breaking down?"

"Yeah?"

"And when it skidded during the rainstorm?"

"Hales…"

"Okay, okay."

I take in a deep breath.

"Sam happened to be there when I broke down and he waited with me in the car and then told me I was pretty and then he left and at Kyle's party he told me I was beautiful and I think I saw him when the car spun out of control that night during the rain."

I say it quickly in one breath. Nathan's jaw is tight and I can see it clenching.

"What." he says quietly through clenched teeth after a long moment of silence.

"I'm sorry! I didn't want to worry you and I haven't found a perfect moment to tell you about it but this moment presented itself and I thought '_what the hell!_' and I promise I want nothing to do with him because he's a little creepy and you think so too and I–"

"Hales…I'm not mad at you. I'm mad at _him_."

He spews out the 'him' and looks to the spot that Sam's car was in.

I unlock my seatbelt and then Nathan's, leaning over and kissing him deeply. "I do love you." I kiss him again. "And no one can measure up to you, Scott."

No one can. They all fall short in comparison. _Severely_ short.

He's relaxing. "He better not think of getting anywhere near you or I will…"

"Shhh…just substitute that anger with one of those kisses I like so much," I tell him as I adjust myself on his lap.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

He kisses me so fiercely that I gasp, his teeth nibbling on my lower lip as he draws me closer.

"Like that?"

"Mmm…"

In my hazy thoughts, I feel him unbuttoning my blouse, and I in turn run my fingers all over him; his hair, his shoulders, underneath his shirt, to his back and chest.

When his teeth pull at my lip again, I shake. I take his mouth, prodding his lips, sucking on his warm tongue. He sinks lower on the seat, pushing against me as I drown in his taste. My body is vibrating, every part of me alive a–

Suddenly, there's a tap on the window.

I gasp loudly at the interruption. Oh my God! We're still at the school!

Holding my shirt in place, I blow the stray hairs from my face and turn to the…still-open window?

Oh. My. God.

"H-h-hey…D-Denise…"

She grins.

"Hi, Haley. Nathan. Good to see you. Just letting you know that your window is open and I can see a few mothers driving into the school. Thought you should know."

Nathan's fingers are rubbing circles on my stomach. I know he just wants to add fuel to this uncomfortable situation. I swallow a groan when he rubs my navel.

"Um…yeah…um…th-thank you." Is it hot in here?

"Is Jamie coming over later today?"

I look at Nathan mutely.

Nathan smiles at her, his thumb still playing with my bellybutton. "Not today, Denise. But thanks. How about we set up a play date for Andre to come over?"

He sounds so composed, unlike me who is shivering from humiliation and delight. He's probably been in this position before, except that the fathers of his girlfriends were the ones tapping the window, with rifles, demanding that their chaste daughters get out.

"Sure. Call me with details. Bye." She wiggles her fingers and walks away, smiling.

"Oh my God!" I burrow my head in his chest, pressing the window power button. "Oh my God! That was so embarrassing! And what were you doing!"

He chuckles. "We're married."

"Doesn't matter! We're making out in the parking lot at our son's preschool, Nathan. _Preschool_! With the window open! Oh my God! I cannot show my face ever again. What if a t–"

"Hate to say this but those mothers Denise was talking about are heading this way."

I shriek and struggle to get to the backseat.

Nathan turns to look at me, laughing. "You okay?"

I'm buttoning my top with shaky fingers. "No! If those women see me half naked, they'll think of ways to ostracize Jamie because his mother is such a slut!"

"With his father," he smirks.

"Nathan! This has just made it to the top three in my most humiliating moments list and yet here you are ma–"

"Babe, did you know that we didn't celebrate our anniversary?" he asks seriously.

What?

Oh, shoot! I completely forgot. We're big on celebrating our anniversary but from the way things have been this year…

"No, I didn't."

"I sure as heck didn't hear a 'happy anniversary' from you."

"I wished it for you in my heart."

"Would've been nice to hear it out loud."

"Why am I on trial here? You didn't tell me squat, either."

"I was in a coma."

"Nathan! You can't play that card!"

"Like you didn't play yours?" He smirks through the rear view mirror. "I can. And I have."

"You had woken up from your coma long before our anniversary."

"You owe me, Hales."

"An anniversary? Fine. I can make you breakfast tomorrow."

"Nah-ah. I don't want scorched bacon. I want sexy. To make up for everything."

"And what do I get? Chicken nuggets? I can have those on Saturday, honey."

He laughs.

"Anything you want," he says seductively, his eyes boring into mine through the rear view mirror.

I gulp, smacking my lips together.

"Any–"

When the chattering group of mothers passes by the car, I shrink further in my seat.

"C-can we please get out of here?" I struggle to button my blouse.

"Does this mean I'm driving?"

"Do I look like I can drive? I'm too ashamed!" I whisper fiercely.

Ashamed is a pocket-sized comparison.

Disgraced.

Chagrined.

"You weren't too ashamed last night. Or the other nights. Or a few minutes ago."

Nathan _loves_ to make me uncomfortable.

He moves over to the driver's seat, fastening the seatbelt and turning the ignition.

"This is what I'm talking about," he says softly as he purrs the engine.

I smack his arm. "I should just withhold sex from you! All your gloating is not good for me."

"You give in faster than me."

"Drive!"

"Wear your seatbelt, honey," he tells me a little too sweetly.

I settle myself on the space next to Jamie's car seat and fasten my seatbelt.

"Fine. Can we go now? Wait, are you sure you can drive? Do you have nightmares about driving? Cars? Can you see well?"

"I can drive, but…"

"But what? Are you dizzy?"

"But…you should know that your left breast is showing and you're on the verge of a nip slip."


	35. Chapter 35

I'm laid out on the couch with my eyes closed, bare feet propped up on the armrest, taking a break from practice. I'm just drifting off when I hear the door open and close.

"Guess who?"

"A monkey?"

He giggles. "Guess!"

"The cutest monkey?"

He giggles again and crawls up on my stomach. "Hi, Momma!"

"Hi, sweetie. How was school?"

"I painted with my hands on the wall! See?" He shows me his palms, one faded blue and the other faded green. "Andre was red and blue and Kenny was purple and green!"

"That sounds beautiful!"

He grins. "It is, Momma!"

I sit upright and settle him on my lap. His pants have blue and green droplets.

"When can I see the wall?"

"Miss Maria said that after we finish, our mommas and daddies can see everything we did! But Daddy came today and he putted his hand on the wall. It was really big, Momma!"

"It was giant. Hi," Nathan leans down to kiss me. He sinks down onto the couch, placing his bag on the floor.

"Hey. How was your day?"

Jamie moves to Nathan's lap.

"Good. Played some basketball, bonded with Doctor Jasinski and hey, I got a job!"

He's been looking for a while, but most of them seemed to require a lot of physical exertion, like lifting and manual handling, or prolonged standing for hours on end.

"You did! Where?"

"BMW dealership. Someone quit and I got the job. Get this, thirteen bucks an hour."

I gape at him. "Thirteen?"

He grins. "Thirteen. To drive BMWs, wipe them down, and do some paperwork."

"Is it as strenuous as the job you had at Keith's garage?"

He sometimes worked with heavy machinery, and it freaked me out so much when he dropped a rim on his foot that I got him durable work boots with my next paycheck; boots that were sturdy and solid enough to shield him from such accidents. They were pricey but I wasn't going to negotiate between a few missing toes and a few extra dollars.

"Not even close. How's it going over here?"

"Good. We're just polishing up Laura's song."

"I get to hear you sing? I thought we would be really late."

"Traffic?"

"Human traffic at the hospital. This place is really nice. Massive."

"I told you, Daddy! We can play basketball!"

He tickles Jamie. "I don't think so. Besides, the basketball court is way better because we can't break anything."

"Can we go play now?"

"How about tomorrow? I really want to hear your mom singing. Don't you want to hear Mommy sing?"

"I do! I do!"

"Me, too. And why are you barefoot?"

I wiggle my toes. "I wanted to give them breathing room."

"They look like sausages."

I burst out laughing. "Don't make fun of the porky toes."

"Sausages, Daddy? I'm hungry!"

I laugh more.

"We just had milkshakes, Jame."

He shrugs. "Momma says I'm a growin' boy."

The years are flying…

"Milkshakes?" I ask Nathan, wiping at the corners of my eyes.

"Did I say milkshakes? I meant healthy fruit smoothies."

"Of course."

Alec motions to me that break time is over.

"Well, I have to get back to practice. Do you have…?"

He removes Jamie's earmuffs from the bag.

"We passed by the apartment." He turns to Jamie. "Okay, bud. Time to cover up."

Jamie pouts. "Do I gotta?"

"Yes, you gotta. I promise at the festival you won't wear them and you'll be able to hear Mommy sing loud and clear."

"Really?"

"Double really."

He places the earmuffs over Jamie's ears.

"DADDY! MY SAUSAGES!" Jamie yells.

* * *

><p>"When do you start the job?" I'm stifling a yawn as I pull the duvet over us.<p>

"Tomorrow. Nine to five. Good practice for my future job."

"Basketball nine to five?"

He chuckles. "I won't be playing basketball when I'm forty-five, Hales. That's why I took the Sports Management minor. This is good practice for paper pushing. God, I'm tired."

"Me, too. How are the muscles?"

"Sore," he groans.

"You want a massage?"

He laughs softly. "Nah. You look like you're about to pass out."

I yawn. "I'm exhausted. How was rehab?"

"_Physiotherapy_," he stresses, making me laugh, "was fine."

"I can't wait to see you on the court again."

He grins. "I'm that sexy on the court?"

"You have no idea. One of those illegal things you mentioned would be me ripping your jersey off on that court."

Sometimes I feel like a drooling psycho watching him play. He's so…smooth and...elegant. He makes the game look effortless.

"During a game? Since when are you an exhibitionist?"

I laugh. "It's just you and me in my thoughts. I may be wicked, but I'm unwilling to show my wickedness to anyone other than you."

"Shhh. Child in the room," he teases.

Jamie's sprawled out on the bed, his legs on my side and his head on Nathan's.

"I'm really glad you're back, Nathan," I whisper.

I can't express it enough. Every day I wake up to see his face, I'm grateful.

He's here.

He rubs my cheek. "I'm really glad I'm back."

I lean over to kiss him without stirring Jamie.

"Did you set the alarm clock?" I switch off my bedside lamp.

"Seven-thirty. Jamie will probably wake us up earlier."

Nathan adjusts him gently so that he's lying in the middle of the bed. Jamie is an early bird; there are days he's woken us up at four in the morning because he's hungry.

"Can you take him to school? I don't have a lesson tomorrow and band practice doesn't start until later. I'll take the bus."

"Sure. Are there buses that go to the Warehouse District? Won't you have to walk far?"

"No. Suzanne told me it's pretty easy when she uses a shortcut from the main road."

"Shortcut? Have you watched horror movies, Hales?"

I chuckle. "It's fiction."

"Not all of it."

"If your aim was to scare me, congratulations."

Horror movies freak me out. I like to believe that they're all fiction and especially steer clear of any that are 'based on a true story'. Nathan on the other hand is a huge fan of them. His favourite holiday? Halloween. Scaring people is one of his hobbies. With the assistance of a certain little boy, I've screamed my lungs out enough times. Last Halloween, they woke me up by yelling 'earthquake!' in my ear. By the time I realized what was happening, I was in Jamie's room calling out for him.

"I just don't want anything to happen to you."

"Shouldn't that be my line? You were in a coma a few weeks ago!"

"Shhh! You'll wake Jamie."

"I'm just saying that I worry about you like you worry about me, but probably more," I whisper.

"Not possible. Your accident may have been two years ago but I still worry when you're five minutes late from school or when I call and you don't pick up…"

"You do?"

I'm genuinely surprised. I know he worries about me but I didn't think it goes back that far.

"Of course I do!"

"I know I've become more anxious whenever you're not home on time."

He lies back on the pillow, hand beneath his head. "I swear at this rate we're on our way to developing ulcers before we turn twenty-five."

I giggle at his exaggeration. "More like on the way to the crazy house."

He turns to me. "We're tough. Maybe we shouldn't worry so much. It's tormenting."

"Look at the positives?"

He smiles. "Yeah. If it's not happened yet, it doesn't exist. Maybe it never will."

"What?"

"The Buddhist realization."

Speechless, I just blink.

* * *

><p>If I had to pick my least frustrating household chore, I'd pick laundry. I don't like the noise from the vacuum, I'm not the best cook and scrubbing the bathroom is tiresome. But the smell of detergent, bleach, fabric softener and freshly laundered clothes is a little satisfying. Who doesn't appreciate clean clothes?<p>

My morning kicks off with two batches of laundry, a stint at vacuuming the entire apartment, placing fresh sheets on the beds and cleaning the bathroom. There should be awards given to women for doing chores.

I whip up some mac 'n cheese, placing it on the counter to cool. For the salad, I mix together romaine lettuce, bite size pieces of two red apples and a small amount of ranch dressing, covering the bowl with Saran wrap.

Before leaving, I stick a note on the TV screen for Nathan should he and Jamie get home earlier than me. Experience shows that he's bound to see a note on the TV than on the fridge.

I used the bus frequently when I was in high school. I'd catch rides from Lucas and Peyton sometimes, and when we started dating, Nathan was insistent on driving me to school and picking me up from work to drive me home. But I still find something pleasant about being anonymous in a bus full of people.

* * *

><p>"Okay. Last time from the top! One, two, three!"<p>

The festival is in less than two weeks.

Miller landed the gig because he knows someone who knows someone who is an organizer of the festival. Or perhaps it's a longer string of someone who knows someone's.

We've been given a twenty-minute slot to play in the evening entertainment segment of the festival. In that time, we plan to perform seven songs: the two songs I wrote for Nathan and Jamie, and one by every band mate. Our band is not only made up of gifted instrumentalists but also gifted songwriters.

"That was great!" Emma shouts after the last note. We've performed the whole set effortlessly and perfectly. This is the closest we've come to getting it right.

"Hell! Yeah!" Miller pounds the drums. He may be lean but he definitely knows how to handle drums. "By the way, we need to come up with a band name. We are slotted in as Haley's Comet. I know Alec wouldn't embrace that." He winks exaggeratedly at Alec.

What? Haley's Comet? What the…

Suzanne giggles. "Haley's Comet?"

Miller winks at me, and then turns to her. "I was under pressure. Any other ideas, viola woman?"

"Violist. But I've been thinking about it. I suggest Full Circle."

Miller bursts out laughing. "Full Circle? That's too soft!"

Suzanne glares at him. "Too soft? What the hell does that mean?"

"I'm a hardcore drummer and I don't want to be associated with such a girly name."

"Don't be an idiot. There's nothing girly about my choice!"

Suzanne and Miller have been friends since freshman year but they disagree on almost everything.

"I don't mind using Haley's Comet," Alec says.

We all turn to look at him.

"What? I'm not a tyrant. We'll just need to draw up another contract for Miller and Haley to sign."

I just laugh at Miller's groan.

Barefoot, I walk to the living area, dropping onto the couch. I may be upright but I feel all twisted up like a pretzel after hours of practice. If I really knew yoga, I'd probably be doing some stretches right now. For less than a week back in high school, Peyton and I tried out yoga before throwing in the towel. We celebrated by baking a chocolate cake that turned out to be way too dry and hard. We're not quite gifted in the kitchen department.

"You're doing great."

Alec hands me a bottle of water, taking a seat next to me.

"Thanks. Everyone is! If we were to perform right now, I think we'd get a good response."

"No, I mean it. I can't imagine what it's been like for you but you've come through for us."

I wave my hand. "I needed this. Thanks for including me. And things are getting better."

He takes a sip of water. "I'm glad. I think we're done for today, anyway. Is Nathan coming to pick you up?"

I shake my head. "I'm taking the bus. I didn't think we'd be done this early so I suppose I can do some window shopping."

"I still can't believe you're married."

"It took meeting Jamie to make Miller believe it," I chuckle.

Alec grins. "Me, too."

"Your rumourmongers didn't tell you the correct story."

He laughs, leaning back on the couch. "No, they did not. And even when you told me that your kid convinced you to join the band, I thought you were joking."

"You hid it well!"

"Practice."

"Nathan is like that. And then he'll spring it on me when–"

My phone rings. It's Nathan.

"Speaking of. Hey!"

_"Hey. How's it going?"_

"Okay. We've actually wrapped up for the day. Where are you?"

_"Just picked Jamie up. Can't you hear him singing?" _

There's a faint shrill in the background.

"Yup. I think I do. What's he belting out?"

_"Old McDonald. They learnt it today. You want to say hi to Mommy, Jame?" _

"Hi, Mommy!" And then he continues singing.

_"Heard that? He's you in the making." _

"I think he's going to do his own thing and become a singing basketball player," I say, and we laugh.

_"Want us to pick you up?" _

"Yeah. That would be great! Be careful, okay?"

_"I will. See you soon."_

"Bye."

I turn to Alec. "Looks like my troop is on its way."

"Your kid is cute. Are all kids like that?"

I grin, dragging my shoes from underneath the couch. "The few I know are. Thinking of…?"

He grimaces. "No! Oh, no! No!"

I laugh at his vehemence.

"Not yet, anyway."

"Well, here's to someday." I tap my bottle with his. "Cheers."

I look around the living room, my eyes landing on his CD collection. It's hard to miss.

"Have you recorded before?"

"Yeah. I have a few demos. I had a friend who had studio equipment in his house but he moved to Vermont so I haven't done anything lately."

"Can I listen sometime? I honestly think your songwriting is fantastic."

He grins at me and seems to…blush.

"Thanks."

"And the copyright to our work? Is it giving you any trouble?"

"Nah. It's no big deal. Have you copyrighted your personal stuff?"

Miller plops down on a beanbag.

"Yeah. Except for the one Epic used, I've done it myself."

"The Epic Records album, right?"

"Yeah. They bothered me for a while about copyrighting it themselves over letting me do it. I think tampering with that one would cause a lot of drama."

"No doubt. I really liked what you did in L.A., though."

"How did you land that gig?" Miller asks from the floor.

"Are you serious? Haley James Scott is a rising star in music," Alec says.

I blush furiously at that.

Miller stares at me. "No kidding. You mean you're not a nobody like the rest of us?"

I laugh shyly, feeling embarrassed. "It's a long story and I'm not exactly the queen of any music genre."

"Not many people can say they have performed on a stage with celebrities by the time they're seventeen, Haley!" Alec says.

I bite my inner cheek and shrug. "It was a wonderful experience, and I'm fortunate to have gotten all those chances but some things were more important."

Like my marriage.

The L.A. show came at the worst time, though. It seems like a lifetime ago when I left my post-surgery son and my in-a-coma husband to fly off for a music concert.

"Dude! Haley's Comet? What the heck!" I ask Miller.

"You inspire me," he gushes.

"You have met my husband, right?" I laugh.

The sound of the door knocking echoes through the house.

When I open the door, Jamie rushes past me.

"Hi, Momma!"

"Hi! Don't– and he's gone."

Nathan is looking around nervously.

"That was fast! Are you okay?"

He looks behind him before saying, "Can we please take this inside? I think the cops were following us."

What?

I shut the door quickly and turn to him. "You were what!"

And then he bursts out laughing. "You should have seen your face! You were such a bad girl teasing me like that this morning."

I smack his arm. "Not funny! I thought you were about to be arrested for suspicion of cocaine or marijuana possession!"

He is still laughing. "What? Not even running a red light? I'm flattered."

"You drive me mad sometimes. And I wasn't teasing."

"I don't know what saying you're in the mood for something sexy tonight means in your world but in mine, it's teasing."

I laugh, walking towards the practice area to grab my things.

Jamie is banging the drums with Miller.

"Ready, Jame?"

"Listen, Momma!" He drums as hard as his little hands can let him, biting down on his tongue, his face a look of fixed concentration.

I clap. "Very impressive! Miller taught you that?"

"Uh huh! Can you show me again, Miller?"

Miller ruffles his hair. "Next time you pass by, I'll teach you something else."

"And then you could start a band," I tell him.

He runs over to me. "Really? With Andre and Kenny?"

"Why not? You could be the first band by three-year-olds!"

"Sweet!"

"Sweet. What's the first song you'd play?"

He thinks for a minute.

"_Paddy wack_! Will you sing with us, Momma?"

He takes my outstretched hand.

"I think I'm too old for your band."

He's skipping towards the door.

"I know! We can make Fishie Dan sing!"


	36. Chapter 36

"Okay. Jamie's birthday. What are we getting him?"

"Goldfish?"

Pouring us seconds, I pass him his mug. "That non-existent goldfish is turning into a nightmare."

"You started it."

"Can we just get him one and then tell him it's called Danielle, not Dan?"

He laughs as he sips. "How are you going to spin that?"

I wrap my fingers around my cup, suddenly nervous. "Nathan..."

I've been meaning to ask him for a while now but I keep forgetting or dismissing it completely.

"Hm?" He's concentrating on the calculator, biting down on his tongue like Jamie does.

We're up sorting out the bills. Such a simple practice out of our ordinary life and it just makes me feel good; I'm not doing it alone like I have been the last few months. I have missed his company.

"I've been thinking…"

"About what?"

"Do you think we should tell Jamie about Dan?"

His fingers still on the calculator. He looks up at me slowly.

"What? Why? Where did that come from?"

He seems perplexed by the question.

"I was wondering…doesn't Jamie have a right to know about his grandfather?"

"Hales…"

"Just hear me out. We know he's a bad influence, but explaining to Jamie about his existence rather than fabricating a goldfish named Dan would be better. They don't have to be best friends but I think we owe him the truth."

What a silly argument I'm making. Do we actually owe Dan Scott anything?

"That's it?" he grins.

His expression turns unreadable. "Why should we?"

"Because I've lived it. Sort of."

His face softens as he mulls over my response.

"What are you talking about?"

I've never told him about it. It never really came up. Until now.

"My mom had a sister. Gloria. I never knew about her because they never spoke after a falling out years before I was born. My brothers and sisters had met her and her kids, and they even spent some summers together. By the time I came along, they were living states apart. Why? No one knew except my mom and my aunt. No one told me anything and when I found out, I felt denied of an aunt. She was family."

He rubs his thumb over my hand.

It may be considered petty but I was very upset when I found out. I was on my way downstairs when I heard my dad say "she's your sister" from the living room. None of my siblings were home then and he didn't sound like he was on the phone because I could hear my mom mumbling in response. I just sat on the stairs listening in. Turned out my mom was not an only child like I'd been led to believe. She had a sister. An older sister.

It took me a while to get her address but after digging around in the mess that was our basement, I found it. In a small box within a large chest, hidden under layers of old clothes and books, was a bunch of letters addressed to my mom from her, and they were all unopened. I was curious but I decided against opening them. I wouldn't have been able to reseal them and gotten away with it.

"I get that they had a huge row but as a third party who had nothing to do with it, it was a little unfair. Anyway, I was in middle school when I contacted her without letting my mom know. We wrote letters. I used Lucas' address and of course explained to Luke and Karen, and they never told on me. I formed my own opinion about her without paying attention to the bitter things I'd heard my mom say about her. I don't know what happened between them and I honestly never want to know, but Gloria was one of the best people I have ever met."

She really was. She advised me about my preteen crises; school, boys and the typical I-hate-my-life teen drama. She was an English teacher and she always had stories to tell me about her students. Her passion for teaching was part of the reason why I wanted to become a tutor and a teacher.

"Where is she?"

"She died in my freshman year. She lived in Arizona so I couldn't go to her funeral."

Her death devastated me. I really wanted to attend her funeral but explaining to my parents where I was going on a cross-country trip all by myself at fourteen was not an option. My mom would have seen it as a betrayal, especially since I had been communicating with Gloria for a while behind her back.

"Mom was torn up about it for a while. She never told me why she was always crying but I knew."

I'd have cried along with her had she told me but we both dealt with the loss separately.

"And you know what Gloria did?"

"What?"

"She left me some money. Despite the falling out with my mom, she was kind enough to leave me something. Accompanying the letter about her death was a cheque. It really came in handy when I developed an awful toothache."

I wince as I remember. "I needed minor surgery without letting my folks know."

"What?"

He looks shocked. I wave my hand.

"No biggie. They were going through a rough patch and since I had the money from Aunt Gloria, I took care of it myself."

"You are such a grownup, Haley James."

"Not really. I'd already used some of it on some things I wanted and the rest had just been sitting there because I didn't know what to do with it."

I tried to but spendthrift that I'm not, I couldn't. Besides, that gift came at a good time. I'd had the toothache for about a month. Before I could tell my parents about it, they told me that 'money was tight'. After a few more days of agony, I got a letter and a cheque. As soon as it cleared, I made an appointment, got my surgery and life went on.

"Couldn't you have at least told your parents about your surgery?"

I shrug. "What was the point? I took care of it. Half the time I didn't know where they were going, anyway. I'd come home and find a note on the fridge."

His eyes are wide. "Are you serious? I thought your parents were at least sane enough to let you know they were leaving!"

I'm giggling at his expression. "I hit puberty and that was that."

I know my parents love me and care about me in their own way but I think they felt a bit…caged.

After I got to junior high, I was an adult in their eyes. They spent a lot of time on the road and didn't see the need to stick around so much, and I learned how to be independent. Being alone in that house was lonely and a little scary but I got used to it. Sometimes when they came back, I'm the one who felt caged and suffocated.

"They visited, by the way."

"They did?"

"Yeah. Get this, they brought Jamie a frog." I shudder.

He laughs. "What did you do with it?"

"Took it to the pet shop."

"How did Jamie take it?"

"Um…" I run a finger along the rim of my cup.

He raises his brows at me teasingly. "You didn't tell him?"

"Don't judge me! I had to steal it!"

"Had to?"

"I just couldn't be at ease knowing there was some slimy thing croaking and jumping around in the house! It could have landed in my coffee for all I know!"

Nasty.

"So what did you tell Jamie?"

I grin sheepishly. "I told him it ran away."

"Did he buy it?"

"I think so. He didn't ask about it again."

"What else did you say, Hales?"

I shrug. "You know."

"I don't know. That's why I'm asking."

"I said that it jumped in the toilet and swam towards the ocean because it was lonely and missed his family like he'd miss us if we were separated."

He raises an eyebrow. "Guilting your son into believing you?"

Yes.

"I didn't have a choice! You should have seen that ugly thing!"

He laughs and taps his pen on the table. He's deep in thought.

"Hales."

"Hm?"

"Do you think people change?"

I don't respond immediately. I don't know what he wants to hear me say but we've always been honest with each other, even though it's not what we want to hear.

"Your dad is the most aggressive and potent person I have ever met. He pushed you, he manipulated you and he hurt you a hundred times over. But who knows? It's been three years. Maybe he's changed since you last saw him. Or maybe Jamie could turn out to be his saving grace."

* * *

><p>"Nathan." I shake him gently.<p>

He's thrashing around in his sleep. I woke up when his knee hit my thigh and I've been trying to wake him up for the last minute.

His face looks like he's in pain. His hand then drives into my side, making me momentarily breathless.

_Oh, hell._

I reach for his face, rubbing my thumb across his cheekbone. "Nathan. Baby, wake up."

Gentle isn't working. I opt for aggressive over slapping him before he breaks my ribs.

"Nathan. Wake up. It's just a dream."

God, he's built. I sit up and drape my leg over his waist, one over each side of him. Taking both his shoulders, I shake him again.

"Nathan!"

He stills, and then his eyes fly open.

He's panting heavily.

"Hey…"

"H-Haley?"

I smile in reassurance. "Hi."

He's breathing hard and I notice a sheen of sweat on his forehead.

I run my fingers through his hair in comfort. "You were having a nightmare. Are you okay?" I can feel the scar from his surgery.

He pulls me down suddenly, hugging me tightly, kissing the side of my face repeatedly.

"Thank God," he whispers over and over again.

Just how bad was it?

"Nathan, what happened?"

His heart is beating fast against my chest.

I lean back on my legs, rubbing his arms as he calms down.

"Baby, what happened?"

Did he dream about the accident?

He groans and rubs a hand across his face. "Oh, God."

"You want to talk about it?"

"Dan."

Oh, jeez.

"What'd he do?"

He sighs.

"W-we were on a bus. I don't know where we were going but all of a sudden there was this loud noise, people were screaming and the bus was rolling down a hill. When I woke up, there was blood everywhere. I could hear Jamie screaming for me. When I got to him, he was stuck under a seat, screaming and crying. I got him out but as I looked around for an exit, the bus was engulfed in flames..."

He closes his eyes, drawing out a long breath.

"Windows were shattering, it was smoky, Jamie was crying, I was calling for you but you didn't answer…and then out of the blue, Dan appeared, standing over us with this huge axe. We didn't have anywhere to run to and I don't know how it happened but then Dan was dragging Jamie across the bus. I was shouting for Jamie, trying to run to him but my feet weren't moving. I watched as Dan held the axe over his head saying that he needed to give a sacrifice because you were not enough…" He breathes out loudly. "Oh my God…he had cut you and then he wanted Jamie to–"

I rub his arms.

"It was horrible. If you hadn't woken me up, I swear I'd have been screaming my lungs out. What – what if he's turned to devil worship?"

"It was just a dream, Nathan."

A horrifying one.

He breathes out heavily, his face turning serious. "I'm not sure about introducing Jamie to him, Hales."

I hold his face in my hands, feeling guilty for doing this to him. "I'm sorry I caused you to have this nightmare. You don't have to tell Jamie anything if you don't want to."

"But what about your Aunt Gloria?"

Is this our dilemma? A disastrous outcome whichever way?

We tell Jamie about Dan, and Dan ends up being a toxic influence on him. We don't tell Jamie about Dan and our son eventually resents us for keeping him away from his grandfather.

At Nathan's request, neither Royal nor May, or any Scott for that matter, has ever mentioned Dan to Jamie. It's so bad between the two of them that May takes down Dan's pictures when we visit.

I sigh. "That was me but…I honestly don't know. It's all up to you."

"You're not helping, Hales."

I kiss his cheek soundly.

"I'm sorry! Okay, except for your mom, Jamie's grandparents aren't exactly hands-on. Despite your dad being a selfish and manipulative bully, he's still Jamie's grandfather. Why don't we just tell him and see how it goes from there? Hm?"

"He was horrible to you when he found out you were pregnant!"

He was terrifying.

"I – I know. But he called when he heard Jamie was in hospital. Doesn't that count for something?"

"Hold that thought."

I move off of him before he rushes out the door. He comes back a few minutes later.

"He's okay."

I lie on my side, supporting myself with my elbow as he pulls the duvet over us. He leans his back on the headboard and rubs my bare arm.

"So we should tell him?"

"Let's. I just hope Jamie won't need any therapy from meeting Dan Scott."

He grins. "You mean like I did?"

"I thought I was your therapist? Were you seeing someone else behind my back?" I joke, sitting up.

"Just that one inconsequential time with the folks."

I lean my chin on his shoulder, taking his hand and intertwining our fingers. "It's going to be okay, Nathan. We won't let anyone or anything hurt Jamie. We have control over whether Dan sees him or not."

"Yeah," he says softly.

"If he does anything, I'll kick him in the gonads."

He laughs, leaning down to kiss me.

"Speaking of gonads…" He pulls me to him and I throw a leg over his thigh, slipping my arms around his neck.

"Are you propositioning me by using the word gonads?" I kiss his jaw.

"Tacky?" He kisses my chin.

"Very." I kiss the tip of his nose.

"What do you want to hear, then?"

His fingers are snaking down my back, a thrilling sensation that always feels incredible.

Our bodies pressed tightly together, I wet my upper lip and rub myself against him.

"You know what I like," I whisper over his lips.

I smile slyly over his quick, audible intake of breath.

"You're kind of evil, Haley Scott," he groans.

"I learned from the best."

He leans into me, lips slanting over mine. His hot tongue slides between my parted lips and at the contact, it's erotic and delicious, sucking mindlessly on my own.

Deep, fierce and urgent.

Our tongues tangle, curl and dance and the intoxicating depth of it makes me shiver. Wrapping my arms tighter around him, my breasts push against my chemise, grazing his hard, warm, bare chest.

It seems like eons when we pull apart. My body feels incredibly hot, my lips trembling and swollen.

"W-wow," I breathe out unsteadily.

"Double wow," he murmurs. "I should have nightmares often."

"Don't push your luck," I laugh softly.

"Why not? I got a son out of it."

I press my mouth against his shoulder, trying to stifle my laughter.

In one swift motion, he flips me over on my back, holding my hands over my head and dipping his head to kiss me again.


	37. Chapter 37

When we're not swamped, we go out for brunch on Sundays. It's something we've been doing since high school, just a way for us to spend family time.

Nessy's is a cozy café in downtown Durham that serves the best waffles on their all-you-can-eat brunch. And there's a planetarium across the street that we sometimes visit after we eat. Jamie loves the exhibits and the moon rocks.

He has been picking off pieces of buttermilk pancake from his plate as he talks about summer school. It ends in about a week, in time for the trip to the festival.

"Will you come and see the wall?"

"I've been looking forward to it every day."

"You have?"

"Of course I have. I want to see what my baby has been doing every day."

"I'm a real man, Momma!"

"You'll always be my baby."

"Even when I grow up?"

"Even when."

"An' Daddy's baby, too?"

"Definitely," I answer as Nathan reclaims his seat.

"What did I miss?" he asks.

"Jamie telling me that he's a real man." He giggles.

"Jamie's a real man?"

"Daddy!"

Nathan laughs, cutting up the remaining pancake on Jamie's plate.

I'm about to take a drink of my juice, looking around the half-empty restaurant, when I do a double take. My eyes are fixated on the door, unable to look away.

Unbelievable.

"Please don't see us, please don't see us." I pretend to look at the murals behind me.

"What?" Nathan looks up at me.

"Why? Why is she here?"

"Who?"

"Her."

She told me that she's a California girl who adores the beach. Of course it wasn't said as a way of sharing; she was mentioning just how hard it would be for me standing out like a sore thumb amongst the girls in California.

She's stick thin and anyone whose kneecaps are not poking out of their skin and knocking against each other is fat in her eyes. What is she still doing in Durham? Aren't there ripped and sweaty guys to check out at the beach in California?

"Who are you talking about?" he asks as he looks around the room.

Oh, shoot.

She stops right beside him, a hand on the back of the chair, her bare midriff exposing her navel. If her skirt were any tighter, we'd be seeing her ovaries.

"Hey, Nate."

He looks up at her. "Hey."

"Good to see you back, hot shot."

When she thrusts her chest out, I sigh and take a long drink of my juice, imagining it's a mimosa.

I just can't seem to like this girl no matter how hard I try.

"Thanks. I'm sorry, do I know you?"

She freezes up and then composes herself, giving him a dazzling-white smile.

"Tina Kincaid. Duke cheerleader. Co-captain."

Nathan turns to me, raising his eyebrows. I nod slightly.

"We've met before. A few times, in fact."

She turns to me. "At the crazy parties after games."

Her entourage is standing behind her, the redhead texting furiously, the curly-haired one twirling her hair in her fingers staring into space, and of course, Laura, chewing and popping gum louder than a backfiring truck.

"Right. Sorry. You know my wife Haley?"

Tina gives me a tight smile that doesn't quite reach her eyes. "Of course. Haley."

It looks agonizing saying my name.

I bite my lower lip to keep myself from saying something unkind or sarcastic.

"And this handsome guy here is Jamie. Say hi, Jame."

Jamie lifts his head up.

"Hi! I'm James Lucas Scott!"

"Hi, handsome guy. I'm Tina."

Jamie giggles, taking her outstretched hand.

"You want a pancake?" he offers, pushing his plate forward.

"That's okay. I'm going to have some with my friends. They're good, huh?"

"The best."

"You're as cute as your father."

She rubs Jamie's cheek, earning another giggle from him as he picks off an apple slice from his fruit salad bowl.

"Do you want this particular table?" I ask with a hard edge, looking around at the several empty tables around us.

After that encounter in the bathroom, she's been out to get on my nerves. It's so hard to take the high road when she opens her mouth.

She folds her arms over her chest. There's really not much left to the imagination.

"If you don't mind. It's our usual."

"We'd appreciate it if you would wait for us to finish."

I swear Tina just takes her meanness out on me because Nathan doesn't seem fazed by her behaviour. If I didn't know better, I would swear that she's a joyful girl every hour of the day who knits blankets for the homeless.

She sneers at me, jerking her chin at her companions. They follow her to a table a few feet away, leaning in to whisper to each other, their gazes drifting to and fro between us and their circle of trust.

"She's such a joy, isn't she?"

"She seems okay," he says with a shrug.

I don't know what to say without coming off as a catty, jealous woman who makes up things about people, so I keep my mouth shut.

He puts his hands over Jamie's ears, lowering his voice to a whisper. "And after seeing that video, I gotta say that she has really carved the bitchy cheerleader part for herself."

Not the response I was expecting, and a laugh rips out of my throat.

"Did you say somethin' bad, Daddy?" Jamie asks Nathan.

"What?"

"You do it when you're gonna say somethin' bad that you don' want me to hear," Jamie says, putting his hands over his ears. "Like this!"

Nathan laughs, reaching for Jamie's hands. "You're too smart for your own good, Jamie Scott."

* * *

><p>"Okay. Scott on three." I touch my fist with Nathan's. "One, two, three. Scott!"<p>

"Scott," he says dryly. "You are such a nerd."

"For life." I punch my fists in the air, fighting an imaginary opponent. "Are you ready? Are you pumped up?"

"It's not a boxing match, Hales," he says as he walks towards the bedroom door.

"It kind of is. We'll be exchanging words instead of fists, anticipating his reaction to the blow and all that jazz that comes with boxing. Oh my God! Honey, wait up. I think I'm having a panic attack."

Nathan turns around. "He's only three, Hales."

I stare at him as if he's from an alien planet. "Have you seen what facial expressions that three-year-old is capable of producing?"

Pitiful. He's good at that one. To deal with it, it's either by giving in to the guilt or staying strong and repeatedly saying 'no' while watching him pitch a fit. The tantrum phase we read about was no myth but a harsh truth that required a Herculean effort almost daily.

He leans against the wall. "Now look what you've done to me. I was the stable one and now I'm as nervous as a stripper before her debut show."

"Wow, that is some analogy," I laugh.

Back in high school, during a game away, Tim suggested a 'visit' to a strip club that turned out to be a backfired plan: it was Ladies Night, with a _steady _flow of male strippers.

When one of them approached Nathan for a lap dance, he bolted. I laughed so hard that I cried when he told me the story. He looked very uncomfortable and sheepish, as if one of the strippers had followed him home.

"Quite impressive that I can come up with something like that under such pressure, huh? Your tutor sessions are not going to waste."

"I don't recall going over a chapter on using sexual materials as examples."

"Whatever helps during an exam," he grins. "Okay, I'm calmer now."

I breathe out. "Me, too. Ready? Team Scott on three," I put out my fist.

He shakes his head as he walks away from me. "Not gonna happen."

"Someday you'll be begging me for a chant, Nathan."

"You mean like that game show where they'll ask me what the gender opposite of mermaid is?" He looks over his shoulder and winks.

Jamie is lying on the floor, colouring in his book and singing _Old McDonald_.

After brunch, a visit to the planetarium, a stop at the supermarket and Jamie's nap, we are finally telling him about Dan.

I place a hand on Nathan's shoulder.

"Whatever happens, stay strong."

"Yes, Coach. Hey, buddy."

"Daddy, look! I made Pooh Bear green! And Piglet orange!"

"Very nice. I think Pooh Bear and Piglet would definitely approve. Who's this one for?"

I sit beside Nathan on the couch as Jamie shows us his masterpiece.

"Uncle Lucas."

"He'll love it. Can you sit with us for a minute?" I pat the space between us, moving over as he climbs up on the couch.

"I din't do it!"

"Do what?"

He shrugs. "I'm not in trouble?"

I shake my head, rubbing his hair. He needs a haircut. "No. Did you do something bad?"

"No!"

His eyes don't waver from mine. He's either telling the truth or he's become very accomplished at having a poker face.

"Well, Daddy and I have something to tell you." I chicken out. "Honey?"

I mouth 'I'm sorry' to him.

Nathan puts an arm around Jamie. "Um…Jame, you know how Mommy has Daddy, Grandma Lydia has Grandpa Jimmy, Aunt Peyton has Uncle Lucas, Aunt Karen has Uncle Keith and Grandma May has Grandpa Royal?"

He shakes his head. "Yes. They love each other."

Nathan chews on his lower lip for a second.

"Good…how about when Mommy kisses Daddy and Aunt Peyton kisses Uncle Lucas?"

"Sometimes you and Momma make funny noises when you kiss."

Nathan is as surprised as I am, except his face doesn't look as flushed as mine feels.

"Oh. Okay. What I mean is, I love Mommy like Uncle Lucas loves Aunt Peyton."

He nods. "Uh huh. I love Mommy, too."

I rub his back. What a sweet child.

"Well, Grandma Deb loved someone too."

"Grandpa Allan?"

"Before Grandpa Allan, she loved somebody else."

"Who?"

Nathan swallows visibly.

"His name was Dan Scott. My father."

Jamie frowns. "Grandpa Allan is not your Daddy?"

"No."

"Why?"

"Because when Grandma Deb and Grandpa Dan loved each other, they had me. Like your Mommy and I have you."

"So Grandma Deb is your Mommy and Grandpa Dan is your Daddy."

"Exactly."

"But if they're your Mommy and Daddy, they don' stay together?"

"No."

"Why?"

"Sometimes it's hard being a grownup so they decided to be apart."

He looks back and forth between us, looking quite scared. "Are you and Mommy gonna be apart?"

Oh, God.

"No!" Nathan pulls Jamie closer. "Not at all. Momma and I will be together always."

"Promise?"

"Promise," we both say.

This seems to satisfy him because his eyes light up. "So where's Grandpa Dan? Is he coming for the road trip because he's a Scott, too?"

"I don't think so, buddy."

His shoulders fall. "Where is he?"

"He lives in another town."

"Can we go see him? I can sing him my recital!"

Nathan looks over to me for help.

"Um, would you like to see Grandpa Dan?" I ask him.

He nods. "I do! And he can come for my party and I can tell him about Fishie Dan!"

"We'll ask Grandpa Dan and if he says yes, you can meet him, okay?"

He nods. "Momma, is Grandpa Dan Daddy to Fishie Dan, too?"

* * *

><p>"I think that went really well." I take out lettuce and tomatoes from the fridge, placing them on the cutting board.<p>

He bursts out laughing. "You mean after you chickened out?" He flaps his arms. "_Buk buk buk buk buk!_"

He is so silly.

"Nathan! I didn't chicken out! I just froze!"

Liar.

"Whatever helps you sleep at night. I can't believe that you promised him a goldfish. After all this?"

"What could I do? Besides, we can get the ones that have stunted growth or something. Small enough for a child his age. Hey, were you about to give him the birds and the bees talk?"

"Huh?"

I swat his hand away from a tomato slice.

"The whole 'Mommy kissing Daddy' part."

"No."

"If you mentioned kissing with this one, I cannot imagine how raunchy broaching that subject will be."

"Me? You're the one giving it."

"Pass."

"You can't pass."

"I can. And I have," I wink.

He huffs.

"Could you please turn that thing away from me?"

I'm pointing the knife at him. "Sorry. Anyway, your explanation was good. I'd have confused him completely."

"You mean with your big words?"

I roll my eyes. "No. Believe it or not, I understand child-speak. I would have confused him because I'd have drifted from the facts and given him a complete history of the makeup of your family. Can you imagine when you'll have to explain to him the whole dynamics of it?"

He swipes a slice of tomato. "What are you talking about?"

"Don't tell me you never thought about it?"

"Thought about what?"

"Babe, are you serious?"

He honestly looks unaware.

"What are you talking about?"

"The whole Scott family tree? Did you think of skipping over that lesson?"

"Um…"

"You were not intending to tell your son about your family history?"

"I've thought about it but not in too much detail."

"There are definitely a lot of details. Grandpa Dan being father to Daddy Nathan and Uncle Lucas, his brother Uncle Keith being married to his Uncle Lucas' mother Karen, who has a daughter Aunt Lily with Uncle Keith, and his Grandma Deb pregnant with his Grandpa Allan's baby, who will be his Daddy Nathan's half brother or sister."

He's looking at me unblinkingly.

I laugh out loud. "Serves you right for calling me chicken!"

"Not funny, Hales! My life just flashed before my eyes!"

"Why? It's not like you'll be the one raising him or her…unless your mom ends up in a nursing home."

"Will you stop that? You're giving me hives!"

He looks so uncomfortable that it's a little endearing to watch.

I laugh at his ashen face as I cut up the lettuce. "She'd tell me if she were pregnant. You know, they're not too old to have ki–"

"Stop!"

I chuckle as he shuffles on his feet. "Could you do me a favour?"

"What?" he grumbles.

I laugh again. "Relax. I won't ask you to call your mom about her pregnancy."

"Haley!"

"Fine, fine. Can you make something light for dinner? Unless you feel like cooking up a roast?"

"What is this, a potluck dinner? I shouldn't have ever attempted to cook those nuggets."

I slap his butt as he bends over to open the fridge.

"Even if you tried to make them awful, the natural chef in you wouldn't have let you."

"Damn him. Okay, how about spaghetti with sauce?"

"Oh! Gives me a reason to slurp a spaghetti string to your lips."

"Why does that turn me on?"

"You just can't resist this ass, Scott."

"Like you can't resist mine." He kisses the nape of my neck and I giggle.

"Are you sure you can handle a knife?"

I know I sound like a nag but I don't want him chopping his fingers off.

"I'm sure. My hands are steady, Hales. My only problem is colours and exhaustion."

"Is it getting better? The exhaustion?"

He shrugs. "I think so. But I can't really tell because of basketball. It's all the same fatigue to me."

"And the colours?"

"It's better. The darker shades are the biggest problem, though. I'm hoping it's temporary because I don't want to walk around in an outrageously coloured shirt."

I laugh softly, unsteadily. "I'll help you out."

He smiles, his eyes steady on my own, as if telling me it will be okay.

I look away, concentrating on chopping up the lettuce. "Um…we should talk about calling Dan."

He sighs, walking over to the other side of the counter to face me. "Do we have to?"

"Too late to back out."

He groans. "Fine. I'll ask Mom for his number tomorrow."

* * *

><p>"Can't you call him? I'll be at work and I don't think I'll have time t–"<p>

"Yet you find the time to send me flirty messages? You're not getting out of this one, Nathan."

"Halessssss. Please. I don't want to talk to him," he whines. "I'll probably get so angry that I'll hang up and forget what I wanted to ask and then feel like a jackass when I call him again and my pride can't take a beating like that and…"

Why does Denise think Jamie's talkativeness comes from me?

I put my hand up to stop him mid-sentence.

"Ah-ah. _You _will be the one making the call. Not me, not your mom. _You_."

"You're bossy."

"You love it."

"I do."

He falls back on the bed. "I haven't spoken to him in ages. How do I even begin?"

"With a hello."

"Daddy, let's go!" Jamie yells as he runs past the doorway.

I pull at his hand to get him off the bed. "Don't think of it as the worst thing you've ever done."

He gives me a fixed stare.

"Okay. Wrong choice of words. Just try to keep your cool and rattle off why you're calling after you exchange pleasantries," I encourage as I push him towards the living room.

"What pleasantries?"

Jamie is waiting by the door, his small Spiderman backpack at his feet.

"Momma! I have my lunch and my books! See?" He points to the bag.

"You are so responsible," I tell him as I pick up the bag and hand it to Nathan. "Let's hope the trait sticks when you're in your teens because your father was the mo–"

"Okay! Who's ready for some fun in school?"

"I am!"

Nathan flings the door open and Jamie rushes out.

"Wait for Daddy, sweetie." I turn to Nathan. "Call me?"

He sighs and then leans down to kiss me. "Yeah. And by the way, I was responsible in my teens."

"Sure you were," I grin.

"Hey, I left the toilet seat down whenever you came by the apartment."

"After I almost fell in it."

He laughs. I was spending the night at his apartment after a lengthy movie marathon and I didn't notice the seat was up until I felt the cold porcelain…It was awful. I screamed myself awake.

"You definitely woke me up. And that scream told me _a lot_ about how much of a vixen you'd be when we finally–"

"Nathan! Child in the room!"

"He's busy. Jame, did you go to the bathroom?"

"Uh huh."

"Washed your hands?"

"Yes."

"Brushed your teeth?"

"Daddy, yessss! Can we go now?"

"You're not gonna give me some sugar?" I ask him, bending down, turning my head and offering my cheek.

"Bye, Momma!" he shouts, smacking a wet kiss to my cheek.

* * *

><p>I find a missed call from Nathan after my lessons but no message. When I call him back, it goes straight to voicemail. I leave a quick message.<p>

When I call again before band practice, it leads me to voicemail. His voicemail recording doesn't make me want to cry anymore.

After band rehearsal, I get two missed calls from him. This time when I call back, he picks up.

"_Hey. You okay?" _

"Yeah. I think we missed each other. How did it go?"

_"I think I bruised my tongue biting down on it to keep from blowing up, though." _

I laugh. "I'll make your booboo better. What exactly did he say?"

"_Are you still at practice? _

"Nathan! Stop changing the subject!"

_"Wouldn't you rather hear it in person?"_

I sigh loudly. "Fine. Yes, I'm still here but I'm on my way to the bus stop."

"_I can come pick you up. I'm just leaving work." _

"I'll be the tired one on the bench."

He snorts. _"At least fake a smile for your son."_

"That I can do. Be careful, okay?"

"_No cops, I promise." _

* * *

><p>"You've been killing me here! What did he say?"<p>

I dragged him to the couch before he could sneak away.

He didn't say anything about it in the car, making me more anxious about this whole thing. Who knows what Dan could have said?

However, he kept throwing me glances and smirks, as if he knew something I didn't. He knows it eats me up when he knows something I don't.

"I didn't get him."

I release my hold on him. "What? Why didn't you just say so in the first place!"

He grins. "And miss out on this reaction? No."

"You're mean, Nathan. Did you leave a message?"

He stretches his legs onto the coffee table. "No. I hang up."

I push them off the table. "Why are you being so difficult about this?"

"I just don't want to deal with him."

"You have to."

"I know."

"Are you having second thoughts?"

"I'm always having second thoughts. But…"

"But what?"

"I left a message."

I swat his thigh. "Stop doing that! You'll be crying wolf one of these days!"

He laughs. "I didn't mention Jamie but I'm sure he'll want to take a jab at me whenever he calls back."

"Daddy! I'm ready!" Jamie calls from the hallway.

"I'll be right there, buddy," he says as he gets up.

"Is he naked again?"

Nathan nods. "As the day he was born. Except taller."

"Can't you at least teach him to just be shirtless, not pantless too?" I get off the couch and walk to the kitchen.

"DADDY! I WANNA SWIM!" he yells from the bathroom.

"I'm coming!"

"CAN I PUT THE WATER!"

"Don't touch the taps, Jame! Okay?"

"OKAY!"

"I mean it!"

"OKAY!"

"It's summer, Hales. And he's your son. Are you embarrassed?"

"Of course not! But what if he gets too comfortable strutting around naked? I honestly cannot deal with that when he's a teenager."

He laughs so hard that he snorts. "It's just a phase."

"You mean like the phase you went through as a baby unwilling to be dressed and now walk around shirtless?"

He narrows his eyes. "I think I should supervise your chats and visits with my mom."

"I've seen lots and lots and lots of Naked Baby Nathan pictures!" I gush. "And what's the deal with you touching your penis so much? There are about a dozen of you doing that!"

It's my turn to laugh as he scurries away.

* * *

><p>At a small corner of the living room, we set up an 'office'. It's just a desk, chair, laptop and a small printer, but many last-minute assignments have been done here late into the night.<p>

Switching on the laptop, I search through my files for the school directory to look up addresses.

The playhouse we booked for Jamie's birthday will be sending out the invites as part of the package we selected. All I need to do is write up the invitation list and send it to them. Just kids from his class and our friends back in Tree Hill. I plan to invite Kyle, too. He's in Jamie's class and there's no reason for him to miss out because of his father's weirdness. Nathan will be there if Sam tries any funny business.

Except for Tim and Brooke, all our friends are back in Tree Hill for the summer and we usually join them the last two weeks of it.

Tim enrolled in a military academy in Texas after a semester in college, a situation so hush-hush that he only calls Nathan every couple of months for exactly six minutes.

When I call Karen, she tells me that they will be out of state but she'll send something with Lucas.

On Whitey's answering machine, he says that he's away but I leave a message in case he gets back before the party. It must be time for his annual trip to his cabin in the mountains.

Brooke is about to go for a meeting when I call. She's unable to make it for the party, too, but she'll send something. Jamie was really looking forward to seeing her.

Everybody else said they'd be there.

Getting in touch with my side of the family will be unfruitful. For one, I don't know how to reach my parents.

I haven't heard from them since they visited Nathan and tracking them down is next to impossible. They used to have cell phones but ditched them out of frustration, calling them 'malicious machines from hell'.

On the other hand, inviting my siblings is…how do I say this nicely without sounding like a horrible sister?

A waste of time.

They've never really been involved in any of the major events in my life, whether it was my graduation, Jamie's birth or his christening, when I came out of my coma, Jamie's birthdays, my birthdays, Nathan's birthdays…

We all just seem to live very separate lives.

Taylor is the one I'm closest in age with, if six years could be termed as closest. She was going off to college when I was starting junior high.

Once in a while, Vivian, our eldest sister, will drop me an email. Of all my siblings, only Tay and Viv have ever met Jamie in person.

I send everyone Christmas cards every year, though. They send me cards, too, when they remember.

I'd be very surprised if any of them said yes to something I invited them to. I'm not blameless in this, either. Other than sending them and their kids birthday cards, I never fly out to see them.

We are turning out to be quite the messed up fa–

"Momma! Look!"

When I turn, Jamie is jumping in the hallway outside the bathroom, naked and dripping wet.

"I'm a real man!"


	38. Chapter 38

Yadkinville is a little over a hundred miles from Durham and we had to get up really early for the drive there.

I'm half asleep as I follow Nathan out the door. Jamie hasn't stirred from when Nathan picked him up from his bed to the car. Sometimes he can sleep throughout the night, sometimes he'll be jumping on our bed at an odd hour of the night.

I slip socks on his feet and wrap a blanket around him after Nathan secures him in. The blanket was a gift from Whitey at the party our friends threw for us in junior year when they found out we had gotten married.

Most people thought our marriage happened because I was pregnant, especially Brooke. I didn't blame them for thinking so but the assumption became a nuisance after a while. Love didn't seem a valid enough reason to get married at the age of sixteen. I had to show her my birth control patch just so she'd stop throwing pregnancy jibes at me.

"We have everything?" I whisper over the hood of the car as I carefully close the backseat door, trying not to bang it. Jamie freaks out easily from sleep when doors bang shut.

"Yeah."

"Do you need to go to the bathroom?"

"Hales!"

"Sorry. Habit. Hot chocolate?"

He holds up the travel thermos. "Can we please go? I'm freezing!"

"Yeah." I slide into the passenger seat. "Wait, did I switch off the iron?"

"I did," he says as he closes his door.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure."

"Did I lock the door?"

"Yes."

"What about the windows?"

"Hales, everything is fine. It's not like this is the first time we're spending the night away from home. We've spent _nights_ away."

"I know. I just don't want anything to happen while we're gone."

He squeezes my hand. "Nothing will happen. Ready?"

I bite my lip. "Are you sure you're okay driving?"

"Yeah."

"Do your legs hurt? Your back? Can you see well? It's really dark...Maybe I should drive."

I make a move to open the door but he stops me. He rubs a thumb over my knuckles.

"I'm fine. My back is fine and my legs are fine. My eyesight is perfect except for the colours thing. Everything is okay."

"Are you lying to make me feel better?"

He sighs. "No. I wouldn't lie about this when we–" He turns slightly to the backseat. "I promise, I'm fine. Now, buckle up."

* * *

><p>If I don't say something soon, this could be disastrous.<p>

"I need to go to the bathroom!" I blurt while peeking out of one eye.

He takes a quick glance at me and then his eyes are back on the dark road. "We're not even close to the city limits. Weren't _you_ the one asking _me_ whether I needed to use the bathroom a few minutes ago?"

"Sorry! I didn't need to but I gotta go now." I shake in my seat.

"Hales, that was only…" he checks the dashboard "…eight minutes ago!"

"Please, Nathan? I really really gotta go! There must be a gas station close by! And we need gas, anyway."

He shakes his head at me. "This takes me back to the length of time it takes you to get ready for a night of bowling."

"I do not!"

"A bowling alley is not a place to make a fashion statement, Haley."

"You say it like I go in high heels."

"Once you did."

"They were kitten heels! I needed to break them in!"

"I don't think they looked like kittens, Hales."

I giggle so hard that I worry I might stain my jeans. "Could you please floor it?"

"I think we might have an expired diaper somewhere in the car."

"Please stop making me laugh!"

When we get to the gas station, I run madly to the bathroom.

Grabbing some food from the store, I walk back to the car, finding Nathan pumping gas.

"You need me to pay for it?"

I lean over my seat to stash the bag in the backseat, adjusting the blanket around Jamie.

"Could you?"

I pat my pocket for money as I turn towards the store.

"Nice ass, by the way."

Laughing, I wink at him, swinging my hips slightly as I walk back to the store.

"Tease!"

* * *

><p>"Hales."<p>

"Go away," I groan.

"Wake up."

I open my eyes slowly, his face coming into focus. He's standing over me in the open passenger door.

"We're here, Sleeping Beauty," he says, kissing my forehead.

I take a sleepy glance around. It looks like a parking lot.

"We're here?"

"Welcome to Yadkinville, North Carolina."

Yawning, I say, "Technically, I'm not Sleeping Beauty if you woke me up with a kiss to the forehead. That would have probably gotten me another hundred years of–"

His lips curl into a smile as he leans down, claiming my mouth in a soul-jarring kiss.

"Happy?" he asks hoarsely as they leave mine.

"V-very," I breathe out.

"Okay. I'm going to book us a room."

"O-okay."

Turning to the backseat, Jamie is still asleep. Long car rides lull him to a deep sleep. When we travel to Tree Hill, he can sleep up to noon the following day.

I unbuckle, stepping out of the car to stretch my stiff legs. Removing our bags from the trunk, I lean on the car, the already-warm sun hitting my face.

When I look at my cell phone, it's only nine a.m. We're performing in the late evening and practice starts at two. Until then, we can catch a few winks.

"Eager to sleep?" he asks, opening the backseat door.

"You have no idea. I feel like the walking dead."

I grab the bags as he carries Jamie towards the motel room.

"I can help you with the bags, you know."

"They're not heavy. Or even many. I travel light, honey."

He chuckles as he opens the door. "I got us a double with a king size."

The bed is big enough for the three of us, and the room is spacious, clean and tidy.

"This is really nice!" I dump the bags on the floor and lock the door behind me. "Can we afford it?"

"Yeah. All the others were booked up because of the festival. The room comes with a complimentary breakfast, by the way. Told them we'd have that tomorrow. Could you please pull down the covers?"

The sheets smell lemon fresh.

He places Jamie in the middle of the bed, freeing him of the socks and pulling carefully at the blanket from under him.

"You want anything to eat?" I ask him as he disappears into the bathroom.

"No. I'm not hungry."

I'm folding up the blanket when he steps back into the room in only his pajama pants. He has gained muscle, and some, since he was discharged from hospital.

"I wonder why your son likes being naked."

He laughs, pulling at the drawstring of the pants. "Remember that time when he and Lily…?"

"Oh, God," I groan.

On Lily's second birthday, Karen and Keith threw a party at the café. When everyone was gathering around the table for the cake cutting, Lily and Jamie popped out from under it, _completely naked_, running around us while shouting "weewee! weewee!". Time seemed to be at a standstill before anyone reacted, the kids screaming and kicking up their legs as we carried them to the back.

"They hit the lottery with that one," he chuckles. "I'm gonna crash. You?"

I'd told him to wake me up when we got halfway so that I could drive but he didn't. He must be exhausted. He does look exhausted.

"Um…yeah. I need to unpack first."

He stretches himself out next to Jamie. "Unpack what? We'll only be here for a day."

"But we should settle in."

"You just don't like living off a suitcase. Does it have something to do with the tour?"

It's uncanny how he knows me.

"Maybe."

I unzip Jamie's bag first, removing his toothbrush and bubblegum toothpaste, dropping them into our toothbrush holder. I wash the thermos in the small sink, put away the food in the mini fridge and store our clothes in the dresser drawers.

After brushing my teeth and changing into my pajamas, I crawl under the covers, my eyes already drooping.

Bliss is my last thought.

* * *

><p>I'm deep asleep when I become aware that someone is shaking me awake.<p>

There's a rather large orange cartoon character in my hazy view.

Jamie's Tigger pajamas.

_"Mommy. Mommy. I'm hungry,"_ he's saying.

I yawn, my eyes heavy with sleep. "You're hungry?"

I see him nod through the narrow slits of my eyes.

"My stomach yelled." He takes my hand and places it on his belly. "Can you feel?"

I tickle him and he giggles.

"Momma!"

"But I wanted to feel your stomach yelling." I tickle him again.

He shrieks, his leg poking Nathan's thigh.

"Come on, let's get your tummy to sleep. Cereal okay?" I roll out of bed, rubbing at my eyes as I walk to the kitchenette.

"Yes."

The chairs are a bit too high for him to climb so I lift him up.

"Are you excited about today?"

"I wanna see the parade!"

He's been really eager about it since I told him there would be one.

"Parades are always exciting."

"Were you in a parade, Momma?"

"No. But I loved watching them when I was growing up."

My mom had a crazy idea one year to nominate me as Parade Princess but lucky for me, I didn't win. I was eight, an odd crossbreed of tomboy and girly-girl, and that taffeta made me itch. I may have adored Mr. Waffles, marrying him with Tay's one-eyed Barbie over and over again, but winning that title would have been embarrassing. I'd never have heard the end of it from the River Court guys. Up to today, they still remind me of that glitzy yellow dress…

Grabbing a paper bowl and a plastic spoon, I pour out the cereal.

"A banana, too?"

"Uh huh."

"You want to eat in front of the TV?"

He smiles widely. "Can I!"

"Why not?" I lift him down the chair and he runs towards the TV. "Let's pretend it's Saturday."

"It's not Saturday?"

"Nope. It's Tuesday."

I place the plump cushion from the chair on the floor and he drops down on it.

"When is Saturday?"

"The day after the day after the day after tomorrow."

He giggles as I pass him the bowl. "You're funny, Momma."

I kiss his cheek and then press the remote buttons until I tune in to a cartoon show.

"I'll be right back, okay?"

He nods absentmindedly as he stuffs his mouth with a spoonful of cereal.

Checking the time, it's a few minutes to eleven. After today, I know I'll have a hard time waking up tomorrow…

I grab a change of clothes and take a quick shower, semi-meditating the sleep out of my body. When I'm done, Jamie's bowl is empty, and he's now on his stomach, his face framed between his fists, elbows supporting him.

"Still hungry?" I ask, taking the bowl from him.

He shakes his head, laughing at the screen.

"Momma, can we go to the parade?" he asks, rolling on his back.

"Let's give you a bath first."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes. The parade doesn't start until later."

He gets up from the floor and stomps his foot. "But I had a bath yesterday!"

"That was yesterday's bath. You need one for today. Come on." I reach my hand out for his but he runs to the bed.

"I don' want to!"

"You have to. You'll be too tired later to take one."

"I really don' want a bath, Momma!"

"Jamie…"

"Daddy! Daddy! Tell Mommy I taked a bath yesterday!"

He jumps up and down on the bed, making the bed squeak.

"Jamie taked a bath yesterday," Nathan mumbles sleepily.

"See? I don' need a bath!"

He looks so cute, all defiant and serious, his hair sticking out in different directions.

"Don't you want to be a real man anymore, Jame?" I ask him.

A mother's gotta do what a mother's gotta do.

"I do! I do!"

"Bathing is part of being a real man. No one likes stinky pants little boys." I pinch my nose.

He giggles and then slides off the bed.

* * *

><p>The festival is being held on the grounds of a large stable.<p>

We've been walking around for about an hour, taking Jamie on most of the rides. He wanted to ride the Ferris wheel but he's too young for it. I wouldn't want to be up there; it looks menacing and it's way too high.

There's no sign of Lucas or Peyton yet, but they'd called earlier saying they were running late because of traffic on the highway.

"I have to go for practice but I'll look for you before we go up on stage."

It's already time for final rehearsals.

"Okay. Jame and I are just going to overdose on hotdogs."

"Daddy, what's overdose?"

"Too much of something that can lead to a bad thing."

"Like when I watch TV and I sleep and you hav'ta carry me?"

"No. Like eating too many pancakes and then throwing up."

"Like...like when I eat too much nuggets and my chest hurts?"

"Just like that. Say bye to Mommy."

"Bye, Momma!" He waves his hand in front of my face. "We're going to overdose!"

I take his hand and kiss his palm loudly. "Have fun, okay? And don't overdose on anything."

"Even cotton candy?"

"Especially cotton candy."

"And Popsicles?"

"No."

"Creamsicles?"

"Nope. But you can overdose on fruits."

He makes a face. "Okay. Daddy, let's go ride a horsie on the caroozel!"

"You want to walk there?" He bends over slightly to put Jamie down.

"Noooo!" he shrieks, clinging onto Nathan's neck. "I like it up here! I can see lots!"

"Does your back hurt?" I ask him.

He shakes his head. "No. This little monkey is a lightweight. Aren't you, buddy?"

Jamie giggles. "I'm not a monkey! I'm a boy!"

"Are you sure?"

"Yessss!"

"Want a piggyback ride?"

"Really!"

I kiss them both again before going in search of the performers' dressing rooms.

* * *

><p>The stables' management offices have been cleared out to give performers rooms to change. I've been waiting alone in our assigned dressing room for the last twenty minutes. To keep myself busy, I bundled up stray pieces of straw trying to create miniature scarecrows. I wouldn't even scare an ant.<p>

"Hey!"

I twist around in my seat. Wes and Suzanne.

"Hi! Did you get lost, too?"

"Yeah!" Suzanne says as she places her viola case on the table. "We were given such awful directions that we ended up in some weird part of the stables that smelled like wet dog and rotten cheese."

I laugh at the expression on Wes' face.

"I didn't get that far but I did end up barging into a clown's changing room." I shudder.

They were makeup-free but they had on their baggy clothes and brightly coloured wigs.

"Not a fan?" she asks me as she takes the seat next to me.

"Terrified of them. You?"

She pulls back her orange curls, tying her hair in a ponytail. With the sunlight in the room, it creates a mesmerizing golden halo around her face.

"Those wide grins or smiles or whatever are weird but they don't scare me. I'm absolutely terrified of dolphins, though."

"Good thing we're not in Florida," Wes says.

She grimaces. "We visit my grandparents there a couple of times a year and when everyone is going to the aquarium, I hit the mall. The first time I encountered a dolphin, I was nine and I screamed so loud that security had to be called."

"I peed my pants when I was six after I followed my brothers to the roof of our house," Wes says. "I refused to come down until my dad climbed up, blindfolded me and got me down."

"What?"

He shrugs. "Yeah. I couldn't move, I was shaking and screaming. Whenever I'm traveling and passing over a bridge, I actually lose feeling in my legs."

"Are you thinking of going on the Ferris wheel?" Suzanne asks him.

He gives her a fixed stare. "Don't tempt me to drive you down to Florida."

My phone then rings.

"Hey!"

_"Hi. Are you at the motel?"_

"Nope. Still stuck in traffic?"

"_No. We're already here. Where are you?"_

"I'm at rehearsal. But you can call Nathan. Last I heard he was taking Jamie to the carousel."

"_Okay. How's practice going? Can I come?" _

I laugh. "You sound like Jamie. You'll have to wait to hear us on stage."

"_You're kind of evil, Haley James. __Hey…can we crash in your room tonight? The motel was booked up by the time we got here."_

"As long as you don't get freaky, it's cool."

_"Hales!"_

"What? I thought I should give you ample warning to get the hormones out of the way. I have a three-year-old in that room, you know."

_"I'll be sure to share that with Peyton."_

"Do that."

Alec, Emma and Miller walk in then, struggling with drum accessories and instrument cases.

"Um, I have to go but I'll see you later."

"_Sure."_

"Say hi to Peyton."

I turn to the newcomers as they set up their instruments. "Look who's here. Did you also get lost?"

"Nope. Miller here was hitting on a jockey. And he left us to carry his kit while he did."

"Jealous much, Emma?"

"Have you seen my boyfriend?"

"That scrawny kid?"

"Look who's talking."

"That scrawny kid says we need to get practicing. First gigs can be intimidating and brutal and I want us to be better than perfect," Alec says.

"Have you ever even had a gig?" Miller asks as he examines the drums.

"Does a high school talent show count?"

Miller snorts. "No."

"Enough ladies. Let's do this," Wes chimes in.


	39. Chapter 39

They're underneath the huge tree as he told me, seated on the large picnic blanket we brought.

Nathan's leaning on the tree with Jamie beside him, and Peyt and Luke are cross-legged, a plate of half-eaten hotdogs between them.

"Hi," I kiss Nathan. "Hey, Peyt."

"_Hay Hays_," she mumbles with a mouthful.

"What am I? A waxed figure?" Luke asks.

I gasp mockingly. "It speaks!"

He throws a twig at me.

"And what has my baby been doing?"

"I'm a real man, Momma!"

I kiss his cheek. "And I'm proud of you."

There's a smudge on his cheek. "What is this? What have you been eating?"

"Daddy got me a kaboobie!"

"A kaboobie?" I ask Nathan.

"Kebab," Nathan replies.

I touch my thumb to my tongue, rubbing away the dark smudge.

"That's gross, Hales," Lucas grimaces.

"Don't forget he came out of me."

"Ugh. I think I just lost my appetite."

"Nice. Can I have your hotdog then?"

"Get your own. Don't you have wet wipes for such things?"

"Somewhere. This is easier. There. All clean."

"Your turn." I reach for Lucas' cheek with my thumb.

"Don't you dare, Haley James."

I grin. "Scott. How many times do I have to remind you? It's been four years."

"You'll always be Haley James."

"Haley James Scott, Uncle Lucas. Momma says that's her name."

I raise my brow triumphantly at Luke. He squints, his mouth twitching.

"Did you leave me some kaboobie, Jame?"

He shakes his head.

"Luke, are you gonna eat that?"

He takes a huge bite of his hotdog as I watch.

"And you call me mean, Luke?" I am really hungry.

"Nathan…" I whine.

"Where's Daddy going?"

I think sometimes he harbours the fear that Nathan will go like before and fall into another coma. I rest my chin on his head. "He's going to get me some food. My stomach is yelling."

He turns in my lap. "Can I feel it, Momma?" He places his hand on my belly. It growls.

"What's it saying?" he giggles.

"Feeeeeed meeee!"

He giggles again as my stomach rumbles.

"Can I hear it?" He rests his head on it. "Momma, it's making funny noises!"

"How funny?"

"Like…like when you make juice for me in the machine!"

He means the blender.

"That loud?"

"Uh huh."

I rub his hair. "Did you overdose?"

"Nah-ah. Daddy said overdose makes you very sick."

"Daddy's right."

"What's going on over here?" Nathan hands me a plateful of shish kebabs.

"Thanks, babe," I tell him, already dragging a piece of meat off the stick. My body was thrumming with hunger.

"Momma's belly is yelling! List'n!" His ear is pressed to my stomach, listening patiently. "I can't hear it anymore. Why?" He looks up at me.

"Because I'm feeding it like it wanted. You want a kebab, sweetie?"

He takes a stick from the plate.

"Like I showed you, Jame," Nathan says.

He picks off the piece at the edge and pops it into his mouth. He does the same for the next piece. Unlike me who is almost choking on the stick that's poking at my tonsils. I am really hungry. Two hours of nonstop practice would do that to anyone.

"God, Hales. That was fast. Jamie's not even done with his," Peyton says.

There are only two pieces left.

"Jamie helped."

"He had one."

"You've never been around a hungry Haley?" Nathan asks.

"Does her nine-month gluttony count?"

"Hey!" I chuck a kebab stick at her.

Peyton makes a gagging face. "She'd drag us to the mall and order food from different stands and then eat them together. Once, she poured coleslaw and spicy red beans on a bacon pizza, and then downed it with a mixture of yoghurt and milkshake. She did that with four slices. _Four_. Disgusting. I gotta tell you that I was really embarrassed to be seen eating with you sometimes."

When I think about it now, it was actually pretty gross. I had the weirdest food combination cravings. I needed sweet, sour and spicy at the same time.

Nathan is laughing. "Do you have pictures?"

"Fortunately, no." She shakes her head. "Your wife was a mess, Nate."

"She'd wake me up at two in the morning to get her Oreos and pickles," Nathan continues. "Then she'd scrape off the cream and replace it with a pickle slice. After that, I had trouble eating Oreos for some time." He shakes his head wistfully while rubbing Jamie's hair.

I remember those nights. I'd go through my emergency stash, which Nathan had specifically put away for such moments, shaking him awake late in the night begging for more.

"And sometimes she'd mix up olives, pickles and pieces of bacon with mac 'n cheese and ask for a second helping."

They all cry out in disgust.

I lick my greasy lips. "Why are you talking about me like I'm not here?"

"You were off in your own world sating your hunger. Feeling better now?" he asks me, rubbing my thigh. He never gave me grief about my eating habits when I was pregnant, constantly making me laugh whenever I picked out random ingredients for the perfect meal.

"Much. And those disgusting combinations gave us this handsome little guy."

I wipe my hands on a napkin and do the same for Jamie and his oily mouth. His eyes are already drooping.

"You're just a cranky-pants when you're hungry." Lucas turns to Peyton. "If you don't attend to her munchies, she'll turn mean."

"That happened once. Twice. Okay, a couple of times. But you know not to get on my case when I'm starving now, don't you Luke?"

"Trust me, I do. You almost broke my nose with a basketball, Hales! How you can have perfect aim when you're hungry yet suck when you're not is beyond me."

"Adrenaline, my friend. Your brother lived it for nine months."

I think I completely scared him some days with my roller-coaster emotions.

Nathan and Peyton are laughing.

"I can't be worse than Peyton, though. She almost punched a freshman in the cafeteria for the last sandwich." I smirk at her.

"I didn't! And it wasn't because I was hungry. PMS. He stepped on me. And I wasn't having the best day."

"Ugh," Nathan and Lucas groan.

I roll my eyes at her. "You mean that's what it was? Please. Poor boy was about to cry."

"What else would it be? Unlike some people, I have control over my hunger pangs."

"Are you saying that I'm fat, moody?"

She grins. "Did you hear me say that, geek?"

"I'm reading between the lines."

"You're reading too much into it. Is that a peculiarity that is associated with being a Scott?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Lucas here thinks I want to get married."

"Peyton!" he condemns.

"What? I just want to know whether jumping to conclusions is a Scott thing."

"I thought that's what you were implying when you asked," Lucas says.

"I didn't!"

"What are you guys talking about?" I ask. Arguments between Peyton and Lucas can sometimes be quite a production.

"Nothing," Lucas answers.

"It's not nothing. I asked Lucas to move in with me for the summer and he assumed I was asking for an engagement ring."

"Gee, Luke. Why would you think that?" I mock him.

He narrows his eyes at me. Aggravating Luke is one of my favourite pastimes. And with Nathan playing along, it's hilarious watching him get mad.

"You can't blame him for thinking it, Hales," Nathan argues. "We didn't date like normal couples but if you'd asked me the same thing at some point while we were, I'd have freaked out."

"I didn't freak out," Lucas mumbles.

"You wouldn't have wanted to live with me?"

"That's not what I meant."

"You realize you proposed to me after a few months of dating? And why would I have asked you to move in with me and my crazy parents when you had your own apartment? How can you even say you'd have freaked out when you proposed? Not asked to move in but proposed. _Proposed_, Nathan. Isn't that more worthy of a freak out?"

"Babe, it's not that. It's just a huge deal for a guy to move in with his girlfriend."

Men!

I'm about to retort but Peyton beats me to it.

She snorts. "Are you kidding me? Like it's not for women? I just wanted to get you out of the house after you complained about it being too cramped!"

"Why? So that you can kill me and get away with it when I insult The Cure?"

"Of course I wouldn't get away with it! The girlfriend is always the prime suspect! And I thought you'd want to live in a roomy house rather than crash on the couch at yours!"

"Why didn't you just say so? You started the sentence with '_I think we should take the next step_'! How am I supposed to know you meant that rather than this!" he points to his left hand ring finger.

"So you do know where the ring goes! Take notes lest you forget!"

"Aha! You do want to get married!"

"Eventually! You better not be saying you're not marrying me, Eugene!"

Quite a production.

"Of course I'll marry you! I'll even work three jobs if it comes to that to get you your engagement ring!"

"I want rubies!"

"Where am I supposed to get rubies? They're rare!"

"Like my personality! I want a ring to match!"

"Remember why we enjoy Luke's drama?" I whisper to Nathan as they bicker back and forth.

"Definitely. I think Brooke will be furious when she sees that ruby on Peyton's finger, though," he responds.

"Let's make sure we're there when she does."

He turns to look at me.

"To make sure she doesn't blow a fuse, Nathan. Jeez."

"Of course. That."

* * *

><p>Jamie naps through some of the live entertainment, which includes a mime act, a clown act that has me tense throughout and at which I'm mocked for, a short play and several dance routines.<p>

It's approaching sundown when they announce the magic troupe that will be on stage before us.

"That's my cue to leave."

I wipe at the butt of my jeans. "Do I look presentable? What do you think, Jame? Do I look okay?"

Removing my jacket, I pass it to Nathan.

"You look pretty, Momma!"

I lean down to kiss his forehead. "Thank you, sweetie. Keep your ears open for your song, okay? It's number seven. Daddy can help you count."

"Okay. Do I gotta wear my 'fmuffs? Daddy said I don' hav'ta wear them!"

"No earmuffs today. I'll see you later, okay?" I kiss his cheek.

I lean over his head to kiss Nathan.

"Loving the cleav, babe," he says against my lips.

Chuckling softly, I kiss him again.

"Glad you approve," I murmur as I stand, adjusting my black jeans in place.

"Are you going to change?"

"Peyton! Do I honestly look that bad?"

I straighten my violet v-neck top. It's neither flashy nor frumpy, just right for a family event.

"No. I just thought you'd bring out the blingy shiny things artists wear on stage."

"I thought casual would blend in well with the festival. And I don't own any blingy or shiny clothes."

Nathan covers Jamie's ears with his hands.

"I think she looks very very sexy," he winks.

"Ugh. You look fine, Hales. We still love your personality," Lucas smirks. I shove his shoulder.

"How nice of you to say I look horrible. I'll see you later!"

As I hurry towards the dressing rooms, I turn too fast around the corner that leads to our changing room, bumping hard into someone.

"_Oomph_! Sorry! Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. Are you?" The voice is male and deep, as if he has a cold.

"Yeah. I'm really sorry."

"It's okay."

I dismiss the niggling feeling of familiarity, rushing past him for the last-minute preparations.


	40. Chapter 40

"_Please welcome to the stage…Haley's Comet!" _

With a grateful nod, I take the microphone from him, reattaching it to the pole. I look back at the others, and seeing everyone getting in place, I turn to the crowd.

"Hello, Yadkinville!"

As the yells rise, I'm not nervous anymore. Somewhere in the crowd are the people I care about and they are cheering me on.

"Thank you for allowing us to entertain you. You have a lovely town and I hope our performance will end the night on a high note. Literally!"

There's laughter all around and I look over my shoulder, seeing that everyone is set.

"Okay. Seems like we're all ready up here. Enjoy the music, dance when your bones tell you to and happy Independence Day!"

I turn to Alec as he plays the first notes. "This first song I wrote for the love of my life. I fell for you at sixteen and I'm still falling for you every day."

_"Honey I just can't get around it anymore, you make me feel like home is where you are…"_

Every song in our lineup has a story behind it.

Take Wes'. Although he ended it with his ex, he had a hard time getting over the relationship.

"She was a wild girl and I couldn't keep up with all her prowling," is what he told us. "I couldn't get her to stop. And even if I had succeeded, she'd have bounced back to old habits eventually. She wanted to change for me but it didn't feel right."

She missed out on a great guy.

_"You know it only breaks my heart to see you standing in the dark alone, waiting there for me to come back…"_

Suzanne's has…a soul.

There's pain in the words, pain after the death of her childhood sweetheart from a hit-and-run. She said that bits of it were written in anger and she never bothered to change the lyrics because of the truth that was in them.

_"I've finally figured out you're not coming back so I'll move on, but I'll sure miss what we had…"_

Emma's is about a girl her ex in high school had a thing for. Angela.

Emma was a freshman and the guy was a junior. His crush on the girl in his class was more of a bizarre obsession than a crush, so much so that he once said her name while making out with Emma. She dumped him before it got any crazier, and she also got tired of being the 'alternative'.

Agonizingly, parts of it remind me of the Angelas in my life: Tina and Rachel. Without the addiction Nathan would have towards them. If that man has got to be addicted to anything, he better pick me as his poison.

_"She's a danger you're addicted to, you're a danger he's addicted to…"_

Miller's song was surprising to everyone.

He's an intense drummer and we expected his song to be the same: rowdy and loud.

It's sweet and mild, and he said he wrote it after a particularly bad incident in high school. He didn't add anything to that explanation, even when we begged for it.

_"It's strange how right now it's all so unclear, but there's no doubt that one day I'm going to fly…"_

The day we perfected Alec's song, Emma cried.

He wrote it after a huge fight they'd had that had gone on for weeks. It was before any of us knew them but she said that she'd never experienced so much misery, even during her second fiddle role to the psycho high school boyfriend.

_"I know that I'm not easy to handle but don't forget you love me today…"_

"You guys have been great! Unfortunately, we have come to the end of the show."

The crowd boos and I laugh into the mic.

"We enjoyed it, too. I'd like to introduce you to the band. We have Alec on guitar, Suzanne on the viola, Emma on the keyboard, Wes on bass and Miller on the drums."

I point to each of them with my palm and since it's already dark, the spotlight shines on every one of them as they wave to the crowd. They look so happy.

"What about you?" someone yells from the front.

"Oh! Um…my name is Haley."

"Can I have your number?"

I wiggle my fingers, showing my wedding ring. "Thank you, but I'm taken."

"I don't mind!"

"Perhaps you'd like to meet my husband?" I wink at him. "With this last song, I'd like to send my love to the most wonderful little boy. May you always walk in sunshine and may love always surround you, Jamie Scott."

The spotlight falls on me as Emma starts off on the keyboard.

_"Your baby blues so full of wonder, your curly cues, your contagious smile…"_

* * *

><p>When we walk down from the stage, we are flocked by people who want to chat.<p>

"Where can I get your CD?"

"I own a club in Charlotte…"

"Miller, can I have your autograph?"

"I love you guys! Can I take a picture?"

"How did you meet?"

"Aren't you Haley James? I knew I recognized you!"

"Who's the little boy in the song?"

"Were all the songs originals?"

"I still want your phone number."

* * *

><p>"That was amazing!" Emma screams after the crowd thins out. "Oh my God! I think I need to sit down!" She fans herself with her hand.<p>

"This will definitely get me laid," Miller says as he eyes a group of girls giggling a few feet away.

I laugh, feeling the rush like everyone, and then hug them all.

"See you all in the fall. Send us an email?" I tell Alec.

His grin is wide as he nods. I think he's still on cloud nine. "We just got three offers to be regular club performers!"

"Different clubs different nights?" I ask him.

He nods slowly. "Yeah! Yeah! That could work! I'll just have to set up a meeting with all of them."

I hug him again. "Email me, okay?"

Ducking quickly past cliques of people standing in the sidelines, I catch a glimpse of a familiar face standing alone at the edge of the crowd.

After a few steps forward, I turn back around when the realization hits me of whose face it belongs to.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

"I didn't know you'd be here. You have a beautiful voice, darling." He winks at me, reaching his hand out at my face.

I slap it away. What is wrong with this guy!

"Don't call me that! Do I need a restraining order against you?"

"Why? I thought you loved me."

"Wha…? What is wrong with you!"

"You said you loved me. Thank you for the song. I loved it. You know what I loved even more? This." His eyes seem unearthly as he points to my chest.

I shrink back when he reaches out to touch me, pulling my blouse together. I feel violated.

Could he be the same person I ran into earlier on my way to the stables?

"That wasn't for you! Get over it, Sam! I'm not into you and I have no feelings except distaste towards you."

It's dark and I feel a little afraid when he leans forward.

"I got your invitation to Jamie's party. Doesn't that mean you love me and you don't want your husband to know about us?"

"What? There is no us, you…you…And that invitation is for Kyle. Just Kyle! I don't see any reason why your son should be treated like an outcast when he has nothing to do with your actions! His mother can drop him off–"

"She's not going to be around at that time," he smiles smugly.

I grit my teeth. "Fine. Drop him off and leave. I swear I'll ask Nathan to kick you out if you stick around."

I turn to walk away from him but he grabs me by the elbow.

"Let me go!"

"You looked magnificent up there. I can't wait for a private performance. Ciao," he breathes in my ear. And then he releases me, getting lost in the crowd.

I stand there for a few minutes trying to calm my quivering nerves, trying to forget the leers and the eerie grins he was giving me.

How a hello got to this point where I'm terrified and trembling like a leaf is frightening.

* * *

><p>Nathan rushes to me when he spots me.<p>

"Hey! That was so– are you okay?"

He rubs my cheek gently with his knuckles.

The feel of his fingers on my skin is calming me.

I'm still shaken up from the encounter with Sam. I don't know how I managed to get here without losing my way in the crowd.

"Yeah. J-just a little cold."

I can't tell him. I can't. What if it's my entire fault? Did I lead him on? Was it something that I said that made him think we were anything?

"Let's get you warmed up, then. Are you sure you're okay?" He's frowning.

I hope my smile convinces him. "I am. D-did you like the songs?"

He pulls me in for a hug. I wrap my arms around him, closing my eyes as I try to forget what just happened.

My safety.

"They were fantastic! I really loved Jamie's." He kisses my temple. "And the way your voice was when you were singing mine…"

I lift my head, tiptoeing to kiss him softly. "It helped me a lot, Nathan."

He nods slowly. "I'm glad you had your music when I was–" He breaks off sadly and then brightens up. "Your band is amazing! You said everyone wrote a song? I liked the one about the end of the road."

He leads me to the blanket.

"That one was Miller's."

"Are you serious?" He's baffled. "Miller tootoo?"

"The one and only."

Jamie's sitting between Peyton and Luke and when he sees me, he stands up.

"Mommy! I heard my song! What's baby blues? Are babies blue?"

I crawl to the blanket and pat the space next to me. "No. Those are your eyes. I call them baby blues."

I put my arm around him.

"Can I have the song on a CD?"

Nathan wraps my jacket around my shoulders and I smile appreciatively at him.

"We can record them on a CD sometime."

"Can I write you a song?"

"You want to write me a song?"

He nods. "Uh huh. Can I use baby blues?"

"Mommy's eyes are more of brown than baby blues, bud," Nathan tells him as Jamie moves to his lap.

I turn to Nathan. "Sorry you had to wait so long to hear them."

He wraps an arm around me, pulling me closer. I feel better now. I'm safe. That guy really creeped me out.

"They were worth the wait," he whispers in my ear.

My heart melts and I raise my head to kiss him.

"Witnesses here," Luke says.

"Don't be like that. You give Peyton some serious smooches in front of me."

He laughs. "Smooches? Since when are you so modest?"

"Since this little guy developed satellite hearing." I rub Jamie's hair.

"It can't be worse than some of the stunts you and Nate have pulled. I have gagged several times," he continues.

"Please. Our PDA is humble and mild. Yours? X-rated."

"Children, the fireworks are beginning," Peyton informs us.

And they are beautiful. I take shot after shot of the expressions of awe on Jamie's face every time the fireworks light up the sky.

Priceless.


	41. Chapter 41

"Hales! We're leaving!"

"Don't be late!" I shout to be heard over the hum of the washing machine. "We need the birthday boy to have a birthday party!"

"Yeah!"

"Bye, Momma!"

"Bye!"

The door bangs shut.

It's Jamie's birthday. We don't have to be there until much later so Nathan has taken him along for his final checkup with Doctor Jasinski.

There's not much to do on our part because the indoor kids' playhouse we rented has taken care of everything. They dealt with the invitations; they'll do the setup and the decorations, and even provide the utensils. All we're bringing is the cake and the guests.

I've been accompanying Nathan to the hospital when I can since he came home. But from the time he began his personal training regimen, adding school and band practice to it, it was impossible.

I worry about his lack of memory of the accident. It doesn't bother him in the least not remembering what happened, even after retelling him what Mark had told me.

He hasn't had any night terrors but I do wonder if his amnesia about the accident could have detrimental effects.

My overactive imagination has led me to thinking of a scenario where he develops an aneurysm that will kill him at the breakfast table, his face swimming in his cereal.

I really hate my overactive imagination.

* * *

><p>Everyone is almost here and the birthday boy is still missing.<p>

When I called Nathan, he told me that they were 'driving down the street'. It could mean that he's really driving down the street, or it could be Nathan-speak for 'I'm so far from where I'm supposed to be but I won't say it because you'll get mad so I'd rather say I'm just driving down the street'.

I'm at the entrance of the playhouse, receiving parents and children with the assistance of one of the playhouse teachers. He's explaining the planned activities when I feel small arms wrap around my leg.

"Hi, Jamie's mom!"

"Kyle! Hi! Thanks for coming!"

He grins up at me, hazel-green eyes shining. "Where's Jamie?"

"He's not here yet but why don't you go play with the others while we wait for him?"

The teacher stretches out his hand for Kyle. "You like monkey bars, Kyle?"

"Yes! Where are the animals? And how do you know my name?"

"Hi, Haley."

I'm wary of him. The last time I saw him, he made my blood run cold.

"Sam."

He takes a step towards me. I step back.

"You can go now."

He smiles, that curl of the mouth that seems to never quite communicate with his eyes that he's actually smiling.

"I was hoping you had changed your mind about letting me stay."

Crazy much?

"No."

His jaw clenches, and then he fake-smiles again. "I'll let this one slide but next time, we'll even share ice cream."

I snort. "Don't hold your breath."

He laughs. "You're so cute."

"Could you please leave?" I snarl.

He holds out a colourfully wrapped box. "Jamie's gift. It's a fire truck. Kyle has one and I wanted Jamie to have one, too. That way when they visit, there's no squabbling."

Definitely crazy.

I grab at it but he doesn't let go.

"You look beautiful, by the way. You literally took my breath away."

"What did you say?"

I grab the box as Sam is momentarily distracted.

"Momma!"

Jamie wraps his arms around my knees.

"H-hey…sweetie. You made it." I'm shaking.

He giggles. "It's my birthday, Momma! Is that for me?"

Sam looks down at Jamie. "Yes, it is."

His smile grows, and he starts to hop up and down with excitement. "Can I open it? Please, Momma? Can I?"

"Later, baby. You want to play before we start? Your uncles are in there."

He runs off into the playhouse.

Nathan is now standing beside me, having a staring down contest with Sam.

"What did you say to my wife?"

Sam grins smugly. "I told her she looked beautiful and that she took my breath away."

Nathan steps up to him. I place my hand on his arm. He's tense.

"Back off. There are things you never say to a man about his wife. Or to his wife."

"She's not your possession."

I feel like slapping him.

"She's her own person but she's my wife. Not yours."

"So I shouldn't compliment her? Even when she clearly seems to enjoy it?" He winks at me.

This man is absolutely disgusting.

Nathan grabs him by the collar of his shirt. "Are you asking for a beating?"

I spot Denise and Andre approaching us.

My hand rubs Nathan's back in circles, trying to ease his tension. I love that he can be jealous and protective but sometimes it can go beyond just words.

"Honey…please. Just go, Sam. Pick up Kyle after two hours."

He lets him go slowly. "Stay away from my wife."

Sam straightens his shirt, taking a few steps back. "Ciao, darlin'."

Nathan tenses and takes a quick step forward.

"Nathan. Don't. Please?"

He turns to me slowly, his eyes flashing. "Did he hurt you?"

"No." But he scared me. "I'm fine."

"Are you sure?"

"Hey, guys."

Nodding, I turn to our guests with what I feel is an unconvincing smile. "Hey, Denise. Hi, Andre! Are you ready to have fun?"

"Yes! Where's Jamie?"

"Just follow the shouts and you'll find–" He's already off.

"Everything okay?" She looks back and forth between us and the parking lot, where Sam is walking to his car.

"Yeah. Thanks for coming! Are you staying or…?"

She frowns. "Unfortunately, no. I have to fill in for someone at work but I'll pick him up later. Two hours, right?"

"Right."

"Okay. Here's Jamie's gift. It's not much but…"

"No, don't say that," I tell her as I take it from her. "I'm sure he'll love it."

I give her a hug before she leaves.

"Haley…"

I'm holding the two boxes between us, so I can't reach for him. I honestly need one of his hugs right now.

"Let's – let's just enjoy the party, okay? It's Jamie's birthday."

I feel like my face is cracking beneath the smile.

He holds my face in his hands. "Are you sure that creep didn't do anything to you?"

I nod slowly, tiptoeing to kiss him. I don't want to lie about these…encounters with Sam but I can't do this now. It's Jamie's birthday, for Heaven's sake.

"I'm fine. Let's just go in, okay? Guest of honour already arrived."

* * *

><p>"This heat is a bitch."<p>

"Nathan! There are children around!"

"I'm sorry but it's driving me nuts. Don't they have an AC in here?" He fans his face with his palm. "_Pheeew!_"

"It's summer, babe. And they do have the AC on. Can't you feel it?"

"No. Is this summer hotter than the last one?"

"You say that every summer." I touch his forehead. "You're a little warm. What if you're coming down with something?"

"I don't think so. It must be the heat. I was just at the doctor's this morning, Hales."

"Maybe you caught something from a patient. Did someone sneeze on you?"

He grimaces. "Ugh. No. I swear this heat is worse than last year's. My bones have an understanding about weather, you know."

"I think you missed your meteorological calling, honey. Or are you thinking of enrolling for a class?"

"It's a gift, Hales. I don't need a degree to reaffirm my gift."

I pat his hand. "Sure it is."

He rolls his eyes at me. "Why don't we go for a swim tomorrow? I can skip work early, we can pick up Jamie from school and since the Duke pool is pretty empty…"

"I'll do you one better." I smile at him. "Why don't we take a road trip to L.A.?"

He tilts his head to the side. "Tomorrow?"

"No," I laugh. "Before school reopens. We have a month and a half."

"Why?"

"Why not? I'd have loved it if you and Jamie had come with me when I was there and since it's been such a crappy few months, let's get away for some time. We can sightsee on our way there and stroll the beach when we do get there…just take a family holiday."

"What about our jobs?"

"It's a three-week camp. One more week and I'm done."

"And your other job?"

I waitress at a local café after the tutoring stint.

"Don't care. We deserve this, babe."

"Are you sure? Will we have enough money?" he asks, his brows furrowed.

"Remember that stripping job I told you about? I'm sure we could find a roadside strip joint that would hire me between here and L.A."

He narrows his eyes. "Funny."

"Thanks. Can you get away from your job?"

"I don't know. It was just for the summer, anyway. I'll sure miss those Beemers," he sighs exaggeratedly.

"I'll buy you one someday." I lean my chin on his shoulder. "If there's something we have got to learn out of our marriage, it's to live for the moment. Carpe diem, my love. The Scotts have some bizarre relationship with hospital beds."

"We do?" Lucas asks as he passes by.

"Think about it," I say, turning to look up at him. "You have no spleen, I can't have any more kids, Jamie has no appendix and Nathan had to have parts of his skull drilled into."

"Jeez, Haley. Grim much?" he mutters before walking away.

"Yeah. That was really dark and grim, Hales," Nathan tells me, his eyes slightly wide.

"No, it wasn't."

"Yes, it was. It's like you were…"

"Ticking off the ingredients for an omelet?"

"Well, yeah." He puts up his hands in mock surrender. "Just sayin'."

Through my shirt, I rub the spot where there's the faded scar from the hysterectomy.

"I'm just being real. Where is Jamie, anyway?" I look around the room for him.

Nathan gasps. "He's leaning over the ball pit!"

"What?" I stand up so quickly that I bump my hip on the table.

"Kidding! You deserved it. He's on the monkey bars with Skills," he chuckles.

"Not funny, Nathan! I almost drowned in a ball pit, you know!"

"I know."

He pulls me back down.

"Are you serious about the road trip?" he asks as he rubs my thigh.

"Very."

"How much do we have? I know I haven't contributed much this year–"

"Stop that. I told you it's fine. Things happened and we had to accommodate. We have some good numbers in the bank, so don't worry. Plus I tutored a lot in fall, remember? And your sweet thirteen-bucks-an-hour job?"

He nods. "I just don't want to have to buy a fake fur coat and pimp you out. And having a baby in tow scouting good locations would just be tacky."

"See? You think he's a baby, too!"

"Of course he's a baby. Ours. Until he's eighteen, he's a baby."

I groan. "Don't remind me."

"Fourteen more years, Hales," he sighs.

"He really is a daddy's boy."

"I'm not ashamed."

"Better not cry on his first day in high school, Nathan. There's only so much humiliation a teenager can take."

"What can I say? You softened me up."

"Are you saying that I'm a crier?"

"But I still love you."

I swat his arm.

"Daddy! Daddy! Look!" Jamie shouts from across the room. He is walking across a balancing beam.

"You look great, buddy!" He stands, holding out his hand. "Time to socialize, Mrs. Scott. We're being crappy hosts by neglecting the parents."

* * *

><p>After an hour of organized playtime led by an instructor, we usher the kids into a large, bright and colourful room for cake and presents.<p>

Jamie blows the candles after a shrill chorus of 'Happy Birthday' and being the birthday boy, he gets a gift bag from the staff, while each child is given a child-size water bottle.

"Thanks for coming you guys."

Peyton, Deb and I are cutting the basketball-themed cake as the kids play Tag with Skills and Mouth. Nathan, Luke and Allan are pouring out the drinks while the staff member assigned to our party is speaking with the parents.

"He's my godson, Hales. Wouldn't have missed it."

"Me, either. Except the part where he's my grandson," Deb smiles.

"How's Tree Hill?" I ask.

Deb wipes her hand with a paper towel. "Same summer story. Flocking tourists, which means great business for us."

"Tric has been really packed. For some reason, there are a lot of teenagers this summer."

"Must be the popularity of a certain club in Tree Hill," I grin.

"You sweet-talker. I got a new band to replace the other one, by the way," Peyt says as she arranges the cake-filled plates around the table.

"Yeah? What happened to the old one?" I place forks on the few remaining plates.

She groans. "They were being such divas and I couldn't take it."

"An all-guys band of divas?"

She nods. "You can imagine. It's just twisted when guys are prima donnas." She turns to where the kids are. "Who wants cake?"

Fourteen kids run screaming to the table.

* * *

><p>The party didn't last long but the kids had a wonderful time. Everyone except the Tree Hill crowd has left, and there are occasional screams from the outdoor trampoline. They all ran to it after I told them I could finish up, while Nathan went to sort out payment with the manager in the back office.<p>

"Jame, I'm just going to the car but I'll be right back, okay?"

He is in the main play area, and from the looks of it, he's probably still on a sugar high.

"Okay!"

"Be careful."

"Okay!"

The playhouse staff is cleaning up the room as I collect the remaining presents to take to the car. This trip takes longer and when I walk back into the playhouse, I can't see Jamie. I'd left him jumping on the indoor bouncy castle.

"Jamie?" I call out as I walk around the play area.

"Jamie?" He's not in the ball pit, either.

There's no sign of him and I'm beginning to panic as I run into the cake room.

"Jamie?"

My stomach clenches. He's not here. Is he playing hide and seek with me?

I run back to the play area but it's still empty.

"Jamie? Baby, are you here?"

Nothing.

I check the bathrooms, the parking lot, the car and the back lot but there's no sign of him.

_Oh my God! Oh my God!_

I'm calling out his name as I run down the corridors of the playhouse madly, feeling like I'm going to pass out.

"JAMIE!"

"Hales, what's wrong?"

Nathan walks out of an office at the opposite end of the corridor.

"Nathan!" I run to him. "I – I can't find Jamie!"

His hands tighten around my shoulders. "What?"

"I don't know where he is! I-I c-can't find him anywhere!"


	42. Chapter 42: Rated M for strong language

We're out in the parking lot and the manager is reassuring us that they're all looking for Jamie.

"Mrs. Scott, all the available staff members are alr–"

"Hey!" Lucas is breathless as he comes to a stop. "Everything okay?"

Everyone is standing behind him, looking on expectantly.

My heart has been pulsing forcefully for the last thirteen minutes, the longest thirteen minutes of my life. The reality of the situation is kicking in as I look at my friends.

"W-we can't find Jamie," I tell him.

"What do you mean you can't find him?" Luke asks.

"I – I can't find him, Lucas! I left him on the bouncy castle but now…I-I can't find him! I've searched everywhere…"

I feel like I'm in a freezer. My entire body is cold. Even as I say it, it seems surreal to me. Maybe I'm dreaming. I'll probably wake up to Jamie bouncing on the bed telling me that he's hungry.

And then I feel Nathan's arm around me tighten. Oh my God.

This is not a dream.

"We'll look again. Maybe he fell asleep after all the cake." Luke gives me a reassuring smile, and then runs with Peyton in one direction.

Nathan and I are left standing there alone in the parking lot as everyone spreads out.

My arms feel heavy as I wrap them around my waist, the emptiness of the moment after everyone is gone hitting me like a hard slap to my face. If anything happens to him, I will be too broken to recover.

_"Momma says I'm her favourite little boy in the whole world."_

"This can't be happening! Oh my God, Nathan! He – he's all we have!"

I made my peace with being unable to have any more children, but I can't lose the only child I have.

"We'll find him, babe," he says softly, hugging me to him.

I know he's as terrified as I am.

"H-how is this happening? It's his birthday! His _fourth_ birthday! And he's m-missing! It's all my fault! I-I shouldn't have left him alone! Children disappear in the blink of an eye! Why did I think we were special? This is t–"

I can't stop crying and shaking.

_"In the whole world 'cause I'm her world."_

A reel of moments is flashing through my mind; the first time I laid my eyes on Jamie after he was born, his first smile, seeing him when I woke up from my coma, his first word, taking him to school, cheering for Nathan during a game, the cute way he answers our phones with "Momma's phone!" or "Daddy's phone!", his giggles when he's helping me with the dishes, his proud smile when he got the words of his recital right, the look on his face when Nathan woke up from the coma…

I can't stop the images.

Who took him? I feel faint when I think of creepy men preying on helpless children…

Someone has my baby!

"NO!" I scream, hugging Nathan so tightly that I could be crushing him. He rubs my back, my hair, telling me that we'll find him.

How did this happen? Why did I leave him alone?

Tugging at my hand, he pulls me along as we walk around the parking lot calling out for Jamie.

I have a vice-like grip on his hand, afraid that he may go off without me and not come back, afraid that I just might crumble if I let go. I'm choking on Jamie's name as we look for him in the hedges. He's fond of hiding in the bushes behind our apartment building.

_"Treasure, Momma!"_

After eleven minutes of searching, the others join us as we are arguing with the manager over calling out his name on their PA system.

It has been half an hour since our son went missing.

"I'm sorry, ma. We can't find him," Skills says.

They all shake their heads.

I crack. I think I'm about to have a heart attack.

"You better do something about finding him! Are there hidden areas in this place that lead to the road? He could be out on the street!" I'm yelling at the manager.

Oh my God! What if he left the compound? Did some motorist…? Please God, no!

"Mrs. Scott, we looked everywhere. No one has found him."

I feel like tugging at the end of that ridiculous mustache and ripping it off his face.

"Where are your security cameras? You have cameras, don't you? It's a children's playground for God's sake! How can you not have cameras? We'll just look through them and s–"

"Haley…"

"No, Lucas! My four-year-old son is missing! We have to call the police!"

"Hales…"

"What!" I turn to look at him, my eyesight blurry. Everyone is looking behind me. I follow their gaze.

There's a car coming to a stop several feet away. A familiar white SUV.

With bated breath, I watch as the back seat door opens.

"Momma!"

Oh my God! Oh my God! My baby!

Delirious with relief, I run to him and scoop him up in my arms, crying as I hug him and kiss him, checking him for any marks or bruises. Nothing.

"Baby! Oh my God! Are you okay? Are you hurt?"

"Momma, you're smooshin' me!" He pulls away from me and Nathan takes him from my arms.

"I missed you, buddy. Where were you?" he asks as he gives Jamie a tight hug.

I wipe away my tears, running my eyes all over him. He looks okay.

"Kyle's daddy took us for frozen yoghurt!"

WHAT!

"Daddy, what's wrong?"

"N-nothing. I'm just so happy to see you."

Sam Cregg is leaning against the closed door, grinning like an idiot. "I had fun, Jamie."

How the hell did that happen? I saw him pick up Kyle and leave! Did he turn back around and convince Jamie to go with him just to taunt us!

"I had fun too, Mister Cregg!"

I take Jamie from Nathan and give him to Deb. "You want some pudding, sweetie?"

"I can? I want passion fruit!"

I kiss his cheek, inhaling the baby lotion scent of his skin. This is my son. Nathan's and I. Nobody should take him away for frozen yoghurt without us knowing.

"It's your birthday. Grandma Deb can give you some before we go home."

"Sweet!"

After I see them disappear towards the back of the building, I turn to Sam.

"Where's Kyle?" I ask him calmly.

"I dropped him off at his mom's. Why?"

I lunge myself at him.

"YOU FUCKING BASTARD!" I shriek as I hit him as hard as I can, anywhere and everywhere.

I hate him so much!

"I HATE YOU! HOW COULD YOU!"

He shields himself by putting his hands over his face, trapped between the car and me.

I can't see past the rage that I'm feeling. I'm scratching at him, punching and kicking him over and over until I feel someone pull me back.

"Hales."

"Let me go, Nathan! He had my baby! MY SON!" I lean back against him and kick my leg upwards and it lands on Sam's cheek. He grunts.

"You crazy…"

I am a woman possessed. What kind of father does that to another?

"Don't you even say it, you fucking creep! You're the crazy one! I ought to shoot you right here! Where's Deb? Where's her gun! SOMEBODY GET ME DEB'S GUN NOW!"

I can feel wetness on my face. I have never felt such animosity towards anything or anyone like I feel right now. I'm relieved, I'm terrified and I'm furious.

"Hales. I'll deal with it," Nathan whispers in my ear.

"NO! NO! He took my baby! What the fuck were you thinking! You took advantage of my son because he knows you! You lured him from us!"

"I just wanted to take him out for–"

"SHUT UP! SHUT THE FUCK UP! You _stole_ him! I told you to stay away from us! I'm going to press charges! I'm going to fucking kill you! I swear to God I will kill you! Hand me a rock, Peyton! Better yet, throw it at his stupid face!"

"Please, Hales?" Nathan has his arms around my heaving chest and pulls me back. "Just go to Jamie, okay?"

He releases me once I'm breathing evenly. I run and give Sam a swift kick in the groin before Nathan pulls me back again.

"I SHOULD FUCKING CUT YOU! Hurt him, Nathan! Make him choke on my pain!" I yell as Peyton drags me away.

"Let me go, Peyton!" I try to release my hand from hers as she drags me along to the back of the playhouse. For such a willowy girl, she is really strong.

"Hell, no! Nate will kill me. Oh my God, Hales! I have never seen you like that!"

I am buzzing with anger. "He deserved it! He had my son! Who does that? Who takes somebody else's child without letting them know! What an idiot! If this is payback for turning him down…"

She halts.

"What? You turned him down? He hit on you?"

"That fucking bastard! God, I've never been so terrified, Peyt! He had my ba–" I choke on a sob, moaning in pain. "He – he had my baby!"

"I think the guys will break him into pieces."

"Good! Jackass ten times over! He has a child of his own! Why would he be so thoughtless!"

We're approaching our car that's still near the service door.

The passenger door is open, and Deb's feet are hanging out. I look through the backseat window, seeing Jamie asleep.

"He fell asleep after the second bite," she tells me.

"Th-thank you." I lean my forehead on the window, closing my eyes as I swallow repeatedly at the lump in my throat. Tears will come any minute.

"No problem. I assume the guys are back there?"

I nod, clenching and unclenching my fists.

"He hit on Haley!" Peyton blurts.

"What? He hit you?" Deb's eyes are wide.

I push away from the car, rubbing my hands on my jeans, trying to find a way to calm down from this emotional turmoil.

"No, Deb! He hit _on_ her, like asked her out?"

Deb frowns, turning to me. "And you said…?"

"No! Deb!"

She shrugs. "You kids are so crazy with hormones nowadays."

"Deb!"

"What? You were married and pregnant by seventeen."

Good point.

"Okay, can someone distract me before I run back there?"

They look at each other and then Deb starts rattling about their drive from Tree Hill. I'm barely paying attention as I pace, focusing on the fact that Jamie is okay, yet irate that there's a maniac that would go to such lengths for vengeance.

When I assure them I'm thinking rationally, they leave in search of the guys in case there's an ongoing bloodbath. When it comes to me or Jamie, Nathan wouldn't think twice about cracking a few heads.

* * *

><p>I've been sitting in the car for ten minutes with my legs hanging over the open passenger door. I keep turning my head to the backseat every few minutes to make sure that Jamie is still there.<p>

After the adrenaline rush passed, I just cried. Loud sobs of sheer relief and gratitude that I'm surprised I didn't wake Jamie with all my sniffling and hiccuping.

I'm wiping at my cheeks when Nathan walks over while rubbing his hand.

"Oh my God."

It's flushed red and swelling up.

"It's nothing."

My heart melts at the thought of him punching Sam.

I kiss his hand. "Sweetest thing ever."

"Allan stopped me before I could do any more, though. Are you okay? You were brutal out there," he says, cupping my cheek with his other hand.

I nod and kiss his hand again.

"He deserved it. But I'm okay. I promise." A tear makes its way down my cheek. He wipes it away with his thumb.

"He'll never bother us again. I think the guys finally respect your fury, even Lucas. They all said goodbye, by the way."

When my eyes fall on Jamie, I suddenly feel breathless, my stomach churning. I wrap my arms around Nathan's waist.

"I'm s-sorry! I'm so sorry! I didn't think anything would happen to him when I – I was so scared! What if we lost him? I couldn't–" I cry against his chest.

"I know, babe. It's gonna be okay. We have him back."

I pull away from him. "A-are you okay?"

He tucks a loose strand of hair behind my ear. "Yeah. I am now."

He won't say it out loud but I know he was frightened.

If he weren't here, I don't know how I would have handled this situation by myself.

Putting my arms around his neck, I tiptoe to kiss him. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"Being here. And bruising your hand while making a point."

He smiles down at me and kisses me. "Anything for my babies."

That overwhelming feeling of relief comes over me and we hug for a while, not saying anything at all. When I feel marginally better, I pull away from him.

"Do you think it's unreasonable to want to home school him from now on?"

* * *

><p>"Nathan?"<p>

"Yeah?"

Rolling over, I throw my arm over his waist and say, "I can't sleep."

It's been hours since it happened but I'm just too tense to fall asleep.

"Me neither."

"Could you…?"

He slides off the bed, returning a few moments later with Jamie in his arms.

I pull the duvet over both of them, Jamie curling into a ball between us.

"Thank you."

My fingers run over his cheek and the side of his face. His lips are slightly parted, his cheeks are a little rosy. How could I have been so careless with him?

"That guy is really psycho, Hales. He said that you loved him."

"I don't!"

"I know."

After what happened today, I'm coming clean. This is just becoming too much.

"He's delusional. I never gave him a reason to think I was interested in him. And during the festival h–"

"What? He was at the festival?" he asks disbelievingly.

I nod, the shame of keeping it from him washing over me.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he whispers fiercely.

He's angry. I would be, too if he were admitting the same about some crazy girl who followed him to another town and then took our son for an excursion without asking.

"I'm sorry! He was gone by the time I got to you."

He's quiet.

"Wait. Was this after your performance when you were shaking?"

I nod slowly again.

"You told me you were just chilly, Hales!"

Leaving the bed, I walk to the window, reaching for the latch to make sure that it's shut tightly.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

I turn to look at him, my hand over my mouth as my lips tremble.

"I know I should have! And I'm sorry! I didn't want to ruin the day! I know today was my fault but I didn't w-want Kyle to be left out!" I sniffle, seeing him through blurry vision as he walks towards me.

"I should have stopped it before it went too far! I'm so so sorry, Nathan…"

He puts an arm around my shoulders and I sag against him.

"I don't blame you," he reassures me.

How can he not?

"Y-you should! Our son could be really hurt or gone and I could have died if anything had– I'm so sorry!" My mouth clams shut at the reminder of the fear and guilt I feel.

"He's not. Look at me, Hales."

His eyes do not show condemnation, or even anger. It makes me feel worse.

"It's not your fault."

"He could have hurt Jamie, Nathan! I'd rather be the one lying in a ditch somewhere than our son…"

He frames my face in his hands. "No! Don't! Do not say that! I need you as much as I need that little boy!" He breathes out loudly. "Listen to me, okay? He could have done something worse but he didn't."

"I–"

"Shhh." He wipes away my tears with his thumbs. "Babe, I know you blame yourself but don't. I don't blame you. It's not your fault he did what he did. You were being sweet and considerate by including Kyle and his father took advantage of that."

"D-do you think he'll come back?" I ask.

Now that I know what he's capable of, I'm on high alert.

"He won't. We all threatened him with serious body harm, but to ease your mind, we can get a restraining order. Or do you want to press charges?"

"No arrests. I don't want to do that to Kyle," I say softly, touching my forehead to his.

We probably have no basis for an arrest and the most they'll do is give him a warning. The restraining order is worth a try. What other option do we have at this point?


	43. Chapter 43

"Is he safe? Sam has a child there, in case you forgot. Oh my God! I think we should go back…"

I turn on my heels intending to go back to the car, uneasy about letting Jamie out of my sight.

Nathan puts an arm around me.

"Let's not get carried away, okay? Once we're done here, we can stake out the daycare centre."

"Nathan…"

"Hales…"

He leads me by the hand into the courthouse, towards the front desk.

"I just don't want to give him an opening to do something even more stupid."

"He won't. They won't let anyone but us take him anywhere. Morning. My wife and I would like to file a civil protective order."

I push the form I downloaded online towards the grey-haired court clerk.

"Do you have any evidence of harassment?" she asks after reading over the form.

"He kidnapped my son," I say bluntly.

"Who? Your ex-husband kidnapped your son?"

"What? No. _This_ is my husband and the father of my son."

As I explain what happened, it sounds crazier to my ears saying it out loud to a stranger.

"He took our son without letting us know, I don't like him and I think he's stalking me," I finish.

"Ma'am, you can't file a restraining order against someone you don't like."

"I just want him to stay away from me! I've asked him to but he doesn't! And…and he scares me."

Nathan squeezes my hand.

She stares at me for a few seconds. "Please wait."

She asks for my identification and then walks through a side door that is marked 'court employees only'.

"Your boss is okay with you not going in today?"

I know the job is just for the summer but I don't want him to be on bad terms with his employer.

"Yeah. This classifies as a family emergency."

I look around the lobby. We got here early, and it's just beginning to fill up.

"Do you think this is a little extreme? The restraining order, I mean."

"What? Where did that come from?"

"I don't know. I wouldn't want you to be served with papers from a courthouse."

"Even jury duty?" he smiles. "Hales, I wouldn't be taking other people's children for frozen yoghurt without their parents' consent either."

"It's my first time in a courthouse."

"Relax. I'm a pro. A semi-pro. Divorcing bickering parents, emancipation. I got you, babe."

"I'm actually surprised you were never arrested before all that, what with being the resident bad boy and all."

"Believe me, I did some pretty arrest-worthy things. Dan Scott's pull in Tree Hill made sure that did not happen. He needed his protégé to have a spotless history."

While still living with his parents, there was always anger lacing his words when he spoke about his father. Now, it's more of…impassivity.

"I doubt Duke would have been okay enrolling you with a criminal record," I tease.

"Criminal! I never– oh, wait." He laughs. "When we were freshmen, Tim and I stole the mall Christmas tree. We took it to the beach house and when they found us, we were drunk as skunks, smashing Christmas balls on the wall and laughing like idiots. My memory is a bit hazy about everything that happened that night, though."

I'm laughing as he tells me the story. "That was you? I was Santa's helper that Christmas!"

"Of course you were," he smirks.

"Ha, ha. For hours, kids were asking where the Christmas tree was because we had this tiny emaciated thing we uprooted from the back of the building as a replacement! If a tree could look sick, that was it."

We're still laughing when I realize something.

"We have to make sure that Jamie never finds out about our past!"

He laughs. "Does that include the several hours you spent behind bars in junior year? I think he would enjoy that story very much. Or was that just a misunderstanding?" He winks at me.

"May I remind you that I had nothing to do with that and it was all on Brooke and Peyton. Don't even get me started on how you stole a school bus. While drunk. And that is probably not the worst thing you have ever done."

"How do you know about that? We didn't even know each other back then!"

"Lucas, your mom, Peyton, Tim," I drone, counting them out with my fingers. "I know everything about you, Scott."

"Everything?" he asks with a raised eyebrow.

"Everything," I reply softly.

He leans his elbow on the counter. "What's my middle name?"

"Seriously?"

"Yup."

"Herbert."

He laughs, causing a security guard to look at us in warning.

"Shhh," I giggle. "Fine. Royal."

"I think we should play a game sometime. I feel like getting the royal treatment," he smiles seductively.

Just a smile and I'm all warm and fuzzy.

"You do, do you?"

"I said I did," he whispers, his finger tinkling my dangling earring.

The side door opens and the clerk returns, holding out a form to me. Clearing my throat, I turn to her.

"The judge has approved your temporary restraining order. It is legally binding for fourteen days. The Defendant will be served with the TRO and within the fourteen days, you will be expected to attend an injunction hearing for the judge to decide if there's a reason to make it permanent. You may bring witnesses or an attorney if you think it will help with your case and the Defendant will be given an opportunity to contest the order. Your hearing date has been scheduled for the twenty-third at nine a.m. Failure to appear, your petition and the TRO will be dismissed. Any questions?"

"No."

"You need to pay a filing fee for your order."

Handing us the receipt, she says, "Take your TRO to the state marshal's office to have them serve it to the Defendant. Have a nice day. NEXT!"

* * *

><p>My phone is ringing as I'm leaving the classroom from giving my afternoon lesson. It reminds me of the day Doctor Jasinski called to tell me that we were allowed to see Nathan.<p>

"Hello?"

"_Haley Scott?"_

"Yes?"

"_Judicial Office. Your petitioned civil protective order has been served. I'm sure you were informed about your hearing?" _

I lean against the hallway wall. "Yes. On the twenty-third."

"_Should it be made permanent, the order is valid unless you or the courts cancel it. If neither applies, you will need to renew it after two years." _

"Okay."

"_And you're aware that if you miss your hearing your petition will be dismissed and any temporary order you were given is invalid?"_

She's way kinder than Dorothy Sutton.

"Yes."

"_For your hearing, are you planning to bring counsel?"_

"What?"

"_A lawyer. Will you have an attorney present?" _

There goes another mention of a lawyer.

"Oh. Um, no. Do I need one?"

"_It's not necessary but if you feel you need one, the courts will not disapprove."_

"Oh. Okay."

"_Have a good day." _

Click.

I call Nathan. It's about to redirect me to his voicemail when he picks up.

"_Hey!"_ He sounds breathless.

"Hi! Are you okay?"

"_Yeah! Just doing some drills."_

"How's that going?"

"_I haven't thrown up yet." _

He's been doing better. Has he been getting sick without telling me?

"You've been throwing up? You never s–"

Chuckling, he says, _"Relax. I'm just messing with you."_

"Nathan!"

He laughs._ "What's up?"_

"Oh. Um…I just got a call from the Judicial Office. They served the papers."

"_They did? That's great! Are you okay?"_

I breathe out. "Yeah. I think so. I don't know. I mean, this is really happening. We're going to court because some guy can't seem to take hints given out in neon lights."

"_Hales…" _

"No, I'm fine. It's just a ridiculous situation. Absurd. Mad. And you're being so understanding about it."

"_Why wouldn't I be?"_ He sounds puzzled.

"Aren't you curious about who started this whole mess? Don't you wonder that I may have given him signs?"

Not once has he asked me what exactly happened from the first time I met Sam.

He sighs. _"Alright. That's it. I'm coming over. Where are you?" _

"School of Arts."

"_I'm bringing you some sugar therapy."_

I laugh softly.

_"Just give me fifteen minutes."_

"Find me at the gazebo. I'll be the one chewing the nails off my fingers."

* * *

><p>"I don't believe him."<p>

I turn around at the sound of his voice. Pacing the gazebo with my back to the pathway, I didn't see or hear him walk towards me.

He's holding a basketball under one arm, his gym bag slung over his other shoulder. He drops the bag, placing the basketball on top of it.

I face him fully, hands around my waist.

"Why? Don't you remember Chris?"

He doesn't flinch. He knows I bring Chris up when I want to rattle him.

"Who?"

He steps on the first gazebo stair. I step back.

"Chris Keller. Musician. Have a history of two kisses with him."

"Rachel Gatina. Cheerleading slut. Have a history of a kiss with her."

His eyes don't falter as he takes another stair. I take another step back, my back now leaning against a gazebo pillar.

"Sam Cregg. Stalker. Child grabber."

"Tina somebody. Cheerleading bitch. Makes children cry."

Another stair. I stay put. He walks towards me slowly.

"No matter what you say, I won't believe him."

"Why?"

He's standing in front of me, towering over me. He smells good.

He leans one hand on the pillar, the other tipping my chin upwards with his forefinger.

"Mo cridhe," he whispers, his nose rubbing mine.

"W-what?" I ask softly.

"My heart. You own it and you wouldn't betray what we have."

I can feel his breath against my lips.

"I wouldn't."

I wouldn't.

He holds my face in his hands. "I wouldn't either. And I plan to make it clear on our wedding day." His thumbs run over my cheeks. "I've been working on my vows. Have you?"

I wrap my fingers around his wrists, my eyes seeing every freckle and laugh line I love on his face. "Maybe. What are you saying them in?"

"Gaelic. Haven't you heard? I have Irish descendants. I have to honour my ancestors," his voice softening.

He touches his forehead with my own.

"Perhaps you can wear a kilt."

"You're in Scotland, babe. We're the ones with Saint Patrick's Day."

I laugh quietly, closing my eyes. "You don't have to go all exotic on the vows. I can work with English."

He laughs just as softly. "Are you kidding? I have to one up your future husbands. If Jerry will be remembered for his baldness and Ray for his shyness, I'm going to be remembered for my multilingualism."

"You mean on top of the meteorological gift?"

"Yes." He rubs his nose against mine.

I peck the small scar on his chin from the accident, and then the side of his mouth.

"Want to teach me some Irish, Irish?"

"It's limited to sentimental phrases," he kisses my jaw.

"I like sentimental."

He runs his thumb across my lower lip.

"A chuisle, a chroí," his breath hot in my ear.

I bite my lip. It sounds so beautiful when he says it.

"What does that mean?"

He kisses my brow. "My pulse, my heart."

My pulse is racing. "I am?"

"Never doubt it. Go deo na ndeor. Always and forever."

"Go deo na ndeor," I speak softly.

I can feel his lips curl into a smile against my cheek.

"Very good." He places a kiss on my temple, his thumb rubbing my cheek. My eyes are still closed, loving everything about this moment. "I don't believe him, Haley."

My body grows warmer. "You don't?"

"Never. You know you can always count on me to take your side. I would hurt anyone who hurt you a million times over. I will stand with you in a courthouse fighting for protection from the law from a psychopath. I…" he rubs his cheek against mine "…would give my shooting arm to share a kiss with you."

I suck in a breath. "Y-you don't have to do that. Just ask me."

I feel his fingers run down my arm slowly, resting on my waist and pulling me closer.

"Kiss me, Haley James Scott?" With every word, he makes a series of stops on my brow, ear, jaw, cheek and nose.

"Go deo na ndeor," I murmur.

His lips finally touch mine in one of those kisses that are addictive enough to give me a high.


	44. Chapter 44

It's back to the courthouse, this time for our hearing.

The same salt-and-pepper haired court clerk directs us to the first floor. We sit outside the courtroom for about twenty minutes until our case is called.

I'm so nervous that I can't stop my knee from bopping as we wait for the judge's arrival. The longer we wait, the more increasingly nervous I become.

This is what it has come to, seeking a legal resolution to keep someone away.

These last eight days haven't been easy; they've been trying, to say the least.

Since the restraining order was served, I've found myself agitated in some instances, unable to sleep or relax peacefully. Sometimes I've felt like someone is watching me, even when I'm in the apartment. Maybe I'm just being a little too paranoid, or I'm really being followed.

It's not as easy going out as it used to be. Last Thursday during a trip to the supermarket, I could swear that I saw him at the books section.

I was too spooked, hurriedly finishing my shopping without referring to my list, forgetting to buy most of the important things that we had run out of. When I got home after realizing what was missing, I called Nathan, feigning absentmindedness and asking him to pass by the store on his way home.

He's been asking me if I'm alright and to preserve both our sanities and freedom, I keep lying that I am. If I tell him what happened at the store, I know he'll go after Sam. Him being arrested for violence on top of all this would just be the final straw.

Perhaps it's my paranoia but after that whole incident on Jamie's birthday and at the supermarket, I cannot ignore the feeling that something's off-kilter. I feel vulnerable, susceptible to an anxiety attack at any moment if something else goes wrong.

The source of my anxiety is sitting on the other side of the courtroom and although there is quite a distance, and Nathan, between us, I can feel him watching me. I focus on the water stain at the far corner of the wall, trying my darnest to keep it cool and not even glance at the loon.

"Relax, babe," Nathan whispers for what must be the hundredth time.

I turn to look at him. "I'm trying. I j–"

"All rise!"

I scramble to my feet, straightening my skirt.

This is it.

It's my word against his.

* * *

><p>None of us have legal representation, and I'm the first to be called to the stand after the clerk gives a summary of the case.<p>

As soon as I'm sworn in, the judge begins to question me for my testimony.

Testimony. Courtroom. God, I never thought that I'd be in such a situation.

"Please state your name."

"Um…Haley James Scott."

"Are you married?"

"Yes."

"Are you married to the Defendant?"

"No."

"Can you tell the court about the incident that led you to seeking a restraining order against the Defendant?"

"It was on the twelfth–"

"Was that in July?"

"Yes, July. It was my son's birthday and we were having a party at the children's playhouse on Chatswood Avenue. I had invited his son Kyle to the party and I had made it clear that he was to drop Kyle off and then leave."

"Did he?"

"Yes, but not before he made some remarks."

"What kind of remarks?"

I shift in the seat, turning to look at Nathan. He gives me a comforting smile.

"H-he said that I was beautiful and the way he said it made me uncomfortable."

"Was that all?"

"On that day, yes."

"Was there another incident?"

"Yes. We were at the Independence Day Festival in Yadkinville and I saw him. He talked about us being together and…" I look at Nathan again. "…a private performance."

Nathan sits up straighter in his chair, his hands now in fists on the table.

I never told him that bit, feeling too ashamed to repeat those words.

"What happened on the twelfth of July?"

Clearing my throat, I turn away.

"Um…after the birthday party, I was carrying the last presents to the car and I left Jamie playing inside. I had to reorganize things in the car so I was gone for a little longer, but not for more than five minutes. When I went back for him, he – he was gone."

"About what time was it?"

"Four. I-I couldn't find him anywhere. We searched for him everywhere and I wanted to call police but then Sam pulled up, and Jamie got out of the car."

I breathe out heavily. The relief I felt on that day was enormous.

"Did anything happen after?"

I clamp my hands together on my lap.

"Jamie told us that Sam had taken him for frozen yoghurt. And I was angry."

"What was your reaction towards the Defendant?"

I glance briefly at Sam.

"I hurt him."

"How exactly did you hurt him?"

"I was punching and kicking but I remember hitting some parts of him."

Nathan smirks proudly.

"So you attacked the Defendant?"

"I did not attack him. I was furious! What was I supposed to do? Hug him? He had taken my son without my permission! After I made it clear that he was to stay away from my family!" I spit out.

"Mrs. Scott, no one is accusing you of anything," the judge tells me.

I lean back on the chair, my hands still on my lap.

"I want him to stay away from us. He had no right to take my son without mine or my husband's permission." I look at Sam dead on. "And I wouldn't have let him even if he'd asked. I think he's been following me and I'm honestly frightened of him and what he could do. I just want the restraining order to be granted to keep him away from us."

"Is that all, Mrs. Scott?" the judge asks.

"Yes."

"You may step down. Mr. Cregg? Please step up to the stand."

* * *

><p>I reach for Nathan's hand when I sit down, mouthing 'I'm sorry' to him.<p>

He nods curtly, squeezing my hand. His jaw is ticking; he's angry with me.

"Please state your name."

"Samuel Gerald Cregg." He has a cut on his lip and cheek, and a bluish bruise around his eye.

"Could you please tell the court what happened on the afternoon of July twelfth?"

"My son Kyle had been invited to her son's birthday party. I was dropping him off and as I was leaving, Haley stopped me for a chat."

"I did not!"

"You had your turn, Mrs. Scott," the judge says. "Then what happened?"

"She was telling me that she was glad I had come and she was thinking of meeting later for a drink."

He's looking at us smugly.

I could just cut his throat!

"We were flirting when her husband came up to us. She's told me that she's afraid of him because he can hurt her."

How dare…

"I NEVER TOLD YOU ANYTHING LIKE THAT!"

The judge strikes the gavel.

"Mrs. Scott! This is your second warning."

"He's lying! There's no truth in anything he's saying about my husband!"

"Sit down, Mrs. Scott!"

Oh my God! How much crap can someone say in a courtroom under oath!

I sit down, bopping my knee and chewing on my lip.

Nathan puts his hand on my kneecap and squeezes slightly, stilling my shaking knee. I place my hand atop his.

"Go ahead, Mr. Cregg."

"He threatened me, pulled me by my collar and were it not for the arrival of their friend, I think he would have hit me," he whimpers.

Nathan snorts. I rub my thumb over his knuckles.

"I should be the one asking for a restraining order."

"Please stick to the facts, Mr. Cregg. You can pursue that allegation on your own time."

"When I was picking up Kyle, Jamie was all alone. I asked him to join us and since he and Kyle are friends, he agreed. I'm just glad I was a family friend and not a stranger because I believe her son would have gone very willingly with anyone."

"SHUT UP! YOU ARE _NOT _A FAMILY FRIEND! YOU PURPOSELY CAME BACK FOR HIM! Y–"

There's loud hammering throughout the courtroom.

"Mrs. Scott! Sit down! If you interrupt the court one more time, I will hold you in contempt!"

How is it possible that someone can enrage me to the point of wanting to strangle him in a room full of witnesses? In a court of law, nonetheless!

"I couldn't find her or her husband so I asked a staff member to let them know I had Jamie."

Nathan immediately gets up from his seat. "What staff member!"

"Do you two want to spend the rest of the day behind bars? Mr. Scott, the same warning for your wife applies to you, too."

Sam shrugs coolly, his eyes on me. "I don't know. I guess he left before he could tell you."

"Do your bruises have anything to do with the Scotts, Mr. Cregg?" the judge asks, pointing to his face.

Sam looks at us, not saying anything for a moment. "No. This was another matter." Then he turns to the judge. "You should see the other guy."

I scoff under my breath.

"Could you explain what happened at the…Independence Day Festival, was it?"

"Yes. Haley and I had pre-arranged to meet there. We saw each other briefly, but she told me that her husband was around and he was watching her very closely, so we just parted ways."

I want to throw something at him. Every word out of his mouth is so smooth that it could be believable.

"Could you please sum up your side of events, Mr. Cregg?"

He turns himself fully to face the judge.

"Your Honor, I am not a danger to her or her son. I am not a danger to anyone. All they have accused me of are lies. I have not threatened her, merely flirted with her as she did me, something she actually initiated. Little did I know that our tryst could bring us to this point. Luckily, my son was not with me when the police officer served me with those papers and I don't like to imagine what this would have done to him had he been there. I cannot prove any of these allegations but I'm innocent."

"You may step down. Mr. Scott, I presume you have the same story as your wife?"

"Yes, Your Honor."

"Then there's no need to call you up to the stand. Court will take a recess of ten minutes and within that time, I will make a decision."

He raps the gavel.

* * *

><p>Sam walks out the door, but not before he throws us an evil grin.<p>

"I-I can't leave, Nathan. It will mean facing him and I'll probably kill him."

I am so furious that I'm shaking.

He takes my hands in his, rubbing them together.

"Then we won't. I don't know what I'll do if I see him and it wouldn't be cool if we were both arrested when there's someone who needs us."

I breathe out deeply and look into his eyes. "I – I just can't believe all the lies he was telling up there. God, I'm so nervous!"

He squeezes my hands. "I'm right here, okay?"

"Did you see how calm he was lying like that? Oh my God…Denise warned me about him."

"What? When?"

"At Kyle's party. She said that he almost hit Sharon when they were dating."

"Who's Sharon?"

"Baby-voiced Sharon?"

"Oh, right. We could have brought her in as a witness, Hales."

I shake my head. "Called her but they're out of state. Wished me the best, though."

It was excruciating reaching out to her like that considering how she had treated me but I thought I'd give it a try.

He doesn't say anything for a minute.

"Why am I just finding out everything today?"

He looks so…aloof.

"I'm sorry. I didn't want you to know."

"Why, Haley?"

"I – I was ashamed."

How could I not? Repeating to my husband what that ass had said to me?

I reach for his hand, intertwining our fingers. Thankfully, he doesn't untangle his.

"Nathan…I'm sorry."

He finally turns to me, his face understanding. "I know you are. But we promised each other honesty, remember?"

I nod, remembering what we talked about after I came home from the tour.

"I – I've been honest with you about everything but this…this was just–" Breathing out heavily, I look into his eyes. "This was just humiliating."

Things that I would only appreciate coming from the man I'm married to were being said by a stranger. There's nothing easy about repeating them to my husband.

He presses his forehead against mine, kissing the end of my nose. "There's nothing you would tell me that would make me feel less about you."

The door opens, Sam sauntering back into the room.

I hold his hand to my lips."I-I don't think I would have been this fine without you here, Nathan."

"Where else would I be?"

I shrug slightly.

"Hey…" He cradles my cheek in his palm. "I got you, okay? I know it was hard coming to the hospital all those weeks but I'm here. And I'm not going anywhere."

"Don't. I kinda need you."

"I kinda need you, too."

When I open my eyes after the kiss, Sam is back in his chair, staring at us with contempt.

"Do you think we can call Jamie?" I turn my eyes away from the venomous glare.

"Sure." He reaches for his phone from his pocket. "I'll have to swi–"

"All rise!"

Has it been ten minutes already?

The judge walks through the same side door and once he's settled, he takes a minute to look around the room.

"I'm going to make this quick. After listening to both sides, and having heard each party's testimony, the Court finds that the Defendant has not committed any act of violence against the Plaintiff and there is no imminent danger to the life of the Plaintiff or her family."

Nathan is the first to react, standing up so fast that his chair tips over.

"WHAT!"

He raps the gavel. "Sit down, Mr. Scott! Based upon the statements from both the Plaintiff and the Defendant, there is no evidence to prove that the Defendant is out to do harm to the Plaintiff."

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME!"

"SIT DOWN, MR. SCOTT!"

He knocks the gavel again. Absentmindedly, I right the chair before Nathan sits.

Is he seriously opting to take that maniac's side?

"It seems to me that this is a personal matter, something between you, your wife and Mr. Cregg and it shouldn't be aired in a courtroom."

"Of course it's personal!" I yell suddenly, irate. "He took my son!"

"Your son went along with Mr. Cregg, knowing full well who he was. I'm going to nullify the restraining order, which means that the temporary order in your possession is no longer legal, Mrs. Scott."

"Why! He's guilty!" Nathan demands. "He's stalking my wife!"

"Like I said Mr. Scott, there is no evidence to support your accusation. I suggest you have a talk with your wife about her relationship with Mr. Cregg."

It's like we're in a bad movie. A really really bad movie.

"Evidence? Were we to record the conversations!"

"There's no need for sarcasm, Mr. Scott," the judge drawls out. "I am a fair man. These are extremely serious charges and I do not see the need to grant a restraining order that has no foundation."

"He took my son!" Nathan shouts.

The judge looks at us over his glasses. "For frozen yoghurt. With his classmate. And brought him back."

"Your–"

"Case dismissed. You all need to leave my courtroom."

* * *

><p>I sit still, waiting for the courtroom to empty out until it's just me, Nathan and Sam. I push back my chair as Sam is standing from his.<p>

"I swear to God if you come near us again, I will cut you!" My finger is shaking as I point it at him.

He tut-tuts in mock disapproval. "That's no way to speak to the man you love, Hales."

"Don't call me that!"

"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!" Nathan yells. "YOU TOLD LIES UP THERE! UNDER OATH!"

"Judge believed me, didn't he?"

Nathan steps up to him. "Sleep with one eye open, Cregg. I will come after you."

"What are you going to do to me, vegetable?"

Nathan pushes his chest against Sam's and Sam stumbles back.

He straightens and adjusts himself. "I should have recorded that for my restraining order."

"Better luck next time. I'm warning you to stay away from Haley and Jamie. I'm not as weak as you seem to think I am."

"Or else what, huh?" He's walking backwards towards the door.

"Why don't you come over here and find out?"

"Maybe next time."

"Coward."

He sneers. "Nah. I have things to do. I'll see you around, Scott. My love. Ciao." He salutes Nathan, winks at me and then walks out the door.

"How is it that we can't go years without meeting insane people!" Nathan throws his hands up in the air. "Keller! Rachel! Tina! This one!"

He starts to rattle off about the insanity that seems to linger around insane people who claim they are sane.

"We have to move!"

He stops mid-sentence and focuses on me. "What?"

"Yes! It's the only solution! We'll move away in the dead of night and that way he – he'll never find us!"

I'm hysterical, pacing this way and that. Nathan holds me in place by putting his hands over each of my shoulders.

"Hales, what are you talking about?"

"What am I talking about? What do you mean what am I talking about! He could be really dangerous! Find me the number of a relocation service!"

He rubs my shoulders. "We're not moving. We can't give him the satisfaction of uprooting us. Jamie's life is here, Hales."

I stare at him for a full minute disbelievingly.

"Are you not seeing the severity of this situation, Nathan? The judge just overturned our restraining order! The one thing that could have at least given us a margin when it came to dealing with that…that lunatic! And you're thinking like a man with your pride!"

"Haley…"

"No! I cannot sit around and do nothing! He took Jamie! Our baby, Nathan! Under false pretenses just so he could watch us react! I cannot give him room to do something dangerous!"

I'm crying openly now as Nathan pulls me in for a hug. This has become such a mess.

"Where would you want to go?"

"T-Tree Hill?"

"He'll find us there very easily, babe."

"Alaska?"

"Hypothermia?"

I lift my head up. "A-are you trying to discourage me?"

"Maybe. A little."

"Nathan…"

"Psychopaths, especially someone like him who is so obsessed in turning you into his trophy, cover their bases. He probably knows where we come from and he'll look for us there."

"B-but he can't think of Alaska!"

He wipes at my cheeks with his thumbs. "I don't want you or Jamie to catch frostbite. You know how you both get grouchy during our Carolina winter."

Sniffling, I smile shakily.

"How about we take our trip to L.A. much sooner than August? We get away from here for a while and when we come back, he'll have been hit by a truck."

Giggling, I rest my head on his chest. "How soon?"

"Next Saturday? That will give us time to sort ourselves out. And that does not mean putting up our apartment for lease, Hales. We are coming back."

I laugh. He honestly knows how to cheer me up.

"Brownie's honour."

He kisses my forehead.

"Are you okay, babe?" he whispers against my hair.

I lift my head up. "I am. Thank you. Are you?"

He tucks my hair behind my ears. "I am. I promise I won't let anything happen to you, okay?"

"Okay. Can we go now? I want to see my baby."

I circle my arms around his waist as we walk to the door.

"Our baby, Hales. I've told you a dozen times not to be so possessive."

"He came out of me. I'm allowed."

"But I also contributed." He pushes the door open. "I don't think we're cut out for life on the run, Hales."

"Why not? Changing our names, our hair, new identities…"

"I am _not_ growing a moustache, Hales. Our neighbours will probably refer to me as the creepy guy with the mustache. That's no way to blend in."

It makes me laugh.

"And even if we did do all those changes, your face isn't bland. It's memorable and you've been on TV and people will recognize you."

"I'll just tell them I have one of those faces."

"One of what faces?"

"You know, one-of-those-faces-that-remind-people-of-someone-yet-I'm-not-who-they-think-I-am faces."

"I should just disconnect our cable. You've been watching too much TV."

"Me? You realize that you just gave me a psychoanalysis on psychopaths a few minutes ago?"


	45. Chapter 45

"Nathan? Did you talk to your boss?" I throw over my shoulder as I reach for a drinking glass from the cabinet.

"Who are you talking to?"

He startles me so much that I jump, bumping my knee on a drawer.

"Holy sh–shrimp! Jamie! You scared me!"

I hold the empty glass over my beating heart, staring at him as he walks towards the kitchen table, rubbing at my knee.

"Sorry. I'm thirsty."

Grabbing a plastic cup, I pour water into it from the dispenser, passing it to him. He makes a satisfied sound once he's done.

"You were really thirsty, huh?"

He nods, licking his upper lip. "Daddy says it's 'cause it's hot. Can I have more?"

"Where is your father, anyway?" I ask as I refill it.

"On the phone," he answers after gulping down a long drink.

"Nathan?" I call out.

Silence.

"In the bafroom."

"He's on the phone in the bathroom?"

"Uh huh."

He slides off the chair. "Thank you, Momma. You wanna see _Shrek_ with me?"

"In a little while after I talk to Daddy, okay? You'll have to tell me everything I've missed."

He nods and dashes off to the living room.

I'm still nursing my glass of water when Nathan walks into the kitchen, cell phone in hand.

"Tell me."

"That was Dan."

I motion him over to sit.

"What did he say?"

"He wants to meet Jamie."

"He wasn't nasty about anything, was he?"

"No." He pulls at his ear. "He was actually…nice. Said he'd been away and just got back so he couldn't call back sooner."

"When does he want to see Jamie?"

"Any day. I think we should do it before the trip."

"Yeah. We could do it on…" I look over to the calendar beside the fridge. "…Tuesday. Is that okay?"

"Yeah. I'll probably be unable to keep the job when school starts, anyway."

I'm so proud of him. Despite the hostile few months, he didn't let anything deter him from being 'normal'. Pride and desperation had a lot to do with it but he wanted to be back to his old self really badly that even I couldn't stop him if it had come down to it.

I pat his hand. "You did really great, honey. With the money you made, you could buy me a mink coat."

"It wasn't that much," he smirks. "And you're not a mob wife to get a mink coat."

"I can settle for a fur coat."

"Or that."

"Jeez, throw me a bone. What would you buy then?"

"The skimpiest bikini I can find."

"The beach is a little far away, babe."

"Who said it's just for the beach?"

I grin. "Naughty. But I think we have to play the responsible parents card and invest in Jamie's future."

He sighs. "It amazes me sometimes how good we are at this parenting thing."

"Blowing our own trumpet, are we?"

"Who else will? Think about it, Hales." He stands, walking to the fridge. "I'm from a dysfunctional family that can't be summed up in a sentence. Your parents were off living the drifter's life before and after marrying you off at sixteen. We didn't exactly have the best role models for this gig."

"They didn't marry me off. I went to them to ask them to marry me off."

He pops a grape into his mouth, grinning. "Plus the family is expanding as we speak. Dan has a girlfriend now."

"What? Really? Do we know her?"

He shakes his head at me disapprovingly. "Hales, we're in Durham. He's in Raleigh. We don't exactly run in the same circles. Speaking of parenting, are we sure Jamie is still in the house? It's a little too quiet."

Even when Jamie is watching one of his movies alone, we can always hear him laughing sporadically.

"Jamie?" I yell.

No answer.

"James?" I take quick steps to the living room, a little panicky. He's sprawled out on the couch, asleep.

Relieved, I cover him with a blanket, switch off the TV and walk back to the kitchen.

"He's fine. God, this whole situation has me on edge."

He swears. "You've not seen him again, have you?"

I lean on the edge of the kitchen counter, folding my arms around my waist.

"No. I just want to get out of here. How many more days?"

"Six."

"Six," I whisper more to myself than to him.

He puts his hands on my shoulders, squeezing gently. "Just you, me, Jamie and the open road."

Groaning, I rest my head on his chest. "I just don't like the dread and uncertainty. What will he do? Where is he now? What is he thinking?"

He kisses my forehead and then leads me back to the table.

Taking my hand, he looks at me thoughtfully and then asks, "Is that why you've not been getting out of the house?"

I withdraw my hand from his and lean back on the chair. "What? What gave you that idea?"

"Hales."

"Hey, if you're too tired I can cook to–"

"Haley," he says seriously.

I sigh. "Maybe."

Not maybe, yes. That whole disaster of the restraining order being revoked has really distressed me.

Here is a guy who is unmistakably insane and he's made it clear that he'll do something just to hurt me, or worse, Nathan and Jamie.

He already made several moves by following me to a concert towns over, threatening me, declaring his one-sided love for me, taking my child and telling blatant lies about the situation.

Nathan is running his thumb over my knuckles. "Tell me."

We promised each other honesty.

If I look at him, I'll fall apart.

"I – I can't sleep well. I worry about whether we've locked the door and the windows tightly enough. I worry when I leave Jamie sleeping in his room alone. I want him to sleep with us just so nothing happens to him until we leave. I-I worry about leaving the house in case he's waiting for me…"

I blink back the tears. Admitting just how terrified I've been since the court hearing is a harsher truth to what is happening.

"Come 'ere." He pulls me up to sit on his lap. "Why didn't you tell me?"

I shake my head. "I – I didn't want to worry you."

He's been through so much…

"We're in this together, Hales. We're in everything together, okay?"

Wrapping my arms around his neck, I lay my head on his shoulder. "I know but I don't want to add more stress on top of everything else…"

"Don't do that."

I lift my head to look at him. "Do what?"

"Shut me out."

"I thought that was your thing?"

He sighs loudly. "It's both our thing and we have to stop. Isn't that what we keep talking about when things go wrong? Talking to each other?"

Nodding, I look away from him.

"I know this is a very tough situation but in six days, we'll be gone." With his thumb under my chin, he turns my face towards his. "Hopefully, Sam will be ripped apart by a bear during a trip to the mountains and I won't have to live with the guilt of killing him myself."

I flash him a genuine smile. He always knows how to make me feel better. "You have a very evil mind."

Rubbing my back, he says, "When it comes to my family, I'd even visit one of those voodoo queens."

"Black magic can turn on you, honey."

He raises an eyebrow. "Oh? You have experience?"

"My conscience is too mentally attuned to think of messing with the dark forces. I like the white light, thank you very much."

"But you'd be tempted when it came to Cregg, right? Come on! We have to ride the evil boat together. I can't be the only monster."

I laugh, and softly brush my lips over his. "Fine. I'd go to the witch lady."

"Thank you. Back to what I was saying…where was I?" His forehead creases.

"Tough situation."

"Right. It's a tough situation but in six days, we'll be gone."

"You said that."

"I'm trying to comfort you here!"

I kiss him again. "You already did. The thought of that maniac being mauled by a bear did the trick."

"Violence your new thing?"

"Just towards that particular parasite," I grin. "I need to take Jamie to his room."

"No, I'll do it." He kisses me before releasing me.

"Wait…do we still have the baby monitor?"

He embraces me from behind.

"Hey…relax, okay? We don't have the monitor because we gave it to Goodwill. And I will make sure the windows are shut tight and his door is wide open. Okay?"

I nod, still uneasy.

He kisses my temple quickly. "Good. Don't go anywhere. I'll be right back."

* * *

><p>"Just call him now."<p>

"Twice in a day? That's breaking a record!"

"I remember he'd call you more than that in an hour if you were late getting home."

"Usually when I was late from our dates," he says as he stirs the stew. "Carrots."

I pass him the bowl. "I don't understand why you don't want to enroll in a culinary class. You could be the basketball star that owns a restaurant and manages a bunch of other basketball stars. Plus, you'd look really hot in a chef's hat."

"You just want a free meal."

"You know me so well."

He adds a sprinkling of something over the pot.

"Could you please cut the cornbread? Not large chunks like you did last time, okay?"

"I'm not a child," I huff. "You don't have to speak to me like I'm one."

"In my kitchen, your skills are inferior to Jamie's."

"Like you are in my laundry room."

"Oh, snap!" He snaps his fingers together and I laugh.

"You are such a dork."

"I think you took care of that."

I bump his hip as I grab the knife. "Could you please call your dad?"

"I'm cooking. I don't want to burn down the building."

"Stop stalling. It won't boil for another couple of minutes and you're incapable of messing up a meal so badly that it burns. He's probably waiting for you to return his call. Is that a good-sized chunk, chef?"

"Yeah. Just make sure you cut up Jamie's–"

" –in pieces. I know. I'm not a part-time babysitter, Nathan."

He rolls his eyes. "We know he came out of you."

"You got that right. Do I need to dial Dan Scott myself?"

He smiles hopefully at me. "Could you?"

"Not a chance. Well, go on," I point to his pocket with the knife.

"Are you planning to cut me, too?" He takes out his phone.

"You're not on my hit list. Yet."

I cut up Jamie's pieces into a small bowl watching as he dials.

"Hey, it's me. . . .fine. . . .are you free on Tuesday? . . . .where?" He looks at me in confusion.

I mouth 'park' to him.

"Um, the park. . . .what other park, Dad? We're not driving to Raleigh! . . . .does she have to come? Jamie doesn't even know you and you want him to meet your girlfriend? . . . .thank you! . . . .noon is fine. . . .no, just me and Haley. . . .yeah. . . .see you on Tuesday. . . .yeah." He hangs up. "He said hi."

"He wanted to bring his girlfriend?" I lay out the rest of the bread pieces on another bowl.

"Can you believe it? I wanted to tell him no way in he– hey, buddy!"

Jamie walks into the kitchen, rubbing his eyes.

"Mommy, did you see _Shrek_ without me?"

I lift him up on the counter. "Of course not. I didn't want to wake you but we can watch it later if you want."

His hair is mussed and I comb it back with my fingers.

"Did you have a nice nap?"

"Uh huh. I'm hungry."

Nathan puts the spoon down and walks to Jamie. "Dinner's almost ready. How about a bath before it's perfect?"

"Do I gotta?"

"Yep. Up." He climbs up on Nathan's back, his arms around his neck, his legs around his torso.

"Hales, I can finish up here while you give him a bath."

"Five more minutes, right? I promise not to take my eyes off it."

He gives me a skeptical look and adjusts Jamie on his back.

"So what'd you dream about? Please tell me that this time Pooh didn't make me eat all his honey! I think I had enough from the last one!" Jamie giggles as they leave the kitchen.

The stew isn't even close to burbling, so I take out my cell phone to call Peyton.

"Hi, Peyt!"

_"Hey, Hales! What's up?" _

"Can't I call just because?"

"_Let me guess. You're either bored or there's something you're waiting for so you're killing time by calling me." _

"I'm not!"

She tuts. _"Liar, liar. Bad parent." _

"What part of 'do as I say, not as I do' do people not understand about being a parent?"

Peyton laughs. _"Is that how it works?"_

I look at the pot once more. No bubbles. I lift myself on the counter, swinging my legs as I chat.

"Take notes, future-Mrs. Scott. How's Luke, by the way?"

She groans. _"Worst houseguest ever! I seriously didn't think this through. I can't get him to return things where he found them, he piles dishes in the sink and he doesn't even bother soaking his cereal bowl when he's done!" _

I laugh at the despair in her voice. "Living together is like culture shock, Peyton. Wait, are you telling me that you've never really lived with Lucas?"

_"Weekends don't count, do they?"_

"Unless both of you were on your best behaviour?"

_"In comparison to what is happening right now, we were. Stop laughing!"_

"Oh, Peyton. Dating is different. At the end of a date, you go your separate ways so you're not subjected to the twenty-four-hour-seven-days-a-week messiness of your boyfriend. Move in together and the stinky shoes, the gym clothes, and the open drawers are quite a treat. I've become immune to some of Nathan's untidiness. Some I just can't tolerate like the cereal bowl. When we got married, I blew a fuse and I think I frightened him to soaking it from then on."

She laughs. _"I honestly thought Luke was the tidier one between us! Sure, he has some bouts of tidiness but most times, I'm the one cleaning up after him. He should put me on a payroll or something!" _

"Perhaps you should ask him," I laugh.

"_Nah. I'll get him back when we have our first set of twins. So what's happening over there? How'd the hearing go?" _

I groan. "It was overruled."

"_What! Why!"_ she screams in my ear.

"Truth. That guy said a lot of crap and the judge believed him."

"_Are you okay?" _

"Nathan's here, so I am. Um…anyway, we're thinking of taking that L.A. road trip earlier."

"_That's good, right? I mean, that creepazoid can't have another chance to peek at your boobs." _

"Peyton!"

"_I'm just stating the facts."_

"You've never even met him!"

"_I can guess. You told me that he was staring at them, right?"_

"You're not making me feel better!"

"_I think that's Nathan's department."_

I swear she's winking over the phone.

_"Don't blush, Hales. Sex is pretty normal for married couples." _

"Do you want me to hang up?"

She sighs. _"I don't know why you're so shy about it. You quiet ones are probably animals in bed."_ She makes a mewing sound.

"Peyton!" My face is warm and it's definitely not from the heat in the kitchen.

"_Alright, enough teasing. We can change the subject now." _

"Dan is meeting Jamie on Tuesday," I say quickly.

Silence.

"Peyton?"

"_I didn't see that one coming. He called?"_

"Yeah. He has a girlfriend, too."

"_The Scott family expands every year. I hope there's room for our twins on that family tree." _

"I'm sure we can squeeze you in. by the way, I spoke to Brooke last night and she to–"

"HALEY! YOU BETTER BE CHECKING THAT POT!" Nathan yells from the bathroom.

I completely forgot about it, yet it's a few feet away from me.

"Uh, I gotta go."

"_Did the timer go off?"_

"More like the timekeeper. Say hi to Luke, will you?"

"_Same goes for Nathan and Jamie."_

"Sure. Bye."

Oh, shoot. There are splatters all over the stove.

I have to clean that up before Nathan gets back with an 'I told you so' smirk.


	46. Chapter 46

"Momma?"

"Yes?"

"Can I have a sandwich?"

Jamie inherited his father's voracious appetite. And he doesn't seem to gain weight. He's been a steady forty-one pounds for the last year and a half.

"Sure. Peanut butter and grape jelly, no crust, cut in the middle?"

I dry my hands on a towel, leaving the dishes I was washing for later.

"Uh huh." He pulls himself up onto a kitchen chair. "And a pickle?"

"Sorry, sweetie. There are no pickles."

Whenever I buy a new jar of peanut butter, I mix it up with some yoghurt; I worry about the peanut butter being too dry and hard for Jamie to swallow, especially the bits at the bottom.

"Can I go to the store?"

"For pickles?"

"Uh huh. I can go by myself. I'm a big boy now."

"You can go with Daddy but not by yourself."

"But I want to go by myself."

He's quite serious.

"You can't go by yourself."

"Why?"

"Be–"

"Why?"

"Because four-year-olds don't go to the store alone when they have mommies and daddies."

"Why?"

"The government would take me and Daddy away if you went anywhere alone."

"Like the bad people take me away?"

"M-h." I spread a thin layer of peanut butter on one slice. "Have you watched your cartoons?"

He shrugs. "I din' wanna."

"Why not? You love Saturday cartoons."

"I wasn' laughing."

I smile at him, applying jelly on the other slice. "So what have you been doing this whole time?"

"Playin' with my toys. And Panda."

"Did you put the toys away?"

"No."

"Jamie…"

"Momma, I know! I promise I'll do it! I'm hungry and Daddy says I need food to do stuff when I'm hungry and I need food to do stuff!"

I laugh, placing the plate in front of him. "Your word is your bond, mister. Juice or milk?"

"Milk," he says before he takes a bite.

"Hey." Nathan walks barefoot into the kitchen. "What's this? Snacking without sharing? Did we have a fight?"

Jamie giggles.

I put the glass of milk in front of him. "Jamie needed food to do stuff."

"'Member, Daddy? You said food will make me do stuff."

Nathan chuckles, rubbing Jamie's hair. "I did. But eat slowly, okay?"

"'kay."

I lead Nathan to the sink, turning our backs to Jamie.

"We should tell him," I whisper.

"Tell him what?"

"Nathan." I poke him lightly in the ribs.

"Ow! In recovery, here."

"Yeah, yeah. If we stall any longer, Tuesday will arrive and we'll be stuck trying to explain who the old guy is."

"He's not that old."

"To Jamie, he could be a hundred. He thinks your grandparents walked among the dinosaurs."

Nathan suppresses a laugh. "What?"

I nod. "Just make it fast and simple."

"Will you chicken out again?"

"I'm not going to chicken out because this time, I'm not saying a word."

"Oh, come on! What happened to having my back?"

"I do have it. I'm just not going to be vocal about it."

"Why are you talking like that?" Jamie asks. He has a milk moustache. And the plate is spotless clean. How does he eat so fast?

I reach for a paper towel to wipe his upper lip.

"Well, we want to tell you something."

"Am I in trouble?"

"No. Should you be?"

"No!" he says a little too quickly.

Last time he did that, I found a bar of soap had clogged the sink. His explanation? He wanted to see if it would float like his rubber duck.

Nathan pulls out the chair next to Jamie. "You're not in trouble but we want to ask you something."

"What is it?"

"Remember when we told you about Grandpa Dan?"

"Uh huh. He's your Daddy."

"Yes. Well, Grandpa Dan said he'd like to meet you."

He smiles broadly. "He does! I wanna see him!"

"He wants to see you on Tuesday."

"Tomorrow?"

"No, a few days from today. You really want to see him?"

He nods a few times. "I do! I do!" He slides off the chair. "I have to draw him a picture!"

"What will you draw him?" I ask him.

"A chin'zee! You liked the chi'nzee, Daddy?"

"Very much. It's one of my favourites. Mommy and I have another surprise for you."

He mouths 'trip' to me. Oh.

So focused was I on getting out of town that I'd completely forgotten about letting Jamie know.

"A surprise? Tell me! Tell me!" Jamie slides off the chair and raises his arms.

"Remember when I went to California?" I ask him, sitting him on my lap.

His face falls. "Are you going to Cal'fona?"

"How would you like to come with me? And Daddy? Another Scott Family trip for just the three of us."

He completely lights up. "On a plane?"

I shake my head, kissing his cheek. "No. But we'll be driving all the way there, we'll play lots of games, see lots of things and have lots of fun!"

He jumps up and down on my lap. "Yes! Can I get another jersey? And Daddy, too? Daddy did you like my Lakers jersey?"

"I loved it. I think I want one, too."

"And for Momma, too! Can we play basketball in Cal'fona?"

"I think we can. Maybe you can also draw a picture of us going to California."

He runs off to his room, yelling, "Cal'fona! Cal'fona!"

"Jamie?" I call out.

He runs back into the kitchen.

"Toys," I tell him. "Your word, remember?"

He nods, and then runs off again.

"See how easy it was? There was no need to be nervous."

"That was the easy part, Hales. The worst is yet to come."

"Provided both of you stay calm, it won't be that bad."

"I wouldn't blow up in front of Jamie."

"I know. Can you make lunch today? I have a bunch of stuff I need to do and I'm not even close to starting on those nuggets."

There are many things that still need to be done in the coming days before our trip. I've never liked traveling and then coming back to a messy house.

"Yeah but I need to finish some things first, too," he says as he leaves the kitchen.

"Okay. Thanks."

My cell phone rings as I'm wiping the table.

No caller ID.

"Hello?"

I hear static.

"Hello? Hello? May? Is that you?"

Static.

"Hello? Who are you calling for?"

More static.

"Guess you have the wrong number."

I'm about to hang up when I hear a 'No' and then the dial tone.

* * *

><p>I'm folding the laundry in the living room when Nathan plops down on the couch beside me.<p>

"Lunch is ready, madam."

"Oh, honey. I don't see how you think I'm going to leave you for Jerry or Ray. Unless they're terrific cooks, I just don't see myself hiring someone to serve you divorce papers. You're just perfect."

"You say the sweetest things."

He grabs some clothes and starts to fold.

Looking at him from the corner of my eye, I wonder how he'll react.

Over vacuuming and laundry, I thought about it. I don't want to keep this away from him. Complete disclosure, we said.

"So I got a phone call."

"Your parents?"

"No."

"Brooke?"

"Nope."

"Courthouse?"

I shake my head.

"Who was it then? Dan?" he asks anxiously.

"I don't know. There was static and when I said wrong number, whoever it was replied 'no' and then hang up."

He pauses, putting the shirt he's holding on his lap. "Do you think…?"

"I did."

"We should call the police!" He sits up straighter. "They could trace the call!"

"And you say I watch too much TV?"

He looks at me like I'm speaking in a foreign language. Or nuts. "Hales! This is serious!"

"Let's not jump into conclusions. It could have been a prank call. Peyton and Luke have gotten them before. Probably teenagers just trying to scare me."

He turns his body to me. "Or maybe not. It could be that…that psycho!"

"Nathan…"

"Seriously, Hales. He could be the one!"

"Shhh! I don't want Jamie to overhear us!"

"He's napping."

"We're leaving in a few days so we won't overanalyze this." I already did, and it gave me the creeps.

"We'll just leave it at a prank call, okay? But if it happens again, we can go to the police."

I grab the hamper and walk to Jamie's room. He's spread out on the bed, his sketching pad and crayons underneath him. I put away his clothes and cover him up, leaving the pad and crayons on the table next to his bed.

"Haley…"

He's leaning against the wall in the hallway.

"JESUS! Don't do that!" I slap his chest.

"Ow! Why do you abuse me like that?"

"It's not abuse! It's called self-defense! You scared the beejezus out of me!" I pad across the hallway to our room, dropping the hamper on the bed. My heart is racing a mile a minute.

"From your husband?"

"From anyone who scares the f– you know I don't like being surprised like that!"

He sits on the edge of the bed. "I know. I'm sorry. But about this prank call thing…"

"I told you to forget it." I put away his t-shirts, trying to calm myself down, more from the phone call than Nathan scaring me to hell and back.

"I can't. He's a lunatic."

"Could you please put those away?" I point to the jeans.

He takes my bras instead. "I just think you're dismissing this too soon."

"I'm not."

"You are. He's made it clear he's not giving up, Hales. We need to t–"

"NO!" I shout.

He's a little taken aback, his eyes wide.

"No. Please. I – I don't want to talk about this anymore," I whisper sternly and walk out of the room.

* * *

><p>The questions plague my mind, playing over and over again as I look straight through the TV screen.<p>

_Who is this man? What does he want from me? What's the worst that he could do? Am I the first? Has he done it before? Can we leave today instead? Does he know where we li– _

"Who's winning?"

"I don't know," I say glumly.

He switches it off, taking a seat next to me. I feel awful for shouting at him.

"Talk to me."

I drop my feet to the floor. "I didn't mean to snap like that."

"You okay?" he asks in a low voice.

Nodding, I raise my head. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay."

"No." I turn to him. "You scared me and then we were talking about that phone call and I just…I lost it. You didn't deserve it. I'm sorry."

We're quiet.

"It scared you."

I breathe out loudly. "Yes."

He puts his arm around me. "We can press charges."

I shake my head. "N-no. They'll probably do nothing like they did before."

"Maybe not."

"This is what happens in the movies, you know. They refuse to believe the victim until she's attacked and then the rainbow bruises will make them take action."

"Haley!"

My body is humming. "It's true, Nathan. He said he'll come after me. And he's just b–" I hiccup, feeling the tears trickling down my cheeks. "Th-they took his side even when he took a blameless child! It's – it's like some crazy B-movie!"

And I'm the one hiding and running from the guy in the mask.

He stretches back on the couch, pulling me along with him.

"We can't let that happen. I meant what I said, Hales. I would kill anyone who hurt you or Jamie."

"I-I know."

"Is this the first phone call?"

"Yes…and I don't want us to freak out just yet."

"But you are."

I draw circles over his shirt. "I'm okay now."

"No, you're not," he says softly as he runs his fingers down my back.

"I will be," I say, laying my head on his chest, closing my eyes. "I swear if it happens again, we'll do something about it."

My stomach grumbles as we're like that.

"Someone's hungry," Nathan chuckles.

It growls again.

"You know if this was our first date, I'd have already left from humiliation."

"You mean you would have let me hold you like this?"

"Probably not," I giggle.

"I think you're adorable when you blush. Like when I bought you that negligee on our first date."

"Second. The date from hell."

"Official first. The date that started heavenly and ended…badly?"

"Very," I laugh. We've come a really long way from then. A tour, a reconciliation, two comas, a son…a really long way.

"Still hungry?"

My stomach growls in response.

"Hales!" he laughs.

"I'm sorry!" I giggle. "At least I don't display zombie-like behaviour."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Really? Christmas shopping at the mall, an hour waiting in line at Santa's Village, someone got very hu–"

"That was my alter ego."

He was so hungry that he ripped apart a box of cookies all over the supermarket floor.

"What are you doing?" He sounds sleepy.

We sit up, still laughing.

"Well, Mommy's tummy is asking to be fed. Did you have a nice nap?" Nathan asks him.

"I din' dream nothin'."

"No? Not even about my famous nuggets?"

Jamie giggles. "No. I'm hungry."

"You're hungry, huh?" Nathan scoops him up and lifts him high, making Jamie squeal.

"Higher, Daddy!"

Nathan's right. For two people who didn't exactly have the most traditional family life, we're doing alright.

"Any higher and we'll have your brain for a snack, monkey."

"I'm not a monkey!"

"Yes, you are."

"No, I'm no–" He shrieks. "Daddy, stop ticklin' me!"

They're both laughing as they walk to the kitchen. I love seeing them like that, knowing that they get along, that they're close, that Nathan is there for Jamie, something Dan never really did for Nathan.

Before I follow them, I pull my phone out of my pocket and switch it off.


	47. Chapter 47

"Are you nervous?"

"Why would I be?"

"Perhaps it's the deathly grip you have on your kneecaps?"

He looks down at his hands and leans back on the park bench, stretching his legs out.

"I haven't seen him in three years. God, it's like some Jerry Springer episode."

"Without the fighting, right?"

"I've never hit my dad, Hales."

"Has he ever hit you?"

"No! Why would you think that?"

"Temper?"

"I don't have a temper."

"He does."

We're at the park, watching Jamie on the slides as we wait for Dan.

I rub his thigh. "Hey. Don't overthink this. It makes you more nervous. Let it just be."

"We're here for Jamie, right?"

"Right."

He breathes out. "Right. Okay. Okay."

We sit quietly until Nathan gets up. "I think I should just play with Jamie for a while." He rushes to the playground.

He's been uneasy since this morning. Who wouldn't be when you're about to see your father after years of no contact? The man who was supposed to be on your side but yet seemed more oppo–

I suddenly feel uneasy. Am I being watched? I do feel like I'm being watched.

My eyes dart around the playground nervously. I look around the park twice but I don't see anything or anyone I recognize.

It's the first time I'm leaving the apartment since the hearing. I've been reduced to a victim, a coward who is afraid to answer her phone, a shirker who is always triple-checking the locks on doors and windows.

I watch Nathan and Jamie for a while on the swings and then take out my book. Every summer, I 'assign' myself a book. I have a collection of books I've bought from garage sales and thrift stores that I never have time to read during the school year.

"Hi."

My heart leaps at the sound of his voice.

"Je– you scared me!" I hold the book to my chest. My eyes feel wide with fright. I was too absorbed in my reading that I didn't hear him walk up.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you." His face seems to jump from nervousness to worry.

I stash the book in my bag as I stand up. "Sorry. I'm just easily startled."

He's holding a black package in one hand, a bunch of white orchids in another.

Dan Scott hasn't seemed to age at all. His face has less of that hardness it used to have, though, and he looks more serene, albeit vaguely uncomfortable.

"Am I too early?"

"No." I motion for him to sit. "Please. Sit."

"These are for you." He pushes the orchids towards me, taking the other corner of the bench.

"Th-thank you."

Do they have razor blades in them if I put them under my nose? He wouldn't…

He nods. "You look good, Haley."

And he's calling me by name. I was usually compared to Peyton and never referred to by name.

I play with the bow tied around the flowers. "Thank you. Y-you look good, too."

Dan Scott still makes me nervous.

"Have you been here long?"

I shake my head. "Not more than twenty minutes. How was the drive?"

"Quiet. Short." He looks away towards the playground. "Is that him?"

Nathan is pushing him on the swings and Jamie's laughing to be pushed higher.

"Yes."

He's quiet for a few moments, looking on at Jamie and Nathan.

"He's very handsome. Like a Scott."

Nodding, I chew on my lower lip.

"You two did good."

"Why are you being so nice?" I blurt.

He turns to me with a smile. "Still blunt, I see." And then he shrugs. "I can't be awful about this, can I?"

"Are you alone?" I look behind him.

He smirks. That Scott smirk. "Yes. Nathan wasn't too happy about that suggestion."

"Would you have wanted your father's girlfriend to come along to meet his grandson for the first time after years of no contact?"

"Now when you put it like that…"

He looks away towards the swings. "How is he?"

"Nathan?"

"Yes."

"You can ask him."

"Please…" he pleads softly.

"Are you asking about basketball or everything else?"

"Everything else." He doesn't hesitate.

"He's doing great. Very determined to be back on the team next semester."

He nods while looking at them. "And Jamie?"

"He's wonderful. Best thing we ever had. Ready to meet him?"

He turns to me. "Before I do, I just want to say I'm – I'm sorry. For the way I treated you, especially my reaction to your…your pregnancy."

I nod, blown away by his humility. "Thank you. I'm really sorry everything came to this, Mr. Scott."

"Dan. Or Dad," he smiles.

I smile weakly and turn to the playground, watching Nathan until he looks up. He straightens when he sees Dan.

"Mr. Scott. Just so we're clear, you hurt any of them and I will not hesitate coming after you."

He nods. "Crystal clear."

I'm fiercely protective of Nathan and Jamie. If it were possible to beat up comas and appendicitis's to death, I would be looking at charges for murder.

We watch them silently as the swing comes to a stop, Nathan whispering something to Jamie and he comes running to me.

"Did you see how high I went, Momma?" He looks up at me, his elbows on my lap. He hasn't noticed Dan.

"Much higher than last time! What did you see while you were up there?"

His face is flushed. "I saw the ice cream man!"

"Are you saying you want ice cream, little man?"

I pick him up when he raises his arms.

"Can I, Momma? Please?"

"We'll talk about it after you meet someone."

"Who?"

"Remember why we were coming to the park today?"

"To see Grandpa Dan!"

"That's right. You want to say hi to him?"

"Uh huh!" He frowns. "Will he like me?"

"He does," Dan speaks up.

* * *

><p>Sometimes I can't help but observe people. Since he spoke up, Dan has just been staring at Jamie, watching his every move, as if fascinated.<p>

Jamie turns his body towards Dan. "Grandpa Dan?"

"Hi…Jamie," he says.

He moves to sit beside Nathan, in the space between the two.

"Hi! I'm James Lucas Scott and I'm four!" he says as he stretches his hand out.

Dan shakes it, looking genuinely pleased.

"I was three but I had a party and now I'm four!" He shows four small fingers.

"That's a big number. Pretty soon you're going to be taller and bigger."

"Like my Daddy! He said he's your little boy. Is he?"

Nathan and Dan haven't exchange a single word. Dan glances at Nathan quickly.

"Yes, he is. But he's no longer a little boy."

"A real man!"

Dan laughs. "Yes, he is."

"Daddy says I have to take a bath every day 'cause a real man takes a bath!"

I have never seen Dan Scott smile so much. His facial expression whenever we met was a snarl. He blamed me for Nathan's detachment, seeing it as betrayal, Nathan choosing a stranger over his family.

"Real men take baths."

"Real men respect girls!"

I turn to Nathan, raising my eyebrows. He grins.

"Are you a real man, too?"

Jamie's question seems to weigh heavily on Dan because he slumps, looking at the ground.

"Jamie…" This is the only thing Nathan has said since they got to the bench.

"I – I got you something, Jamie."

"What is it?"

"Do you like puzzles?"

"I do! Grandpa Allan gave me a jungle puzzle and it's got lions!"

Dan pulls out a box from the black package.

"Well, this one doesn't have lions but it was your father's when he was your age."

"What is it?"

"It's a picture of your father as a baby."

Jamie frowns. "Daddy's in a puzzle?"

"Yes. You connect the pieces like every other puzzle to finally see the picture."

"Can we do it now, Daddy?"

"We can start on it when we get home. We don't want to lose any pieces out here. You want to give Grandpa your present?"

"Yes! Momma, where is it?"

Pulling the folded paper out of my bag, I pass it to him.

"I drawed this for you, Grandpa. It's a chi'nzee at the zoo. Miss Maria taked us there and we gave it a banana."

Dan, picture in hand, puts an arm around Jamie. "Thank you. I'll put it up on my fridge."

"You will?"

"Definitely. I have to show it off."

"Sweet! You wanna play with me?"

"I want to talk to your parents for a while but I can watch you from here."

"The slide is my favourite!" Jamie passes the puzzle to Nathan and runs off.

"Thank you," Dan says softy after an agonizingly long moment of silence.

Nathan has been staring straight ahead but then he turns to Dan. "It's more for him than you, Dad."

"Whatever the reason, I'm grateful."

Silence.

"I'm glad to see you're okay. All of you."

He's trying. I really feel sorry for him.

"Yeah," Nathan says unemotionally.

There are moments when my husband deserves a poke to his ribcage and this is one of those moments.

"Ow!"

"Sorry, honey. Were you stung by a bee?" I ask sweetly, reaching for the nape of his neck. I look over at Dan. "Sometimes there are bees around here."

He nods and then looks away to Jamie.

Talk, I mouth to Nathan as I rub his neck.

With an eye roll, he turns to Dan. "I'm glad to see you're okay, too, Dad. Haley told me you called when I was in hospital?"

Dan's shoulders seem to sag. "I didn't want to come in case…"

"Thank you."

Dan seemed surprised at that and so he just nods.

"GRANDPA!" Jamie yells. "ARE YOU WATCHING!"

Dan waves at him. "You look great! One more time!"

"So how's life in Raleigh?" I ask him.

He proceeds to tell us about his car dealership, although it's smaller than the one he had in Tree Hill. His girlfriend Mary Jo is originally from Virginia and runs a gift shop in Raleigh. They met when she ran her car into his mailbox. She has no kids; I swear I feel Nathan relax when he says that.

When Dan isn't out being a manipulative bully or strutting a cold demeanor, he's actually good company. Maybe we can have them over for dinner some time. Nathan will be horrified when I suggest that.

_"Baby steps, Hales."_

It's always his response when I ask him about something he's not too enthusiastic about. Like when he met Allan. I heard that phrase a hundred times that summer, before he was really okay admitting that Allan was a great guy for Deb.

Nathan is telling Dan about Jamie's love for animals when Jamie runs to us.

"Mommy, I'm tired."

"You want to take a nap?"

"I don' wanna sleep."

"Are you bored of playing already?" Nathan brushes back his hair.

Jamie takes that as cue to pull himself up on Nathan's lap.

"I guess so!" He turns to Dan. "I'm tired, Grandpa. Do you get tired, too?"

"When I play as much as you do, I get tired."

He lifts up his head from Nathan's chest. "You play on the swings, too?"

Dan chuckles. "No. When I play basketball."

"Basketball? Daddy plays basketball! He's a Blue Devil!"

"He's pretty great, isn't he?"

Jamie nods emphatically. "The bestest! I have a jersey with Daddy's number! You wanna see?" He frowns. "But it's in my room with Dan."

Dan is a little confused. "Dan?"

"Uh huh. My fishie. Mommy promised me a fishie for my birthday and it's really small and orange and I call it Fishie Dan. Like you, Grandpa! You wanna meet Dan?"

"I'd love to." He takes a fleeting glance over us. "If your mom and dad say it's okay."

"Say yes, Daddy!"

Nathan smiles. "Why not? And maybe you can even show him the jersey Mommy got you from California."

"It's the sweetest, Grandpa! Momma got it for me from Cal'fona after she singed. It says Lakers!"

"I can't wait to see them."

They talk about basketball and animals and school as we listen. They have a good conversation going, mostly on Jamie's part because he always has a lot to say.

It's almost two o'clock when I notice Jamie yawning. He hasn't had lunch yet and I don't want him to take a nap before he's eaten. I didn't carry anything else except for the crackers he'd already had. I honestly didn't think we'd have lasted this long with the kind of relationship the two Scotts have had.

"Maybe we should go?" I whisper to Nathan.

"Sure? They seem to be hitting it off."

"Jamie. Lunch. Nap."

"Right. Jame, you want to walk with Grandpa?" Nathan puts him down and Jamie reaches for Dan's hand.

"You want to see the duckies in the pond?"

"Sure." Dan throws us a smile as Jamie leads him away.

"That wasn't so painful, was it?" I put the flowers and the puzzle in the black bag and link my arm through his.

"I honestly don't know how to relate to my father outside of basketball," he says sadly.

"Does it bother you a lot?"

He doesn't answer immediately.

"Sometimes I think about it. It's one of the reasons I never want to push Jamie to anything. Ever."

Nathan has always been vocal about letting Jamie make his own lifestyle choices. There are days he wonders if he's forcing Jamie to pick basketball because he plays basketball. When he feels that way, I just tell him to introduce Jamie to a different sport. Or do something else, like take him to a movie.

I wrap my hands around his arm. "You're a wonderful father, Nathan."

"I learned from the worst," he smiles.

Seeing him with Jamie, Dan Scott looks like a different man.

"Your dad had some serious helping of humble pie, babe."

"I know, right? I honestly can't believe it. Could it be a hoax?"

"If it is, it's pretty good."

"For Jamie's sake, I really hope it's not."

We stop as we watch Jamie pointing out the ducks to Dan.

I lean my head on his arm. "He looks sincere from where I'm standing."

"Yeah," he says pensively.

* * *

><p>"Ready, buddy?"<p>

Jamie turns to us. "Now?"

"Aren't you hungry?" I ask him as I extend my hand.

"I am! Can I say bye to Maggie?"

He named his favourite duck Maggie.

"Sure."

He turns back to the pond as Dan takes the few steps towards us.

"Thank you for this."

I nod at him. "You're welcome. He likes you."

He looks back at Jamie. "He's a great kid and I'm sorry I missed out on everything."

Nathan doesn't say anything for a moment. "You can catch up."

Dan looks relieved. He smiles gratefully, saying a soft thank you.

"I'm ready!" Jamie puts his hand in mine.

"Say bye to Grandpa, sweetie."

He throws his arms around Dan's legs. "Bye, Grandpa!"

"Bye, Jamie. I had fun." Dan rubs Jamie's hair.

"Me, too! I'll do Daddy's picture puzzle!"

I take his hand. "Let's leave Daddy and Grandpa."

Jamie turns back as we're walking to wave to Dan.

"Did you have fun?"

He lets go of my hand to skip ahead. "Uh huh! Grandpa liked Maggie, too! He said that next time we'd give her bread."

"That's nice. You want to see him again?"

He starts spinning while looking up, his eyes closed. "I do! Grandpa's fun!"

He's giggling as he spins round and round.

"Careful, Jame. You'll get dizzy."

"This is fun, Momma! Try!"

He spreads his arms out and then stops.

"Whooooooa." He begins to sway and I catch him before he falls on his face.

He giggles, his head buried in my hair. "I feel funny, Mommy." He giggles again and I can't help but giggle along with him.

My joy.

"Lucky you hadn't eaten."

"Why?"

"Your lunch would be feeding the worms."

He giggles. "Yuck."

"Yum."

He giggles again.

Looking over my shoulder. Nathan and Dan are standing a few feet apart, both looking defensive and grim. It's always hard for them to have a civil conversation without one of them getting angry and walking away. Buffers were necessary when it came to their relationship.

Dan then walks away slowly, taking one last look at us. I nod at him and he smiles at me. I watch him as he walks to the other edge of the park, disappearing around a curve.

"I'm not feeling funny anymore."

I let him go and he resumes his skipping towards the parking lot.

"Don't run too–"

I don't know what happens next. One moment he's jumping on the grass and the next he's flat on his stomach on the gravel, sprawled out on all fours.

"Are you okay?"

His lower lip is trembling and his eyes are glistening with tears. Jamie's not one to cry from a minor fall.

"Do you hurt anywhere?" I ask, crouching next to him.

"M…m…" He bursts into tears, showing his elbow.

"Let me see," I take his hand, brushing away the tufts of grass.

"Stoooop!" he cries.

"It's okay, Jame. I just want to see."

Taking out several wet wipes from my bag, I dab carefully at the deep gash. "I'm just going to clean it, okay?"

He tries to break free, crying more as I wipe it clean.

"Nooooo!"

"I'm sorry, sweetie. Just a little more."

The gravel scraped his elbow badly enough to cause it to bleed, with specks of dirt ground into his skin. If he was not wearing jeans, he would have skinned his knees too.

"Stoooooop! You're hurting me to death!" he shrieks.

I kiss his bruise when I'm done. "There. We'll cover it with piglet when we get home, okay?"

Jamie calls Band-Aids piglet because the ones we have at home are of the cartoon character.

"What happened?" Nathan asks.

"I-I falled down," he hiccups. "M-momma's gonna give me a piglet."

I look around the area from where he fell. There are no rocks or twigs he could have tripped over, and his shoes have no laces. It's all grass. He could have tripped on the grass or his own feet. Perhaps the dizziness contributed.

To be honest, I think I passed on my clumsiness to Jamie. When he was younger, he seemed to have a lot of accidents. The scratches, bruises and golf ball-sized bumps were numerous. As he grew older, he was no longer as clumsy, but sometimes…

"Let's go get your piglet then," Nathan tells Jamie, taking his hand to help him up.

To me, he mouths, it's all your fault.

I don't need to ask why. I'm a born klutz.

* * *

><p>"Mommy, can I still go to Cal'fona?"<p>

"Of course. Why?"

"'Cause I fell."

"You'll be as good as new in no time."

"And I can go to the beach?"

"Definitely."

He touches the Band-Aid with his finger. "It don' hurt very much no more."

"That's good." I hold his face in my hands and kiss his cheek. "Ready for lunch?"

"Yes!"

I put him down from the counter and he runs off.

My stomach is rumbling slightly as I walk towards the kitchen.

Nathan is pushing a plate towards Jamie. "Hey. You hungry?"

"Starving."

"It's really good, Momma!" Jamie says with a mouthful. How does he eat so fast?

"Slowly, little man," Nathan tells him.

He is about to bite into the sandwich when he rethinks it.

I take longer to eat because my focus is usually on Jamie. I still can't get over my 'pregnancy paranoia' stage. I'm just afraid that my son will choke on peas or peanut butter that I'd rather my food go cold but make sure he's alright.

"Can I see a movie?" he asks after he's done.

"Have you fed the goldfish?"

He shakes his head. "No."

"Do that first. You need Daddy to help you with the TV?"

"I know how to do it, Momma!" He runs off to his room, leaving us laughing.

I turn to Nathan. "So?"

He raises an eyebrow. "So?"

"So! What did he say?"

He shrugs. "Thank you."

"That was it? Did he prolong the words for five minutes? One letter every forty-five seconds?"

He smirks. "Your sarcasm is such a joy."

"Don't forget it. So?"

He bites into his apple. He always enjoys making me wait.

"Nathan!" I slap his thigh lightly.

He chuckles. "Alright. He apologized for his crappy fatherliness, father-in-lawliness and grandfatherliness."

I hold the sandwich to my lips. "Do you think he's still insincere?"

"I don't know. He looked very sorry."

"Jamie loves him."

He looks towards the door. "I'm a bit unsettled about letting him see Jamie again. There are so many what ifs. What do you think?"

"I think he's really changed."

He sighs. "Maybe Mary Jo had something to do with it. I told him he could call Jamie before another get-together."

"It's a start, right?"

"Yeah. Grandma said hi, by the way."

The second time she called, Nathan had woken up from the coma but he was asleep then. They've been talking since, whenever the ship calls to port.

"She called? When?"

"Yesterday at work. You should have heard Royal yelling in the background for her to hurry up."

"Where are they now?"

"Saint Kitts."

"Are they coming back soon?"

"They decided to extend the cruise. Will you please eat? I don't like the looks of your cheeks," he says, reaching to pinch my cheeks.

"What? Are you fattening me up for sale again?" I laugh.

When I came home after my coma, Nathan would feed me almost constantly, mostly healthy foods. It was nothing as extreme as tofu or soy-based products because I would have lost more weight than gained.

He made me eat every two hours, making me soups that were really good, with a blend of ingredients I couldn't detect. Nathan's just a good cook.

"Hardly. It's all for me," he teases, patting my thigh.

"Well…that's enough for _me_," I grin.

"Dan is eating!" Jamie shouts as he runs past the kitchen. When I hear voices from the TV, I turn to Nathan.

"So. Mary Jo."

He rolls his eyes. "I knew you'd mention it."

"What? And when he said she has no kids…" I whistle. "Babe, I swear I could feel you deflate."

He laughs. "You exaggerate. But I was honestly relieved!" he says, his face adopting an amusing expression of immense relief.

"That much, huh?"

Shaking his head, he says, "I don't think I can handle step-brothers. Or sisters."

"Oh, you just like being the apple of your father's eye."

"Yeah. The apple he's aiming an arrow at."

I laugh at his silliness. "Wasn't that Lucas?"

"Luke is the apple of his mother's eye. Well, until Lily." He points a finger at me. "But don't tell him I said that."

I zip my lips. "Studs over buds."

He shakes his head, glass of water to his lips. "You are a strange girl."

"You're my stud, he's my bud. Easy."

"Still strange."


	48. Chapter 48

After days of feeling uneasy, jumping whenever our phones rang and listening to that loud ticking clock in my head, it's finally here.

We leave tomorrow for our month-long L.A. road trip.

I'm mapping out our route online, trying to figure out the best and most scenic one to take.

If we were to drive to Los Angeles without taking any rest stops, it would take us at least two days. But we don't plan on driving straight through. There are things to see between North Carolina and California and we have a month to see them all. Well, see as much as we can.

Jamie really enjoyed our visit to Yadkinville and the thought of sleeping in a motel room again makes him love the idea of another family road trip more.

He's lying on his stomach on the couch, watching cartoons as he waits for Nathan to call him for his bath.

"Jame? You want to see how we're going to get to California?"

He rolls off the couch, padding to the 'office'.

"Does it hurt?" I rub over his Band-Aid when I lift him to my lap.

He nods slightly. "Jus' a little bit."

"It'll get better."

"And I can go to the beach!"

I kiss his cheek a few times. "Definitely!"

"Momma!" he giggles.

"_Mwaaaah!_" I kiss him again. "Wanna see how we're getting to the beach?"

"Uh huh."

"Well, this is where we are," I point to Durham on the screen. "And this…is where we're going." I run my finger on the blue squiggly line across the screen until it lands on Los Angeles.

"Is it far away?"

"Almost two days. But we'll be resting in between so we'll take longer."

"Why?"

"Well, there's lots between here and Los Angeles. We can even see cows when we get to here." I point to Kansas.

He jumps on my lap, clapping. "Cows? I wanna see cows!"

I laugh, adjusting him on my lap before he falls. "If we see one, we can take a picture."

"Can I ride?"

"I don't think so."

"Why?"

"They're not like horses."

"Show me more, Mommy!" He leans forward, his face inches away from the computer.

"This is where Aunt Viv lives," I point to a spot on the screen.

"What's it say?"

"Little Rock."

He looks sideways at me. "Aunt Viv lives in a little rock?"

I smile at him. "No. It's just the name of the town she lives in."

She met Jamie when he was only a couple of months old. Although he knows about his aunts and uncles, he only recognizes them by name and through pictures.

"You want to see a picture of her house?"

"Uh huh."

Viv makes the most effort at keeping in touch. I browse through my files for the pictures she emails me sometimes. They moved from California a year ago after Eddy got a better job offer in Arkansas.

"See that back there? That's Aunt Viv's house and this is Aunt Viv, your Uncle Eddy, their little girl Lydia and their little boy Matt. They're your cousins."

Jamie giggles. "They're not little, Momma! They're bigger than me!"

I kiss his cheek. "I told you you're smart already!"

He grins proudly. "I am!"

"Your cousins are much bigger than you because Aunt Viv had them way before we had you."

"When who had what?" Nathan asks from behind us.

"Daddy, look!" Jamie points to the screen. "Aunt Viv has a big boy and a big girl! Momma's says they're my sconsins!"

He leans over. "Look at that. Someday you'll grow up to be a big boy, too."

"I…I can't wait to grow up!"

Nathan ruffles his hair as he chuckles. I look up at him.

"Hey, I was thinking we could stop by Viv's house during the trip and say hi. It's a little off the highway but I'd love to see her. And for her to meet Jamie. And for Jamie to meet his sconsins," I grin.

He laughs. "Sure. Why not? It's been a while and I think this noggin' forgets what the people in your family look like."

I laugh. "Where would you like us to make a stop? Jamie wants to see cows in Kansas."

"Cows, not pigs?" he teases Jamie.

"Daddy! I don' like pigs! You know that!"

"But what if someone brings a sick piggy for you to help, Doctor Scott? Will you say no?"

Jamie also wants to be a 'vetinerian'.

He nods vigorously. "Yessss!"

"But you like Piglet."

He shrugs. "Piglet doesn' bite."

He dislikes and fears pigs. We really don't know why because as far as we know, he's never even seen a pig. He refuses to tell us why. It must be something he saw on one of those nature shows he watches secretly. He doesn't know where sausages and bacon come from, though…

Nathan ruffles his hair. "Okay. When you start your practice, we'll put up a 'No Pigs Allowed' sign. How's that?"

Jamie giggles. "Okay!"

"Alright. Your bath is ready. Call me when you're undressed, okay?"

He slides off my lap, running off to his room while singing at high volume.

"I've been meaning to ask you. Are you sure you can travel a long distance?"

He bends down to kiss my forehead. "I'm sure."

"Did you–"

"I called Doctor Jasinski and he okayed it."

I look at him pensively and then nod. "I'll take your word for it."

He coils his arms around my shoulders, pecking my cheek. "We said honesty, Hales." And then he starts to sing, "…_sincerity, tenderness and truuuust_..."

"What are you singing?" I laugh, leaning my head back on his shoulder.

"I don't really know but I just can't get it out of my head!"

"Did you actually watch something other than basketball?"

"You have brainwashed me," he groans.

With a chuckle, I turn my head, planting a big kiss on his lips. "Well, if you keep sharing that gorgeous voice with me, Jamie might not get his bath."

He laughs, kissing the side of my neck. "Maybe we can postpone it for la–"

"DADDY, I'M NAKED!" Jamie shouts from his room.

We laugh softly together, Nathan releasing his arms from around me.

"We'll continue this later, vixen," he whispers.

"You better get me in the mood first," I tease.

"Would you prefer I croak the lyrics or pretend to be melodious?"

"DADDY!"

"I'm coming!"

"Hey, I'm going to the store. Do you want anything?"

"Why? We leave tomorrow. We can buy stuff on the way."

I shake my head, looking down at the paper in front of me. "I know but I'd rather not leave anything to chance. You got the car checked out, right?"

"I did. Is this your fear of running out of things in action? You know how many times we've run out of anything when we drive down to Tree Hill? Hm? None. Because there are shops on the highways."

I rub his stomach over my shoulder. "Stop making fun of me. And this is not a trip to Tree Hill we're talking about. It's hours on the road with a four-year-old. I want to make sure we've covered all our bases."

"Stores won't run out of…" He peers over my shoulder. "…wet wipes from here to L.A."

I wave him away. "Better to have too much than too little. Did you clear out the car? And I'm talking about all your junk, not mine."

"Junk? My CDs are not junk."

I pore over my list. "I don't mean your CDs. I mean all those coffee cups and gum wrappers you hide under the seats."

"I don't know what you're talking about," he mumbles.

I look up at him. "How is it that you think I don't know you? You are always stashing candy wrappers underneath the car seats rather than putting them in the cup holder and disposing of them when you get to a bin."

"Who does that?"

"I do."

"Nerd."

"And proud. So did you clear out all that trash?"

He sighs. "Yes. I actua–"

"Daddy! Look!"

We turn to him. He's standing just outside the bathroom, naked as a jaybird, shaking his waist and swinging his willy.

"Oh, God," I groan.

Nathan walks away laughing, shaking his waist at Jamie.

"You hav'ta be naked like me to dance!"

* * *

><p>"You want anything from the store?" I shout from the living room. There's splashing and shrill laughter coming from the bathroom.<p>

"Jamie says he wants a Popsicle!"

"Red, Momma!"

"Did you hear that, babe? He wants a red one!"

Nathan murmurs something and then Jamie shrieks.

I'm now sure we're all packed up. I made a list for each one of us in case I missed something. I know we're not driving to the middle of nowhere but making lists gives me comfort on some level. It's one of those things that I'm a little neurotic about.

I am worried about running out of things while we're on the road, mostly 'real' food. As much as there's a fast food restaurant on almost every highway stop, I want us to eat the real thing. Snacking on crackers sounds better than eating greasy fries. I'll even throw in some string cheese. We could have fun with that.

I walk to the bathroom, list in my hand, pen behind my ear.

Nathan is washing Jamie's hair and I wait for him to finish before I speak.

"Someone's clean."

"Je– Hales!"

"Mommy!"

I grimace. "Sorry. You didn't hear me?"

"No," they both say.

"Sorry. I'm actually just about to leave. You have everything you need? All your manly things?"

He smirks. "Yes, I have all my manly things."

"What manly things, Daddy?"

He pours water from the bath cup onto Jamie's shoulders. "Like shaving cream."

"Can I have shaving cream, too?"

Nathan chuckles, rinsing Jamie's face. "You'll only need it when you're old like me."

"You ain't old, Daddy. Grandpa Dan is old!" he sputters.

"You aren't old."

"I know I'm not old! I'm four!"

He laughs, wrapping a towel around Jamie and pulling him out of the water.

"Of course you're not old. You have only seen four summers," he says as he rubs Jamie's hair.

I pull the plug to drain the tub.

"How many summers have you seen, Daddy?" he asks, his voice muffled beneath the towel.

"Twenty one."

"Wow! How many summers has Momma seen?"

"The same. What'cha say we get you into your pajamas?"

"King Lion!"

"King Lion, huh? You want to roar in your sleep?"

"Grrrrrrr!"

"You are definitely a little cub, not a monkey."

"What's a cub?"

"A baby lion."

"Can I have one for my birthday?"

"Didn't you already have a birthday?"

I rinse the tub, listening to them talking about birthdays, lions and summers. They are always so adorable together.

"Alright. I'm heading out," I tell him as I walk into the room.

"Don't be too late."

"Yes, Dad."

"Is Daddy your Daddy, Mommy?"

I kiss his cheek. "No. It's just something Mommy says when Daddy says something funny. Grandpa Jimmy is my Daddy, remember?"

"Uh huh. And Grandpa Dan is Daddy's Daddy."

"That's right."

"I'm smart!" he grins, standing on the bed.

"Very smart. Are you tired?"

He shakes his head, jumping up and down. "No! We're gonna do the picture puzzle Grandpa Dan gave me!"

"I can't wait to see it when you finish. Can I help?"

"Nah-ah. Guy Code, Momma."

I laugh. "I'll see you in a while. Be a good boy for Daddy, okay?"

"I'm always a good boy!"

I give him another kiss. "I'm the luckiest Mommy in the world."

"And the bestest!"

"Lucky me. Give me a hug before I go?"

He kisses me on the lips and then wraps his arms around my neck. "I love you, Mommy."

I don't know why I'm suddenly overcome with emotion but there's something about this moment that really saddens me.

"I-I love you, too."

I turn to Nathan, hoping that he doesn't notice my unshed tears.

"I won't be long," I tell him with a kiss.

"Okay."

"If I'm not home in an hour, send out a search party."

* * *

><p>It's past dark by the time I'm leaving the supermarket. It was really crowded tonight, and everybody seemed to be in a mood.<p>

Breathing in humid air, my face damp, wisps of hair matted to my neck, I push the trolley towards the car. What was going to be a simple and quick grocery run turned out to be an almost-hour-long nightmare.

My cell phone rings as I'm about to pull out of the parking lot. I'm wary as I look at the number, but it's just Nathan.

"Hey!"

_"Search party calling. Are you okay?" _

"Yeah," I laugh. "It was just packed more than usual. Is he asleep?"

_"Not yet. He's so keyed up. You didn't slip him anything sweet, did you?" _

"Unless grapes have high sugar content that I don't know about. What are you guys doing?"

I can hear music in the background.

_"Jamie's singing along to Barney and I'm the adoring crowd. Careful, Jame." _

"Is he jumping on the table again?"

_"Uh...no?" _

I laugh again. "Your poker voice sucks, honey."

He chuckles. _"Poker voice? Don't you mean poker face?"_

"There's that, too. I'm just about to leave the store, anyway. I'll be home shortly. I love you."

"_Be careful. I love you, too." _

I hear him shout 'James!' before I hang up.

* * *

><p>The car behind me honks repeatedly.<p>

"Where the hell do you expect me to go!" I scream, honking furiously in response and then throwing my hands up in the air.

Incessant honking, people screaming obscenities at each other. Typical road rage in a traffic jam.

We've been stagnant for the last twenty minutes.

There's an intersection up ahead that's been dubbed a black spot, and cars often kiss bumpers when they run into each other.

The problem is that cars turning from the busy highway underestimate the narrowness of the other street, which results in significant damage to their front ends when they collide with the other cars coming from the narrow street. They're constructing a new highway overpass to eliminate the black spot.

I never use this route even though it's shorter to getting home. I'd rather use the longer one than risk it with a child in the backseat.

But today, today hasn't been a good day. Rather, this evening.

The usual way home was worse. Traffic began from the grocery store's exit and I thought taking this one would be easier. Apparently not. And there are no back roads leading elsewhere.

My body is stiff, my back hurts and I feel like my legs are about to have a shocking case of pins and needles. I'd love to get out and stretch my legs but I'm blocked in on both sides of the car.

I hurriedly text Nathan, explaining the delay, and throw the phone in the backseat out of frustration.

In a bid to give my hands something to do, I reach over to the glove box. It's emptier than usual, but I find a pen and pieces of paper.

There are some things I honestly can't do without in the car. Paper, pen and CDs. My CDs, not his hip hop CDs.

The stationery comes in handy in moments like these when I'm stuck in traffic, and a really catchy phrase that would go into a song comes to me. I'd key in whatever I remember in my cell phone but I prefer writing things down. It makes me feel more…productive.

Nathan knows that when he's cleaning out the car, he should leave my scraps of paper where they are. He once thought they were trash and I practically had a conniption when I was caught in traffic and lyrics were popping up in my head.

By nature, I'm a planner. A list maker. In another life, I would have made an excellent wedding planner. I pulled off the Barbie and Mr. Waffles marriages impressively every time, thanks to all those bridal magazines my sisters left behind.

I begin by making a list of the food I need to prepare and pack. Sandwiches. Fruit. Juice boxes. I've bought more than a dozen of those raspberry little things, and a couple of passion fruit pudding cups.

I make a list of the things that need to be done around the house before we leave. There's not much left to do, but I just don't want to leave anything to forgetfulness.

The last list is what I need to double-check we've packed. Phone chargers. Camera and charger; the camera may have been my constant companion for the past few months but I just want to be sure that I have it with me. It would be a horrendous moment posing in front of a landmark and discovering it's nowhere in our bags.

By the time I've completed the lists, I'm thinking more calmly.

I'm seeking out my phone to catch up on a word game when I remember I threw it away.

Unbuckling and climbing over to the backseat, I search for it beneath and in between the seat, only to find it on top of one of the grocery bags in the boot. There's a text from Nathan saying 'okay'.

I stretch myself out on the seat as much as I can with Jamie's booster in the way, leaning against the left door, my feet propped up on the passenger headrest, doing a little mental dance every time I see the congratulatory message when I get an answer right.

I'm still in that position when cars finally begin to move. I stash it in my pocket, not bothering to complete the game, as the honks behind me get persistent.

"Alright! Alright! I'm going!"

It's about eight-thirty according to the dashboard; we've been stuck here for an hour.

Sure enough, there are two cars by the side of the road with their hazard lights on. I steer the car carefully around the curve and after that, it's a breezy drive home.

I'm exhausted when I pull into our parking lot.

I rest my head on the wheel for a moment before grabbing my purse from the passenger seat, having to hold it between my teeth while I take the grocery bags from the trunk. I kick the car boot door shut with my foot, mumbling to myself against my purse as I walk towards the building's entrance.

It has been such a weary night. I'm going to soak myself in a bath until I prune. Or perhaps a cold sh–

"Ciao."


	49. Chapter 49: Rated M for strong language

Like a deer caught in headlights, I freeze.

By the side of the building, a silhouette is hidden in the shadows, a small orange light in the centre of its obscured face.

"You didn't call back."

After all that has happened, I would know that voice from anywhere. God help me, I don't want to, but I do.

I'm too scared to move. My body is already cold and trembling, my mind pounding with fear and dread.

The light above the main door outlines his large form.

"Long day?"

He steps forward, a cigarette between his lips.

I drop my purse from my teeth into the grocery bag, licking my dry lips.

"Tha…that's a dangerous habit," I croak.

He takes a long drag, drops the cigarette and stomps on it.

"I'll quit for you," he puffs.

He takes a step towards me. I feel myself step back.

He smiles.

"Don't be scared. I'm not going to hurt you," his voice low.

"W-why are you here?"

His eyes seem glassy. "I wanted to see you. I missed you. And after that court hearing, I needed to make things right between us."

My heart is beating rapidly. All my senses are on edge. I hold the grocery bags closer to me.

"Th-there's nothing to t-talk about," I stammer.

His face darkens. Can he sense my fear? Can he hear the roaring thunderstorm that is my heartbeat?

And then he smiles. "Of course there is. We were going to be together, don't you remember?"

My stomach drops.

"W-what?" I whisper in disbelief. Did he snap?

He takes another step towards me. I take two steps back.

"I just want to talk. Will you have dinner with me? I make a mean pineapple upside-down cake," he says cheerfully.

"Nathan…"

At the mention of Nathan, his body seems to turn rigid.

"He's nobody!" he roars, making me squeak.

He looks beastly. Does he have a gun? If he succeeded in hurting me, would he go after them?

"S-Sam…" I stammer.

His face softens. "Yes, darling?"

"W-what do you want to talk about?"

"Us. Our lives together. How we'll get away. Just you, me, Kyle and Jamie. We'll be a family," he says with a dreamy look.

"I…I already have a family."

"NO!"

My heart rate increases. At this moment, I'm convinced he's capable of anything.

"You know, Kyle's mom is really mad at me because of the restraining order. She won't let me see him as much as I used to," he continues.

"I'm – I'm sorry."

His eyes don't waver from my face. "I followed her here, you know. She got a new job and she had to move. So I packed up and followed them. I'd give up everything for my son."

"And lucky for me, I met the most wonderful woman in North Carolina. Things were finally looking up."

"Oh? Who was she?"

Someone needs to walk out of this building. Someone needs to walk out and save my life.

He laughs loudly. "Your coyness is so darn cute, Hales. I'm talking about you, silly!"

I shake my head. "N-nothing happened between us."

"What do you call all the flirting we used to do? I love you like I've never loved any other woman. I'd give the world for you."

I find my steady voice. "I don't love you. I love Nathan."

"SHUT UP! DO NOT SAY HIS NAME!" he commands, his eyes cold and mean-looking..

He steps towards me and I just drop the bags and turn to run.

But he's quick. He grabs me violently by my shoulders and pushes me forward.

I grunt as my elbows hit the asphalt. Hard.

"I know you love me," he growls as he walks slowly towards me. I'm beyond petrified. Horrific images of my coming death whirl in my mind.

_This can't be happening. This cannot be happening!_

The road seems too far and to get there, I'll have to run towards the direction he's in. If he catches me, he'll snap me easily in two. There's nowhere else to run except the other end of the parking lot.

I push myself to my feet and run. I don't get very far.

He grabs me by the hem of my shirt and pulls me back, holding me in a strong grip against his chest.

"AHHHHHHHHH!"

"Where do you think you're going?"

He's angry. I can feel him breathing heavily on my cheek. I can also smell his breath. Cigarettes and alcohol.

"LET ME GO! SOMEBODY HELP ME! HEEEEEELP!"

Can anyone hear me?

He reaches under my shirt, ripping apart my bra, his hands cold and sweaty over my body as he touches my breasts, pinching them hard.

I scream. "STOOOOOP! YOU'RE HURTING ME…!"

I'm crying and whimpering with fear and embarrassment as I look up at the building, trying to find the energy to scream out for help. Is no one home? Even in my pain, I see curtains move on the third floor. I swear I do.

"HEEEEEEELP M–" He slaps a sweaty hand across my mouth, bruising my lip in the process.

I can taste the sharp, metallic tang of blood, and the salty, disgusting traces of his sweaty palm.

"It's just you and me, darling."

He reaches under my top again, squeezing each of my breasts so painfully that I'm afraid he may have cut me somewhere with his fingernails.

Unable to move, I squirm against him, grunting against his hand, trying to remember what I've learnt about self-defense from watching crime shows. Nothing comes to mind. I swear to God after this I'm signing up for Kung Fu or karate classes. Whichever one bests me against the helplessness and fear like I feel right now.

Suddenly, he throws me furiously again to the ground. This time, my back connects with the ground.

I gasp loudly at the biting pain in my back, struggling to sit up. Tears are pricking the backs of my eyes but I refuse to cry.

"You are mine, you hear that?"

It's like a sharp knife connecting with my skin. He smacks my mouth so hard that my already bruised lip bleeds a little more. I feel it swelling right away.

"Mine!"

He slaps my cheek. My mind gets foggy and spots shoot up the front of my eyes.

"He…"

_Slap._

"Will…"

_Slap. _

"Never…"

_Slap. _

"Take…"

_Slap._

"You…"

_Slap._

"From…"

_Slap. _

"MEEEE!" he screams out as he slaps me again, throwing me completely off balance and flat on my back.

I'm struggling to keep my eyes open.

My head is reeling, my jaws are pulsing, my breasts are burning and I'm afraid my bleeding lip has split open. The black dots in front of my eyes are hypnotizing me into a blissful unconsciousness.

From the slits of my eyes, he is remarkably cool and Zen-like as he slaps me over and over, screaming that I'm his and his alone.

This time the blows are not restricted to my face but all over my upper body; my arms and my back. Brutal cannot even express this beating. I feel like a donkey, his personal punching bag.

When he doesn't attempt to touch me again, I lie still, not making a twitch or a sound. I swallow feverishly at a bout of crying because I know if I make the slightest sound, he'll hurt me more.

Is this how it ends? Him bludgeoning me to death?

I have no weapon. The only things I have to attempt a fight with are my short nails and my teeth. If I could think rationally right now, my brains would come to use, too. I could formulate a plan that would get me to safety. To Nathan.

What damage would teeth and nails do to a man twice my weight? I'm a twig, he's a tree trunk.

I could just claw his eyes out but he'd probably react by punching me to death; one blow and I would be good as dead.

Would his rage and drunkenness lead him to pushing me so hard that I would I hit my head on a rock, my brain matter spattering like a smashed tomato? Or would he step on my head, crushing my skull like that cigarette?

How would he get rid of me after? Would he store my body in a burlap sack and dump it in the river? Would he stash me in a kiln and burn me to the point where authorities would have to identify me by dental records?

It can't end here.

It shouldn't end here.

It just can't.

Not this easily.

I have too much to live for. There's a little boy upstairs who needs me…

_"I love you, Mommy."_

I want to see my son grow up. He's not going to be raised alone _again_ by his father. I don't want my husband to grieve for me _again_.

_"Always and forever."_

I'm not ready to die. I wasn't ready then and I'm not ready now. I need to live. I _have to_ live. I will not give him the satisfaction of killing me in my own backyard.

Although I feel paralyzed by fear, that will to live travels down my body, to my arms and legs. I wait for him to lean over me and with surprising strength, I hit his knee with my foot. Hard enough that I hear something crack.

"YOU BIIIIITCH!"

Painfully, I scramble to my feet. His hand reaches out for my leg and I scream as I smack at it desperately with my foot.

"GET OFF OF ME! GET OFF!"

As I run to the back of the building, I unhinge my torn bra, throwing it at the bushes. Blindingly, I stumble towards the ferns and hedges that Jamie likes hiding in.

_"I love you, Mommy."_

"I'LL KILL YOU!" the lunatic screams behind me.

All that noise and no one can hear anything? Steadying myself by leaning my hand on the building, I take in quick breaths to clear my head. I touch my lip, looking down at my fingers. Blood.

My body stinging and bleeding, I duck into the bushes, breathing heavily and looking around for an exit. The security wall around the compound is thrice my height and there's nothing to hold on to. There's no tree to climb to get up there, no cracks in the wall that I can use as steps.

Our apartment is on the other side of the building; Nathan won't hear me if I scream...

I turn to the building and race to the window of a dark ground-floor apartment. I can't see clearly, and the window is a little high but I jump up and down knocking and pounding on it.

"HELP ME! SOMEBODY HELP ME! PLEASE! HEEELP MEEEE!"

I'm crying as I knock on the window but no one is coming. My voice is breaking and hoarse with every cry.

"Somebody h–"

I hear dragging on the gravel around the corner.

"You better run far! I will kill you, you hear me? You fucking biiiitch!"

Oh my God!

Just how much does he think I mean to him? I have nothing to give him.

What the hell do I do!

I crouch in the small space between the building and the wall, whimpering as I try to push backwards further but I can't. It's too small.

It's too small…

The tears suddenly burst from my eyes, streaming down my face, the saltiness of them burning my cut lip as I fight off the urge to scream.

I broke his leg. Do I have an advantage?

With my body trembling, I wipe the tears from my stinging face, feeling something hard poking at my thigh. Did a critter crawl up my jeans? I pat my pocket…to feel my phone! My phone! Oh, God! I completely forgot about it!

I pull it out elatedly, blinking rapidly, trying to clear my vision.

It's still open to Scrabble!

My fingers are shaking as I try to exit the foolish application. Motherf –! The keypad has a tone every time I press a button!

After what feels like an hour of clicking buttons, I hit one and wait for him to pick up.

_Ring. _

"Please pick up!" I whimper silently.

"There you are."

Oh my God. He can see me because of the light from my phone.

_Ring. _

He is dragging his foot as he approaches me.

"You were supposed to give me a private show, remember?"

_Ring._

"Please please please pick up!" I sniffle as I watch him walk, waiting to hear Nathan's voice.

_"Hey,"_ he says softly. _"I just put J–"_

"N-NATHAN! Nathan! B-baby! Please come get me!" I cry hysterically into the phone.

I don't care if that maniac can see me or hear me. Somebody needs to know where I am.

_"Haley! Baby, where are you!"_

"Back of the building! It's – it's Sam! He's going to kill– ahhhhhhhhh!"

I'm cut off when Sam grabs me by fistfuls of my hair, dragging me out of my hiding place and then pulling my head back so sharply that I'm afraid my neck could snap.

"YOU SON OF A BITCH! NATHAAAN! NATHAAAAAN! HELP ME!" I shriek.

"YOU CALLED HIM!" he bellows.

He yanks my phone from my hand and throws it on the ground, pushing me along with it.

"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT FOR!" He lifts his leg up.

"NATHAAAAAAAAAAN!" I scream as loudly as I can before he shatters it with his shoe. Was I still on with him?

"WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT TO ME! I'M THE ONE FOR YOU!"

It seems to be in slow motion, his foot retreating and then reappearing, heading towards my stomach.

A searing white-hot pain courses through me.

I can't breathe. Every fibre of my being is ablaze.

"I LOVE YOU!"

He pulls my head back by my hair again, kissing me so violently on my bruised lip that I cry out against his mouth.

As I gag and sputter from nausea and pain, he pulls me up and slams me into the wall, so hard that my teeth rattle, punching me in the gut with his fist.

It's a miracle that I don't heave and throw up in his face.

I fall to my knees clutching at my stomach, coughing and fighting to take in at least one breath.

_Breathe…_

"Look at what you're making me do," he whispers into my hair.

I suck in a short lungful of air.

"S-s-s-s…stooop," I manage to gasp.

"I love you."

He holds me by the neck, breathing heavily in my ear. I don't know what comes over me but I just laugh.

I laugh, concealing my fear. I laugh, instead of crying. I laugh, showing him just what I think of him.

"Y-you think I could love you?" My voice is cold and quiet. "You are nothing compared to him. _Nothing_. You are a spineless little man wi–"

He growls, his finger pressing and rubbing painfully on my lip.

"AHHHHHHHHHMMMMMMM!"

I whimper, shuddering and crying at every jolt of pain it causes through my body.

"P-p-please. S-stop."

"Who are you calling spineless, you bitch! Huh!"

He licks the side of my face, from my jaw to my brow.

"Mmm! Delicioussss!"

I scream, twisting against him trying to break my face free but he's holding me in place by my hair.

"AHHHHHH! STOOOOOOP! STO–" He licks me again.

"That's it. Keep begging."

My fists are punching at his shoulders, trying to grab his hair or his shirt but I'm just grasping air.

"GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM HER! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU! I SWEAR TO GOD I'M GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU!"

_He's here._

Nathan is running towards us and I'm then released from Sam's hold. As Nathan pulls him away from me, Sam's flailing foot connects with the side of my face. I fall sideways, my head whirling from the pain.

I see him push Sam to the ground, yelling and screaming as he punches him over and over again.

"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!"

_He's here._

Nathan pulls Sam up and pushes him back on the ground violently, a loud thud echoing in my ears.

"YOU SON OF A BITCH! I TOLD YOU TO STAY AWAY FROM HER! LOOK AT WHAT YOU DID TO HER!" Nathan screams. "I WILL FUCKING KILLING YOU!"

The black dots are getting bigger as I try to keep my eyes open.

"Na…Nathan," I breathe out.

The last thing I see is Nathan punching Sam again and turning towards me.

"HALEY! Baby! S–"

Everything fades to black.


	50. Chapter 50

My eyelids flutter as I struggle to open my eyes. They feel so heavy.

Bit by bit, I finally manage.

Holding my breath, I blink against the dots and the whiteness, focusing on my surroundings.

Ceiling. Bright light. The smell of bleach and disinfectant.

My face feels stiff and abnormally warm. The rest of me is on fire.

I turn my head little by little, the movement being slowed by a tightness on my neck.

Through my hazy vision, I see him.

His face is turned towards me, eyes closed, hand holding mine.

Loosening my hand from his, I lift it to my neck, heavy as I remove the brace and lay it on the bedside table.

Sighing, I turn to Nathan. My hero.

My fingers brush over his cheek lightly. "I think we need to move."

My throat feels rough and itchy.

He lifts his head up quickly. His hair is in a wild mess. He looks tired.

I smile stiffly when my eyes connect with his. Bloodshot.

"Hi." My lips are burning.

"Hi." He stands to sit at the edge of the bed. "We have got to stop meeting like this."

His hand reaches for my cheek.

And I shrink from his touch.

He recoils, a hurt look on his face, dropping his hand back quickly.

I gasp when I realize what has just happened.

Oh, God. Did I just–

I feel faint. I have never done that. _Ever_. I've never been afraid that he would hurt me. He's always been my warmth, my safety.

"N–"

Placing a shaky hand over my quivering mouth, I blink back the tears that are forming in my eyes.

"I – I…"

His hand is on his thigh, clenched tightly in a fist.

"N-N-Nathan…" I whimper again. "I'm s-s…"

He clenches and unclenches his fist, his face looking away from me.

"H-he…Nathan…"

I reach for his hand, my own trembling from the tips of my fingers to my wrist. My teeth are chattering from fear.

He finally looks at me, his face stony. He scans my face, his face softening when I start to cry. His eyes, those blue eyes I love so much, are filled with pain. Guilt? Regret?

I don't know what else to do but place his hand over my breast, where it hurts so badly. I look away, too ashamed to even look at his reaction.

I just hold his hand over my chest, crying from all the shame.

"I'm so so sorr–"

He holds the side of my face in his warm palm, his thumb gently stroking my cheek. "I'm here."

_He's here._

The next thing I know, I'm hiccuping and sobbing on his chest, holding onto him like my life depends on it as he rocks me like a baby.

* * *

><p>I lift my pounding head from his shoulder, despite my soreness and fear.<p>

"J-Jamie?"

"He's okay," he says softly, his hand stroking my hair.

"When you called…" He falters. "When you called, I took him to Mrs. Everson's."

"I-Is he okay?"

He runs a finger down my cheek. "He's fine."

I close my eyes at the touch. "He's only four but he's spent so many months in a hospital…"

He can't go through the same thing again with me.

Reaching for his hand, I start warily, "Nathan…"

"Yeah?"

"Did they get him?"

His eyes turn cold. "No. He ran off."

I run my tongue across my lower lip, wincing.

"Ow."

"Easy, honey. You want some water?"

I nod. "My lips taste funny."

"Antiseptic salve."

"Stitches?"

"No."

He pours me a cup and I sip slowly through the straw.

"How bad is it?"

He doesn't say anything.

"Tell me. The doctor will anyway."

"Your face is a little swollen, your lip has a deep cut, you may have a concussion and your kidney is at risk of failing."

"I have two, thank God."

"Hales."

I smile weakly because of my bruised lip, rubbing his arm. "Oh, come on. I can live with one."

"This is serious. That psychotic brute attacked you in our parking lot and no one heard anything!" he spews angrily.

"Well…"

He raises his eyebrows. "Did someone see something and not do anything?"

"I saw curtains move on the third floor. It could have been the wind."

His lips clamp together. "What if it wasn't? If you hadn't called me…" He pinches the bridge of his nose, cursing softly.

I take his hand. "But I did call you."

"I – I took so long to pick up…"

"You were just in time."

He kisses me softly on the side of my mouth.

"Did you call anyone?" I ask him.

"No."

I sigh. "Thank you."

Do they have to know? By the time we see them again, it will probably be before the beginning of the school year. A month away. Enough time for me to heal from this.

Taking his hand in both of mine, I rub my fingers along it. "Nathan?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm really glad you're here."

He nods, rubbing my thigh. "It's going to be okay, babe. The cops are out looking for him."

I didn't realize I was crying until his thumb runs over my cheek.

"I'm – I'm sorry…just so t-tired…" I sniffle.

He stretches himself out on the bed and I adjust myself to make room for him.

"You're safe now."

I slide down on the bed, ignoring the pain in my back, throwing my arm around his waist, my face burrowed in his chest.

"When I saw what he was doing to you…when I saw him…I just – I just saw red… I can't live without you, Hales."

I look up at him and his eyes are glistening.

"I can't live without you, either."

He envelops me in a hug and I lay my head back on his chest, safe from the fear I felt, safe from the pain of every blow that animal gave me.

"You remember the song we danced to at prom?"

"Garth Brooks?"

"Yeah," he answers quietly.

I tighten my arms around him and stroke his back. "I know."

He leaves light kisses on my forehead and temple, murmuring how much he loves me.

I know how much he loves me. He loves me enough to beat a man senseless. No one has ever provoked him to go that far. I _know_ how much he loves me.

"Just so you know, we're still taking our trip."

He pulls gently away from me. "What? No!"

I nod. "Yes, we are. We'll just delay it for a few days but we are definitely going. What happened to my groceries?"

He stares at me incredulously. After the long pause, he finally reacts.

"Are you seriously asking me that right now?"

"Yeah."

He sighs. "I guess they're still at the parking lot."

"I need everything in them to prepare our food. And our juice boxes are in there, Jamie's pudding…We have to go back for them, honey."

He's still staring at me like I've just grown horns.

"What? We weren't going to survive on rocks and fast food while on the road, you know."

"I'll buy you fresh groceries!" he yells.

I chuckle. My stomach burns, making me cough.

"That stuff cost money, Nathan. And that was the longest grocery run I've ever been on in my life. It's not going to be for nothing. And that includes Thanksgiving."

"You're a penny-pincher whose kidney may fail if she doesn't quit yapping and get to resting! And by the way, you've never gone for Thanksgiving shopping. I do that. I'm always worried you'll get things I didn't ask for and leave out the things I did."

I stare at him and then giggle. "Ow! Ow!"

"Oh, God! Where does it hurt?" His hands are running all over my body.

"Everywhere," I stifle a smile.

"Here?" He lays a hand gently on my abdomen.

"No. Higher."

Ribcage.

"Here?"

"Higher."

Side of my breast.

"A little to the left."

Perfect.

"Right there."

His hand draws back so fast like he's been seared with a hot branding iron. "Haley!"

"You can't blame a girl for trying."

He kisses my forehead.

"I'm sorry I didn't protect you," he whispers.

"Don't."

He's going to feel responsible for this.

"I promised you but…I'm really sorry, Haley."

I hug him tighter. "You're here, Nathan. There was no way to predict what happened but I'm really really glad that you came in time. Okay?"

I feel him breathe out.

"There's something you need to know," he says after a while.

The tone of his voice makes me sit up. "What? Is it Jamie? You said he's okay…"

He shakes his head. "He's fine. It's about Sam."

"Tell me."

"They…they found pictures in his house."

"Pictures? Pictures of what?"

He rubs a hand over his face. "You. Jamie. Us."

I sit up straighter. "Where?"

"His closet. Black and whites of you and Jamie at Kyle's party, Jamie's recital, Jamie's party, at the festival, downtown…so many of them…"

"What…?"

He nods. "It's like he was…following you. In some of them, my face was crossed out. In others, he'd pasted his face over mine and included Kyle, too."

I gasp. "W-what?"

"Yeah…"

Neither of us speaks for some time.

"It's not your fault," he finally says.

I nod quickly and clear my throat. "W-what time is it?"

He whips out his cell phone. "Five-twelve a.m."

"How long was I out?"

"Seven hours."

I push myself gently away from him. "Seven!"

"You passed out, Hales."

"We need to go home, Nathan! I don't want Jamie to wake up before we're back."

"Haley, the doctor said you need to stay for a bit longer because of your concussion and kidney."

"Did they run the tests on me?"

"Yes."

"That's good enough for me." I push away the covers and step on the floor, swaying slightly as I wait for the dizziness to pass. "Where are my clothes?"

"Haley…"

I lean on the bed, my fists supporting me. "Nathan, our son visited you every day for three months while you were in a coma. He is not going to wake up and find neither of us there. He is not going to be coming back to this hospital to visit another sick parent. When he wakes up and we're not there, he'll get scared. I'm not abandoning him. I don't care whether the doctor says you have to keep dousing my face with cold water to keep me from succumbing to an aneurysm but I'm going home. When our son wakes up, we'll be there to make him breakfast."

He smiles widely and then leans over to kiss the end of my nose. "I love the lioness in you."

He pulls at a drawer on the small table beside the bed. "Your clothes were filthy so I threw them away…"

I kiss him. It's more of a brush of the lips than a kiss. "Thank you."

He hands me a pair of green scrubs, dropping his feet from the bed. "But you can wear these. Just give me a few minutes to see the doctor."

"Okay. Nathan..."

He turns before he leaves the room. "Yeah?"

"I'm still leaving even if he says no."

* * *

><p>"Hi, Mrs. Everson. Did we wake you?" Nathan asks.<p>

"No. I'm an early riser. Hi, Haley."

"Hi."

The small, white-haired woman smiles at me and then her face is instantly clouded with alarm. "My goodness! Are you alright?"

I run my hands down the green pants. "Yes. Just a small accident."

Nathan stiffens beside me.

She looks over at Nathan. "An accident? Did you fall in the bathroom and then hit your head on the bathtub? Or perhaps you fell down the stairs?"

What?

"No! No! I was mugged."

Her face softens. "Oh, dear! Come on in! Can I get you anything?"

I shake my tired head as I walk towards the couch. He's asleep, his leg hanging off the side of the couch.

"Thank you for taking care of him," I tell her.

She waves a hand away. "No problem, dear. I like Jamie. Perhaps next time he'll be awake to entertain me with his stories."

"I'm sure he'll like that."

Nathan picks him up gently and walks towards the door. "Thanks, Mrs. Everson," he says.

I give her a quick hug and a thank you before following Nathan out the door.

Our apartment is only four doors away. I push the front door open for him, glad that Jamie's early-bird syndrome didn't kick in today. After the last few months we've had, I do not want him waking up to find that neither Nathan nor I are around.

I'm pouring out coffee when Nathan steps into the kitchen.

"He woke up but I got him to sleep."

"Good." I hand him his cup and pull out a chair. "Mrs. Everson thought you'd hit me," I say, sitting down.

"W-what?" he sputters over his coffee.

"Hit my head in the bathtub? Fell down the stairs? Domestic violence victims say things like that when they don't want to tell the truth. At least that's what I've seen on TV."

"Dome– I would ne–"

"I know. Except when you're feeling wicked in bed."

"Hales!"

"I'm wondering whether you'll bring up leather and whips and safe words," I wink.

"Haley, please," he says nervously. "And I'm not into bondage. Yet."

I grin as I take a drink of my coffee, giving up after two sips; the liquid feels like acid on my split lip.

I wrap my hands around the cup. "I can't wait for daylight."

"How are you feeling?"

Leaning my elbow on the table, I lay my cheek on my palm, turning to look at him. "Like I got attacked."

"Don't."

"Beats crying."

He pulls at my hand. "They'll find him, Hales."

"What exactly happened?"

He drinks before he speaks.

"When you called for me, I left him lying there. I punched him hard enough because he passed out but then he ran off when I was trying to wake you. I drove you to the hospital, the hospital called the cops, the cops asked me a few questions and they said they'll look for him. They said they wanted to speak to you after you woke up."

"Why? Isn't it enough that they know what he did and what he looks like?"

"They want a direct statement from you."

I sigh heavily. "I don't want to sound like I'm copping out but I can't do that today."

"You're not. You were attacked, for God's sake! I should have just killed that bastard!"

I glare at him. "And where would you be right now? Jail!"

He glares right back. "And he would be dead!"

"And you would not be here! I don't want to go through years looking at you through a window, Nathan! Again! I don't want to be taking our son to a maximum security prison for a weekly visit with his father! I do not want to talk to you while someone is listening in on what we say and observing what we do! I do not want to campaign for…for conjugal visits!"

I think I'm hysterical.

He lays a hand on my shoulder. "Hey…I'm right here. I'm sorry I brought it up…I just get so mad when I think about what he did to you! And the way the courts threw out our case like we were some sort of self-righteous couple out to be vengeful because some guy was hitting on my wife!"

"Believe me, I'm as furious as you are. But like you said, the cops will find him." My cup has turned cold. "I'm tired. Can I sleep? Or do I need to stay awake because of the concussion?"

"Come on," he pulls me by the hand and leads me out of the kitchen. "Doctor said you're not concussed, so there's no need to dip your head in an ice bucket."

"It wasn't Doctor Jasinski, was it?"

He chuckles. "No."

I circle my arms around his waist from behind him as we stand beside the bed, resting my head against his back. "Have I told you how much I love you?"

He twists around to look at me. "No."

"I do." I stand on my toes to kiss him. His lips don't press into mine like they normally would and I love him more for remembering that my lips are bruised and raw.

He mumbles something against my lips.

I open my eyes slowly to find his open, his lips a few inches from mine.

"Hm?"

"I think you fell asleep mid-kiss."

"What?" I breathe out.

He smirks. "Ya did. Come on, let's get you to bed."

"I need a shower first. I feel way too gross."

He nods understandingly and I pull at the scrubs, leaving a trail behind me as I head to the shower.

I yawn as I wash my hair, I yawn as I lather myself, I yawn as I rinse, I yawn as I wrap myself up in a towel, I yawn as I brush my teeth with extreme difficulty.

Dropping the towel, my heart is hammering as I wipe the foggy mirror. It's like a stranger is looking back at me.

Cheeks flaming red, a cut on the lip the size of the Mississippi, breasts with finger imprints on them, and bruises on my stomach, back and waist. He did all that.

I shake off the urge to cry. I've cried enough these last months to last me a good long while. My muscles feel lax and I'm just exhausted as I walk out of the bathroom.

My head is pounding. There's a hammer in there. A pulse. A thousand little people are dancing around with bells, drums and whistles.

The green scrubs are nowhere in sight and my pajamas are laid out on the bed, the duvet drawn back.

I groan as I pull the covers over myself. As I'm drifting off, I feel warm lips on my forehead.

* * *

><p>I jerk awake from sleep, my heart beating erratically and my body damp. My eyes are bulged out in terror but I can't make a sound; my mouth is dry and sweat beads are forming on my forehead.<p>

"Hey…"

I curl up to him, burrowing my head in his shoulder.

"N-Nathan…"

He wraps his arms around me. "I'm here, baby."

"It – it wasn't a dream," I say softly.

He kisses my forehead. "No."

"We could have been leaving today."

His fingers are running up and down my arm. "Tell me."

I don't say anything for a moment. My nightmares after the train accident cannot compare to the terror I felt in this one.

"No one came and he…he hurt me. He really hurt me…"

I can see those menacing eyes as they approached me in my dream. I couldn't scream. My mouth was open but there was no sound coming out.

We were in a room full of faceless black and white pictures and he was ripping my clothes off, growling as he tore at me, his nails digging into my skin. He poured alcohol over me, making my body burn but I still couldn't scream. He pushed my head against the wall, smashing it over and over as he said 'Mine! Mine! Mine!'

I'm trembling as I tell Nathan about it, closing my eyes at the agonizing thoughts.

"C-can we please go to California? Please, Nathan. I – I don't want to stay here anymore," I whisper.

"After you give your statement, we'll go."

"Promise. Promise me, Nathan. I'm begging you. I want to get out of here...You can take me there and I'll give my statement…But please… I-I can't stay here…" I squeeze my eyes shut, wanting so badly to escape from the memory.

Knowing he's out there makes everything worse. How am I going to survive this when my attacker is still out roaming the streets?

"We'll go."

"Promise me."

"I promise."

The red blinking lights of the alarm clock show it's only six forty-five. I haven't been asleep for more than half an hour but I already had a nightmare. Will I survive this?

"I'm afraid to close my eyes."

He pulls me closer to him. "You need to rest. I'm right here, honey."

I sigh shakily. "H-he's still out there…"

Pushing the duvet away from the bed, I stand, turning my head sideways to look through the window. The sun is already bright and warm through the curtains, but I feel so cold inside.

"We know what he's capable of doing. He was really angry. Livid. Every time he hit me…"

I place my hand over my stomach, over the dull throbbing pain where his foot connected with my gut. The same place where his fist struck me.

Nathan circles the bed to me. "I didn't hurt him enough. He couldn't have gotten away and he would be paying for what he did to you."

I take his right hand and run my fingers over his knuckles. I noticed the bruises while we were driving home. Fresh, red, blotchy marks over the old ones show against his tanned skin. For me…

Placing his hand on my cheek, I close my eyes, feeling the callused warm fingers against my skin.

"Thank you for coming for me."

His fingers move over my cheek. "I would never leave you. Come here."

I wrap my arms around his waist, leaning my cheek on his chest, hearing his heart beating. We fit perfectly. This is what I had been begging for all those months he was lying on that hospital bed.

He never left me.

I draw in a deep breath, inhaling the signature scent of Nathan's cologne. It reminds me of spring, the fresh air after a summer rain, and the warm feeling when lounging in the sun after a swim. It's always been such a comfort to me.

"What are you doing?"

I pull away from him to see Jamie standing in the doorway, holding Panda's huge hand, looking so small against the giant bear. He's usually the smallest in a group of kids his age.

"Hi, sweetie." I walk to him and lift him in my arms, hugging him tight despite the pain in my chest.

I kiss his cheek softly. "Did you sleep well?"

"I dreamed we were flyin' in clouds."

"Were we having fun?" I sway on the spot as I rub his back. I used to do that with him when he was a baby. We still do that sometimes, when he asks me to. I'll insert a CD and we just dance like that until he falls asleep.

"Uh huh. And Daddy was playin' with a big balloon."

"I was?" Nathan rubs his hair.

Jamie untangles himself from me and reaches for Nathan. "And the balloon looked like Grandpa Dan."

I grin at Nathan. "Daddy was playing with balloon Grandpa Dan?"

Nathan looks amused.

"Uh huh. And then there was French toast everywhere!"

"You want French toast for breakfast?"

He lifts his head from Nathan's shoulder. "With cimamon?"

Nathan rubs his cheek. "With cinnamon. Want to help?"

"Uh huh."

"Okay. First we need to tuck your bear into bed. Doesn't he look sleepy to you? Look at that! He just yawned and closed his eyes!" Nathan takes the Panda by the hand.

Jamie giggles. "No, he din't!"

"How can you tell? You weren't even looking!"

He giggles again as they enter his room. "I jus' know!"

_I love our life together._

Walking slowly to the window, I lean my forehead on the glass as I look down at my hands.

I run my finger gently on the grazes on my right palm. I run my finger across my lip. The throbbing pain in my body is a million times less than the memory of last night.

Despite all that, I'm still here.

* * *

><p>"I can do them," I insist, trying to get the plate out of his grasp.<p>

"No. I'll do them."

"It's just putting them in the dishwasher."

"Exactly. I can do that, you know."

"But you cooked breakfast! Isn't that our agreement?"

He shakes his head. "Not this time." He gives me a pointed look. "Sit."

"Your father is very bossy, Jame."

He's colouring in his book, biting down on his tongue as usual. "I think he's the best!"

"He's also the best."

"That's what I said! What's that, Momma?" he points to my lip.

I lick my lip. It doesn't hurt as much. The salve is helping. "I had a little accident."

Nathan bangs the dishwasher door.

"Did you fall like me?"

I rub his back. "Something like that."

"Did…did you bite apple slices? Sometimes I bited my tongue."

"You have?"

"Uh huh. But I don' cry. I cried one time 'cause it hurted very much."

I lift him up onto my lap.

"Mommy, my book!"

I pull the book in front of him and he resumes his colouring. Running my fingers through his hair, I place a kiss to his neck.

"Momma!" he laughs.

I can't believe that madman wanted me to miss all this.

Clearing my throat against the lump lodged there, I ask him, "Who are we colouring today?"

"Donkey. He's purple! You like it?" He shows me the gigantic half-purple picture.

"I have never seen a prettier purple donkey in my life."

He giggles.

"You want some more juice, buddy?" Nathan asks.

Jamie shakes his head. "Daddy, are we gonna go to Cal'fona?"

"Yes, we are," he says as he looks at me.

I smile gratefully at him.

"And we can see Aunt Viv in the little rock like you said, Momma."

"We will. And Aunt Viv will be so surprised to see how big y–"

The doorbell rings.

"I'll get it, Hales."

I sit Jamie back in his chair and follow Nathan to the door. Every step I take is like a jarring wake up call to the pain my upper body is in.

"Nathan Scott?"

The last time there were two policemen standing in our doorway, my husband had been in an accident.

"Yes? Is this about my wife's statement? We were coming in later to–"

"No, sir. We have news about Sam Cregg."

_Thud._

I grab Nathan's hand, linking our fingers.

"D-did you find him?" It comes off as a hoarse whisper.

"Yes, ma'am."

Nathan squeezes my hand. "Where?" he asks angrily.

"On the highway."

"Hitchhiking?"

"No. He was hit by a truck."

_Thud. Thud._

Nathan inhales sharply.

I lean against him to support myself.

"W-what?"

"From what eyewitnesses say, he was staggering like a drunk and then a truck just hit him. Or he jumped in front of it. It's hard to say since everyone has their own account of what happened."

He was drunk when he attacked me. And Nathan must have done some damage.

"Is he dead?" Nathan asks coldly.

The policeman shakes his head. "He seemed to be really out of it and his legs are pretty banged up."

"He may not walk again," his younger partner adds.

Is it wrong of me to be comforted when he says that?

I clear my throat. "D-do you still need a statement from me?"

He removes his hat. "For the record, yes. We can do it here if you'd like."

I nod and usher them in.

"We came prepared. The doctor told us you had already left when we went down to the hospital," he says as his partner hands him some papers.

I nod again and turn to Nathan. "Can you sit with Jamie while I…?"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. I can do this. Honestly."

He squeezes my shoulder gently, gives me a comforting smile and walks into the kitchen.

"Ready?" the policeman asks me.

I recount every detail about what happened. Surprisingly, I don't cry after I'm through. I think the relief that comes with knowing that he's not out there waiting to drive a stake to my heart calms me.

I sign the statement, grateful to be rid of this horrible…blimp in my life. When they leave, I sink back on the couch, closing my eyes as I think about everything that has happened since last night.

"You okay?" Nathan kneads my shoulders gently.

However long the night, the dawn will break.

I open my eyes to look up at him. "I…" I take in a deep breath. "I'm more than okay."

He wraps his arms around my neck.

"He deserved it," he says with a kiss to my cheek.

I pat his arm, reveling in the feeling of being as we are.

"You know you foresaw this, honey?" I ask him lightly.

"I told you my bones are a gift." He kisses my cheek again. "Sure you're okay?"

"Yes …" I draw his arms tighter around me.

I feel as though I've been marked somehow. Something has changed.

My instincts were screaming when Sam Cregg was around and I didn't pay enough attention.

Never again.

If it takes being branded a snob or a distrustful person, so be it. I have enough friends.

"Nathan?"

"Hm?"

"I think I can sleep now."

"Mommy! You can keep Donkey! I finished!"


	51. Epilogue

"Sure you're up to this?"

I close the zipper. "Double sure."

"It's only been forty-eight hours. You should be resting."

"Will you stop? I told you I feel fine. I have no kidney damage! We should be shouting from the rooftop."

"It's just…there are no hospitals for miles on highways, Hales. And I do plan on marrying you again while both of us are conscious and aware."

It makes me laugh. This has been such a long year…

"None of us will need a hospital. By the way, what do you think of a fall wedding?"

"You want to get married in the cold weather?"

"Fall isn't too cold."

"I like spring. We won't freeze our butts off in spring."

"Summer?"

"Too hot. Hey! Spring break!"

"Not in Tijuana, I hope."

"God, no. Drunk college students in the background screaming 'woohoo!'? You deserve elegant and classy."

"Look at you, wedding planner. Maybe you should do the planning and I can just inject my opinion when you demand for it."

"Promise to be waiting with the minister when my mom walks me down the aisle?"

"Cross my heart."

He grins. "Well, we have time. We can talk it over while warming ourselves next to a bonfire amidst college kids in L.A."

I chuckle. "College kids? What are we, middle-aged parents?"

"Correct on the parents."

"And where is Jamie in this scenario?"

"Handing out fliers advertising your stripping services."

"I don't want prostitution, child labour, child abandonment and child endangerment added to my criminal record."

"Fine, then. He can hang out with the stoned surfers at the pier."

We laugh like we usually do over stupid things: like hyenas.

I clap my hands together. "I'm so excited, honey! Fun, sun, sand and lots of adventure in between!"

I'm pretty psyched about this trip. I wasn't going to let that psycho ruin our plans. It's been a dark couple of months and we deserve some vacation time.

"I know you are. I am, too."

I raise an eyebrow at him. "Doesn't seem like it."

He sighs. "Fine. See?" He does a jig on the spot.

"Much better," I laugh.

"I'm just worried about you. Sure you can do this? Do we need to pass by the doctor's first?"

I plump a pillow. "I'm one hundred and fourteen percent sure. One thing, though…"

"What?" His eyes travel over my body. "Are you in pain?"

I shake my head. "Never mind. It's nothing."

He puts his hands on my shoulders, looking deep into my eyes.

"No, it's not nothing. What is it? Are you dizzy? Are you seeing two of me?"

"It's just that…"

"Just that what?" He's looking at me expectantly.

"I just hope we don't end up like characters in some horror movie."

"Hales!" He looks just like Jamie does when he doesn't get his way.

"Couldn't help it," I giggle.

He shakes his head vehemently. "Believe me, there is no way we are taking shortcuts or any back roads. We are sticking to the highway."

I kiss him. "You, Papa Bear, are such a hottie when you're in protective mode."

"Perfect match with the lioness in you."

"And people ask why we are still not seeking out a trial separation."

"Not the sex?" He winks at me.

I move closer to him. "That's another reason." I nip at his lower lip with my teeth.

He groans. "God, if we don't get a move on, we'll be getting our freak on."

I burst out laughing, clutching at my stomach. It's still a bit sore. And there's a dark bruise that has formed on it, just above my navel. Nathan hasn't seen that yet. I've been covering myself up with a towel or wearing a t-shirt when we're in the bedroom, not prancing around our room in my skivvies like I usually do. He'll see it eventually. And I know he'll be furious. Sam should be so lucky.

"Way to kill the mood, Hales."

"Better than your son walking in on you with a massive hard on."

I freeze mid-laughter when I see Jamie standing in the doorway, looking at me peculiarly.

"What's a ma–"

"H-h-hey, sweetie! Ready? Why do you have those on?" I point to his feet.

He's wearing flippers.

"Daddy got them for me! Remember? For the beach!"

"For the beach. But until then, your other shoes will work great."

"I don't have other shoes."

"You don't?"

"I don't."

"I know you're not going to make me look under the bed for your sandals, James."

"Mommy, you're killing me!"

He waddles back to his room.

Nathan is laughing. "Where did he learn that?"

I turn to him. "Your father-in-law. Speaking of fathers, have you heard from yours?"

"Nope. Maybe he's waiting for me to call? I don't know."

"Are you guys like, totally like, dating?" I twirl a strand of hair around my finger, rolling my eyes as I pretend to chew gum.

He laughs. "You are such a dork. Wonder how you'd have got yourself out of the 'massive hard on' question."

I put a hand over my heart. "Oh my God! I was paralyzed when I saw him standing there!"

He's still laughing. "Relax. He forgot about it after you killed him. Okay. Do we have everything from your lists?"

I look around the room at the bags. Jamie's, mine, Nathan's, food, electronics. I gathered them all in the bedroom; rather I told Nathan to put them in the bedroom, so that I could re-count them and make sure none was missing before taking them to the car.

"Everything's here. Did you take the goldfish to Mrs. Everson's?"

"Yeah." He grabs the two larger ones before stepping out of the room.

"Hey."

He turns to look at me. "Yeah?"

"Don't leave without me."

"Where else would I go?"

I smile goofily at his retreating back.

* * *

><p>I'm walking around the house making sure all the power sockets are switched off when Jamie calls for me.<p>

"MOOOOOMMY! CAN I…CAN I TAKE DOGGIE AND PANDA!" he shouts from his room.

I find him only in his underwear and grey sandals, holding Panda in one hand and Doggie in the other.

"But they can't swim."

"I can teach 'em like Daddy teached me!"

"What about knowing that there are two special someones waiting for you back home when you're in California?"

"But I want them to have fun with me on the beach in Cal'fona!"

"They're not like you, Jame. When you put them in the water, they'll take in a lot of it and they'll be too heavy for you to carry around. And then they'll get sand all over their faces and their eyes. Don't you want them to be somewhere safe and dry?"

"I guess so!"

"I know so. We're about to leave, so find something to wear real quick and then we can go."

He drops the animals. "But this is what I'm wearing," he says seriously.

"Your underwear?"

He nods. "Uh huh."

I walk to his dresser and pull out his Duke jersey and matching shorts. "Were you forgetting these?"

"Sweet!" He grabs them from my hand.

"Okay. When you're done, I'll be waiting at the front door."

I'm shutting the last living room window when Nathan comes back from the last baggage trip.

"You ready?"

"Yup. Jamie!"

He runs to us.

"Where are your shorts?" I ask him.

He's only wearing the Duke jersey top.

"I'm hot."

"Do you have anything underneath?"

He lifts the jersey to show us the lobster-print underwear.

"Undies!" He shakes his waist and then runs out the door.

"James Lucas Scott! You better not be running for the stairs without us!" I yell. "We need to nip this nudity and semi-nudity business in the bud. I don't want him running around naked at the beach or motel parking lots."

He snorts. "People will understand. He's only four."

"This is all on you."

"Me? Why?"

"Do you see me walking around the house in only my underwear?"

"I'd love to," he winks. "But you do walk around in only your underwear. In our room, on date nights and on some special occasions when you have that edible un–"

I clamp my hand over his mouth. "Do you want a repeat of the massive hard on?" I whisper. "I'll pin this one on you if he were to ask."

He shakes his head slowly.

I drop my hand. "I didn't think so. You know, I wonder what you did to warrant your first date at the age of four."

"What are you talking about?"

"Your mom told us you had your first date when you were four. I hope you're not secretly wishing your stud persona on your son, Nathan."

He laughs. "Not wishing but it would be cool."

"He'll probably have his first kiss with a foreigner, too. Inga, was it?"

He puts an arm around me. "Ingrid. Does that still bother you?"

I snort. "Please. Does it bother you about Skills and me?"

He rolls his eyes. "Please. Like there's anything to be jealous about of a seven-year-old Skills macking on your seven-year-old face."

"How bitter you sound, babe."

"I'm not."

"I have to say that he did a pretty good job. Not sloppy or dry. When I really think about it, it was actually a very g–"

"Don't say it."

I smirk. "One of the best kisses I have ever had."

He cocks his head to the side. "One of? Just how many guys have you sucked face with?"

I mumble.

"What was that?" He cups his ear, a haughty look on his face.

"Nothing. I don't kiss and tell."

"You definitely told about Skills."

"After your bragging about Inga? Who was I not to contribute?"

"Ingrid. We're online friends."

"Whatever. I don't really c– wait, what?"

"Let's go!" Jamie shouts as he runs past the doorway.

* * *

><p>"Food?"<p>

He sighs. "Check."

My groceries were never found. There's someone in the building enjoying my peanut butter. And my juice boxes. And my pudding. Damn them.

But they were kind enough to leave my purse hanging on the doorknob of the manager's office. Minus the eleven dollars in my wallet.

"Cooler?"

"Yes."

"Camera?"

"Yes." He groans. "Hales, we've done this like a hundred times."

"I want to be sure. Are you sure we have everything?"

He rolls his eyes. "Yes, I'm sure."

"Okay. Since you're sure. But–"

He gives me a pointed look. "Hales."

I put my hands up. "Fine, fine. Everybody ready? You ready, Jame?"

"Ready!" Jamie yells from the back seat.

"Thank you," Nathan says, turning the ignition.

As he reverses, I flinch when I remember what happened at the back of our building. I haven't been out of the apartment since the attack.

"You okay?"

I breathe out. "I am. I-I just had a moment."

He takes my hand, kissing my palm. "He's not coming back."

He's not. Lori was kind enough to call us when she heard the news circulating in the hospital about a patient who had attacked me.

Sam Cregg can't only walk, but he's also a quadriplegic.

"No moping today!" I say brightly. "First long distance family road trip! I hope there'll be more to come."

He kisses my hand again. "We'll make sure of it." He leans in. "Especially after we marry you-know-who off at sixteen."

I laugh. "We should annoy the heck out of our daughter-in-law by popping in unannounced and crashing at their house often."

"So wrong. But I'm in!" He starts to pull out of the parking lot.

"Don't forget driving his in-laws nuts! Kind of like my parents do to yours. And vice-versa."

He's laughing as he turns to the main road. "We'll be worse, minus the hippy-way-of-life thing and the surliness, right?"

"Of course! He's our only baby. If they think we'll just walk away just like that…" I snap my fingers. "…they should think twice."

"Could you hand me my sunglasses? I put them in your bag."

I pass him his and perch mine on my nose, unbuckling and turning around in my seat.

"Look what I got you, Jame!"

"For me?" He's so excited.

"Yep." I rest the blue-framed sunglasses on his nose and balance them behind his ears. "Do they feel alright?"

"Uh huh!" He looks through the window. "Is it dark, Momma?"

"No. That's the way sunglasses work. They make the light darker so that the bright sun doesn't hurt your eyes."

"Okay."

"I concede defeat. You deserve Parent of the Year award," Nathan says as I buckle in.

I laugh. "It's going to be hot and bright and I want his eyes as protected as ours are. Which reminds me, I think Brooke is back in L.A. She's a bit MIA but in her last email she said she was heading back there."

"How is she managing all that with school?"

I shake my head. "She loved working more than attending classes so she won't be enrolling in fall. Plans to go back someday when she has her own business, though."

"We could call her up when we're there. Maybe have dinner."

I grin at him. "I packed a fancy dress. I won't embarrass you when we do go for dinner."

He laughs. "You never embarrass me. Except when it comes to sports."

"Hey! I'm a pretty good swimmer, you know."

"So you say."

We stop at a red light.

"I swam competitively and I'm even a certified lifeguard."

"How come I never saw any certificates or trophies at your house?"

"Basement."

"Why?"

"I got a job and money was more important than two-hour training sessions."

"Why?"

"Jeez, you're like your son. My parents begun to travel more frequently and sometimes the cash they left me wasn't enough."

He's staring at me in disbelief. "Aunt Gloria. Swimmer. Lifeguard. Lioness. What next?"

"You rushed me to the altar before I could show you the good and the bad in my closet."

He chuckles. "So worth it. Wait, what bad things?"

I shrug. "Just…stuff."

"Right. Stuff. Hey, maybe you could join the Duke team if you miss swimming."

I look over my shoulder at Jamie. "I can't."

He turns to me, fingers tapping the steering wheel. "We can make it work. We always do."

"If I went back to the pool after years of dormancy, I could drown. I may have forgotten how to breathe in chlorinated water."

He laughs. "You may be a little disoriented at first but you'll get the hang of it. We can go for a session before the semester begins."

"But what about the grueling training hours? Swim meets on weekends that may require overnight or week-long traveling? Jamie freaks when you travel too far; can you imagine when both of us are out of state for two days? Or longer? Constantly leaving him in the care of babysitters, neighbours or daycare centres is out of the question."

"Have I ever given you a World's Best Mom mug?"

"No."

"I'm buying you seven. One for each day of the week."

It's my turn to laugh. "So sweet. But I can live without swimming. I already have music. And with band practice, I'd be juggling too much. Unless I was constantly high on energy boosting pills."

"By the way, Haley's Comet? Who came up with that one?"

"Miller."

"I should have a talk with him."

I laugh as I pull back my hair.

The light turns green.

"Okay, Mrs. Scott. Care to play our soundtrack?"

I take out the CD from my bag, inserting it in the player.

"California, here we come!"

The melody of "When A Man Loves A Woman" reverberates through the car.

"Hales!"

I start to laugh at the instant look of utter horror on his face.

_"He'd change the world for the good thing he's found…"_ I sing.

He blushes, his grip on the steering wheel tightening. "Haley…"

"_She can do no wrong…turn his back on his best_– alright, alright…" I chuckle, skipping the track as Phantom Planet comes on over the speakers, leading us down the highway.

"Thank you. Why do you do this to me?"

"'Cause I love you. And I love watching you squirm even more."

"I'll get you. You still owe me an anniversary and royal treatment, by the way," he grins.

"Too late to cash them in, buddy. And I did not agree to any royal treatment."

"You wish," he scoffs. "You can't resist me."

I laugh. "Wanna try?"

"Oh, I will."

"I look forward to proving you wrong."

"I look forward to proving _you_ wrong."

"Momma!"

"Yes?"

"I wanna hear _Itsy Bitsy Spider_!"

I rummage through the glove compartment, the centre storage console, the door pocket, reaching behind both our seats in the storage pouches.

No CDs. Mine, Nathan's or Jamie's.

"I can't fi–" I look at him. "Nathan."

He's chewing on his upper lip, a shade of pink on his cheeks. A tell-tale sign that he's nervous to tell me something I won't like.

"Hm?"

"Where did you put them?"

"Put what?"

"The CDs."

"Um…I was clearing out the car and I put everything in a box–"

"Where's the box?"

"I must have carried it with me to the apartment?"

"Must have?"

He laughs sheepishly. "I completely spaced out."

A sigh escapes my lips. "You've gotten back at me a little too soon, honey."

He laughs. "Relax. It's gonna be lots of fun. Hey, Jame? The Scotts know how to have fun, am I right?"

"Right!" he answers enthusiastically.

"Perhaps your wild sides will rub off on me and I'll end up topless on the beach, too," I grin.

"Jesus, Haley."

"I _really_ like watching you squirm, honey," I snigger.

"Not funny," he scolds.

"Pretty funny. If it makes you uncomfortable, I'll lay on my sto–"

"Mommy!"

"Yes?"

"Mommy, what's…what's a massive hard on?"

***END***

** Read the Threequel: This Dream, That Boy, This Life - the final chapter in the series.  
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